Indulge

by Liv Morris

  Then I notice his F250 coming down the drive. WTF! I was not planning on this today! I really don't know if I can handle seeing him. My stomach is fluttering with an army of butterflies. How can just seeing his damn truck do this to me? Deep breaths, I tell myself. Blue looks at me like he is reading my mind. "I know, Blue. I know," I say quietly.

  Cash turns off the engine and steps out of the truck with pure confidence. He wipes his forehead with the bottom of his t-shirt showing off a perfect six pack. My world completely freezes as he begins to move toward me. Cash is wearing a pair of Carhartts that fit his ass just right and a sleeveless Dixon Tigers t-shirt that shows off his arms of steel that I know can hold a girl tight all night long. His short light-brown hair is full of sweat from working on the farm. Dang. The country does a boy good! Why does he have to be so stinking hot? I stand up from Blue and slowly walk toward him. I try to hid my butterflies, but know I am unsuccessful when he smiles and his one little dimple shines. He runs his hand through his sweaty hair just before he meets me.

  "Hey, Cash. Whatcha doing here?"

  "Charley, do you really think I'd let you leave without saying goodbye?"

  "I ... I... guess not." My voice is about to fall apart.

  "You know I want you to be happy. That is all I have ever wanted for you. I know things haven't been great between us, but I want you to know that you will always have a special place right here,” he says as he pats his hand over his heart.

  "Cash, you know I can't do this right now. I'm glad you finally decided to talk to me when I'm about to leave for college! Why didn’t you do this yesterday? This is too much. I'm closing this chapter in my life, starting fresh, and minus you," I snap.

  "Charley, you can say what you want, but I know you. I know you like no one else. Remember, I've been here through the good and bad, and no matter what happens, I will still be here even if you continue to push me away."

  Cash walks toward me and closes the distance between us. He gives me a hug, and all the butterflies disappear. I fall apart in Cash’s strong, hardworking arms. This is not exactly how I thought today was going to start.

  I look into Cash's eyes, the ones that are crystal blue, and know he's telling the truth. He may have given me the silent treatment for the past six months, but at least he still cares. That is all I need to know right now.

  We pull apart from each other, and he wipes the single tear that falls down my face. I look into those piercing blue eyes and whisper to him, "Thank you." He turns around and walks back to his truck. He gives me one last wave and a crooked little grin. Ohmygawh! That grin! I love that grin! He puts the truck in reverse and heads to their farm next door. I smile and wave, but my heart is breaking into a thousand pieces, again.

  Mama comes out the screen door off the front porch with a few of my favorite homemade goodies to take to school. She looks at me with sadness in her eyes. She knows how much it hurt to lose Cash once, and she knows I can't handle that again.

  "Charley, hun, are you okay?"

  "I'm trying to be, but how can he just come over here like that!? Doesn't talk to me for freakin’ six months and now acts like everything is fine and dandy. Why now?"

  "Sometimes things take time to heal. Remember, you hurt him as much as he hurt you. It will be okay sweet girl."

  Mom walks over to me and puts the goodies in the Honda, then holds me in her loving arms like she has done all my life. I have great parents, even though I have let them down time and time again.

  "Come on, sweet girl. Put that smile on your face. It's time to hit the road, Jack!"

  I can't help but laugh at my mama. One minute I'm ready to choke her for putting me in my place and the next she's making me smile. I hope I'm half the mama she is when I grow up.

  Dad comes up from the barn. He went to make sure Tessa took care of her chores this morning. Tessa is the best sister a girl could have, but when it comes to chores, she ends up MIA.

  "Well, girls, you ready to go?"

  "Yeah, I think so. Can we stop by the Chevron so I can tell Tessa bye real quick? And I think I need a Choice Cherry Gold to go."

  "Sure, but you're not putting it on my tab," Dad says as he smiles, knowing that I will.

  I pull into the store and start pumping gas. When I turn around, Tessa is right there with me. She has my Choice Cherry Gold in her hand. I just love her.

  "Great minds think alike," she says.

