Indulge

by Liv Morris

  I loved carrying her to bed, and plan on doing it again. Many times, actually.

  Me: I want to do that again, real soon. I’m at lunch with my best friends. They want to meet you. They’re here for only a couple more days before they have to go home to Nashville. How would you feel about introductions? I can tell them no if you aren’t up for it.

  I’m pretty sure Courtney isn’t going to take no for an answer, and then Drew will be all about making his wife happy and nag the shit out of me until I make it happen. But if Lex isn’t ready to meet my friends there’s no way in hell I’ll let them near her. I told her she was going to drive this train and I meant it.

  I say goodbye to Drew and Court, and tell them I’ll let them know later if we can make plans.

  Alexis doesn’t respond right away like before. I’m getting really concerned. Fifteen minutes pass, then thirty minutes. Finally, after thirty-seven minutes I pick up my cell and press the green send button next to her name. She answers on the second ring. I hear loud music and a very small person’s voice singing at the top of her lungs in the background.

  “Hi,” she says. “I’m sorry I couldn’t respond back right away. I had to pick up Sierra. I was driving, so I couldn’t text back. My car is loud right now, but this kiddo is having too much fun to stop the party. Can you hear me okay?” She doesn’t sound upset, but I’m worried that my text asking her to meet my friends was too much, too soon.

  Chapter 12

  I didn’t get a chance to text Garret back before it was my turn in the carpool line at school. I had to buckle Sierra up, and then she was rambling about her day. I like to hear everything about her time away from me, so I didn’t want to pause her in her rambling. I figured I would just text Garrett back when I got home.

  Sierra and I are singing along to her favorite Taylor Swift album when my phone rings. It’s Garrett. “Hi,” I say “I’m sorry I couldn’t respond back right away. I had to pick up Sierra. I was driving, so I couldn’t text back. My car is loud right now, but this kiddo is having too much fun to stop the party. Can you hear me okay?” I ask.

  “Yeah, sweetheart, I can hear you. You don’t have to meet my friends if you aren’t ready for that. I just thought I’d ask before they left town,” he reassures me.

  I don’t like meeting new people. I’m not really good at it. I’m a little nervous that if they don’t like me, he’ll walk away. I don’t think he would ask if it weren’t important to him. Maybe if we could meet in a larger gathering with people I love too, it wouldn’t be so bad. I could invite my brother’s family over to my house for dinner, and Garrett could come with his friends, too. Huh…

  “I was thinking, maybe they could come over to my place for dinner tomorrow. I’ll invite Jason’s family, too. It’s been a while since I’ve had people over, but it could be fun. Would that be okay?” I don’t like to get babysitters, anyway. So if he doesn’t like that plan, we probably won’t be able to make one. I can count on one hand the number of people I’ll allow to stay with Sierra. I really hate leaving her. We’re a package deal, so her being there feels right.

  “Lex, I’ll do whatever you want, sweetheart, but won’t that be a lot of extra work for you? I can take us all out to dinner, if you would rather.”

  I wouldn’t rather. I would feel much more comfortable in my own home. “No, I would rather be home. That way the kids can run around and play, and we can all relax. I’ll call a restaurant to have a meal brought in. I’m not really good at cooking for a lot of people. I can only cook for a few. Does that work?

  They would really hate me if I poisoned them with my cooking. I’m not actually a bad cook, but I only have my few meals that I do well.

  “Let me arrange the food, babe. The fact that you’re willing to open your house to my friends and introduce me to the most important people in your life makes me very happy, sweetheart. I don’t want you doing anything extra. What time do you want us there?” he asks.

  I’m so glad he’s happy with my plan, because that’s really all I could offer. And the first time he meets Sierra I want us to be on her home turf. “Let’s do 5:30-6ish. It’s a school night, and Kate will want to get the kids home early enough for bedtime.” And Sierra can’t miss her bedtime either, or she’ll be a holy terror.

  “Sounds great. I’ll let you get back to y’all’s girly time. Will you call me later?”

  Um…his job was to start and end my day, and I’m holding him to it. “Absolutely, Garrett. Start and end the day. Remember?”

  He laughs. “Yeah, sweetheart, I remember. Call me whenever you can.”

