Heart Broken

by Sarah Alabaster

  “Same here, minus the coding, of course,” I said with a giggle as he watched me.

  I couldn’t help myself, I was drawn to him like a magnet. When it had happened, I had no idea, but I was suddenly at that point where I didn’t want to fight it any longer.

  “Come here,” he said roughly, grasping at the hem of my shirt as he pulled me closer to him on the couch.

  Unable to stop myself, I moved closer. He made to grab my hand, pulling me to him. I straddled his frame as he sat back, resting his head against the couch so he could look into my eyes.

  “What are we doing?” I asked, concerned that this was going way beyond what I had intended.

  “Something we should have done weeks ago.”

  His hand was against the nape of my neck as he pulled me into a rough kiss that promised more passion than anything I’d ever experienced in my life. And I was unable to stop myself; I wanted this too much to stop. Knowing he felt the same, I gave myself over to him, forgetting all about the food, feeding the only hunger I had at the moment—for him.

  ***

  By the time the food was ready, we had satisfied our lustful attraction. Now officially hungry for something other than each another, I slipped on a shirt while he pulled on his boxers. Then we made our way into the kitchen for our dinner.

  “This is perfect.”

  “You are perfect.”

  Oh my, he was so sweet.

  Since I only wanted someone to spend time with, and not so much the promise of something more, this was so way more intense than I ever could have imagined. Though the relationship hadn’t started out the way I’d wanted it to, it certainly had progressed fast. For me, anyway, these last few weeks could only have been considered one thing—a courting of sorts. At least, courting for this day and age.

  Later we made our way downstairs to part for the evening after finishing our meal. We only exchanged a few words here and there, our mutual uncertainty uppermost in my mind. Then Roger took my head between his hands and kissed away my concerns, as though he could read my thoughts.

  “I don’t want to do this anymore,” he said when he released me, pulling away slightly to look me.

  My heart stopped as he said the words, solidifying my greatest fears in that single statement. I gasped my surprise, unable to respond. This relationship that wasn’t a relationship had meant more to me than anything I’d ever experienced, and for him to tell me this so soon after we had just made love broke me in two.

  I struggled to move, holding my breath even as I grasped for the semblance of something to hold on to. My world had been completely destroyed, and we weren’t even together, really. How could he just stop this, stop us? I had thought that I meant something to him. Just as I was about to collapse on the cement, Roger gently rubbed his thumb over my cheek, catching the tears that fell of their own accord.

  “Baby, why are you crying?”

  His forehead was scrunched in question and concern.

  “You don’t want to be with me anymore. How could I not cry? Especially after we just…”

  He was a soulless monster, this man who was so shocked with my response to his statement. He had basically said he didn’t want to have anything to do with me. How could he do this to me?

  “No. No! Sweetheart, you misunderstood me. I just don’t want to do this casual thing of ‘hanging out’ anymore. I want more.”

  Surprised, I collapsed into his arms and fell against his chest, hiccupping.

  “You do?”

  “Yes, I do. I want everything. I want you.”

  No longer angry with the man standing before me, I was now crying because he did want me.

  “Oh, baby, I can’t let you go back upstairs like this, but I need to know something first. You have to tell me now.”

  Pulling away from his chest, I saw him struggle to find the right words.

  “Tell you what: I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”

  Closing his eyes as though I’d promised him my soul on a platter, he pulled away from me with a back step to gain some distance before taking my head between his hands.

  “Tell me you agree. Tell me I’m yours, and that we’re not doing this casual thing anymore. Tell me you’re my girlfriend, and that we can be something more than this.”

  He was pointedly asking me this without a tone of judgement or hurt, but I knew he must have been hurt from the way things have been between us. It was my idea after all to have a friendship when I knew he wanted something more.

  “You don’t like the hanging out?” I asked teasingly.

  “Oh, I love the hanging out,” he said with a smirk, realizing I was baiting him. “But I want you to be my girlfriend, and not just someone I hang out with. You mean more to me than just that. Especially after… Well, you know what we just did wasn’t something I want you to do with anyone else but you.”

  Watching me compose myself, he continued.

  “I know you didn’t want a boyfriend, and that you only wanted to find someone to hang out with, but…”

  “Yes,” I whispered to myself, but he heard me anyway.

  “Say it again, louder this time! I want to really hear it! Hell, I want to scream it from the rafters!”

  “Yes!”

  He was now swinging me around in his arms as though he’d won the lottery. Then he carried me back upstairs to the bedroom as we confirmed our relationship well into the night.

  ***

  “Now that you’re officially my girlfriend, we need some ground rules.”

  “Ground rules?”

  This was new, and quite frankly, I was a little taken back by his tone. It was a little too serious and matter-of-fact for my liking.

  “For starters, no flirting with these guys who contact you through the program.”

  Well, that did seem pretty reasonable to me, so okay, I got where he was coming from with that rule, but I was still irked that he thought so little of me to even have to make this a rule.

  Brows drawn together, I looked at him as though he was an alien that just sprouted his tentacles at me.

