Indulge

by Liv Morris

  I straddled his lap and slowly lowered my wet pussy down over his swollen cock. It always felt so fucking good. God damn!

  “You like that tight cunt, Mathis?” I moaned as I rode his dick. I wished his hands were free, because I wanted to feel them all over my body.

  I ran my hands over my breasts and tugged on my nipples. My moans filled the bedroom as I picked up speed. I slid my hands down further and stroked my clit and cupped his balls with my other free hand. I knew he was close, I could feel it.

  “Suck my tits, Mathis. Make me come!” I demanded as I lowered my body back down hovering over him, bringing my puckered nipples to his face. His tongue licked and played, as my first orgasm washed over me.

  “Oh fuck, Mathis! So good!” I cried as I rode his dick harder.

  “Shit, Jenny,” he yelled as he spilled his seed deep inside me.

  I slowed my hips and lay on his body before freeing him from the restraints of the handcuffs.

  “See how good it is when you let me be in control?” I laughed.

  Mathis joined me in laugher. “That better be a fuckin’ girl.

  Tied Up in Heartstrings

  By Felicia Lynn

  Published by Felicia Lynn

  Copyright © 2013 Felicia Lynn

  Second Edition: 2013

  Cover Art By: Robin Harper at Wicked by Design

  Editing by: Book Peddler's Editing

  Proofreading by: Tabitha Jorgensen

  Formatting by: Tami Norman

  Song lyrics written by: Raymond Jorgensen

  Without limiting the rights under copyright reserved above, no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the author of this book.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, brands, media, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of various products referenced in this work of fiction, which have been used without permission. The publication/use of these trademarks is no authorized, associated with, or sponsored by trademark owners.

  To the ones who make my life worth living:

  Michael & Skylar

  You will never know the depths of my love for you two.

  Thank you for making me smile every day.

  Prologue - 18 months ago:

  My quiet house now has a revolving door. People are bringing more food than anyone could ever use. Most of them seem to have forgotten that they never really liked me! I’ve always been a little too outspoken with my thoughts and opinions. Some consider it a character flaw, since the input isn’t well received, usually. But, I’m okay with it, because I refuse to be a rug for people to walk all over. I know who my real friends are. Everyone else, who wishes to stand beside me acting as if they’re supportive in this tragedy, I could totally do without. I’m not even sure why they’re here. Is it the media coverage, the drama, or do they need someone to feel sorry for? I’m not sure how much more of this I can take. I have a few close friends, and I have my family! That’s all I need right now, except…I need to get out of here…NOW!

  I cross the expanse of this far too big home that Jed designed for us. I’ve loved every minute of living in it for the past five years, but now I feel like I’m drowning in it. It’s filled with memories. Memories, which crash into me, like a wave with a massive undertow, dragging me under. This house is my dream home…or was. Who gets to build their dream home for their very first home? Jed, the perfectionist, does.

  He always strived to give us everything we wanted or wished for, sacrificing time with Sierra and me to provide it all. That precious man didn’t have it in him to say no to us. He wasn’t wired to reject us in any way. I wish he could’ve been satisfied providing a more simple life for us. Maybe if he hadn’t been so obsessed with building his career, being more and more successful, he would be here now. We would all be whole and complete.

  I walk into the kitchen, where my brother, Jason, and his wife, Kate, are sitting at the farm table talking softly. I know they’re talking about me, since they stop speaking as soon as they notice me walking into the room.

  “What’s up, babe? How was your nap? It doesn’t look like you slept any!”

  Really, who could possibly sleep when their entire world has just crumbled around them? I feel like I’m buried in the rubble of that plane crash, too. Yet, all I hear from those around me is how important it is to take care of myself. What Idiots! They have no idea what I’m going through, and if they do, then they’re just asses for suggesting such a thing.

  “Jason, I need to leave. I need to get out of town for a little while.” Jason, who has been my white knight forever, is the perfect example of an overprotective big brother. I’m usually opposed to his control freak tendencies, but I’m happy he’s here with me dealing with this nightmare. A nightmare is the only way to describe it. Only when I wake up, it’s still very much real. I have a hole in my heart the size of Texas, and there’s no way to fill it. And continually explaining to a three year old that Daddy isn’t coming home is hard and mentally draining. She doesn’t understand. I’m not sure she will anytime soon.

  “Alexis Nicole, you can’t escape this. I get that you need some time to pull yourself together, but, babe…you’ve got a little girl who will be coming home from Cami’s any minute. You can’t just run away like the old days. She needs you. She just lost her daddy. She can’t lose you, too. You’re what she’s clinging to. Hold it together, even if you have to fake it. Damn it, you’re staying, no running! Got it?”

  Ah shit…he used my full name. I know he’s serious and very worried. Our mother and father have always been absentee parents, assholes really. But having Jason as a big brother meant I was never really alone. Right now, he’s my gate-keeper. I’ve only had to speak to a few people since the funeral, and I’m so very grateful for that.

  “UGH…I know that! I would NEVER leave her behind, no matter how badly I want to run away. But she needs an escape too. We can’t just stay here and wait for him to walk thru the door every night, Jason. He’s not coming back. Do you realize what it’s like for us every night? We can’t do this anymore.”

