Julien's Book

by Casey McMillin

  Love always,

  Nadine

  Chapter 24

  Julien put the hand-written letter down on the foot of the bed as he went to the bathroom. He hovered over the sink and splashed some cold water onto his face. He stared at himself in the mirror, feeling all sorts of sideways about the letter he'd just read. He leaned over the sink thinking he might throw up, but swallowed it back and splashed more water onto his face. His body literally ached at the thought of her being on her way back to France already. He wanted to drop everything and go to her.

  Actually, that was his only option.

  Nothing else felt right.

  Within three minutes of reading her letter, he was calling his sister.

  "Hey, I have to bring Max back over there."

  "Why?"

  "Because I'm going back to France."

  Nikki laughed. "You need your head checked," she said, "callin' my phone bein' silly."

  "I'm serious Nikki. "I'm looking at this flight that leaves in two hours. I need to get to the airport."

  "Bring him, I guess then. If you're serious."

  "I'm serious. And thank you."

  "You're welcome, but you better stop being so dad-gum sketchy after this."

  "I will, I promise."

  Julien switched his dirty clothes for clean ones, threw a few things into his bag, and brushed his teeth before leaving again.

  He was only at his sister's long enough to tell her he'd explain everything when he got back. She made a joke about catching the girl at the airport like in the movies. Julien knew he was way too late for that, but he smiled about it in his Jeep when he left.

  His first flight took him to Dallas, and from there he'd go to London. Julien had twenty minutes to make it to his connecting flight in Dallas, and by the time he made it to the gate, they were seconds from pulling away. It was the dramatic scene his sister had joked about, only there was no Nadine when he made it there.

  He settled into his seat for the flight, which would take more than nine hours and take him to London. He had a five-hour layover in London before finishing his trip. That was the route that took him to Paris the fastest, and that was all he was worried about. It would be evening hours in Paris when he arrived, and he thought about whether or not he was going to go straight to Nadine's or sleep in a hotel and go to her the next morning. He had no plans whatsoever. He didn't even know what he was going to say to her once he got there. One way or another, he'd get his point across.

  ****

  Nadine had been in her childhood bedroom for hours, crying her eyes out. Sometimes they came out quietly, and other times she boohooed into her pillow like a baby. Her mom and sister Emile had both been in there at different times, trying to talk her out of her heartache. They said things like, "You just met him," and "It will get better, just give it some time." She understood they meant well, but those words did nothing to lessen the pain. She asked herself a hundred times if she'd done the right thing, but she had no way of knowing that for sure. Gut instinct was all she had to go on, and at that moment, she wasn't sure she trusted her gut. How did people binge eat when they had broken hearts? She'd barely eaten a thing since she started reading that book, and hadn't had any decent sleep, either. All this was a recipe for exhaustion.

  Her mother tried to get her to come out and eat dinner with the family, but Nadine didn't go for it. She wasn't trying to be dramatic she was just puffy eyed and tired and didn't feel like trying to talk to anyone. Emile and Eric had come over to eat dinner and Emile came by Nadine's room when they were on their way home to tell her goodbye. Nadine was already asleep, so Emile wrote her a note telling her to hang in there and that everything would be okay. She left it on the bedside table.

  It was almost 9PM when Nadine woke up. She had only been sleeping for a couple hours and felt dizzy and delirious when she opened her eyes. She had a headache, which made her feel somewhat disoriented. She heard voices in the distance, and her stomach flipped as her mind started playing tricks on her. She could have sworn she heard Julien's voice. It was deep to the point of being unmistakable and she wondered who else had a voice like that. She squinted into the dim room as she listened intently, cursing herself for wishing it were really him. She couldn't hear it enough to tell for sure, but the tones and phrasings made it sound like he was speaking English.

  A tiny spark of hope flared up in her belly followed by a tiny spark of dread having to face him only to say goodbye again. She hoped it was him almost as much as she hoped it wasn't him. She heard footsteps coming down the hall and she fell back onto her pillow so she could pretend she was still sleeping if need be. Her door opened just a crack and she saw her mother peek her head around. Nadine couldn't stand it. She picked her head up and shot her mom a curious expression. Jolene opened the door, and started walking toward Nadine.

  "Il est ici," she said.

  He's here.

  Nadine's head collapsed onto her pillow. She sighed in confusion at her own feelings. "D'accord," Nadine said simply.

  Just then, there were a few short raps on the half-open door.

  "Non, non, non, non." Nadine's mother started toward the door shaking a finger at the big fighter who'd just stepped into the room. She started yelling past him in French, and Julien knew she was calling for her husband to come help and asking why he'd let Julien back there in the first place. Truth was, even through the language barrier, Patrick LaBelle could see Julien's sincerity. He'd let him go back there, and would be no help at all in removing Julien from the room… unless Nadine wanted it that way.

  "Tell your mom you'll talk to me," Julien pleaded. Everyone was silent for a few seconds. "I came all this way," he continued. "Please just hear me out for a few minutes."