  Even after filling every second of my day, it’s been such a long day. I have no idea why the hours passed so slowly. I stayed busy, but it went by so slowly. Sierra is FINALLY in bed. I told her we would be having company tomorrow and that my special friend from college was looking forward to meeting her. Sierra is super outgoing and loves meeting new people, unlike me. She’s happy, talkative, and an overall joy. Anyone who doesn’t like this little girl is just crazy! Although, she is a bit sassy sometimes and this is why I have a parent/teacher conference tomorrow, again. Her school sometimes takes themselves a little too seriously. It’s a great school, but their expectations for little kids can sometimes be a little far off the spectrum. Good thing I like her teacher a lot.

  Finally, after turning off all the lights and locking the doors, I drag myself upstairs to make my end of day call to Garrett while I relax in a nice long bath. I pick up my cell phone and call him as I walk into the bathroom to fill my tub with hot water and lavender bath salts.

  He answers as it rings the first time. “Hi.” He’s speaking softly.

  “Hi,” I reply in the same tone.

  “Did you have a good day, sweetheart?” he asks, sounding a bit melancholic.

  “It was a good day for me. Just long…how about you?”

  “A good day, because I get to see you tomorrow, and I talked to you three times today. But I haven’t seen you in twenty-two hours. That part sucks a bit.”

  He’s counting hours. I am too, actually. I want to see him again, soon. “Oh Garrett, you can’t see me every day. That would just spoil me,” I say to him, hoping to help him out of his mood, unsure what’s put him in it.

  “I’m all about spoiling you, Lex. I’d do it every day if you let me. I set up a caterer for tomorrow. They’ll handle everything, so you can sit back and relax. Is it okay if they come to set up at five o’clock? The food will already be prepared, except for some heating,” he says. I can tell he’s accustomed to telling people what to do. He’s a bit powerful and controlling, and I think I might like it.

  “That’s fine. I’ll be back home after picking Sierra up from school. I promised Sierra we could make you brownies. She’s excited to meet ’my special friend from college and his friends’.” I relay Sierra’s excitement, smiling, thinking of my little girl and her plan.

  “That’s fantastic. I love brownies. Lex, I’m driving separately from Drew and Courtney tomorrow. Can I stay after Sierra goes to bed tomorrow night for a little while? I miss you, lady.”

  He can’t possibly miss me as much as I’m missing him. Everything about him, the way he touches me, holds me, talks to me, sings to me, carries me, and every other part of him. I’m quite addicted to this man. “Yes, I would love that. Please stay.”

  “What are you doing now, Alexis?” he asks.

  “Getting ready to soak in the bath tub. Do you need to hang up, Garrett? If you’re busy, I can talk to you tomorrow.” I hate to keep him from more important things. I can only imagine how many people want a part of him each day.

  “Try and hang up, Lex, and see what happens. I’ve been waiting by my phone for hours to talk to you. I miss you. I want to stay on the phone with you until you lay your head on your pillow to sleep.” Again, there’s so much more to this man than I realized. He spoiling me a little with the amount of time and attention he’s giving me. I must admit that I like it.

&nbs
p; I slip into the tub and put my phone on speaker, so we can talk while I soak. He’s in the guest house on his parents’ property. Garrett parents are financially very well off, so I’m sure the guests house on their property is likely larger than the average little bungalow. Other than the wedding I’ve only met his parents once, during parents’ week ten years ago. Jason did tell me that Garrett’s mother attended Jed’s memorial service, but I didn’t notice or speak to anyone during that time.

  We talk until my bath water is cold. He tells me stories of his adventures on the road and he sings me a song that he’s working on. He asks questions about Sierra and laughs at her funny little stories. He’s not shocked to hear what a handful she is or that I’m being called into the school for a conference tomorrow. He even offers to go with me to just sit there beside me. I tell him I’ll be fine. I’ve done it plenty of times before.

  After my bath, I put on my pajamas and climb into bed. I’m exhausted, but I’m not ready to say goodnight yet, so I ask Garrett to sing to me. He does, soothing a part of me I didn’t realize needed it. I feel my eyes getting heavy as he finishes the second song. “Thank you, Garrett. Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight, sweetheart. Tomorrow morning?” he asks.