  The look on his face tells me he’s trying to understand. He’s crushed too, not just for Sierra and me. He’s hurting because Jed was his best friend, as well his brother in law. They were best friends in college and worked at the same architectural firm up until…well…the crash. Yet, here he is, as always, holding me up when he’s hurting. He’s so strong, too strong, the strongest and most loyal person I know.

  “Yes, babe, I know. I wish I could fix this. I would do anything for this nightmare not to be our reality. I hate seeing my sister falling apart. I can count on one hand the number of times you’ve cried over the years. Now, I can only remember the few times, over this past week and half, I haven’t seen tears staining your face. I get it, you’re grieving. We all are, but YOU CAN’T ESCAPE THIS PAIN by running. It’s going where your heart goes, because that’s what’s broken, sweetie. Our best chance of surviving this is to be strong together. Because when you’re falling down, you have all of us here for you to pick you up. I promise you, I’ll be here to help you! But, when I’m missing my best friend, I’m hoping you’ll be strong enough to help me out, baby girl. I loved him, too.”

  I feel more tears overflowing my eyes. I’m convinced that the phrase ‘all cried out’ is a load of crap! I had no idea my body contained this ungodly amount of fluid. I’m sick of being so broken and weak.

  Twelve days ago we woke up to a normal day. My sweet little girl, Jed, and I all went to the park. Sierra played, while Jed and I sat in the grass watching. We were talking about all the things going on with his work, my stuff, and planning our summer vacation. This was when Jed and I excelled. Being best friends made us
great parents. Don’t get me wrong, we had our challenges and we had to work on our relationship constantly, but we were committed and loved each other very much. It was a great morning and afternoon with just us, the fab 3, as Jed called us.

  He had to leave that evening for a west coast business trip. He traveled often. We were used to it, but still it sucked. Sometimes it felt like we played second fiddle to his career. He was so focused on making up for what my childhood lacked materially. I was more concerned with making sure our life didn’t suffer from the lack of love that was prevalent during my childhood. We’d always tried to make the most of the time he was home. West coast trips were most challenging, because of the time change, but we learned to manage and adapted.

  Then the phone rang at 2:47 a.m. and my entire world flipped on its axis. The time will be eternally ingrained in my mind, because I actually said, out loud, as I looked at the clock, ‘Someone better be dead!’ I’m not even sure what happened after the dreaded words came across the phone lines. Can you imagine a worse thing to say before you hear that kind of news? I’ll never forgive myself for saying that. Yep, I am the major bitch everyone perceives me to be.

  Before I knew it Jason, Kate, and Whitney were here, and then I just existed. For the last twelve days I’ve only engaged in things pertaining to Sierra. She and I are what’s left of the fab 3. She needs me and she’s the only light in my whole world now. Three years old without a daddy. This is not the life I wanted for my little girl. I know what it’s like to grow up without a daddy. I’ll never be able to compensate enough for his loss. How can we ever get back to anything normal?

  Chapter 1 - Present

  For all tragedy there is a miracle to make up for it, just somewhere else.

  -Unknown

  It’s a beautiful morning, my favorite time, besides Sierra’s bedtime when I sing to her. Sitting on the lanai with a great book and a cup of tea provides the peaceful start I need to my day. I normally use this time to clear my head and prepare myself for putting on that proverbial ‘happy face’ so that I can actually ‘fake it, till I make it’ as they say. Believe me, I know how insane that sounds! Although, today it feels a little more like creative avoidance. I should be packing. I should be headed toward a resort in St. Pete Beach in an hour.

  My tri-annual girls’ weekend with my best friends from college is this weekend. We’re heading for some beach time. It’s supposed to be relaxing and healing and all that jazz. At least that’s what the girls said. My mind is wandering all over the place. The anxiety of leaving Sierra is a bit crippling for me, not so much for her. She’s thrilled to be spending the long weekend with Uncle Jason and Auntie Kate. They have three adorable little spawn, and Sierra loves spending time with her cousins. I’m contemplating possible excuses to back out of the trip when I hear the chime of my iPhone alerting me that I have a text.

  Kate: Hey sweets! I’m scooping Sierra from school with my lot this afternoon. Enjoy your time. You deserve this! I’ll pick up her bag later. Just leave it in the entryway.

  Shit. I guess the idea that Kate would cancel was a bit out of the range of possibility.

  Me: UGH…I don’t know Kate. What am I doing? I have no desire to leave town for a girls’ weekend. I’m just not ready to be social. I can handle the girls, but I don’t want to put a damper on their plans. I think I’m going to stay behind. Plus, I really don’t want to leave Sierra.

  I’m actually not really concerned about leaving Sierra. She’ll be in the best hands possible with Kate and Jason. She’s stayed with them many times and loves being there. It’s me…I’m afraid of moving on with my life and doing anything normal. Whitney keeps telling me I can’t continue to use Sierra as an excuse to not proceed with life. She’s worried that by me always using Sierra as an excuse to avoid doing things, I’m going to hold Sierra back from having a normal life. I hope that’s not what I’m doing.

