Heart Broken

by Sarah Alabaster

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do it.”

  “Just forget it.”

  Taking the pasta and tossing it into the trash, as well as the sauce, Roger stormed out of the room toward the door with his coat in hand.

  “Where are you going?”

  Running toward him, unsure of what to do, I tugged on his arm to get him to stop, only to be pushed aside. He slammed me against the wall with such force that the photos hanging nearby rattled. I could feel the marks beginning to form as I knew I would most likely be bruised. As I fell to the floor, I was astonished that he could do this to me.

  Then I sat quietly, waiting for him to make the next move. Thankfully, he didn’t even turn back. Then he was gone as he slammed the door, with no concern for my well-being. He had just left, while all I could do was sit there on the floor crying, pondering where the night had gone so wrong.

  How had I ended up in this situation? Had I done this on purpose? Could I have ruined such a lovely meal just because he cooked it?

  I was sitting on the floor for God knows how long when I heard someone lightly knock.

  Hearing the muffled sounds of crying, Bethany had come toward my door, knocking to find out what all the commotion was about. Curiosity had obviously got the better of her when she’d heard the door slam from down the hall.

  “Clara?”

  Tapping on the door again just loud enough to get my attention, Bethany stood on the other side waiting for me to respond, but I was in such shock from what had just happened that I couldn’t seem to make myself move to answer.

  “Clara, honey, are you okay?”

  I heard the squeak of the door as she begun to open it, not waiting any longer for me to respond. Thankfully, the door was already partially opened, so Bethany just took it upon herself to make her way inside. She rushed over as soon as she took in the sight of me on the floor, with my head buried in my hands and my legs drawn up.

  “Clara, what happened?”

  Kneeling beside me, she began soothing me with heartfelt words of how it would all be okay. No matter what happened, everything would be alright.

  I found myself leaning against her for support, but I quickly realized that I had no idea what had just happened, so how could I possibly explain it to her? Rather than trying to figure it out myself, I decided that maybe she would understand.

  “I’m sorry we bothered you. I accidently spilled the bottle of wine Roger brought to celebrate our happiness and ruined the special dinner he had prepared for us. He was so upset about it that he abruptly decided to leave, and when I went to grab his arm to stop him, he accidently pushed me and I fell against the wall.”

  “Jesus, Clara, that’s horrible. Are you okay?”

  “It’s really not as bad as it sounds. I just hit the wall pretty hard and collapsed to the ground. It’s okay, really. He just didn’t realize his own strength.”

  Trying to get the room to stop spinning, I eased myself into a sitting position before turning toward her.

  “He didn’t stay to help you? He didn’t check to make sure you were okay? I mean, I heard the door slam, and I thought it was weird, but if he didn’t realize his own strength, then why isn’t he here now checking to make sure you’re alright?”

  Realizing I had nothing to say to her line of questioning, Bethany huffed out some cusses before reaching a hand out to check on me.

  “Turn, so I can see how bad it is.”

  Pulling my shirt up, her look told me it wasn’t good.

  Maybe I was hurt worse than I realized.

  “Clara, my God, how hard did he push you? You may need to go to the hospital to get checked over. Your ribs could be bruised or worse by the way these are already starting to swell.”

  As she presses gently into a few spots on my back, I expel a sharp breath, hissing out the pain I could already begin to feel.

  “It was an accident. He just got upset.”

  Defending him seemed like the only thing I could do right now. How could I not? It was my fault that he’d got so upset. If I hadn’t of ruined our meal, we wouldn’t have been in this mess to begin with.

  “I ruined the dinner he made.”

  “That’s not okay, Clara. It’s just not right. Nothing you could have done would make what he did alright.”

  “It’s okay, he didn’t mean it.”

  “Clara, it’s not okay.”

  She was simply shaking her head, and I was reeling at the thought of how this must look to her. Me on the ground after my boyfriend—the man who had just told me he loved me—pushed me against the wall, hurting me so badly that I could barely stand now.

  I finally made my way up with a little assistance, and I walked to find a more comfortable position on the couch. At least then I would be able to rest with an icepack on my back and not have to be on the hard floor. Tears streamed down my face—whether it was from the pain or the humiliation, I had no idea. All I knew was that I just needed to just sit there and take some time to get myself together.

  “Don’t see him again, Clara. That’s not the way a boyfriend should act. There’s something wrong with him if he could do something like this to the woman he supposedly loves.”

  “I don’t plan on seeing him again. Don’t worry, I promise I’m done with him, and all the confusion that comes with him.”

  As we hugged each other, Bethany looked into my eyes, hoping I meant what I was saying. After several minutes passed, she nodded, but I could tell that she didn’t believe my words.

  “Okay, Clara. Just remember that I’m here for whatever you need.”

  “Thank you.”

  Silent tears continued to fall as I tried to rest, taking it all in. The whole night hadn’t turned out to be anything like what I thought it would be, but with Bethany by my side I felt as though I could get through this. I refused to be that person, the woman who was hurt by the man she loved.

  It was time to be rid of Roger once and for all.