  “You know I don’t flirt with those guys. I respond in kind, but that’s not flirting, and besides, we need to beta test the program and make sure it works. I want my credit for all my hard work, after all.”

  I could tell it wasn’t really the response he was looking for, but he seemed to let it go for the moment.

  “That’s no problem, baby. I’m just making sure we’re on the same page. You’re my girl now. It’s my job to look out for your well-being and keep you happy—both in and out of the bedroom.”

  I flashed him a bright smile, embarrassed he had said the words, but loving his mocking nonetheless.

  “Roger,” I said in a girly voice while pushing on his shoulder.

  When he grabbed my wrist and began to pin my arm around my back, I was completely turned on and ready for us to confirm our relationship one more time. He had never gone this far before, but I figured he was just being a bit kinky. He wasn’t hurting me, but the restraint he put me in gave me a rush of adrenaline. And I kind of wanted to see what he would do next, now that he had me where he wanted me…

  Chapter Four

  It was now two weeks since we’d confirmed our relationship. Two weeks since I’d had a moment alone with anyone other than Roger. Besides seeing him, all I attended was work, and my classes. I was definitely ready for a girls’ gabfest with Bethany, something that we had planned for this Friday night. Having made sure that Roger would be busy and not missing me, I turned off my cell and made my way over across the hall to Bethany’s place.

  “Pizza and pop please! So, what movie are we watching tonight?” I said as I entered her apartment, excited to be alone with her for the first time in weeks.

  “I have no idea, but I was thinking maybe Fifty Shades?”

  “Is that even out yet?”

  “Don’t know, but I’m in the mood for some raunchy sex scenes. And I know you must be, too, by now.�
�

  I threw a pillow at her in response, and we ordered our pizza. We flipped through the options available online as we waited for it to arrive.

  “So, Brian is being a complete tool right now, and completely overbearing. He thinks that just because we’ve been together for the past six months, we should talk about our future. Our future? Is he serious? I’m a freshman. My future mainly consists of getting past finals.”

  She says all this with a laugh, but I can tell she’s upset about it.

  “I take it this isn’t love, then?”

  “Love? Well it’s always love, isn’t it?”

  Laughing hard at her response, I considered her words in regards to my own case. I loved Roger, I was sure of it. For now, he was my world, and I didn’t want to think beyond that anytime soon. I just wanted to enjoy the now with him.

  “I don’t know about love, I just know that I was having fun until he got all serious on me,” Bethany continued. “Now I’m not so sure.”

  “Well, I say love while you can, and don’t worry about the rest. We’re too young to worry about that now. Let’s just get through the next three years before we start thinking about husbands and lifetimes.”

  “Amen, sister.”

  We were unable to contain our laughter even when the bell rang for the door, signaling our pizza had arrived.

  “Thank God, I’m starving.”

  “Me, too.”

  With our tummies full and our masks on, we started watching the movie we had selected—which turned out not to be Fifty Shades, since it hadn’t come out yet. When we heard a buzzing for the door to our building, both of us shrugged as Bethany paused the movie to answer it, thinking it was her boyfriend, Brian. When she pushed the intercom button, we are both surprised to find out it was Roger. He didn’t seem all too happy, either. In fact, he sounded downright pissed.

  “Bethany, is Clara there with you?”

  She turned to me, questioning whether to even tell him my whereabouts, considering how angry he sounded, but I nodded yes, not thinking anything of it.

  “Yeah, she’s here. What’s the problem?”

  “Just buzz me in!” he screamed into the intercom.

  We both jumped, startled. I got up from the couch to stand next to her, unsure how to handle the situation. His concern for me had morphed into something alarming, and right then, I wasn’t so sure it was such a good idea to let him up, or even into the building.

  Taking the option out of my hands, Bethany answered for me.

  “No! Tell me what the problem is first, then I’ll buzz you in if it’s important.”

  “Clara! Buzz me in, dammit!”

  He continued to scream profanities into the speaker as we both stared at it in complete shock.

  “Hold on!”

  Before I could think better of my response, I pressed the button to talk with him. Maybe something had happened, and because I’d left my phone in my apartment, he couldn’t get ahold of me.

  “Jesus, what’s wrong?”

  I buzzed him in even though my stomach dropped. Maybe someone was dead or something, and that’s why he was here? Or maybe since my phone was off, something had happened that I needed to know about, and they could only get ahold of Roger? I didn’t know why they’d contact him, though, since he wasn’t on my emergency contact list…

  All these thoughts were running through my mind when he burst through Bethany’s door, furiously determined to reach me. Pulling me into his arms, he hugged me so tight that I could barely breathe. When he began to pull away, he kept hold of my upper arms in what seemed like a vicelike grip.

  “You weren’t answering your phone.”

  “I turned it off.”

  “You turned it off?! Are you kidding me? How was I supposed to reach you? How was I supposed to talk to you make sure you were okay?”

  “You’re hurting me! Let go!”

  He watched as Bethany begins to approach, not sure if she should interfere. All of a sudden, he released me.

  “Sorry, I was just so worried about you.”

  His demeanor had changed in an instant, and the once-horrifying expression had turned into a flash to one of genuine concern and longing.

