Trusted by You

by Amy Muscat

  “Stressful. It doesn’t really help that the author is a single mum from England.”

  “Why does that not help?”

  “Because I prefer to do the whole dealing with a client in person, and it's sort of difficult with her being on the other side of the Atlantic, the time difference makes it difficult. If she hits it off big– which I think she will– we have to think about book signings, publicity stuff, take into account that she has a kid, etcetera…” I tell him, rolling my wrist around as I speak.

  “Yeah, sounds complicated.” He agreed. “Good luck with that.”

  “Thanks,” I say dryly.

  He chuckles and starts putting the sausages on the grill, just as everyone starts walking out with the rest of the food. Peyton and Sarah walk over to the table and they place the buns, bread, and condiments on it, before walking back inside. Blake and Jason walk over with the meat for the grill.

  “What have you two been talking about?” Blake asks as he sets the burgers down on the side table.

  “Sex,” I tell him straight-faced, watching his reaction.

  His left brow fly’s up along with the side of his mouth as he begins to smirk at me. “Oh really? Can't stop thinking about me, huh?”

  I snort and say, “Actually, I was just telling Keller about the time I had a threesome with two men.”

  His mouth drops open, and from behind me I hear both Keller and Jayson choke out a laugh.

  “You what? You have?” He asks shocked. “Why are you talking to Keller about your sex life anyway?” He demands looking pissed off.

  With a shrug of my shoulders, I tell him, “Yep, I have. And I can talk to anyone about anything I want.” I was talking shit; I have never had a threesome with two men in my life. I just wanted to wind him up, that’s all. See his reaction.

  “Well, don’t. I don’t want my best friend knowing about you previous times in the bedroom, and I certainly don’t want to fucking hear about you with two men.”

  Wow, okay. He looked really angry.

  “Blake, please. Are you gonna try and stand there and tell me that you’ve never had a threesome with two girls? You are a player for God’s sake,” I roll my eyes at him.

  He takes a couple of steps closer to me and says, “Yeah, that’s what I'm gonna tell you, 'cause I've never had a three-way before, and even if I had? I wouldn’t be telling everyone– you know, airing my business and all that? It's like me going over to Peyton and telling her every woman that I've fucked in the past, wouldn’t be nice huh?” He said livid; his gorgeous face was twisted in anger.

  His harsh words smack me in the face, and I think I would rather someone slap me.

  The teasing smile, (one that he obviously didn’t see,) instantly dies and leaves my face at his words. But it wasn’t just his words, it was his facial expression that hurt more; he looked absolutely degusted in me. Like I actually degusted him from having a ‘threesome’ and telling Keller.

  “Blake,” Keller snapped at him, pulling on his arm.

  But Blake just shook him off and kept glaring at me with– was that hate?

  What the fuck?!

  “You know what? Fuck you,” I whisper the words, but I think the whole of Brooklyn heard them.

  He flinched, but he didn’t say anything.

  I spin around, feeling my chin wobble. I wanted to get out of here before anyone could see– before he could see how much that had hurt me.

  I speed walk through the garden and back into the kitchen where Peyton, Sarah, Ethan, and the kids were– thankfully they had missed what had happened out there, I didn’t need the children hearing all of that. I grabbed my bag from the counter and picked up my car keys.

  “Lott's? What’re you doing? Where are you goin– why do you look like you're gonna cry in two seconds?” Peyton demanded, not sounding happy about it.

  “Nothing, don’t worry. I gotta go, though, Pey, I'm really sorry.” I call out as I sling my bag over my shoulder.

  “Come on kids, let’s go back outside,” I hear Ethan say.

  I hear them running back out and I turn to go too, but I find that I can't, because both Peyton and Sarah are standing there in my way.

  “Lottie, what has happened? You were fine ten minutes ago!” Sarah asks, looking over my face with a worried look in her eyes.

  “Nothing, Blake just decided to go all arsehole on me, and I don’t really want to be around him right now.”

  “What did that prick do?” Surprisingly, the question came from Sarah and not Peyton.

  I was shocked that Sarah had called him that. Those two were BFF’s, and I had never heard either one say a bad word about one another.

