Indulge

by Liv Morris

  “So, are we trying to get fucked up tonight?” I say sarcastically.

  “We totally are! You want some or not?”

  “I’m not too big on drinkin’, but I’ll try a little.”

  As I fill a red Solo cup, I realize this is a decision that I shouldn’t make, but for some reason, I can’t help myself. I want to fit in, I want to live, and I want to forget about my past and Cash. This PJ is my way of doing that tonight.

  After hanging out in Caroline’s room for about thirty minutes, we all head off campus to the soccer party at the Soccer House with our PJ in hand. As we walk, I can already feel the effects the PJ is having on my body, but I don’t care. We walk down the side of the highway. Caroline and I walk side by side with our arms locked.

  Caroline looks at me and says, “I just love you! We are going to have so much fun tonight!”

  The closer we get to the house, the louder it gets. I can hear the bass thumping and know that a good time waits inside. I have one thought and one thought only. Will Jackalope Joe be here? I have got to get him outta my head. A boy who looks that damn good is nothing but trouble. I am sure of that!

  We walk inside and this house looks like the furniture was picked up off the side of the road. Can you say thrift shop? There are people everywhere. As we make our way to the kitchen, Crystal, Lucas, Caroline and I bump into about a hundred people. Lucas informs us that since we are with him, nobody will touch our stuff. Well, I guess I’m super glad that my roommate is sleeping with Mr. Big Man on Campus. With that being said, we find a corner to call our spot and pour ourselves another cup of PJ as Caroline sings, “Red Solo cup, I fill you up, Let’s have a party, Let’s have a party; I love you, red Solo cup, I lift you up, proceed to party, proceed to party.” I really hope she isn’t a music major, but I do know what her ringtone is gonna be on my phone.

  Crystal and Lucas go on about their business while Caroline and I take our cups and mingle. I recognize a few faces, but no one really stands out. That is until I look across the living room, and I see him. I try to act like I don’t see him, but I think it’s damn near impossible to miss someone that damn fine. I notice that Georgia, Tori, Jenny, Anna, and Cassie have arrived, and I can tell they have all had one too many. They run over to Caroline and me talking way too loud and acting too excited. We all claim the spot we’re standing in and just talk about random shit.

  The next thing I know, I hear Caroline shout. “Ohmygod, y’all! Do you see that wonderful specimen of a man over there?” She nonchalantly points across the room. Let’s don’t be obvious or anything!

  I look across the room and see a guy wearing jeans that fit right below his waist, white v-neck t-shirt, and a pair of Sanuks. He has the perfect color of sandy blonde oh-so-messy hair that I want to put my hands in. Then there are those eyes. Those eyes are beyond perfect. In fact, I think they match the Caribbean waters to a tee. I try my best not to let him know I’m staring, but damn, I just can’t help it. I give him a cute smile and then look back at the Kluft second floor girls.

  “Uh, Charley, hellloooo? Do you see him? He was soooooo checking you out!”

  “He was not, but oh my holy goodness, he’s like the hottest thing I’ve seen since I got here. Isn’t his name Joe? I think he was in our group today.” Like I don’t recognize him!

  “You are so right, Charley! Your name was priceless today! Cougar Charley, no way anyone’s going to forget that!”

  “Hey, let’s hit the dance floor.” I take Caroline’s arm while the rest of the Kluft girls follow us, and we hit the make shift dance floor in the living room. They are playing Mobb Deep’s “Quiet Storm.” It’s old, but I love the beat. We hit the middle of the floor and start swaying our hips to the music. We giggle like schoolgirls as we notice the guys in the room taking note. A few others join us, Crystal and Lucas included.

  “If they’re watchin’, let’s show them how we Southern girls have a good time,” I say to Caroline.

  “You got it!”

  We add just a little more emphasis to our hips and start dancing with each other. Before I know it, the song is over, and we walk back into the kitchen to grab another drink.

  “Caroline, I’m so glad Crystal got me to come with y’all tonight. I’m not big on partying, but it looks like I might have to change that thought if we have this much fun!”

  “Girl, anytime! I can tell already that Georgia and us are gonna be tight because we are a lot alike. Only thing is she’s super quiet. We are from ‘round here. Most of the students here are Yankees. Not that it’s a bad thing. They just piss me off when they make us seem stupid by the way we talk. I mean, they chose to come to school here.”

