BOB's Bar (Tales From The Multiverse Book 2)

by Jay Allan

  Could this be a coincidence? Cain asked. If we have to fight them, we will, but maybe we can lay low.

  At the current rate of exploration, the bots will find our shuttle in less than an hour, Briz explained.

  “Set up here. The kill zone is the open area.” Cain pointed and waved his hand around. “Ellie and Pickles, over there. I’ll be at the end. Briz and Leaper, on the other side. Concentrate your fire when I give the order. Kill it fast and be ready to move out.”

  We shall stay out of the way, Brutus declared. Cain hoped they would.

  The group took their positions, hiding as well as possible. Pickles removed his skin suit and moved in front of a tree, out of the lines of fire, and disappeared.

  Cain hefted the rocket launcher and put his blaster on the ground beside him.

  The bot is slowing, Ascenti reported. It’s going around the open area and will be passing close behind Ellie.

  “Damn,” Cain exclaimed. He jumped up and sprinted through the brush, making more noise than he wanted. He dove behind a bush, trying to slow his breathing. Cain could see where Ellie was, but if he fired, she would be caught in the blast. He waved at her to move, but she was looking the other way.

  The bot’s boxy metal exterior had projections on top and a head on each side of its squarish body. Small wheels protruded from the bottom as it hovered above the brush, moving slowly forward. Ellie was taking aim. Cain set the rocket launcher down and reached for his blaster, but it was on the ground at his last position.

  He pulled his other blaster from the left holster and shifted it to his right hand, carefully taking aim.

  The buck crashed through the undergrowth and head-butted the bot, driving it into a tree and pinning it there. Ellie dove forward and rolled underneath it. On Heimdall, they’d discovered the bots were vulnerable from below. She fired repeatedly at point-blank range into the featureless metal of the box’s bottom. The protrusions on top sought targets, firing haphazardly over the two creatures that were too close to it.

  The bot stopped firing. A tendril of smoke trailed from the holes blown from Ellie’s blaster. She rolled away, and the buck stepped back. The bot dropped to the ground and toppled over.

  “One down, seven to go,” Cain remarked. “Thanks for your help. I don’t even know your name.”

  I would not have been able to do that if I had my antlers, but I’m still angry with you aliens, he said.

  “You sound like Brutus,” Cain deadpanned.

  My name is Lach-leachen.

  “Then thank you, Lach-leachen. We need to move, so they don’t surround us. Ascenti?”

  They are on their way, Major Cain. One returned to the ship, and six are coming across a broad front.

  “Set up in there!” Cain yelled, pointing to the area he’d previously designated as the kill zone. Ellie hesitated for a moment before finding a spot from which she could hide and fire. Pickles adjusted so he was facing out instead of in. Leaper moved to the north end of the small area, wedging himself between two trees where he had the best field of fire.

  The bots were coming from the north, so Stinky was set up to face the brunt of the attack. Briz was on the right, hunched below the crest of a low berm. Cain jogged across the opening to the Rabbit. “Briz. You take the back end.” He pointed to the place where there was the least chance of action.

  Briz didn’t acknowledge Cain since he was communing with Jolly. Cain hoped they were brainstorming a technical solution.

  The first three will breach the clearing in a few seconds, Ascenti reported.

  Major Cain kneeled in a position to fire at the enemy, blocking Briz with his body. They were far more exposed than Cain was comfortable with, but he had no choice at that point. The first bot appeared, then the second and they were followed by the third.

  Two more are coming from the west, and one is traveling around the area. That one could come from anywhere, but not for a few minutes. Only the first three are an immediate threat. Cain hoisted the rocket launcher, making sure the Rabbit was below the back blast. He fired.

  The rocket flew straight and true, striking the lead bot in the center of its boxy chest. The rocket was designed to penetrate and it did, blowing a great hole through the bot. The twisted metal was thrown back and between the other two bots.

  A laser lashed out at the same time the Wolfoid’s lightning spear sent a bolt arcing across the metal body. He held his fire until the melted and warped metal crashed to the ground. A blaster fired on narrow beam at the third bot. It turned and its laser beam drew a line toward Ellie, bursting the tree she was hiding behind.

