Night Sky

by Jolene Perry

  “Oh.”

  I look toward Sky again. There’s a lot about her I don’t know.

  “Wow.” She squeezes my hand and looks up at me in a way that makes me lose my train of thought. I want nothing more than to press our lips together. I lean in close, but I’m determined to wait until she either kisses me herself or asks me to kiss her. I want the opportunity to be pure perfection.

  “Give me a sec to open things up, you can follow me on back.” Mike sticks his key in the first door that gets us close to the pool and into the small house-like structure where they feed the dolphins.

  “Good surprise?” I ask.

  “Great surprise.”

  “Good, because this is pretty much the biggest thing I had planned.” I step behind Mike as he walks us through the gate.

  She leans up and nearly presses her lips to my cheek. “Don’t say that until the night is over. You never know what might happen.” Her lips brush against my ear as she speaks.

  I can’t even think about what she might be implying; if I did, I’d drop right on this very spot. And right now, I’d do anything she asked—anything to feel that electricity again.

  With a whispery giggle, she pulls away.

  “Wanna feed them?” Mike asks. He’s digging around in the buckets he has set aside.

  “Sure, just a sec,” Sky says, dropping my hand to sit on the edge of the pool. The dolphins know Mike means food, and they swarm, waiting. “Can I touch them?” She turns toward Mike.

  “Sure, but watch their teeth. They don’t mean to bite, and they’re usually really gentle, but sometimes they get overexcited.” He chuckles. They’re his children—these three dolphins.

  “Okay.” She pulls her long hair to the side, does a quick braid and ties it with one of the leather bracelets from her wrist. I have no idea why I find this fascinating, but I can’t take my eyes off her.

  She leans dangerously far over the pool reaching her arm out. I sit on the edge and watch her face fill with wonder and excitement, each time one of them presses their nose to her fingers.

  “Here,” Mike says, handing her a dead fish.

  “Thanks.” She grabs the slimy thing without hesitation feeding it to the nearest dolphin.

  “That’s not gross?” I ask.

  She laughs. “I grew up around commercial fishing. I’ve seen a few dead fish.”

  “Oh…” It makes me realize how much we have to learn about each other.

  “This is amazing.” She only has eyes for the dolphins. “Do you do this often?”

  “Not as often as he used to,” Mike answers for me.

  She rubs one on the head. “I’d be here all the time. They’re incredible, aren’t they?” She glances back at me. Her eyes are bright, and a huge smile lights up her face.

  “They are.” And so are you—more incredible all the time.

  ***

  “You’ve really outdone yourself, Jay.” Our hands are laced together and we’re back to walking the Vegas strip. Her hair is once again swinging behind her.

  “It’s your birthday.”

  “Still…” She leans her head against my shoulder for a moment.

  “I’m glad you think so. One more big stop, and then we can waste the rest of the night doing whatever we like.”

  “Then it really wouldn’t be a waste, would it?” She picks her head up off my shoulder and looks into my eyes.

  “No, I guess not.” I smile down at the expression of happiness on her face.

  We walk up the strip together, hand in hand. I’m trying to figure out how to get closer to her, but I have no idea going on in her head. Okay, honesty, right? “What are you thinking about?”

  “That I’m glad it’s my birthday and you didn’t go through all this trouble just because it was our first date.” She glances at me briefly before her eyes travel to the lights that seem to come from all sides. I forget how much there is to look at here. I’ve seen it all so many times.

  “Why?”

  “Because as much fun as this is, it probably took a lot of preparation and planning.”

  “A little.” I’m supposed to downplay here, right?

  “A lot,” she insists. “I guess I want you to know that just being with you…next to your pool…something that wasn’t planned at all…was also awesome.”

  Wow. “I really, really want to kiss you right now.” I pull her to a stop on the sidewalk, forcing people to walk around us.

  “Now, you’re just trying to score points.” She shakes her head.

  “Surely, I’ve earned enough.” I smile wide.