  “I understand you completely! But aren’t those Yankees too damn cute? I love me a country boy, but I might have to widen my horizons.”

  I’m about to pour myself another round when I hear the sexiest voice known to women. I look up and there is Jackalope Joe. If his voice does that to me, I can only imagine what will happen if those perfect lips touch mine.

  “Let me get that for you.”

  “Thanks, Joe? Joe is your name, right?” Play dumb Charley.

  “Yeah, and you’re Cougar Charley.” We both laugh.

  “You know all I want to call you is Jackalope Joe,” I say with a half smile.

  I think I might fall out looking into those make ya wanna melt, piercing blue eyes. Keep it together, Charley. I’ve gotta keep in control. Good lookin’ or not, guys are like a bad habit I can’t break. The last time I got involved with someone that could make panties drop by just lookin’ at me almost ended my life. I have to stay in control, no matter what my emotions are screaming at me.

  “Miss Cougar, ya wanna try out the dance floor?” Joe smirks. This is not good.

  “Sure, see if ya can keep up.” I smile.

  Joe leads me to the dance floor and puts his oh-so- manly hands on my hips. I immediately think where I want those hands to go. After several songs, Joe whispers into my ear, “Charley, you’re so beautiful,” as he kisses my neck.

  Ah hell, I was right. Those lips on my neck send a shiver down my spine and warm my insides like nothing I’ve felt before. Well, maybe that’s not the truth. There has been one other time, but I am not going there tonight. This has to be the PJ talkin’.

  We leave the dance floor and walk outside to the porch. Joe sits me on top of the railing and pulls me in close. He looks me dead in the eyes. Ohmygosh, stick a fork in me, I’m done. Damn those crystal blue make ya wanna melt eyes!

  Joe pulls me in closer, flashes those pearly whites, and takes my mouth in his. He kisses me to my core. I have to pull away, but I can’t; I need him so bad. We finally come up for air; there is a desire that has ignited between both of us. I really need to find Caroline and get outta here before I go too far. Before I can get a word out, he has covered my mouth again, and his hands are reaching for the edge of my top. As soon as his fingers grace my skin, I’m a goner. My hands are wrapped around his neck and in his oh-so-messy hair.

  All of a sudden, I hear talking. Joe and I struggle to separate ourselves. When we do, I know this is my chance. I have got to find Caroline and get the hell outta here before I end up naked in Jackalope Joe’s bed.

  “Um, Joe.”

  “Yeah,” he says with the perfect smile.

  “I’ve really had a good time with you, but I think I need to find Caroline. It’s getting late.”

  “Really? You sure you don’t want to find somewhere a little more private?”

  “Um, I shouldn’t. I’m not usually like this. Um, I mean, there’s a lot you don’t know about me. In fact, if you did, you would probably have a different opinion of me.” I can’t believe I just said that aloud.

  “I find that very hard to believe, Miss Cougar. From what I’ve seen, you have everything I like in a girl in one sweet, sexy, Southern package. I want to get to know you in more ways than one.”

  How do I respond to that? I look into his eyes. Mistake n
umber uno. Before I know it, I’m caught in his strong arms with his eyes staring straight through me. I can see that he has a desire to be with me, but I have a strange feeling that he wants to know more. He places his hand on my cheek as he pulls me in close. He kisses me with those oh-so- soft lips and then pulls away.

  “Charley, you are truly beautiful. I don’t know what you are hiding or scared of, but I want to know you. All of you.” He gives me a quick kiss on my forehead. “Now, let’s go find Caroline.”

  Gawh! My head is swimming above me right now. I’ve got to stop drinking. Like he has read my mind, Joe grabs a water.

  We find Caroline hugged up in the corner with some jock. She sees me and pries away, leaving her digits in his hand. We grab the PJ and tell the Kluft girls bye. Joe walks me to the front porch, kisses me one last time, and Caroline and I walk arm and arm back to Kluft.

  I walk into my room. Crystal is MIA. Go figure. I put on my pj’s and pass out.

  Chapter 4: 1st Day of Class

  I use the rest of the weekend to recover, hang out with the girls on my hall, and make decisions about swimming. Gah, I could use some advice.