  Cain fumbled to reload the rocket launcher. Ellie moved and fired, then moved and fired again. The lighting spear arced into the remaining bot. Cain launched the rocket and said goodbye to the third bot.

  Ellie waved to show that she was all right before finding better cover. Stinky ducked where he was, close to three smoking former bots.

  Is it just me or are these ones not as tough as the ones on Heimdall? Cain wondered over the mindlink while reloading his rocket launcher.

  Briz looked up. “Another shuttle is inbound,” the Rabbit said matter-of-factly. “But Jolly and I have a plan.”

  “And?” Cain asked, but was instantly distracted by the arrival of two more bots. They were on the far side, and Ellie was between him and them. He needed a different angle. He jumped up and ran to a new position. Lasers cut into the brush around him as he varied his speed and direction. Ellie and Stinky kept firing.

  A broad flame painted the trees when Pickles finally fired his blaster. It was on the wide setting and did nothing to the bots. They returned fire from the weapons at the top of their boxy bodies. Stinky dove to the side and rolled across the ground.

  Cain had no time to wonder if the Lizard Man had been hit. He aimed and fired, but the rocket skipped past the bot. Cain threw his weapon down and pulled his one blaster. The other was on the ground somewhere—too many things tearing his attention away from the basics.

  Like, don’t lose your weapon.

  He fired using the narrow beam and held it steady as the line danced around the center of the bot’s chest. Ellie’s beam joined his, destroying the enemy.

  Stinky and the second bot were locked in a back and forth. One fired and then the other. The bot was moving and firing, keeping the lightning from locking on.

  It fired back, and the Wolfoid dodged.

  Ellie tried to hit the bottom of it with a shot from her blaster, but she missed. She kept firing, but its erratic movements threw everyone’s aim off.

  A rocket screamed across the open area, striking the bot in the side and exploding it. Ellie stood. She was much closer and hadn’t been able to hit the bot cleanly. Cain waved and smiled, noting that the Lizard Man was up and brushing himself off.

  Ascenti? Cain asked over the mindlink.

  The last one has turned and is heading back to the shuttle.

  “Come on!” Cain yelled and grabbed his rocket launcher, running through the open area. The others fell in behind him. He realized he was still down one pistol.

  And a Rabbit. Briz had stayed behind. They were four, and without ‘cats.

  The last two have gone into their shuttle. They are powering it up.

  Cain forged recklessly ahead. As soon as he spotted the shuttle, he braced the rocket launcher and yelled to clear the backblast area. The rocket screamed from the launcher and hit the shuttle, penetrating the exterior and disappearing without exploding.

  “What happened?” he asked no one in particular. He loaded another round, his last one, but hesitated. “Another shuttle is inbound.”

  Maybe he could shoot it down with his last rocket. “Light it up with all you got!” He leaned the rocket launcher against a tree to join the others as they poured their limited fire into the shuttle. It lifted off but started wobbling immediately, then shook and gyrated until it started to come apart. A massive explosion ripped the ship asunder, sending flaming pieces in all
directions.

  But the landing area was clear for the second shuttle, and the ship slowed to descend. Cain picked up his rocket launcher. He failed to slow his breathing but pulled the trigger when he achieved a solid lock, and the rocket headed toward the target.

  The shuttle vaulted vertically, allowing the missile to race harmlessly beneath it.

  Cain dropped the rocket launcher. “We can’t let them get off that ship. We’d run our weapons dry before we can kill them all if they’re able to spread out.”

  Wait one, Briz told them all over the mindlink. Watch out, Ascenti.

  The Hawkoid screeched and dove toward the ground. The shuttle they’d used to land on Q-475 raced overhead. The engines roared until they ran out of juice, not recharged enough for extended flight. On a ballistic trajectory, it arced down into the alien shuttle. The remaining systems combined with the enemy’s to produce a spectacular mushroom cloud.

  “I hope nothing survived that,” Cain said.