  “I’m sorry, but you knew I was here at Bethany’s.”

  “Damnit, Clara, yes I knew that, but you still should have returned my calls. You should have let me know you were okay at least, or said goodnight to me. Something, so I could relax and go to sleep! You weren’t answering the phone at all, and I got worried something awful had happened to you. I’m wound up like a top now. Heck, if I had Bethany’s number, I would have called her to find you and make sure you were alright.”

  “Roger, please calm down. I’m fine, and we’re fine. Relax, it’s okay. I’m okay. I’m sorry, I won’t be so selfish next time. I’ll make sure my phone is on so you can always reach me.”

  The words poured out of my mouth before I could consider what I was saying. I had made him so upset with my actions, and now I felt as though I needed to defend myself and satisfy him at the same time.

  “You will?” he said with a gleam in his eyes.

  He seemed entirely too happy that I was complying with his requests so easily.

  “Yes, I will. Gosh I’m so sorry. I’m not used to being with someone. Please forgive me.”

  Holding onto him for dear life, I squeezed him until I felt his heartbeat begin to slow.

  God, he really was upset that he couldn’t find me. How sweet was that?

  “It’s okay, baby, I just got so scared when I couldn’t get ahold of you.”

  “Aw, that’s so sweet. You two are so adorable,” Bethany said as she watched us from across the room. Her cheeks were cracking from the smile she had plastered on her face.

  “Oh, hush over there, you. You’ve got a boyfriend, too. You know they worry about their women.”

  I shook my finger at her as Roger pulled away from me to head for the door.

  “Okay, now that I know you’re okay, I’ll head home.”

  “Wait, you don’t have to.”

  “Yes, I do, baby. You have your girl time. I was just worried about my baby,” he said as he kissed the top of my head.

  “Isn’t he the best?” I said to Bethany as she followed him to lock the door behind him. “Thank you, baby.”

  “Of course. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Call me when you get up.”

  “Okay.”

  “I mean it. Call me when you get up so I can hear your voice.”

  “Okay, I promise to call soon as I get up.”

  “Night, Bethany. Sorry about the disturbance.”

  “Night, Roger, and no problem.”

  She leaned against the door after he left as I made my way back to the couch.

  “That was a little weird,” Bethany said, a hint of concern in her voice.

  “What do you mean?”

  I was confused. I had thought that she thought he was being sweet to worry so much about me.

  “Come on, Clara. He knew where you were, but he had to come by anyway to make sure you were alright?”

  It was hard to tell with the mask, but her expression had changed—somewhat, anyway.

  “He couldn’t reach me, and with the attacks happening, no one knows where that guy could be. He was just worried, that’s all.”

  On the inside, though, I wasn’t as calm as I was letting on. Giving into the awkwardness of the situation to raise suspicion would only have made things worse. I just wanted a girls’ night, and I never thought it would become such a big deal. Had I made a big mistake falling for Roger? I mean, if Bethany was beginning to get concerned, maybe I should have been rethinking the whole relationship thing. Trying to salvage the night and what little time we had together, I decided to forget about the incident and focus on us instead.

  “Let’s get these masks off and finish the movie. Maybe we could find something else to do, too. It’s still early enough yet.”

  “I’m game for that. What di
d you have in mind?”

  Surprised at the suggestion, Bethany ran to remove her face mask.

  “How about we go out instead of staying in?” I yelled from the bathroom.

  “Now, we’re talking! Just give me a few minutes to get ready.”

  “Seriously, how long do you really need to get ready?”

  I was no idiot. I knew for a fact that a few minutes would not be enough time for her to get ready.

  “Okay, more like twenty minutes.”

  Laughing, I checked to see if I also needed to take some time. Then I decided it would be a good idea to go back to my place to change, too.

  “I’ll go back to my place and get ready there. Meet you here in twenty.”

  Running out the door, I barely heard her response before the door closed.

  “Okay.”

  We decided to go to the local bar that catered to university students, both under and at drinking age. Ralph’s had an exclusive feel, with billiards and table games, as well as darts, and televisions with all the sports channels. It was the best of all worlds, as far as university students were concerned.

  After a few hours of playing around, we found ourselves out well past two in the morning, and still up for more socializing. Bethany’s boyfriend Brian met us, but after the way Roger had acted earlier, I felt a little time apart would be good for us. Me, especially. Leaving my cell off, the rest of the evening passed without a single incident. Parting ways around three in the morning, I fell into bed certain I would sleep the rest of the weekend. Surprisingly, I nearly did.

  ***

  Monday came along faster than I wanted, but the week began on a high note as I made my way toward the coffee shop for my morning fix before heading to class. As I opened the door, I literally ran into Roger, bouncing off his hard chest with an ‘oof.’

  For the first time, he did not seem all that happy to see me. Not in the least.

  “Hi!”

  Smiling, I was genuinely excited to see him, but Roger just nodded and made his way past me.

  What the hell?

  “What’s wrong?”

  This was the first time we had seen each other since Friday night, but Roger didn’t seem interested in making small talk, let alone be near me.