  I looked back to the glass doors and I could see Blake waving his arms around with sharp, harsh movements, and that was my cue to leave now before he decided that I deserved another verbal bashing.

  Dick.

  “Can I ring you later and tell you? I really want to go, please?” I said, feeling my eyes slightly water. I really didn’t want to cry– especially with Blake only twenty metres away from me.

  Peyton, on seeing my face, pulls me into a fierce hug and tells me to call her later, and that she was sorry.

  What she was sorry for I didn’t know– it wasn’t her fault, she didn’t even know what had happened. But it was just one of those things people said.

  “I'm gonna punch him in the balls for this,” my best friend said, looking determined and fucked off. Sarah nods with her telling me she’ll happily join in with the punching.

  Sputtering out a laugh through my now wobbling lips, I tell them thanks.

  “I’ll call you, and Pey?” when she says yeah, I tell her, “tell Keller I'm sorry. He’ll know what I mean, I didn’t mean for it to escalate into that– it was only a joke.”

  “Wha–” she starts to say, but I interrupt her and tell her just to tell him, and she nods, looking both angry and confused. “Okay.”

  With a quick wave, I head out the house and almost run. I just wanted to be away from here and to be in bed, watching a sad film, with Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream. Where I could do the one thing I had never done over a man before; cry my fucking eyes out.

  “LOTTIE!” I SHOUT, banging on her door. The same door I'd been sitting outside for the past two hours, waiting for her to come and open the door so I could apologize to her for my stupidity.

  I had acted like a fucking idiot back at the barbeque. It should never have gone like that. When I had asked Lottie what her and Keller had been talking about, I never expected her to say that they had been discussing sex.

  I knew she had been fucking around because as much as Lottie didn’t really care what others thought of her– I knew she cared what the people closest to her thought. I also knew Keller wouldn’t stand there and talk sex with her; he thought of her as a sister more or less, and wouldn’t want to hear the details.

  But when she said that they were talking about the time she had a threesome, I just froze. I was transported back five years ago when… No, don’t even go there. Don’t think about that, I scold myself.

  I just lost it.

  And unfortunately, Lottie was the person I took it out on. She didn’t deserve that, and she definitely didn’t deserve the way I had spoken to her.

  So after being shouted at by, well everyone– even Ivy– and Keller explaining what they were actually talking about; I realized just how badly I had fucked up.

  Peyton was angry, jeez so fucking angry. I had never seen her like that, but then; I had never hurt her best friend before. I don’t think the pregnancy hormones helped, 'cause after shouting in my face and calling me a douche, she burst out crying. Then she apologized saying she was sorry for shouting and that she never meant to, but that I was still a douche. In the midst of the mixed emotions that had been running through my body, I had laughed and told her it was fine. I knew I was an ass, which she corrected me on saying douche, not an ass.

  After everyone had calmed down, I told them that I was le
aving and that I was going around Lottie's to see if she would forgive me. Peyton told me to let her calm down first as she knew she would be too upset to see me now, anyway, so there was no point.

  Knowing that I had upset Lottie, made me feel sick.

  So after I had sat down and forced myself to eat a burger, I left telling them that I needed to go home. They, of course, knew that I was going to go over to Lottie's and I knew that they knew that, but no one said anything to stop me. They actually shouted ‘good luck’ to me as I was leaving.

  So here I was, sitting on the freezing cold floor outside Lottie's apartment– something I'll most probably get piles for– waiting for her to open up the door so I could talk to her.

  Pressing on her name on the screen of my cell, I hoped that she would pick up and answer.

  When all I got was her voicemail, I chuckled darkly; why’d I think she was going to answer this time when she hadn’t answered her phone the last thirty times I had called?

  “Lottie, please. I want to say sorry,” I sounded pitiful; I know I did, but I wasn’t giving up.

  After another ten minutes, I got pissed off. So I stood up and started really banging on her door. “Charlotte Carter! Open the fucking door! I'm not leaving, woman, I'm not. Just come open this damn door, and don’t be stubborn!” I shouted at the wooden door. Three inches of thick wood was standing in my way. Three mother-fucking inches.