  “Oh, you’ve earned enough, but now we have to find a good moment—one that’s planned, but not planned. It needs to be a moment when we both feel like we’ll go crazy if we can’t kiss the other.”

  I lean closer and whisper. “I’m already there, so I guess I’ll wait for you.”

  She laughs, dismissing me as I open the doors of the Paris Hotel.

  “Jameson! Found a replacement for me already?” Kim smiles wide, a drink tray in hand.

  “Nice.” I laugh and keep walking. I realize there’s no way Sky didn’t hear or see the smile Kim had for me…but I’m not sure how to explain her to Sky.

  “Who’s that?” Sky asks, glancing over her shoulder at Kim.

  “My mom works here, and that’s her shameless flirt of a co-worker.” Is that enough information to satisfy her curiosity?

  “Oh…”

  It’s well after midnight as I lead Sky into a room with the big money tables.

  Mom catches my eye, and sets the drinks she’s carrying down carefully. She makes small talk with some of the high stakes gamblers before she’s able to make her way to us.

  “Hey, sweetie.” Mom says flashing the same professional smile she uses on everyone. It’s her work face, and it’s a good one.

  I can tell Sky’s surprised as she takes in Mom’s costume.

  “Hey, Mom.”

  “Glad you two made it. Are you ready?”

  “I’m ready.”

  “Paul will meet you over there in a minute.” Mom looks back and forth between our faces a few too many times for comfort. “I’m glad you’re out having fun.”

  “Thanks,” Sky says, her eyes fixed on Mom’s face.

  “See you tomorrow,” I say.

  “It’s after midnight. I’ll see you later on today.” Mom winks. Very few people can get away with winking, but Mom’s one of them.

  “Right.”

  “So, why do we need Paul?” Sky asks.

  “We won’t need him if you’re afraid of heights.” I lean toward her again. Am I pushing it? Maybe.

  “I’m not afraid of heights.” Her face turns toward mine, and now we’re so close, it almost puts our noses together.

  “Or fish…or being naked in a stranger’s yard…or being honest…” Can I kiss you now?

  “Let me rephrase.” She pulls away. “I’m afraid of a lot of things, but I choose to do them anyway.”

  “So, you’re brave.” We’re walking upright again. I’m watching her face closely, even though she’s simply looking ahead. I’m trying to get better at reading her, at knowing what she’s thinking. She’s so smooth and fluid in everything she does, in her expressions, her movements, her speech…it’s nearly impossible to know what’s on her mind. Fortunately, she normally tells me…or it seems like she does.

  “I…” she pauses, her brows pull together as we walk.

  “Hey, Jameson. You two ready for a ride up?” Paul asks, waiting at the elevator.

  “Definitely,” I answer.

  We reach the top of the Eiffel Tower and we’re alone. Just like I hoped. Just like I planned. Paul goes down, with the promise that we’ll be able to get ourselves back down without him.

  “So, now I know the planned kiss moment.” Sky looks over her shoulder at me as I follow her out of the elevator.

  “What?” Do I come off sounding as innocent as I want to?

  “Alone, at the
top of the Eiffel Tower, overlooking Las Vegas…city lights in every direction. It’s pretty ideal. You were right to save this for last.” She smirks nodding in approval. Does this mean she’s okay with it?

  “Well, just so you don’t feel this is overly contrived, I actually hoped for a kiss as soon as I picked you up, or maybe after the meal. Or with the dolphins…” Maybe if I tease her too, I can get closer.

  “Stop.” She laughs a little. “I don’t want to feel like all of this was just to get a kiss.”

  “All of this was to see the smile on your face when you were holding those slimy fish.” And there’s actually more truth to that, than there is about the kiss—but, just barely.

  She laughs, a real one this time, but her face falls when our eyes meet again. “I really like you, Jay, but I don’t want to be the girl who just helps you get over Sarah.” It’s the first time I’ve seen her look vulnerable.

  “You’re not.” I shake my head. I want to feel our lips together again, our mouths together again.

  “You wouldn’t know, Jameson.” She shakes her head almost imperceptibly, and leans against the metal grating that keeps people from jumping or falling over the ledge.