  “Yes. Always,” I confirm before disconnecting the phone.

  Chapter 13

  I started my day with Alexis again. I like our little ritual, but she’s busy in the mornings and we only have time to say good morning. It’s the best two minutes of my day, until I hear her voice again, that is.

  I’ve been working with our management team this week trying to iron out the details of the upcoming promotional tour in June and July. I’m not exactly sure how that’s all going to work out. I’m not really thrilled about leaving the girls, but I guess we’re going to have to figure this out. The band is supposed to be on the tour for six weeks, but we break for several days in the middle. It’s a U.S. tour, so thankfully no long flights.

  I’m on my way over to Alexis’s house. I leave early because I want to stop at the florist and get flowers. I walk into the florist and pick a large bouquet of lilies, daisies, sunflowers, and roses. Then I pick the exact same flower combination in a smaller bouquet for Sierra, with a big pink stuffed bear and a balloon.

  When I arrive at the house I’m the first one there. I’m glad no one is here yet. I didn’t want Alexis to have to deal with the catering company, and I want to give the girls their flowers before everyone else arrives. I knock on the front door and ring the bell, but there’s no answer. I wait a couple more minutes and ring again. I know they’re here. I see her Jeep in the garage through the window. I jiggle the handle and the front door is unlocked. I peek my head in and that’s when I hear it.

  The sound system is blaring. I walk in and yell, “Hello,” but no response. I walk cautiously around the corner, because I don't want to startle the girls, and I see the most beautiful sight in the world. Alexis and Sierra are dancing around the kitchen singing at the top of their lungs. They’re laughing and having fun while making my brownies.

  Sierra notices me first, coming around the corner, and with no shyness at all she says, “Hi, Mr. Garrett. Mama showed me your picture. You’re famous! Want to sing and dance with us?” she asks. Her blond hair is in pig tails and her bright blue eyes sparkle. She’s a happy kid. It shows that all Alexis’s efforts in pulling double duty are paying off.

  I place the flowers into her hand with the bear. She responds by batting her cute little eyes. “Thank you, Garrett. I like flowers, and pink is my favorite color. Want to dance now?” she asks, going back to her original question.

  “Yes, sweet girl, I can't think of anything I'd like to do more. Thank you for inviting me.” I join in on the fun. This has to be the coolest kid. She isn't singing songs from children's television shows. She's singing popular country music songs. I wonder if she knows any of my songs. Damn, that would be cool.

  Alexis is smiling, watching the interaction as we all dance around like crazy people. I look at her and say, “Hi. I knocked. I don't think you could hear me,” as I hand her the larger bouquet of flowers.

  "Mama, can we listen to Taylor now?" Sierra asks.

  “Again?” Lex says to her little mini me. She looks over to me and says, “I apologize in advance. She’s Taylor obsessed.” I look at Sierra and tell her that Taylor's one of my very favorite artists, too, and that I want to hear all her favorite songs.

  Sierra jumps up and down, shouting, “Stay, Stay, Stay,” until Lex puts the song on. Then little Sierra sings the whole song, word for word. We dance around, singing along, while we wait for the rest of the invitees. Lex does turn the music down, so we can hear the doorbell, since the caterers and the company will be arriving shortly.

  Lex looks beautiful tonight. She’s wearing a black strapless dress and a little apron wrapped around her waist. She’s baking brownies, which smell great. The doorbell rings and Sierra runs toward the door to meet whoever has arrived.

  I follow right behind her to greet the caterers. I feel so relaxed here, like this is where I’m meant to be. I feel like a real man doing these normal family things with these girls, like dancing in the kitchen, bringing home flowers, and watching the girls bake brownies. It’s all a bit surreal.

  We head back to the kitchen to find Alexis and introduce her the caterers. She shows them around. After the introductions, I put my hand at the small of her back to guide her out of the kitchen. I whisper in her ear, “Baby, I hired them so you wouldn’t have to do anything. Now get on out of here and let them work.” She laughs and walks out with me.