  Hearing no movement from inside, I kicked the wall next to the door that I now hated and slumped down onto the cold floor once again.

  Blowing out a breath, I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. Damn stubborn woman. I was just about to give up when I hear my Angel’s voice.

  “Blake? What’re you doing here?”

  I looked up in shock, and see Lottie standing there with her parents.

  Holy fuck.

  This whole time I had been sitting here, getting pins and needles and a numb ass, and she had been out?

  I look over to Mr. and Mrs Carter and see her mom smiling hugely at me, and her dad looking upset but somewhat pleased. I knew the Carter’s through my parents, had met them at parties and gatherings. My dad was Mr. Carter’s lawyer and friend and my mom and Lottie's mom were friends too. How I had never seen Lottie before at any of those functions, I don’t know. I had been to a few of them, but I had never seen her. And I know I would’ve; Lottie lights up a while room with her Beauty, whether that room be big or small, she lit it up.

  “Blake, great to see you again, son.”

  “You too, Michael,” I said taking his proffered hand and shake it, feeling his hand give mine a hard squeeze. A warning.

  Michael Carter was a big man, and one could probably say imposing. He didn’t really look friendly, but when you get to know him; you get to know the real him. Basically, he was soft as shit… as long as you stayed on his good side.

  I gave him a subtle nod, silently telling him that I understood his silent threat and that I wouldn’t hurt his daughter again. Male talk. Only we men would get what a shake of the head or a squeeze of fingers meant.

  I give Mrs. Carter a kiss on her cheek and hello to her, but my attention was on Lottie. She was looking at me with shock on her face, but there was hurt in her eyes. Hurt that I had put there, and all because I was a fucking idiot.

  “Hi.” I exhale a breath that I didn’t know I was holding. “Can we talk?”

  Just as she opened her mouth, her mom interrupted her.

  “We’re gonna go, baby. We’ll leave you to it, come on Michael,” she says giving her husband’s hand a tug when he didn’t move. “Michael.” She says sternly.

  Michael looks over to Lottie and asks if she’s okay.

  “Yeah, dad, I'm fine. Go home with mum, and I'll speak to you tomorrow, okay?” She says giving him a nod of her own.

  “If you're sure pumpkin?” He asks hesitantly.

  “I'm sure dad. I promise,” she tells him insistently when he still doesn’t move.

  Nodding back to her, he walks over to her and pulls her into a hug; cradling her head like she was a fragile baby.

  “Love you, pumpkin.”

  “Love you too, old man,” she says smiling at him.

  Grumbling, he gives her a kiss on her forehead and mumbles something about not being that old, to which she giggles at, and says goodbye to them both.

  When she turns back around and faces me, the smile instantly drops from her face. “What do you want Blake?” She asks in a no-nonsense tone that let's me know she really didn’t want to hear any bullshit; so I didn’t. I gave her the truth.

  Taking a deep, fortifying breath, I say, “Five years ago, I was in my last year of college. I had a girlfriend I absolutely loved, we had our own place, were getting ready to graduate, and ready to spend the rest of our lives together. Then I walk in on her in our bed that we shared, fucking two men. Two! Because just the one man wasn’t bad enough, she thought she’d go for it with two men. Broke my heart, and shattered my trust in woman.”

  There was silence for a moment, where she takes in the information I've just thrown at her, but then she gasps and says, “Ohmygod.” She covers her mouth with both of her hands and her navy blue eyes look at me sorrowfully.

  “No,” I say. “Don’t feel sorry for me. That is not why I told you; I told you so that maybe, hopefully, you’ll let me explain why I was such a huge dick to you later. I'm so sorry for that, Beauty. I shou–”

  “I'm sorry, but can we do this inside, please? I don’t really want to do this outside in the hallway.” She says interrupting me.

  “Yeah, sure,” I tell her, gesturing for her to open the door and stepping out of her way of it.

  “Thanks.”

  “No problem,” I mumble.

  She takes her keys from her purse and with a quick twist; she opens the door and holds it open for me. I walk in after her and shut it before following her into the living room.

  She turns on the lights as she goes along. “Do you want a cup of tea or anything?”