  Chapter Six

  I was determined to regain control of my life, the life I had before I’d met and started dating Roger. After that night, I worked hard to avoid the coffee shop, as well as any of the places we normally would go. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Seeing him on campus was never an issue since we had different majors. The campus was set up into sections depending on the types of concentration each major focused on in order to keep things within reach for each student.

  I lived without word from him—not even a phone call. It seemed as if his anger was worse than I’d realized, since he never made the effort to check on me to see if I was alright after what had happened. I felt a sense of ease after a few weeks, thinking it was all over without the dramatics of having to deal with the hysterics of a breakup.

  Even though I never said the words, it seemed Roger knew it was over. Only when I was starting to relax and get back into my comfort zone did he attempt to call and apologize. It was too little, and way too late in my opinion, which I never got to share because I didn’t answer the phone to tell him.

  I considered changing my phone number, but why should I be the one that had to do that? He was the one in the wrong here, and I just didn’t understand why I should have to uproot my life to keep him out of it. Ending things without the actual words was what I thought he deserved after what he done to me.

  Good riddance.

  “You ready to go?”

  “Yep, just finishing up. Let me lock the apartment, then we’re off. Where are we going, anyway?”

  I fished the key out of my purse to lock the door.

  “I thought we’d hit Donahan’s tonight.”

  “Okay, never heard of it, but I’m sure it’s fine. Will Brian be there?”

  “Yes, with some friends of his, too.”

  “Not Roger, though, right?”

  “Right. That jackass is not friends with Brian, so no worries there.”

  “Good, I don’t want to deal with him anytime soon.”

  “Forg
et about that guy. Let’s go have some fun.”

  With midterms a thing of the past, our first year of school was almost behind us. The objective was to just be, and not think about anything else. Mindless fun at Donahan’s sounded wonderful, and just what the doctor had ordered after all the stress I’ve experienced recently.

  Once the doors opened and we walked inside, I immediately felt his presence. I didn’t have to see him to know he was somewhere around the bar, watching me. There was no way he could have known we’d be here, but I knew it was just a coincidence that just was bound to happen sooner or later, especially on such a small campus. There had to come a time when we ran into each other. We wouldn’t be able to avoid each other forever.

  Hopefully he realized that I wanted nothing to do with him, and he would just leave me alone so I could enjoy my friends. Should I have left because he was there? No, dammit. I deserved a night out to enjoy myself. He needed to leave, or better yet, I would just ignore him. Ugh, this was something I so didn’t want to deal with this soon.

  Bethany pulled me toward Brian and the group of guys he hung out with. Safety in numbers I thought as I made my way over to the group. This night could still be fun. I just needed to forget all about Roger Gentry, let loose, and relax.

  ***

  Drinks in hand, we talked and ate with Brian’s friends until the wee hours of the night. They were genuine, decent guys that just wanted to hang out. This was the crowd I’d been looking for all along. These were the people I’d tried to find by using that stupid program that lead me to Roger in the first place.

  Don’t think about him! Let it go. Just have some fun tonight, then you can go home and sleep until Christmas if you want.

  Giggling at myself, I was beginning to feel the last drink as it hit me. I knew I should have stopped a few glasses ago, but as the evening went on, I still felt him staring at me. It was unnerving, to say the least.

  I could feel his eyes following me everywhere I went. Finally summoning up the nerve, I pulled Bethany to the side, letting her know Roger was watching. I wanted to see if she wanted to go.

  “Brian, Roger is here, so Clara and I are going to leave. Can you create some sort of a distraction for us so we can get out of here without Roger seeing us leave? Otherwise he would probably follow us back to the apartment.”

  “Of course, baby. No problem, Clara. I don’t like the idea of you guys going back without me, though, in case you need me.”

  He pulled Bethany to him, wrapping his arms around her so he could kiss the top of her head.

  It was so sweet that I immediately missed having someone special in my life.

  “Just go to the bathroom together, and once we get noisy enough, we’ll make sure Roger is watching us while you two slip out the back.”

  “Great plan. When?”

  “Now good for you?”

  “Yep, thank you. Thank you so much!”

  Hugging him as though my life depended on it, I gave a nod before we headed toward the bathroom.

  Seeing the opportunity, Roger tried to follow, only to be pulled into the commotion by the boys in the group. They took him with them well into the next room, clear across the other side of the building. Since he knew where we lived, we planned on staying at a hotel for the next week in what we called “travel-girl time.”

  As soon as we reached the back door, Bethany and I felt free to run away without looking back. When we made it to the car, I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I was holding the entire night. Then both of us looked at each other and busted out laughing.

  “Why were we worried about that?”

  “Yeah, that was pretty easy, actually.”

  Chuckling and shaking my head, I shoved at my friend as we pulled out of the parking lot. Turning back to look at the door, I saw no one exit as we continued on to the hotel.