  Piper: Hey girl! Had ya on my mind!

  Charley: You've got freakin' ESP! Call me like yesterday!

  Ten minutes later I hear “Hell on Heels” blaring on my phone. I know exactly who it is. Piper. I miss her so bad.

  "What's up, Charley?"

  "So, let me just go ahead and tell ya. I know this is the right place, but I don't know if I can keep my head on straight."

  "Okay, so what's his name?"

  "Joe, but the other problem is Cash."

  "Charley, you know he loves you, no matter what you think is good for you."

  "Whatever. Here's the bigger problem. Everyone here plays a damn sport, and they know I use to swim. What am I going to do?" I'm a little bit on the panicking side.

  "Girl, do what you want. You love it, kick ass at it, and the problem no longer exists that you’re thinking about. Go for it!"

  "I just don't' know; there's this red tape thing I gotta go to tomorrow, if I decide to do it. I'm telling ya, if I decide to do this, I better not have a chance in hell of running into that piece of shit!"

  "Damn, Charley, calm down. You know he's off at some Division 1. You're good."

  "K, well I guess I'm just going to weigh the pros and cons. So, how's the beach? I'm totally coming to see ya soon!"

  "It's great, and ohmygah, these guys are eye candy everywhere I turn. My roommate’s pretty cool, too; she's an Army brat. She likes to have a good time. So far so good."

  "Aight girl, thanks for the pep talk, but I guess I better figure out where I gotta be in the morning and what I'm going to wear."

  "Char, why don't you wear your look pretty, play dirty camo racerback and your cut-offs? Just be you. You ain’t gotta impress anybody.

  "I heart you so much! You know exactly what I should do and are my fashion conscience. Love ya like a Choice Cherry Gold!"

  We both laugh and then hang up. I take a look at my schedule... 8 a.m. Biology. What was I thinkin'? I get my books, iPad, and notebook and place them inside my bag. I take a look in the closet. Where is that outfit? I swear Piper knows me better than myself sometimes. I grab my phone, set my alarm, and decide to talk to Georgia across the hall.

  "Hey, Charley, I'm about to go over to Tori’s room. We’re gonna watch Scandal. Wanna go?"

  "Sure, but I got an 8 a.m. class. What was I thinkin'?"

  We are all chillin’ on Tori’s futon watching Scandal.

  During the last commercial, Georgia brings up what I've been dreading.

  "So, Charley, did ya decide yet about the team?”

  "Y'all, I just don't know." How do I tell them what happened? Or do I?

  Tori turns to me with a devilish grin. "Charley, there's this thing called Google. I know you swim faster than a fish!"

  "Yes, Tori, I know I'm a good swimmer, but I just don't know if that is what is in the plan for me here."

  "How about you going to the red tape meeting with us tomorrow, meet Coach, and go from there. Why are you so wishy washy?"

  "Tori, some shit happened at home that I don't want to talk about or bring up. If, and I mean if, I decide to go with y'all tomorrow, there are no guarantees I will decide to join the team."

  "So, you'll go?"

  "Y'all aren't going to drop this are you?" Damn Google!

  "Hell no, you’re quick as hell, and we need someone on the backstroke leg of the 4x200 IM."

  "All right, I'll go, but no promises. I guess I'm gonna head back to my room. I'll see ya in the morning. Anybody got Bio at 8?"

  They all look at me and laugh.

  "I know, I'm a freakin' idiot! I'll see ya at lunch for sure. Night, y'all."

  As I walk back to my room, I realize that I'm freakin' doomed. I love this sport. It's all I've known, but I just don't know if I can go back down that road again. There is too much at stake. It doesn't matter how fast I can swim. I can't run from what happened a year ago.

  As I'm about to walk into my room, I notice a message from Crystal on the write board.

  -At Lucas’, BBT- (BBT code = be back tomorrow)

  Well, at least I can figure all this out myself. I grab my bath caddy, robe, and head to the shower. Maybe I can clear my head. I take my time shaving my legs, washing my hair, and thinking about my present situation. All I’ve ever known is the pool. I've spent my entire life there. How can one stupid asshole change my life? What am I going to do tomorrow?