  “No, thank you.”

  “Okay, let’s sit then.”

  Moving my way over to the couch, I sit down and watch as she tucks a wayward strand of hair away from her face, and I want nothing more than to do that for her. I want to reach over and caress her soft skin. But, I knew she wouldn’t appreciate that right now. I had to clench my hands at my sides to stop them from doing just that.

  “Should I start from the beginning? Tell you everything that had happened that day, or just–”

  Once again she interrupts me.

  “Yes, if you don’t mind; I would like you to tell me everything from the start. But Blake, don’t do this if you really don’t want too, it’s fine if you don’t. I promise.” She smiles at me. It's small, but it’s a smile nonetheless, and I'll happily take that over nothing.

  Sitting back into the couch, I take a deep breath and relay the story of the day that life fucked me over.

  “Okay, so it’s a Sunday in March; I had been away for the weekend with the boys for a fishing trip. But the night before, I had this idea that I was going to propose to Lucy, my girlfriend. So I had told the guys that I would be leaving in the morning. So when morning came, I left as soon as I could. We had gone to Oneida Lake, in Syracuse, and it was a four-hour drive back, so I wanted to get back as soon as possible. When I arrived at my parents place, no one was in, but I knew where my mom had kept my grandmothers ring. So while rummaging through their safe, I come across some documents.” I stop talking and take a breath.

  As I run a hand through my hair, Lottie scoots closer to me and maybe seeing my internal struggle, she takes my now, clenched hand, and pulls it until our hands are clasped together, before she entwines our fingers. She gives it an encouraging squeeze, letting me know that she was there for me.

  Sometimes silent gestures say a lot more than verbal ones.

  So, with her silent support, I soldier on. “At first I was confused by the documents; they made no sense at all. But
then, I read them properly, and what I read– for the first time that day– turned my life upside-down. The piece of paper had my name on it and my parent’s names, telling them that were now my official parents. There was more shit, but my concentration was stuck on the fact that I had been adopted.”

  “Oh, Blake…” She whispers. “I'm sorry you found out that way,” she tells me, rubbing the back of my hand with her thumb.

  I nod, but otherwise don’t acknowledge what she says. I just carry on.

  “My parents found me an hour later, sitting on the edge of their bed, clutching the papers in my shaking hands. When they asked what I was doing in their bedroom, I had just calmly stood up, walked over to them and slapped the papers in my dad’s hands. My mom, seeing what was in her husband’s hands, started crying and between her blubbering, she had tried to explain everything to me. But I didn’t want to listen to them, I was angry and so upset, that you don’t even know how I had felt at the time. My whole life had been one, big fat lie, and I just couldn’t stand to be around them. I picked up my car keys and when I went to walk past them, my dad reached out and grabbed onto my arm to stop me; I told him to let go, but he didn’t– I remember him saying, “Blake, please just listen to us, let us explain,” but I didn’t want them to explain anything to me at that moment. What was there to explain, anyway? They had lied to me. All I wanted to do was go home and be in the comforting arms of my girlfriend. Ha!” I chuckle harshly at the end.

  Lottie flinches from my unexpected laugh, and looks worriedly at me, but doesn’t say anything; she just let me carry on with my speech.

  “I had told him to go fuck himself and stormed out of there, jumped into my car, broke every speed limit there was, and all so I could get home and be with Lucy. And then, when I finally get there, my already fucked-up day get worse; there on our bed is Lucy with another man’s cock in her mouth while another man is fucking her from behind. My life once again turned on its axis; does a complete one-eighty– shit I think it did a fucking seven-twenty, the room did spin a couple of times. There she was, the woman who I had thought I had wanted to spend the rest of my life with, getting ploughed by two men; and she was loving it. Her moans kept on repeating over and over in my head until I just switched. I flew at them, knocked the one from behind out with one punch, and ripped the other from her mouth and ended up beating the shit out of him. In the midst of all this, Lucy was standing there on the bed– the bed she had just been fucking on– screaming and shouting at me. I still think to this day, that if she hadn’t had jumped on my back that I might have beaten them to death.” I say grimacing.