Second Time Around

by Colette Caddle

  ‘That might be an idea,’ Cal agreed.

  Noel gave a grim smile. ‘No time like the present.’

  ‘This is like something out of a soap’ was Sharon’s incredulous reaction after a long three-way call. ‘Are you okay, Jess?’

  ‘I’m absolutely fine,’ Jess assured her, warmed by the concern in her voice.

  ‘Good. Don’t worry about Mum, Noel. This hasn’t been an easy time for her, either, and we have to remember that she’s still in recovery. I’m sure, once she’s had time to think about it, she’ll give you her blessing. Jess has probably taken the spotlight off you for now.’

  Jess exchanged a surprised look with her brother. ‘You sound remarkably chilled, Shaz.’

  ‘All thanks to Percy,’ Sharon chuckled. ‘Bobby’s been so much more relaxed these last couple of days and he and Mum are closer too.’

  When they finished the call, Noel stood up. ‘I’ll head off. I have to see a man about a cow,’ he joked with a sad smile.

  ‘Maurice?’ Jess asked.

  ‘Yup.’

  ‘It will work out, bro. Hang in there.’

  Noel hugged her. ‘Thanks, Jess. I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight, Cal.’

  There was an awkward silence after he’d gone and Jess watched nervously as Cal moved over to sit on the sofa next to her. He took her hand, massaging her wrist with his thumb.

  ‘You’ve had quite a day. It must have been a shock finding out that your dad isn’t your dad, so to speak.’

  Jess thought about how comforted she felt now that she knew the truth. ‘It may sound cold but I’m glad John isn’t my father. He never treated me the same as Sharon and Noel. He was always slightly awkward around me, as if going through the motions.’

  ‘And you turned yourself inside out trying to impress him and win his love,’ Cal guessed.

  ‘That’s the psychologist talking,’ she teased, ‘but, yes, you’re right. I worked harder at school and took up basketball because he loved it, all in an effort to win some praise. I’d watch him help Sharon with her reading and fooling round, wrestling with Noel, and wonder what I’d done wrong. Still’ – she smiled, although there was a lump in her throat – ‘I had Mum.’

  ‘Oh, Jess. I’m sorry. It was wrong of him. He’d taken you on and adopted you. He should have treated you the same. No wonder you’ve never had a successful relationship,’ he mused.

  She groaned, pushing him away. ‘Oh, please. Don’t tell me that I was searching for a father figure.’

  He shrugged. ‘Maybe not a father figure but someone who would approve of you.’ Cal drew her closer again and tipped up her chin so he could look into her eyes. ‘You’re incredibly beautiful and clever, and yet you seem surprised and almost grateful when a man shows any interest in you.’

  ‘That’s not true,’ Jess argued, flushing.

  ‘Isn’t it? I’ve watched you date some right berks over the years. I could never understand what you saw in them, but now it makes sense. You’ve never believed you deserved better, have you?’

  His eyes held hers and Jess swallowed the lump in her throat. ‘That’s ridiculous,’ she whispered, although when she thought about it . . .

  ‘Not really. You wanted to be loved and, it didn’t matter what lowlife offered it, you took it.’

  ‘Enough. This isn’t a consultation.’ She tried to push him away again, but Cal held on tight.

  ‘No, I’d never talk to a patient like this. But I’m not talking to a patient. I’m talking to the girl I’ve been dreaming of holding for years.’

  Jess searched his face, usually so guarded, and saw tenderness there and nervousness too. ‘Years?’ she asked, gulping.

  ‘Years. Occasionally there were minor distractions but I always came back to you.’

  ‘But why didn’t you say something?’ she asked, thinking of how she’d longed for him to notice her.

  ‘I suppose, I didn’t want to be one of your many boyfriends,’ he admitted.

  She looked at him and saw the vulnerability in his eyes. Jess raised her hand unconsciously and caressed his cheek. ‘What did you want?’

  He turned his mouth into her hand and kissed her palm. ‘I wanted to be the only one. I still want to be the only one, Jess.’