  Ascenti flew wide and circled beneath the cloud that continued to billow toward the sky.

  Both ships have been completely destroyed, Ascenti reported.

  Cain hugged his wife, but she remained tense. “What if they send another shuttle? Looks to me like we’re fresh out of weapons.”

  “We have explosives,” Stinky suggested, grimacing when he saw that his lightning spear was almost empty.

  Lach-leachen appeared, carrying the four ‘cats. You lived up to your word. You fought the intruders.

  “And now I’d love to tell you that we’ll leave you alone, but we lost our ride.” Cain pointed to the scorched and burning metal, the destroyed trees, and the scarred ground. “We did a number on your planet, too. It’ll take us forever to remediate this, but it looks like we may have some time.”

  Cain looked at the ground, the thrill of victory already far behind him as he thought about the grim future that awaited.

  Briz hopped up. “Let’s take a look. Maybe there’s something we’ll be able to learn from them.”

  “We should probably find a place we can defend when they send more bots down here.”

  “Didn’t I tell you? The alien ship left the system immediately after the second shuttle launched.”

  “Easy as that? So we won?”

  “Looks like it. Chalk another one up for Major Cain.” Ellie kissed him on the cheek.

  “It doesn’t feel like we won. It feels like we’re abandoned on the planet with the locals who want to punish us for being here. No disrespect intended, Lach. Maybe it’s best if we don’t land on any more planets.”

  BA interrupted. “That’s it? That’s how you’re going to end your story? No supernova as your ship stuffed a fifty megaton nuke up some bot’s ass?”

  “No. We figured they hadn’t realized we were on the planet. They were dropping off a group to expand their beachhead in our galaxy. That means we’ll probably be fighting bots everywhere we go. I hate those things.”

  Bethany Anne paused for a moment before shrugging. “That’s a start. Maybe you’ll start saying fuck, and you’ll have to trust me that it’ll make everything better.”

  “I’m not so sure about that.”

  BA turned serious. “As long as you keep beating them in battle, no matter what the cost, you’ll win in the end. Sounds like you know what you’re doing out there.” She waved a hand indiscriminately toward the door. “But you don’t know how to spin a good bar story. Sit back and start taking notes.”

  Humans. We clearly need more ‘cats in the universe to keep the breed from getting out of control, Brutus said, eyes closed as he assumed his best sphinx pose. Cain finally upended his beer and drained it.

  “I really like that little sonofabitch,” BA remarked, winking at the scarred orange cat lounging in the middle of the table. But it will be a cold day in hell when cats tell me what to do, she sent Brutus.

  Interlude

  Floribeth reached out to rub the cat’s head. Brutus closed his eyes and looked pleased with himself.

  BOB hadn’t realized that the cat was sentient. Certainly, the Collector had, or it wouldn’t have allowed it through the entrance as it had the creature Splurt during the last collection mission. But BOB was programmed to be thorough, and its circuits twinged with dissonant feedback. At least the array of scanners were designed for any contingency and were autonomous.

  Kelsey took advantage of the pause to raise a hand and ask, “How about another round of nachos, BOB?”

  BOB did not consume organics, but it had observed a vast array of food throughout the multiverse. “Nachos” were not the farthest from the median consumable, but the bright yellow cheese spread—a synthetic creation, not qualifying as real cheese, according to its databanks—did give the dish a garish appearance. Still, the humans seemed to relish it. BOB turned back to the bar to synthesize some more, its attention still on the humans. It didn’t like leaving them alone at this juncture. If they didn’t proceed on their own, it needed to be there to give them another nudge.

  “Good call on the nachos,” Charline remarked. “Nothing like salty food to build up thirst.”

  “You can never go wrong with nachos and booze,” Kelsey agreed with a grin.

  “I shall take your nachos back to Cygnus, where I won’t be remembered for forming the Cygnus Marines but for introducing nachos. Yes, BOB, more, please! And tuna for the ‘cat,” Cain shouted.

