Neverlost (Melodies and Memories)

by Kodilynn Calhoun

  Her voice breaks at the same time my heart fractures, a hairline crack beginning at the very top and opening up slowly, pain making it spread and widen and I start crying. I’m so stupid, so fucking selfish.

  “Tierney…” I say, reaching out to the little sister I left behind, all those years ago. She meets me halfway, a sob tearing up her throat, and she clings to me like that little girl in the park, wanting comfort after scraping her knee bloody. “I’m sorry,” I say and for a few breathless minutes, we just hug each other and cry.

  I pull away, swallowing back phlegm in the back of my throat, trying to compose myself. I wipe at my face with both hands. “H-How long does she have?”

  She shakes her head. “A few weeks? Maybe a month? I don’t know. It’s… She’s bad. She’s in pain, doped up a lot. We have nurses coming in and out of the house all the time to make sure she’s comfortable. She just keeps asking for you.”

  “I want to see her,” I tell her.

  “When?”

  “Now. God, now.” The reality of the situation, however cold and cruel it is, sears through me, setting my nerves alight. Eli… “I have to tell Eli.” If it wasn’t for him, Mom might’ve died and I’d have never known. God damn. “Come on.” I grab her arm and together, hand in hand like the little girls we used to be, we race back into the restaurant.

  I find Eli with his head in his hands, elbows propped up on the table. Dakota and Jake look up at me with worry on their faces, but I smile through the tears. “Eli, you need to come with me,” I announce, feeling stronger than I have in a long time. His head snaps up and he gazes at me, perplexed, and I hug him tightly. “We’re going to see my mom and I want you—I need you—to come with us.”

  “Now?” he asks, startled.

  I nod and turn to Tierney. “Can you drive us there?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Jake—” Eli starts, but Jake holds up his hand.

  “Got it. Dakota and I will take the truck, get the dogs home safely. We’ll wait for you at your place. Call me when you get the chance, yeah?”

  “Thank you.”

  “Anytime, bro.” Jake touches my arm, a true smile on his face. “Good luck, Teag,” and I feel the tears start rolling once more. Without a warning, I clap Jake in a fierce hug and to everyone’s surprise, he actually doesn’t fight it too bad. He pats me on the back a little awkwardly. “Hey, it’s okay.”

  Then Dakota wraps her arms around me, a beaming smile on her face. “Text me with the deets. Be safe, I love you,” she says and I promise her I will, and the two of them take off, such an unlikely duo.

  By the time Eli pays the bill and we make our way out to Tierney’s little red minivan, the truck is long gone. “Ready?” Tierney asks, her eyes bright with hope, and I smile. I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.

  I cling to Eli’s hand as we drive the miles back to the place I was born and raised, a place I never thought I’d be stepping foot in again, but life works in mysterious ways. My stomach is a ball of nerves. It’s kind of hard to swallow, but I’m doing it. Yeah, I’m scared, but maybe there’s nothing to be scared of anymore. Dad’s locked away. He’s gone and that in itself is freeing.

  Tierney and I talk all the way home, all those lost years suddenly meaning nothing as we fill in the gaps and holes, picking up almost exactly where we left off, both of us just a couple of years older and wiser.

  “I’m scared,” I whisper as our old house comes into view, same white paint and blue shutters, same lawn ornaments decorating the yard, albeit a little more rusty than when I last saw them. I swallow hard and look at Eli, who squeezes my hand and without a word, tells me everything will be okay. Truth is, I’m terrified to see Mom in this position, sickly and weak and bedridden…but I can’t let her die without saying goodbye.

  By the time we climb the front steps and Tierney unlocks the door, my legs are shaking and I’m cold, chilled to the bone, my teeth chattering lightly. Eli’s arm is secure around my waist, holding me upright as I take a walk down memory lane. God, the house even smells the same.

  Tierney leads us to Mom’s room and it hits me hard, seeing the hospital bed, seeing Mom so frail and weak, even in slumber. An IV line feeds into her veins, a steady drip of medication sliding through the plastic tubing that connects her to a machine beside her bed. Last time I saw her she was strong, laughing as she fried bacon on the stove, oblivious to her oldest daughter’s inner torment. I’d been so angry at her. Blamed her for never seeing it. I left without a goodbye that night; just packed a bag and fled.

  Tears begin to fall as I leave Eli’s side and sag down into the chair beside her bed, my hands and fingers finding the skin of her arm soft and clammy. “Mom…” I take her hand in mine and give a gentle squeeze—surprised when there’s a tiny squeeze back. My heart gallops like a wild Arabian. “Mom?”

  “Meghan?” she breathes, struggling to wake up, her brows furrowing together as she tries to get a better look at me. I scoot closer and she starts to cry, wheezing sobs as she reaches for me, reaching for a hug and even though I’m terrified of hurting her, I’m drawn into her arms like a moth to a flame and we both start crying, salted tears mingling together. “Oh, Meggy. Meggy, I’m so sorry,” she says hoarsely. “All this time, I never knew and I’m sorry. If I wouldn’t have been so damn blind… My baby… We ruined your life.”