  "You know it! I'm sure going to miss you, but I'll be home in two weeks for the Dixon-West Football game."

  The gas cuts off, Dad takes care of the bill, and I give my sis the biggest hug ever. Although she gets on my nerves, I wouldn't trade her for the world. Tessa waves and goes back to work. Dad gets in the Chevy and waits for us to lead the way. We pull out of the store and head toward I-85. My new journey begins.

  Mama and I make small talk on the ride. We discuss what I think my roommate will be like, how I want to decorate, and what classes I plan to take. I know everyone takes the basics their first two years, so why should I be any different?

  "So, Charley, are you nervous about anything?"

  "Well, I'm really scared about my roommate. What if she's like some slob or the campus ho?"

  "Charley, I can't believe you just said that! I taught you better manners than that."

  "I know, Mama, but I do worry about it. I don't want different guys in my room every night. "

  "I see where you are coming from, but at least try to think positive."

  I wonder what it will be like without me at home. Like I said before, Tessa is pretty slack when it comes to working around the farm. She'd rather be making something crafty, doing her nails, or partying with her friends. I've always been the responsible one. Well, most of the time I have been.

  Before I know it, we are at the stoplight I sat at a month ago. This time we turn left instead of right and don't miss the campus. We make another right toward Mercer Gym to register and get keys. We drive slowly across the metal bridge and find a parking space.

  "I'm so glad to be outta of the car. I guess this is where we go," I say as I look at my dad, getting out of the Chevy.

  Mama, Dad, and I make our way into the gym. I swear it's like deja vu. Everything in here looks like my high school. The colors are the same, and it's small. I mean, we saw it on the tour, but I guess I didn't think about that.

  As we walk inside, we are greeted by students who are overly eager to help us. We make it through the line for meal plans, financial aid, residency, medical, clubs, and sports. I get my room keys, and we head back toward the cars.

  On the way to the car, Dad looks at me and says, "I guess the reason I was put on this Earth was to pay for your education." He just smiles and so do I.

  We drive back across the road, passing the Chapel, President’s home, and then cross the railroad tracks. To my right is Foot Hall. As we turn right, there is Dyer Hall, and at the bottom of a set of concrete stairs is Kluft Hall, my home for the next year. My nerves are about to get the best of me, but it's more of a sense of the unknown rather than being scared.

  I put the Honda in park, roll up the windows, and get out, grabbing my purse and the goodies Mama made for me. Dad parked beside us and is waiting for us at the steps. We walk up and into the dorm. I'm in Room 209, which is upstairs. My dorm is co-ed, which my mama was not thrilled about, but got over it. We walk upstairs, and my room is the third one on the left. The door is open, so my roommate must be in there. I hope this goes well.

  I walk into the doorway to find my roommate, a girl with curly, dark-brown hair and a strong Northern accent. I was unsuccessful trying to contact her in order to figure out who was bringing what.

  "Hey, you must be Crystal. I'm Charley; it's nice to meet ya."

  "Nice to meet you, too. We are about to leave to go get some items we didn't bring; see you in a little bit."

  Okay, that was weird! This might take some time to get use to. Anyways, Dad, Mama, and I make multiple loads to get everything
. Mama helps me make my bed and put up clothes. When that is finished, she is smiling.

  "Well, looks like that's it. I guess we will get back on the road."

  I nod and follow them back to the Chevy. I hug them both. Dad puts the Chevy in reverse and waves as they head back home. I wave until I can't see them anymore, then I turn around and try to put away the remainder of my stuff. How the crap am I going to get all of this to fit in this cracker box of a room?

  I'm alone in my room for about fifteen minutes when Crystal returns with her parents. They bring in a few groceries, and then she walks them out to say goodbye.

  When she returns, we make small talk. I can tell that she is different from me. She is very confident in being on her own. She knows who she is and why she is here. Crystal turns around and asks, "So, you want to walk around and see what's going on?"