  Rika eyed the others, an arm placed next to her plate of nachos, silently daring anyone to steal one of hers—which Amanda did. Rika gave her a shocked look. In reply, Amanda gave her a melodramatic hurt expression, putting her fingers on her chest and winking as she popped the chip into her mouth.

  “Okay.” Rika gave Amanda a small nod. “Only because you know Tanis.”

  Amanda gave her a crumb-covered smile in return.

  “Your bar food, your story now, Kelsey.” BA motioned. “Still thinking about requesting a five-layer chocolate cake.”

  The rest of the humans raised their glasses in agreement. Artur burped loudly and pulled a face at the cat, then got stuck into another nacho.

  The Goddess of Retribution

  by Terry Mixon

  Kelsey looked around the table at her fellow...prisoners didn’t seem like the right word. Unexpected companions? Fortuitous drinking partners?

  “That was a pretty good story,” she admitted.

  Cain tipped his empty mug toward his fellow warrior in appreciation.

  “Me arse it was,” growled Artur, bursting Cain’s bubble.

  BA chuckled. “Don’t mind him. There is no filter between his ass and his mouth.”

  Artur flipped her off.

  Kelsey took a slow drought of the damned fine beer the serving android—if that was really what it was—had given her. With Imperial technology being what it was, she’d bet her friend Carl Owlet could figure out something like that.

  Maybe he could reverse-engineer this beer, too. The Marines would thank her.

  “It just so happens that I ran into an odd situation just a few days ago that’s a perfect sea story. Have any of you ever been deified, as in, made into a goddess? Or god, if you prefer. I have.”

  “Yes, it’s annoying as . . .” Bethany Anne said as she winked across the table, “fuck!” She half-shrugged an apology. “It’s the perfect word.”

  “No, but I’ve met a few,” Amanda muttered.

  “My employer isn’t a goddess per se, but she could give most of them a run for their money,” Rika added.

  “I have a dragon acquaintance who believes he’s a god,” Ridge said. “I can’t say that anyone has tried to make me one. Being a general is bad enough. Can you imagine the paperwork involved in...godhood? Admittedly, a dragon god could simply incinerate paperwork.” He sighed wistfully.

  “Let me guess: you landed your spaceship on an alien footpath and somebody worshipped the walk you grounded on?” Charline chuckled.

  “Oooh, sick burn, Blondie,” Amanda added.

&
nbsp; “It’s true,” Kelsey insisted after another drink. “Not in a metaphysical sort of way, but you know what they say: any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Hell, Imperial tech seems like magic to me, and I’ve lived with it for years now. I can only begin to imagine how it looked to the people on Razor.

  “The people there had fallen back to a medieval sort of existence after they escaped the fall of the old Terran Empire. I haven’t got the slightest idea how their ancestors ended up in the ass-end of nowhere, but we discovered them while we were sneaking toward Terra.

  Kelsey’s lips curled into a smile. “Razor was a beautiful place. Untouched and very much like Terra before the rogue AIs blasted it back to the Stone Age.”

  She shook herself slightly. “Anyway, we knew right away that they weren’t going to be helpful in our fight against the AIs, but Razor was a good place to stop while we sent probes through the flip points ahead of us.

  “Talbot—he’s my husband and an Imperial Marine colonel—took a pinnace down with some Marines to look around. Basically, they were babysitting some scientists as they used drones to find out what they could in the few hours they had before we moved out.

  “Nothing too close to the cities. We didn’t want to make any kind of contact. We didn’t have time to waste explaining things to the locals. With luck, the New Terran Empire could send someone back at some point and find out how they got there.”

  “Your nachos,” BOB announced, bringing the second helping of the dish and setting it on the table.

  “Thank you, BOB,” Kelsey said appreciatively.

  “Ah, nicely done, ye big robot-faced bastard.” Artur sneered. At first, BOB had thought Artur’s language and tone were intended to be insulting. Now, though, he was starting to suspect they were almost a form of affection.

  “That does it. If we’re going to be eating, I’m requesting a nice five-layer chocolate cake slice, if you can?” Bethany Anne interjected. “I’ll use the sugar high on Michael when I get back.”