  Nadine looked back and forth from her mom to Julien. "I'm okay, Mama," she said.

  Nadine's mom gave her daughter a concerned expression like maybe she should at least think about that decision.

  "Ca va bien," Nadine repeated.

  Her mother gave Julien a warning glare before leaving them.

  "Fermer la porte, s'il vous plait," Nadine said, and her mother obeyed, closing the door behind her.

  Nadine suddenly felt stupid for laying there in bed. She sat up and swung her legs over the side sitting on the edge. She straightened her posture as she looked in Julien's direction. She kept telling herself to stay guarded, but everything about him penetrated her defenses.

  He regarded her with a sorrowful expression as he started crossing the room. Nadine put out a hand to stop him before he got too close. "Did you get the letter?" she asked.

  "Of course I got it. Why do you think I'm here?"

  Nadine didn't even care what a stupid question that was. "I told you in the letter not to come after me."

  "Did you think for a second that I wouldn't?"

  She didn't answer.

  "I'm not letting that book do this to us," he said. He leveled her with an impassive stare.

  "I can't believe you would be okay with just falling into the life that girl wrote. That's just not okay with me."

  "It's not like that," he said. "You can't think about it in those terms."

  "How else can you think about it, Julien?"

  "The book saved your life, or five years of it maybe—who knows? Regardless, the book gave me the clues I needed to help you out. Did you ever think of it like that? Did you ever consider that it was just a random miracle that helped save your life?"

  "No, I didn't think of it like that, Julien. It's hard to think about anything besides how messed up it is that someone knew my thoughts. Knew my thoughts about you. I mean, Jesus, there was a sex scene in there. What if it's really like that when we do it? That's just too many details for a 'random miracle' as you call it."

  Julien sat by her on the bed, but didn't make any move to touch her. He rested his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, and took a deep, calming breath. "Nadine, I don't have all the answers. I don't know why or how Shea wrote t
he words she did. I will tell you she's a nice lady. She wasn't trying to do anything harmful. This whole thing was as much of a shocker to her as it was to us."

  "Not quite, I'm sure," Nadine interjected.

  Julien shrugged agreeing with her. "What I'm saying is that I don't believe there was anything questionable on her end. She was so taken aback by your appearance that she hired an investigator to check you out."

  Nadine shot him an offended look, and Julien smiled. "You have to understand that we'd all read the book—some of us more than once. When you showed up at the gym, it was pretty weird."

  "Is that why you treated me like you hated me."

  "I thought you were lying about your name at first, yes, but it didn't take me long to see you weren't."

  "How'd you know?"

  "Because I had feelings for you. I knew I couldn't feel that way for you if you were a liar, therefore you must not be a liar."

  "When we started seeing each other, I honestly expected that I could just fall in love and have a normal relationship, and this is soooo far from normal, Julien."

  "Fuck expectations," he said. "I expected the book to stay up on my shelf instead of sucking me into its pages like The NeverEnding Story, but sometimes things don't happen like you expect. As far as I see it, the book served its purpose. It gave me the clues I needed to help you out when you ended up at gunpoint. Why can't we just leave it at that and be together? Why do you think we have to waste a good thing?"

  He sounded so convincing that Nadine caught herself wondering what she'd been thinking leaving him like that. It didn't help that he was an entirely too beautiful creature.

  "I mean the way you put it makes me feel silly."

  "Good, because it is silly. I know it's a lot to take in, but it's over now. The book did its job, and the rest of our lives are ours to live as we choose. If you choose to be with me, it's not because the book made you do it. The choice is your own."

  "I'm afraid that if I go with you I'll always feel the book hanging over our relationship."

  "Why? And why do you have to view it as a negative? You got shot at. You could have been hurt, but you weren't. The book's role in our lives is over. From here on out the choices are ours."

  Julien's perspective made so much sense to her. Nadine began to feel better as hope started to slowly creep into her mindset. They'd both been staring down, and Nadine looked at him for the first time.

  He picked his head up and studied her face. "Baby," he said softly. He reached up and smoothed a few stray hairs from her temple, and loving the feel of his warm hand, she let her face fall into it. He repositioned himself to face her; never removing his cupped hand from around her jaw. "If it's just that you don't want to be with me, then tell me and I'll leave you alone, but if all this was just about the book, I'm not letting you go."

  He waited, but she didn't respond.

  "What do you want?" he asked, patiently.

  She still just stared at him with a serious expression. She was quiet and motionless for a few long seconds before the beginnings of a smile touched the corner of her mouth. She leaned in so her mouth was near his ear.

  "You," she whispered.

  There's nothing in the world quite like the feeling of relief you get when you think you've lost something very important, but then you get it back.

  Julien sighed and took a second to study her face. He smiled at her and her lips stretched into a slow, slightly reluctant grin.

  "I'm scared," she said.

  "It's okay to be scared. You just shouldn't be scared of the book."

  "You have to admit it's crazy, though, Julien."

  "I know it's crazy. I never tried to say it wasn't crazy. But there's no reason it should keep us apart."