  "Sure." I am at a disadvantage from everyone else on campus. Since I changed my mind so late in the game, I missed Orientation. It is very obvious that friendships started there, and currently I just have a roommate as an associate.

  Crystal and I walk down the hall and introduce ourselves to our hall mates. The first person I meet is Georgia. She is all of about four-feet-eleven. She has the cutest smile. You know how your gut tells you things? Well, I knew from the moment that I met her she would play a starring role in my college life. There was something about her that was familiar. Her roommate, on the other hand, I think not!

  Across the hall I see two very athletic-looking blondes, Cassie and Jenny. You can tell that they have spoken before moving in, hence, the matching loft beds, comforters, and room decorated like an interior designer.

  To my right, is another Southern Belle, Caroline. She looks like the cheerleaders at my high school, skinny, blonde, and overly excited about everything.

  To my left are Anna and Tori. Yet again, these two look like they don't match as roommates, but there is something different. I have a feeling these two have more in common than they know.

  Crystal and I make our way outside and walk toward the train track. It is about four o'clock, and we are supposed to meet on the lawn in front of Rush dorm to have some "freshman fun." Seriously. WTH?

  "So, Charley, how excited are you about this?"

  "I’ve been waiting for this all day! Haven't you?!" I say sarcastically. I have never been one that likes to play the get-to-know-you icebreaker shit.

  "We might get along more than I thought, Charley. I had that exact same thought." Crystal smiles at me and across the street we go.

  We walk to the front lawn and divide into our groups. I notice two girls that look like they have been lifelong friends. Then they talk, and their accents are dynamically different. This must be what happens when you come to Orientation. The "freshman fun" leader, Lucas, starts to talk. He is well over six feet tall, dark hair, and looks like he spends hours in the gym. I guess I can handle the next thirty minutes of torture if I can look at him.

  I look around in my group to see if I recognize anyone. Caroline is in my group. At least she’s a familiar face.

  I'm brought back to reality by Lucas explaining the game I love to hate. I'm going to have to come up with some cheesy animal name for myself that starts with “C”. Hummm. I’m thinking “Cougar Charley”. That will get someone's attention. Or at least a good laugh. It does, and this torture is almost over.

  Since I’ve played the stupid game, I take a minute to look at my surroundings. By that I don’t mean Mother Nature. I notice a couple that seems to be pretty friendly, a couple of guys who look like they stepped out of GQ, and a tan, blonde-haired guy with piercing blue eyes. He looks like he has lived on the beach all summer long. He is absolutely scrumptious. I realize his name is Joe after he refers to himself as “Jackalope Joe”. I think I might want to know a little more about him.

  As I’m daydreaming about Jackalope Joe, I’m brought back to reality by Lucas. He thanks us all for coming, and then tells us the café is open for dinner at six. I decide to walk back to Kluft. While waiting to cross the road, Caroline catches up to me.

  "Hey, you're Charley, right?"

  "Yeah.”

  “Want to go grab supper?"

  "Sure, thank goodness you said supper. I almost didn't know what he was talkin' about."

  We both just laugh.

  “I had that same thought, Charley. What the hell is ‘dinner’? We call it supper where I’m from.”

  We make our way in front of Hope Science Building and go down the spiral metal staircase to enter the café.

  We are about halfway down the steps when I notice a group of smoking hot guys. I look at them and smile as innocent as possible.

  “So, Caroline, do you know of anything to do around here? I mean, there is like nothing within a thirty-mile radius.”

  “I heard there’s always a party somewhere on campus. Just gotta know who to talk to and who to get the liquor.”

  “Oh, okay.” I’m sure not about to put it all out there that I’m not a big drinker.

  We make our way into the cafe'. I think we just walked into a pack of wolves and every set of eyes is staring at us. I mean, like damn, take a picture! I hand over my ID card, it's swiped, then handed back. We go into the line. I grab a tray that looks like it's as old as I am.

  We make our way through the line. I grab a chicken salad, Diet Coke, and a chocolate chip cookie. Caroline does the same.

  As we walk out of the food line, I notice a group of girls waving at us.