  Jason, his wife, Kate, and their three little ones arrive next. Jason and I hung out a bit in college, so we greet each other easily. He introduces his family and tells me how nice it is to see me again. Jason is a good guy. Taking care of his sister is a top priority in his life, you can tell. He’ll always have my greatest respect for that alone. Kate is spunky and a lot of fun to be around. She too loves her sister in-law. I immediately sense her protective instincts.

  Drew and Courtney arrive and introductions are comfortable and everyone seems to get along fine. I notice Alexis isn’t really talking to anyone, though. She’s engaging with the children, but seems to be avoiding conversations with the adults. I’m not really sure what’s up with that, but damn it, I’ll just hang out with the kids too. I walk over to where she is kneeling by the coffee table working on a puzzle with the kids. I kneel beside her and speak softly so that only she can hear. “Hi. You okay over here, sweetheart?” She flashes a quick smile that doesn’t put that little glimmer in her eyes and nods her head. Even though, her head is signaling yes, I know she’s not okay. Something’s up, but I’m not really sure what. She was fine before everyone arrived. I rub her back gently and just stay beside her hanging and playing with the kids. I want her to get to know Court and Drew, but she needs to do it in her on time.

  The evening progresses with simple conversations, except for Alexis, who says very little to anyone. She’s very shy tonight, which is not anything I’ve ever seen from her. When she gets up from the dinner table to refill the pitcher of sweet tea, Jason follows her into the kitchen. Obviously, he’s noticed, too. I don’t immediately follow. I don’t want to intrude on their private conversation, but I’m worried, so I rise from my seat excusing myself to the bathroom when enough time has passed.

  After returning from the bathroom I notice they aren’t back yet, so I walk toward the kitchen and overhear Alexis talking to her brother. “Yes, I like him. I like him a lot, Jason. But what the hell will people think of me for jumping into a relationship after just losing my husband? I can’t be reckless about this. I have Sierra to consider. You know?” She just admitted out loud to her brother she cares about me. I’m elated, but at the same time, that’s what’s upsetting her so I’m pissed, too. Damn!

  “Alexis Nicole, you aren’t a complete idiot. You’ve never jumped into anything. This isn’t reckless. You’ve known the man for years! We al
l have. He’s a good guy. It’s obvious he cares about you, too, or he wouldn’t have gone through all this trouble. Get your head out of your ass, sis. I’ve been telling you for months it’s time for you to move on. It’s been a year and a half. You can’t keep hiding inside this house and writing your little books you never do anything with. You need to put yourself back out there. It’s been long enough. We’ve all mourned and suffered long enough, damn it.”

  Okay…I’ve listened long enough. I need to step in here and stop this. I walk around the corner and poke my head in and ask, “Hey guys, can I come in? Everything okay?”

  Jason looks over at me, and then smirks to his sister. “See, I told you, good guy, coming to check on you!” He starts to walk out of the room with a head nod in my direction and says, “Do not make me regret supporting this relationship. I like you and I want that to continue, but if you hurt her….MAN…”

  I nod, “I know. Thanks, Jason.” He leaves us after smacking my back.

  I look over to Alexis. “Sweetheart, you want to tell me what I’ve done, so I can go ahead and fix it?” She looks sad. I’d do anything to see her smile. But I don’t know how yet.

  “Garrett, I’m okay. Can we just talk about this after the company leaves? I’ve been very rude being gone so long,” she says as she starts walking out of the kitchen with the pitcher of tea.

  I step in front of her. “Yes, babe, we’ll talk as soon as were alone, but I can’t go a minute longer without a kiss. Give me those lips,” I say to her, as I cradle her face in both my hands and kiss her with all the pent up emotions I feel.

  She kisses me back. Then she pulls back, looking directly in my eyes she says, “I’m sorry I’m so complicated, Garrett. I’m so very broken. I’m not really sure I can ever be fixed.”

  I see her eyes getting glassy and I know the tears are about to spill. I’ve seen it enough times to know. I take the pitcher from her hands and place it on the counter. “Baby, you don't need anyone to fix you. You aren't broken. You’re grieving and scared of things changing again. I get that, but you are whole, beautiful, and strong. We’ll figure this out, Alexis. Give me the chance. That’s all I ask.” She nods her head once, looking at me eye to eye, but still says nothing.