  “I know how I feel.” Like I want to hold her…touch her…kiss her. I step closer.

  “How’s that?” Her hands are on the railing behind her, holding on.

  “Like I can talk to you. Tell you things. I want to be honest with you, in everything.”

  “Do you still hurt? Here?” she asks, putting her hand on my chest.

  “A little, but not when we’re together.” That’s huge, right?

  She squeezes her eyes tight. “Then you are using me, Jay. You don’t mean to…but you are.”

  “I don’t want to.” I take her face in my hands. “I want to enjoy this feeling you give me…just by being around you.” I can’t believe how brave I am. She feels like silk—her cheeks, the wisps of her hair touching my hands.

  “How’s that?” There’s no smirk or tease on her face at all. Even with her angles, she looks so soft.

  “Like I’m flying.” I smile and tilt my face closer to hers. Close enough that I can feel her breath on my face. “Like I’m flying through the night sky because I have no idea what the hell I’m doing, but I can’t get enough of you.”

  I don’t ask her this time. I press our lips together, and she kisses me back. My arms slide down her shoulders, down her arms, around her waist, deepening our kiss. Then I pull her against me. It’s even better than I imagined. It feels like we’re on top of the world—our lips together, our bodies together. And it’s just me and Sky…just us…only us…Sky and Jameson. Because Sky and Jameson go together; and we’re awesome.

  NINE

  I don’t see Mom or Dad on Saturday. I sleep in and I don’t know what their work schedules are like, but they’re both gone when I wake up. Sky’s gone for the week—back in Alaska to visit her mom for UNLV’s spring break. I could have seen her before she left this morning, but I’m afraid of pushing things too far, too fast. Okay. I totally want to speed things up, but I really like her and I don’t want to scare her away either. We’ll talk while she’s gone this week and it’ll give us a chance to get excited about being together again…and kissing again…and putting my arms around her again.

  I spend Saturday night alone. It’s nice. I listen to music as loud as I want. I swim in the pool and eat potato chips for dinner.

  Sunday is all about relaxing, even though that’s what I did on Saturday. I stretch when I get out of bed and decide to head straight for the pool.

  Mom’s already there. I should have checked the clock.

  “Hey, Mom.” I shout to catch her attention as she swims.

  “Oh hey, Jay.” The tone of her voice sets me on edge.

  “What’s up?” I sit, letting my legs rest in the water.

  Whatever it is, she doesn’t want to tell me, she’s moving too slowly. She takes off her goggles and slides out of the pool to sit next to me.

  “Your dad moved out,” she says, staring at the water.

  “What?” There’s going to be an earthquake, right? Or an explosion…or something…Dad can’t just leave… he’s… Dad. How could he go without talking to me first? Is he gone for good? I can feel the muscles in my body begin to tighten, one by one.

  “Relax, Jameson.”

  “I’m not going to relax! Where the hell is he?” I want to stand up and scream at the top of my lungs, but that won’t help Mom any.

  “I don’t know. He…” she stares down at her lap.

  I have never seen Mom look so small. She’s like this tower of “Mom-ness.” I don’t know…she’s always strong. I don’t even know what happened, and I want to punch Dad in the face. Because I love my dad, but Mom…I don’t know…I don’t know…. I can’t even control my thoughts long enough to form a complete sentence.

  “He had an affair. He’s…” And I wait for her to finish, but she can’t…not right now.

  My mind is reeling, spinning. My dad? My dad? “He’s not…with her, is he?” Is he one of those pathetic men who trades in his wife for a younger model then starts a whole new family? I don’t want any of this! Why did this have to happen to my family? My stomach turns over. He doesn’t want us anymore. He doesn’t want me anymore.

  Mom takes a deep breath. This means she’s about to go into business mode. “I’ve asked to be taken off the floor, so I can resume working in the casino office. This way, I’ll be able to have regular hours again.”

  “Mom.” I put my arm around her. I don’t want her in business mode, not yet.