  She was quiet, so he spoke again.

  "I'm tired of the stupid book if you want to know the truth. I'm glad it's over. The ending is ours now."

  "What will happen?" she asked.

  "That's up to us. I was thinking you could spend the night with me, for starters."

  "I don't know how my parents would feel about that. I've been in a bit of a bad mood all day, and—"

  "We're not staying at your parent's house. They're good people and everything, but I'm taking you with me."

  Nadine gave him an incredulous look, but he just shrugged.

  "You already relented. Don't act like you're not mine. I'm taking you with me because I have a hotel room with a view of the Eiffel Tower, and that's a much better place to compromise you than at your parent's house."

  Nadine gasped in mock horror. "I know the meaning of compromise, mister."

  "I hope you do, because it's about to happen to you." He reached in and gave her a quick but gentle kiss on the lips. He licked his own lips afterward, tasting the salt of her tears. "I think you should probably never leave me like that again," he added.

  "I'm sorry," she said sheepishly. "I was just so overwhelmed."

  "I know, and I'm really sorry about that. I should've picked a better time to tell you about it. I was just so relieved everything was over. I didn't even think about how hard it would hit you."

  "I feel like I overreacted."

  "It doesn't matter," he said. "We're here now… in Paris, the city of love. And I happen to have a hotel room waiting for us."

  "Sounds fun."

  He smiled. "That's my girl."

  Chapter 25

  Nadine's parents could not understand why the same girl who'd been so adamant about things not working out with a guy wanted to leave with that same guy only ten minutes after he'd arrived. She was like a completely different person when she came out of her room with Julien to tell her parents she was leaving with him.

  Julien waited patiently as the three of them had a conversation in French. Nadine was snuggled up next to him the whole time, making it obvious to her parents that she meant it when she said she was okay going with him. After a few minutes of conversation with her parents, the two of them set off for Julien's hotel room.

  "I didn't know what to tell them when they asked how long we'd be here," Nadine said to Julien from across the console of the car Julien had rented. It was almost the same model sports car he rented the last time he was there, and he had fun driving something so fast. It was a world away from his old Jeep, and he smiled at how responsive the gas pedal was. He had to remind himself he was supposed to be thinking of their immediate plans.

  "I know we both have to be getting back, but I was thinking we could stay a couple of nights. There's not enough time left in this night to compromise you the way I want to. Not to mention, I'm freaking tired of being on airplanes and don't really want to get on another one tomorrow."

  "I think that sounds perfect."

  "Me compromising you for multiple nights?"

  She smiled and reached across the console to put a hand on the back of his head. She let her fingertips glide through the closely cropped hair. The short, soft hairs bending under her touch reminded her of velvet. She sat up in the seat and leaned over to whisper in his ear, stretching the seatbelt to the max.

  "I can't wait to be compromised," she said. She gave him a quick, open-mouthed kiss on his earlobe, sucking the smallest amount of it into her mouth. "How about you? Are you excited about it?" She was intentionally making her accent heavy, and Julien laughed at the ridiculousness of the question.

  "What?" she asked.

  He looked down at his own lap, but it was dark in the car and she had no idea what he was doing.

  "I'm excited about it," he said.

  "Can I feel?"

  He looked at her for a second before putting his eyes back on the road. Then he reached out, took her by the back of the hand, and placed her open palm on his ever-hardening erection. She could feel the hard ridge of him through his jeans, and wanted so badly to unzip them to see what was underneath.

  Unfortunately, it'd have to wait.

  They were getting into heavy traffic and Julien would have to pay attention to th
e road.

  Julien handed the keys to the valet and put his bags on his shoulders. Nadine's luggage had been lost in the shuffle when she changed courses on her trip. Thankfully, her parents still had some of her old clothes. She had a small bag, which she carried by the handle. Julien put his arm around her shoulders as they walked in to the amazing hotel.

  "I've been to this hotel," Nadine said.

  "Really? When?"

  She pointed to the beautiful, curved staircase in the lobby. "We used that as a background for our family pictures one time."

  "I think I saw that picture," Julien said, remembering back to a framed family portrait he noticed at her parents' house. "You looked like a little kid."

  "It was only about five years ago," she said, trying to count the years.

  "Exactly. Had you even hit puberty?"

  She pushed at his shoulder playfully, but it was their turn to speak with the front desk, they both schooled their expressions. The guy at the front desk spoke some English but Nadine took over the conversation in French, making everything much easier. He loved watching her interact in French and didn't care a bit that he had no idea what she was saying. In fact, not knowing what she was saying made it that much hotter. She was laughing as she conversed with the hotel guy and Julien imagined her saying, "Why, yes, we will be having hot sex in our room tonight."

  "What were you smiling at back there?" she asked on their way to the elevator.

  "I was just imagining what you were saying," Julien said.

  "You should learn to speak French so you won't have to imagine."

  They got in the elevator and Julien reached out and pushed the button for the eighth floor. "I already thought about having you teach me to speak French, but I'm afraid that will take the joy out of me listening to you do it."