  She stared at him, afraid to hear him, to believe what he was saying. Yet, despite the fact that they’d exchanged only a handful of kisses, there was no doubting the chemistry between them and the shiver that ran down her spine simply at the feel of his lips on her hand. Had she ever lost herself in a man’s eyes the way she lost herself in his? When Cal looked at her, she felt he could see right into her soul and there was no place to hide. Was he truly different from the others? Could she trust these feelings? In his favour, Cal was her only boyfriend to earn Katie’s approval, which was no mean feat. He wanted her to be ‘the one’. Jess looked up at him. ‘Then what are you waiting for? Kiss me,’ she said.

  Cal smiled, triumphant. ‘Gladly.’ He lowered his lips to touch hers in a soft, slow, sweet kiss and then started to trace tiny kisses all along the edge of her mouth until finally returning to mould his mouth to hers. Okay, so, on top of being handsome and kind and sensitive, he was a great kisser. Surely this man was too good to be true. Stop overthinking, Jess told herself and, winding her arms round his neck, she did exactly that and gave herself up to the moment.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Suzie sat on the kitchen step, exhausted, absently fondling Percy’s head. She was supposed to be going to the support group today but she couldn’t be bothered. It depressed her rather than helped her, but, then, she’d never been into publicly sharing her feelings. She’d been raised to put up and shut up.

  Doug called to check on her and tell her about the CML get-together he was planning. Suzie said yes and no in the right places but she wasn’t really paying attention. When he asked if she’d talked to either Noel or Jess, Suzie found an excuse to hang up.

  Jess had apologised for upsetting her and wanted to take her out to dinner, and Noel was always lurking around, obviously wanting to talk, but Suzie wasn’t ready to talk to anyone yet, even Doug.

  There was so much going on in her head that she didn’t have the time or energy for conversation. The memories that had evaded her for so long were coming back, fast and furious. She went from being angry to upset to confused and sad and then back around again. Her days were spent staring into space and avoiding people, bar Bobby. For the first time, she welcomed and appreciated his quiet presence, finally recognising that his silence wasn’t a sign of attitude or insolence but simply a part of his character. Not a bad trait. Too many people spoke when they had little to say.

  Bobby certainly seemed to be more comfortable with her silence than the mindless, childish chatter she’d felt obliged to make. Sometimes the only noise in the house was Radio Two, playing quietly in the background while Bobby’s pencil scratched on paper and Percy padded between them.

  Suzie had taken to waiting until she was collecting her grandson from school to walk the dog. It was worth it just to see the child’s face light up when he saw Percy waiting for him at the school gate. Once inside the park, Suzie would allow Bobby to take the lead and she’d carry his schoolbag while he walked Percy, his face screwed up in concentration. Then the dog would sit patiently while Bobby played on the swings before they made their way home. It meant a shorter and less stressful time pent up in the house.

  If Noel was home, Suzie went to the supermarket or had a cuppa with Aileen, anything to avoid talking to him. She’d confided in her neighbour about her son’s plans but said nothing about all the other stuff going on. She couldn’t talk about any of it until she’d figured it all out herself.

  ‘Cooee! Only me.’

  Speak of the devil. Suzie sighed as she remembered what day it was. She and Aileen always had a cuppa and a natter on Mondays.

  ‘Hello, love.’ Aileen went to fill the teapot and found the kettle empty. ‘You haven’t even filled it. What’s
up?’ She carried it to the sink and then set it on to boil before sitting down at the table.

  ‘Nothing.’ Suzie put her hand up to flatten her hair and tightened the belt on her dressing gown.

  Aileen’s eyes narrowed. ‘You look like death warmed up and it’s eleven o’clock and you’re not even dressed. Are you sick?’

  ‘I’ve felt better,’ Suzie said, truthfully.

  ‘Will a cuppa and a nice warm scone help?’

  ‘Of course.’ Suzie said, managing a smile. The phone rang and she groaned irritably. There weren’t many people she wanted to talk to but she relaxed when she saw the display. ‘It’s Nora,’ she said, answering it as Aileen nodded and made the tea.

  ‘Hi, Suzie. Is everything okay? I only just got your messages. I was away for the weekend and forgot my phone.’

  Suzie plunged straight in, her eyes on Aileen. ‘I’ve started remembering things.’

  Immediately she had both women’s attention.