  “I just thought it would be easier, if my schedule was more normal.” She sniffs once.

  “Your schedule is normal… for us.” A weight settles on my shoulders, pulling me down. I need to take care of Mom.

  And then I feel it. She shakes. It’s the sound of her heart breaking because of my asshole father. It takes all my strength to just sit still. I don’t want to feel helpless…but I do feel helpless. I don’t know how to take care of Mom. Maybe she doesn’t need taking care of. My fists clench together. Dad is gone. Gone. My head won’t stop spinning.

  “I’m going to go inside and take a long, hot bath.” She shrugs away from my arm and stands up.

  “What can I do?” I need to do something…anything.

  “Swim your laps. Spend time with your new girlfriend. Just keep living, Jameson.” Her voice sounds so tired.

  “I want to do more.” I’ll go crazy if she doesn’t give me something to do…some way I can help.

  “Well, I’m afraid there’s nothing either of us can do,” she says, before walking in the house.

  Shit…is there really nothing I can do?

  I wish our pool were bigger. But I jump in anyway, ready to relieve some of the stress and try to get my head together. I pull myself through the water with my arms, and push with my legs. This is different than what happened with Sarah, but it’s still a rejection—another person who doesn’t want Jameson. My Dad left without even bothering to talk to me. Is that how little he cares about me?

  When I don’t think I can swim another stroke, I sink to the bottom of the pool. It makes Mom freak out, but relaxes me. I look around at the blue floor, the blue walls, and I know I need to talk to my dad. I’ll call him as soon as I go back inside. But first, I’m going to sit…down here…where it’s quiet.

  ***

  “So, your mom’s gone?” Dad asks, walking into the living room. He looks around like he’s afraid she’ll appear at any moment.

  It really pisses me off. “What the hell?” I stand up, immediately defensive. “You’ve been married for almost twenty years, Dad! Don’t call her my mom, she’s your wife!”

  “We’re not going to get anywhere like this, Jameson.” He’s using his calm voice. The one he uses when dealing with drunk gamblers. Now he’s using it on me. That must mean I’m being unreasonable because, he’d probably never admit to being in the wrong.

>   “I don’t give a shit! You don’t just walk out on your family!” Every muscle in my body is ready…tight…waiting.

  Dad sighs and leans against the counter rubbing his forehead with his hand. “I didn’t mean for this to happen…”

  I keep my voice quiet this time. Maybe that will get his attention. “Bullshit, Dad. One thing I know is—everyone has impulses, but you don’t have to act on them. At some point, you make a decision and that decision means you meant to do something. Don’t give me any crap about not meaning to do things.” I can’t believe how angry I am, but it sure beats feeling helpless about what to do for Mom.

  “I never wanted to hurt anybody, Jameson.” He’s shaking his head—like such a simple statement is supposed to make it all go away.

  “What the hell’s that supposed to mean?” So much for volume control and maturity… My heart’s pumping hard, and my brain’s all scrambled. The only thing I hear is my dad—not admitting what we both know to be true. He screwed up. I just want him to say it. I need him to say it.

  “It means I’m in love with two women and no matter what I do right now, someone’s going to get hurt.” How can he be so calm? How can he love someone other than Mom? What happened to him?

  “Someone! Name one person in this situation who you didn’t hurt already, Dad. Name one.” He made the choice that put us all in this shitty situation. And he knows I’m right. He looks pathetic, Mom’s hurting, I’m pissed…and his girlfriend must be thrilled. Then my thoughts sink. I sink. Maybe that’s all he needs…his new girlfriend. He doesn’t need Mom and he doesn’t need me.

  He slumps lower and leans against the wall. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this. Suddenly I’m worried he’s going to start crying. Dad can’t cry. That would mean the world’s ending or something.

  “You can’t love two people, Dad—not in the way you’re talking about,” I say, shaking my head.

  “I gotta go.” He pushes off the wall. He never even came into the house, not really. He’s still in the entryway.

  “So, just walk out and leave the two of us behind.” I don’t care how I sound. He deserves it—all of it.