  Kate: I knew you were going to need a kick in the ass this morning. I’m coming over. NOW!

  Great, this isn’t going to end well. My sister in-law is the epitome of a mama-tiger. She is mama-tiger to not only my brother and their children, but to everyone she loves! To be fair, there are very few of us in that category, but my daughter and I are blessed, and sometimes cursed, enough to reside on that list. There’s no way she’s letting me off the hook!

  I should never have mentioned this girls’ trip to her. Truthfully, I was never planning to go. The girls and I have done these trips three times a year since our freshman year of college. I haven’t attended any since the accident. I think it was the guilt of abandoning them that made me bring it up in the first place.

  I really do miss being with them for these special weekends. And they have done so much for me over the last eighteen months. I hate abandoning them…again!

  The thing is, where there’s a group of ladies there’s always some kind of drama or issue going on. I’ve been living in my own bubble, praying by the grace of God that we don’t run into any sharp corners. I’m not really ready to deal with anyone else’s issues yet. Yep, just call me the selfish ass bitch!

  My friends have mostly kept me out of the loop with all their troubles over the last several months. They call, or stop by to visit often, and always tell me the latest gossip, leaving out all the things they know I’m not capable of dealing with in their lives. I’m not stupid. We all have stuff going on. I know things are happening with all of them. In spite of that plane crash that turned my world upside down, life has gone on. For me as well, Sierra is just about to turn five and has started pre-k. Even without a daddy around, she’s still thriving and growing.

  I’ve been friends with them for years and I know these girls…too well. We’ve stood behind each other in good and bad times, through marriages, children, and the numerous life-craps (as we call them) that we wouldn’t want to re-live. There are four of us in our little group.

  Whitney, my best friend, has a heart of gold. She’s funny, beautiful in every way, and of course she doesn’t realize it. She’s the life of every party, and everyone wants to be her friend. I literally wouldn’t have survived the last eighteen months without her in my life. It amazes me that she isn’t head over heels in love with some wonderful man. God knows, that there have been plenty of men head over heels for her, and more lining up for the chance. But that’s just not her thing. When Whit loves, she loves with her whole heart. It’ll take a really special man to capture her heart. I know it’ll happen someday, she’s a definite romantic. She’s feisty as hell, and will defend you with her life if necessary, no questions asked. She and I are most alike in that case. However, unlike me, she likely wouldn’t hurt a fly, but has a damn good poker face about it. Throughout our friendship I can’t recount the number of times she and I have gone after catty bitches for mistreating or taking advantage of Cami and Kelsey!

  Then there’s Kelsey. She’s a piece of work. She’s been married and quickly divorced, no kiddos, thankfully. He was a complete idiot. She loves to fall in love. I really think it’s the hunt and chase that gets her. She’s stunning and knows how to work it to get what she wants. The girl can find the man of her dreams anywhere, and make all the men think she’s the only girl in the room. Jed used to say she carried some sort of love potion in her pheromones, because the men she dated always fell in love with her fast, like proposals and all. I think it has something to do with her bedroom activities…just sayin’. Kelsey is crazy, but she is the most amazing friend anyone could ask for. She’ll stop whatever she’s doing to be there for you whenever you need her.

  Cami is the most quiet and reserved of all us. She’s the mom of the group. She always takes care of us. She has been married for a decade. We’re only just now in our late twenties. Who does that? But she is over the top in love with her husband, Drake, and he loves her just as much. They were high school sweethearts. Cami & Drake have four little people, who are a perfect combination of the two of them. It’s actually unbelievable. I cannot think of two more pe
rfectly matched people. Cami brings balance to the group and always makes sure we all stay together. Hence, why we always call her the mother hen.

  Then there’s me…completely broken when my safety blanket was ripped from me. I wasn’t always this way. Jed and I would have been married for just over five years, or I should say were just celebrating four years when the plane went down. Now, I’m a shell of who I used to be. Slowly I’m seeing glimmers of my old self. But they’re just that, glimmers. Enough that I have hope of someday piecing together my very broken self. The sunshine, and primary light in my world, comes from Sierra.

  Sierra has her daddy’s blond hair and bright blue eyes, and my feisty personality. Thankfully, she can bat those gorgeous baby blues when her cute little mouth finds her in trouble, which is often these days, since four and a half year olds know way more than the greater population of the world. She’s strong and amazing. I think about how proud Jed would be of her resilience every day. She and I often talk about Jed. I sing her pretty songs that remind me of her daddy all the time. Sometimes, singing is easier than telling stories, so I try to do both, often.

  I haven’t gone on the last few girls’ trips, because I really didn’t want the girls taking care of me and not doing the things they all enjoy. Barely holding myself together, I’m seriously lacking the ability to think of great advice for their stuff going on.

  I swear I couldn’t bear to hear any more about how much fun it would be to go to the spa for the weekend. They don’t want to be at a spa all weekend, any more than I do, but obviously they thought it would be the easiest place to ease me back into the real world. Definitely easier than going out dancing and seeing a lot of happy couples around having fun. So I just kept cancelling, using Sierra as an excuse, until they wouldn’t take no for an answer.