  ‘Oh, that’s great, Suzie,’ Nora said, all enthusiastic and, when Suzie said nothing, added. ‘Isn’t it?’ Suzie heard Nora’s uneasy tone and glanced up at Aileen, seeing a similar look in her eyes. This wasn’t a conversation to be had over the phone.

  ‘Can we get together someday next week? You, me and Aileen? I need to talk to you both and clear up a few things.’

  ‘Sure. Wednesday?’

  ‘Does Wednesday suit?’ Suzie asked Aileen, who gave a solemn nod. ‘Yes, that’s fine, Nora. Thanks, I appreciate it. I’ll text you later with the arrangements.’

  ‘Sounds serious,’ Aileen remarked, buttering a scone.

  ‘I suppose it is. There’s just so much to tell you and so many questions I want to ask. I need to figure out what’s fact and what’s fiction, and I’m hoping that you and Nora will be able to help.’

  Aileen frowned. ‘I don’t like seeing you so troubled. That’s not going to help your recovery.’

  ‘I’m fine. It’s just exhausting trying to make sense of everything going on in here.’ Suzie tapped the side of her head.

  Aileen patted her hand. ‘I’ll do whatever I can to help, Suzie.’

  Suzie and Percy were at the school gate when the bell rang. She smiled when she saw Bobby hurtling towards them. He dumped his schoolbag on the ground and crouched down to hug the dog. Percy accepted the adoration and licked the boy’s cheek. Suzie could just imagine what Sharon would say if she saw that.

  ‘Don’t let Percy lick your face,’ she told him, picking up his bag.

  ‘Why not?’ He fell into step beside her.

  ‘Dogs lick everything, even disgusting things, and you really don’t want him to lick you with a poo-tongue, do you?’

  ‘Yuck!’ Bobby wiped his face in disgust. ‘Can I hold the lead?’

  ‘No. Remember? Not until we’re inside the park,’ she said.

  ‘Okay.’ He smiled and trotted along beside her.

  ‘Did you have a good time at school?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Oh. Why not?’

  ‘We were telling jokes but no one laughed at mine.’

  ‘Did you laugh at any of theirs?’ Suzie asked him, knowing he rarely understood humour.

  ‘No.’

  ‘There you go, then. We all laugh at different things.’ She pointed at a man walking towards them with a huge German shepherd and a tiny Pekingese. ‘Look, twins!’

  Bobby frowned. ‘They’re not twins.’

  ‘You see? And I thought that was a good joke.’

  ‘It wasn’t.’

  ‘See? We’re all different.’ With that, the man stopped to let the larger dog relieve himself and then walked on, leaving the mess behind him. ‘Hey!’ she called after him. ‘You need to pick that up.’ The man ignored her and kept walking. ‘What an arsehole,’ she said, angrily.

  Bobby nodded. ‘He had a big arse too.’

  Suzie burst out laughing. ‘Now that was funny.’

  They were just home and Bobby was eating his snack when Sharon arrived. ‘Surprise!’

  She came into the kitchen and hugged her son. ‘Hello, darling.’

  Suzie watched warily. ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘Keith said he might be delayed so I said I’d pick up Bobby. Have you done your homework?’ she asked him.

  ‘We’re not in long. He’s going to start straight after his snack, aren’t you, Bobby?’

  The child nodded.

  ‘Don’t forget your reading,’ Sharon said as he climbed down and went into the hall to get his school bag.

  Bobby grunted and went into the other room. She smiled at Suzie. ‘A few weeks ago it would have taken an hour and lots of tears to achieve that.’

  ‘I know, isn’t it great?’ Suzie sat down, shooting nervous looks at her daughter. ‘Have you been talking to Jess or Noel?’ she asked.

  ‘I have.’

  ‘Is that all you have to say?’ Suzie said, exasperated by Sharon’s nonchalance.

  ‘What do you want me to say? You got pregnant when you were single, so did I. The only difference was, Keith stuck around. Jess seems cool about it. That’s all that matters, right?’

  ‘But how will you feel if she wants to tell people?’ Suzie asked.

  Sharon shrugged. ‘It doesn’t really affect me.’

  ‘It’s bound to get back to Maurice,’ Suzie continued. ‘It will be a huge scandal.’

  ‘That doesn’t worry me and I doubt it will bother Noel or Jess either.’ Sharon glanced up at her. ‘How about you?’