  “Now let’s rest and relax a bit without worrying,” Bethany said. “I mean it now: no more worrying about running into Roger. We have the hotel under someone else’s name, and it’s paid in cash just in case he tries to use his big brain to find you. We have also both asked student housing to change our residences so we won’t be returning to those apartments, either. Our bags are packed for the move, and anything we’ve left behind is good riddance. Clara, we’ve done all we can do to make sure he doesn’t find either one of us, so now let’s recharge and get ready to finish this semester.”

  “That sounds wonderful, and you’re so right. I can’t wait, I just don’t want to deal with him anymore.”

  “And you won’t now, so forget about him. Think facials, seaweed masks, and massages. Nothing else will do. Got me?”

  “Yes, I got you,” I said, laughing. “Okay, no bad thoughts. Just good thoughts from here on out.”

  “Yep, that’s right. Now sit back and relax.”

  “Okay. Wake me up in December.”

  “You do realize it’s April?”

  Watching the road ahead, Bethany eyed me quickly as though I had lost my mind.

  “Yes, I do.”

  We both laughed as the car glided down the road. I put all thoughts of worry behind me as the distance became greater between us and the one I was trying to leave behind.

  ***

  “Thank you for this.”

  I felt relief for the first time in months. With Roger out of my life and things finally getting back on track, I felt everything was going to be so much better from now on. My only present concerns were finishing the school year and focusing on the future.

  “Of course, honey, it was my pleasure. I had the best time this week.”

  Giggling, both of us were so content as we snuggled under the blankets watching a movie.

  “Monday is coming too fast.”

  “We just need to get through the rest of the semester, then we’ll get new places on the main campus—and a lot more security. That should help a lot more.”

  “You’re right. We just need to get through the rest of this semester.”

  Nodding absently as I stared off into the distance, I just wrung the blanket out over and over again as I thought of the upcoming weeks. Hopefully Roger would get the message and stop bothering me as he had so far.

  ***

  The next few weeks flew by as classes resumed from the midterm break, and I forgot all about Roger. With renewed confidence and the promise of tomorrow, I went back to my old routines—including the coffee shop where Roger and I would meet up to work on the program. The craving for coffee took precedence over worrying about a former boyfriend.

  Complacent in my new routine, any thoughts of running into Roger were completely out of my mind. I began to ease a bit on my hypervigilance about safety, and focused on myself instead. No longer looking over my shoulder, even Bethany didn’t see any reason for me to not get back to my normal routine.

  “Medium mocha latte with extra foam, please. Oh, and a Rice Krispies treat.”

  Pulling my money out of my wallet to hand to the cashier, I had my head down, looking into my wallet and adjusting the bills.

  Suddenly a hand stuffed with cash thrust forward into my line of sight.

  “Oh, thanks but no thank you, I’m good,” I said automatically.

  Still looking at my wallet, I was unaware of the person next to me, or the fact that they seemed to not be taking no for an answer.

  “No, let me. It’s the least I can do, Clara.”

  I stopped breathing.

  “Roger.”

  “Hi, honey.”

  Now rushing to push my wallet back into my purse, my hands trembled, tossing the money on the counter as I grabbed my treat and walked quickly toward the door.

  “Clara, your drink!” Roger shouted as he begun to walk toward me. He seemed to be hurrying, trying to catch up to me.

  “It’s okay, I changed my mind. I don’t want it after all. You have it.”

  Rushing out the door, I no longer cared about the drink, but Roger wouldn’t let me get away that easily.


  “Clara, we need to talk.”

  “No, we don’t.”

  I started to run toward the security station.

  “Come on, Clara. I love you.”

  “Funny way you have of showing it. Stay away from me, Roger!”

  Running toward the nearest building, I forgot that Roger also had keys. Slamming the door behind me, I locked it, turning to run to the office to call campus security. Roger wasn’t far behind as he unlocked the door, thrashing toward me. Picking up the phone to call campus security, I began to dial when a finger suddenly pressed on the button, ending the call.

  “No, no!” I said, but he didn’t listen. I wanted to scream, but who would hear me in here? “What do you want, Roger?”

  “I just want to talk. You owe me that much.”

  “Are you crazy? I don’t owe you anything.”

  “Come on, Clara. We were great together.”

  “Yeah, when you weren’t being crazy.”

  “I’m sorry. I was just so overwhelmed with our relationship that I couldn’t let anything come between us.”

  “You are crazy. You came between us. You! Nothing else!”

  “Enough, Clara. I love you, and you love me. We’re meant to be together. Let’s just work this out.”

  “No! You hurt me! You left bruises on my back from when I hit the wall after you pushed me away from you. After I supposedly ruined our celebration dinner that we were having because we said those three little words to each other.”

  I was beginning to shake as I spat out the words I had never wanted to say to him. I had hoped I wouldn’t have to say any of this to him, but now I just wanted this to be over and done.

  “How are you going to disregard that?”

  “Clara, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I’m lost without you. I’ll do anything to get you back. Please let me show you I’ve changed.”

  Yeah, right! I thought, but I didn’t say it out loud. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? Why did he insist on having this awkward discussion?

  “Look, Roger, I just don’t want to date right now. I’m just getting back to normal after we were together. So, no, I don’t want to get back together with you.”