  “Looks like Kluft second floor is eating together. Guess that means us, too,” I say as I look at Caroline.

  “Hey, at least we’re not like those two over there. I’m so glad I didn’t have to walk in here by myself.”

  “I know what ya mean, Caroline.”

  We eat at the round table with Georgia, Anna, Tori, Cassie, and Jenny. Everyone but Anna, Caroline and I play a sport here. I wonder if that’s the norm.

  “Hey, Charley, do you play any sports?” asks Tori as she eats a bowl of ice cream. Ah, shit, I’d really hoped I could avoid this part of my life.

  “I used to swim in high school. I’ve swum competitively since fourth grade.”

  “That’s awesome! You should really walk on our team. Georgia, Cassie and I all swim here. We have the most awesome coach, too!”

  “I’ll think about it. I just never really thought I was good enough to compete on a college level. So, Anna and Jenny, what do y'all do on campus?”

  Anna blurts out, “The only sport I’m into is the male species. I’m always on the hunt.”

  “I play basketball,” says Jenny.

  We finish eating and walk back to Kluft. We all go into our rooms. Jenny turns on the radio, and it blares through the hallway. Crystal is back.

  “Did you eat supper? I didn’t see you in the café.”

  “Lord, no, I just went and fed my appetite in other ways,” she says laughingly.

  I give her my the hell are you talking about look. Then it dawns on me. I can be so gullible sometimes.

  “Ya know I met a few of the basketball guys today during Orientation. Looks like they already know where the fun will be. I’m going over to Irvin now to meet up with Lucas. He said that if we wanted anything from the store, they would get it for us.”

  “Thanks, but no thanks. I’m not a big drinker. Thanks for asking, though.”

  “Well, I’m heading over that way. I’ll see ya later.”

  All I know is this is going to be interesting. I can already tell my roommate prediction might be somewhat right. I hope not.

  I’m in my room when I get a text from Cash. Shit.

  Cash: Hope all ur dreams come true. I’ll be

  here if u need me.

  Me: Thanks, $. I just have one question y now?

  Cash: I was being stupid. I’ve seen u through everything& I couldn’t let u leave w/out u knowing how I felt about us.

  Me: Really? U know that there’s a place for only u in my heart, but I need to live a
little.

  Cash: I know. Just don’t find trouble. Promise me that.

  Me: I won’t

  Or at least I’m going to try not to find trouble. The evening moves like it’s on fast forward. I’m checking out the classes I have when Crystal bursts into the room with about three guys. They are definitely not my type.

  “Hey, Charley, there’s a party over at the Soccer House. Wanna go?”

  I throw the schedule onto the desk. “Sure why not. Give me five, and I’ll be ready to go.” It’s been a pretty good day. Why not make it an unforgettable night? Let’s see if I can stay away from trouble!

  Chapter 3: Soccer Party

  I take a few minutes to look at myself in the mirror. What the hell am I going to wear? In my closet I find white jean shorts, a hot pink crocheted vest top, and a pair of wedge sandals. I want to look cute, but don’t want it to look like I took hours to look good. I pull my hair up into a messy bun, touch up my makeup, and apply Aruba Coconut lotion to my legs and arms. I take one last look in the mirror on the back of the door, and I’m ready to go.

  When I open the door, I don’t see Crystal, but I hear her down the hall. Crystal and the three guys, Lucas, Jordan, and Nick, are in Caroline’s room.

  “Hey, Charley. We’re going to chill in Caroline’s room for a while,” Crystal says as she pokes her head out of the doorway.

  “Okay.”

  “Come on in; we’re just drinkin’ a little bit before we go.”

  Oh gosh, here we go. I’m not big on drinking, but I really do want to live a little and fit in. So, what the hell. Why not?

  I go into Caroline’s room and see a cooler with God knows what in it. I’m afraid to even ask what is in it.

  “Want some PJ?” Caroline asks in her strong Southern accent.

  “What’s in it?”

  “Ya know, a little bit of everything, and those strawberries will knock you on your ass after while!”