  Suzie snorted. ‘That lot always gossiped about me anyway. What do I care?’

  ‘There you go, then.’ Sharon helped herself to a pear from the fruit bowl in the centre of the table.

  ‘It will be a lot harder on Noel if he goes to live there,’ Suzie pointed out.

  Sharon wiped her mouth with a piece of kitchen towel and looked Suzie in the eye. ‘Mum, if you’re trying to get me to talk Noel out of going to Limerick, you’re wasting your time. He really wants to do this and I’m completely behind him.’

  Suzie’s eyes widened as she looked at her younger daughter. ‘You knew he was going all along, didn’t you?’

  ‘He told me at Christmas that he was considering it, but then you had the accident and he never mentioned it again, and I didn’t think to ask. Why are you so against it?’

  Suzie frowned. ‘Farming is a hard life and it’s dangerous.’

  ‘It’s what he wants to do. I just want him to be happy. I’d have thought you would, too.’

  ‘I’ll miss him.’ There. Suzie had said it. She had expected Noel to move out but hadn’t thought he’d leave Dublin, and certainly not to go there.

  ‘Oh, Mum.’ Sharon leaned over to hug her, and Suzie felt the firmness of her bump.

  ‘Would you want Bobby to go away?’ Suzie said into her daughter’s shoulder.

  Sharon stroked her hair. ‘Of course not. I’m sorry. But it’s not far, not with the motorway. I know that you have sad memories, Mum, but there were so many happy ones, too.’

  Suzie sighed and rested her head on Sharon’s shoulder. ‘I suppose there were.’

  Chapter Forty

  Mandy frowned at the note on her desk, reading it while she tugged off her jacket. Douglas was out but there was no mention as to where, just that he was having some friends over on Saturday night and asking her to book a caterer. In typical Thornton form, he hadn’t given exact details as to whether he wanted, hors d’oeuvres or a five-course dinner. She sent him a text asking him to clarify. His response came back surprisingly quickly.

  Casual supper for approx. 10. I’ll pick up the booze.

  She scowled at his mysteriousness. He was probably enjoying keeping her in the dark, knowing how curious she’d be – and she was. Her life must be seriously dull at the moment. She’d have to get out more. This Croatian trip had become a ridiculous obsession.

  Douglas finally made an appearance as she was sitting eating a sandwich and reading a magazine. ‘Hi. Food is
organised but I need to let them know what time you want it delivered, if you need crockery, glasses and cutlery, and if you want them to stay to serve.’

  ‘Oh, God, no, that’s far too formal. All I need is the food.’

  ‘Who are you inviting?’ Mandy asked, giving in to her curiosity.

  ‘People who used to work for me a lifetime ago.’

  ‘Oh.’ Sounded like a boring pensioners’ evening. Still, she was curious. ‘Am I invited?’

  ‘Yeah, you can keep an eye on the caterers.’

  ‘Thanks a lot,’ Mandy said. She was unable to gauge his mood lately. Something was definitely going on but her probing had got her nowhere. Maybe Saturday would reveal something about her enigmatic boss.

  Suzie phoned Nora to let her know she was running late.

  ‘Take your time, sweetheart. Aileen and I are having a nice chat.’

  Slipping her phone back into her pocket, Suzie continued to walk along the beach, going over everything in her head again before talking to her friends. What she needed to know most of all was what she’d told them about John’s infidelity. She knew that she’d confided in Nora but she wasn’t sure exactly how much detail she’d gone into. It would be news to Aileen, she was sure. She’d put all that behind her when she left Limerick. Her overriding wish was to keep it from Noel and Sharon. Whatever he’d done to her and Jess, John had loved his children and they him, and she wouldn’t take that from Sharon and Noel. Of course, she needed Jess to go along with that. Would she?

  Stopping, Suzie stared out to sea, took a few deep breaths and turned to head back up the strand and across the road to the restaurant.

  The two women were deep in conversation and halfway through a bottle of wine when Suzie arrived.

  ‘I won’t get much sense out of you pair, will I?’ she joked, joining them at the round table in the busy restaurant.

  ‘Not true.’ Aileen held up the basket with one slice of bread in it. ‘Soakage.’

  ‘Have you had enough time to think?’ Nora asked gently after they’d ordered.