  I finally talk myself into getting out of the shower and attempting to go to sleep. I grab my phone, check my alarm, and close my eyes. When I do, all I see is Dylan, my nightmare all wrapped up in one hot, tattooed, swimmer’s package.

  At some point in the night I drift off to sleep. I wake to the most annoying sound in the world, my alarm clock. I swear that has got to be worse than nails on a chalkboard. I hit the Snooze button one more time. I’m exhausted.

  Ten minutes later, I hop outta bed and grab the outfit that Piper advised me to wear. I decide to leave my hair down today with a few loose curls. I grab my bag with all my school stuff, a Choice Cherry Gold out of the fridge, and hurry to Hope Science Building.

  I slide into the lecture hall and take a seat on the right side of the room. It’s old and musty smelling in here. Yuck! How appealing to my senses at this time of morning. Dr. Deal enters; he is a cute old man with a loud ass voice. He calls the roll and then informs us that there is no need for it anymore because he has a photographic memory. Well, damn. And he does.

  He dismisses us right at 9 a.m. I’m starved. I sure hope my Kluft girls are already there waiting. I sure don’t want to sit alone. I walk in and notice Georgia and Tori eating at the same table from last night. I guess we can call that our table. I make my own waffle, grab an apple, a glass of milk, and walk their direction.

  “How was that 8 a.m. Bio?”

  “All right, except I know I can’t skip ‘cause that professor has a photographic memory. I mean, really? How did I get so lucky?

  “Well, it won’t be that bad ‘cause if you join the team we’ll be up anyways.”

  I look at them both like I could kill them. Really? They are starting this already?

  “Now, look. I’m not makin’ promises. I’ll go today, but no guarantee.”

  “Char, you’re gonna love Coach. She’s a freakin’ hoot. You never know what she’s gonna say. Heck, she’s liable to call us one night needing a ride home ‘cause she’s had one too many,” Tori says with a mouth full of cereal.

  “Y’all are kidding, right?” Seriously, they have to be!

  “You’ll never know until you join our crazy team!”

  We finish breakfast, and I head across campus. I have Freshman Seminar. I mean, do they really think we are that stupid? We need a class on how to survive in college. Ummmm, no we don’t.

  I walk toward Good Hall and go into the room that sits outside the main part of th
e building. This time I find the back row. Straight Southern Baptist all the way. If I have to listen to this crap, I wanna have the best seat in the house. I take out my phone to text Tessa.

  Me: Might need a favor.

  Tessa: Well hey to u 2

  Me: Shut up! I might need my swim bag.

  Tessa: WTH? Ur j/k right?

  Me: Not sure, meeting today, might, miss it

  Tessa: Let me know & I will get it 2 u gotta go bf I get busted in class

  Me: K Love u!

  Tessa: Love u 2!

  About the time I look up from my phone, I see him. Joe. He walks into the room with so much swag and confidence it should be illegal. His looks are beyond call the fire department hot ‘cause a fire has gotta be put out in a pair of Under Armour gym shorts and a Southern lacrosse t-shirt. It is very evident that he just left the gym. Ohmygawh. That hair is soaked on the ends with sweat. Oh, what I wouldn’t give to be a little closer to him. I think this class just got interesting! To think, I was able to remove myself from that oh-so-hot situation this weekend, but I don’t know if I will be able to resist three-a-week scheduled occurrences.

  As I am about to pick up my mouth off the desk, attractive I know, I hear that deep sexy voice.

  “Hey, Miss C, anybody sitting here?”

  Take a deep breath, I keep telling myself.

  “I don’t think so. How are ya this mornin’?” I say with my sweet Southern accent.

  “Okay, if you don’t mind running about three miles before the crack of dawn.”

  What I wouldn’t give to have seen that show this morning! I just might have to make note of that routine. Joe and his fine ass running across campus. Ummmhumm!

  All of a sudden, the door closes, and I hear Dr. Cope, the professor say, “Welcome to Freshman Seminar. Whatever you think this class is about, you are wrong. This is not a class about learning the ins and outs of college. It is a class to build relationships and figure out who you are now that Mommy and Daddy aren’t telling you what to do.”

  That is definitely not how I thought this was going to go. Between Mr. I’m Sexy and I Know It and Dr. Cope, whom I think I’m going to get along with just fine, this morning is starting to look up.