  I pull away, a sob ripping up my throat. “No!” I bark fiercely. “No, you didn’t ruin it, Mom. I’m okay. Alright? I’m gonna be okay.” I smile through the pain and straighten up, seeking out Eli. He looks pale as I call him over and lace my fingers through his.

  “Mom, this is Eli. I love him. He got me through so much and I wish… I wish this was different. I wish you could be here someday, when we get married and have a bunch of kids and make you a grandma.” Eli lets out a soft laugh and I lean against him, my head on his shoulder, reveling in his warmth and it hits me that somehow, it’s all gonna be okay. “I love you and I’m sorry for leaving and never telling you.”

  “I’m just happy you’re here,” Mom says, squeezing my hand once more. “That’s all I could really ask for.”

  A little while later, she falls back to sleep, the teary reunion taxing us both. I lead Eli down the hall to my old room, now a guest room, the pink walls repainted a light blue with lighthouses on the border, and we lay down in the bed together. He doesn’t say a word and neither do I, both of us lost in our own thoughts, but after a little while, I know what I have to do.

  My voice quiet, I say, “I can’t leave now. I need to stay here, at least until… Mom goes.” God, it’s a hard pill to swallow. “I need to be here for Tierney.”

  “Are you sure?” he asks.

  I nod. “More than anything, my heart is chanting yes. I have to stay. I’m sorry.”

  “Why are you sorry? I’m proud as hell of you, T,” he says, kissing my forehead. After a few moments of silence, he speaks up again. “I’ll go back and pack your things and bring them to you so you don’t have to worry about it.”

  “Bring Nika?”

  “Planned on it. She’d go crazy without you.”

  “Then I’ll stay here, stay with Mom and Tierney until after the funeral.” Patching up the past and making the most of our future. That’s all we can do, really. Make up for lost time.

  “What about your place?” he asks.

  “Dakota can stay there as long as she needs to but…then I think I’m ready to let it go. Give it up to the next person who needs it.”

  His lips turn down in a frown and he sits up, gazing down at me. “Are you not going to come back?” he asks, his voice soft and shadowed.

  “I’m coming back,” I assure him. “But I was thinking that maybe I’ll be ready to move in with you. If the offer’s still open?” Our eyes meet, lock, hold, and his resulting grin is infectious.

  “Definitely. Always.” Then he swoops in, wraps both arms around me, and kisses me until we’re both out of breath. I smile against his lips, butting my nos
e against him, nuzzling “And you can bet I’ll be up here whenever I can to be with you and your family. We’ve got a lot of memories to make in a short amount of time, you know what I mean? As long as that’s okay with you.”

  I peck him on the lips. “I wouldn’t have it any other way,” I say and drag him back down to lay beside me. I turn on my side so that I can gaze at him, stare at his angel face, because he truly is my saving grace. “I love you, Eli. Thank you for being my light at the end of the tunnel. With you here, I don’t feel so lost.”

  He plants a gentle kiss on my forehead. “Always.” Then, gathering me in his arms, my face pressed into his throat, ever so softly he begins to sing and like always, his voice is like a lullaby, enchanting and beautiful. “I think I’ll take a baker’s dozen of your sweet lovin’. Cuz it fits like a glove, I think I’ve fallen in love…”

  My heart bursting, overflowing with love for my goofy coffeeshop boy, I pitch my voice low and sing back, “I’m somewhere where you, where you can always find me. Because with you, I’m neverlost.”

  Neverlost.

  The End

  Keep an eye out for Jake’s story, Neverafter, coming out summer of 2014!

  About The Author

  Kodilynn Calhoun is a 26-year-old gal from Indiana. She’s a dreamer, a future crazy cat lady, and is obsessed with rainbows, werewolves, and romance novels. She can usually be found writing happily ever afters for her various characters—whether they be human or not-quite-normal. In her book, everyone deserves a happy ending. Neverlost is her first foray into contemporary romance and she hopes you enjoyed your stay. To find out more, or for future stalker purposes, you can follow her on Facebook or find her online at http://kodilynncalhoun.com/

  A Note To My Readers

  I wish I could thank each and every one of you for giving me a chance, for picking up one of my books and reading it. You might not think you make a difference, but you do. The kind words you post on my Facebook or email me, those words are what fuels my tank of inspiration--I am humbled by the fact that you believe in me so much that you reach out. I write for you, for all of you, and I’m so happy that you’ve visited my worlds. So thank you.

  If you enjoyed this story, I’d like to ask a favor. If you have a moment, would you take time to post a review on Amazon or Barnes and Noble or wherever you acquired this copy of this book? It doesn’t have to be long or drawn out, even just a few sentences would work. Why did you like (or why didn’t you like) this story? Let others know your opinion. Reviews help other readers decide if this book is for them or not, readers who may have never heard of me. If you have a book blog, share it with your followers. If you use Goodreads, rate it and add it to your “read” shelf. Anything helps to get the word out!

  Also, all of my ebooks are lending enabled, which means you can lend this story to friends and family! Sharing is caring, after all.

  Finally, I would be thrilled if you clicked “like” and “follow” on my Facebook page--that is where I post information including excerpts of past, present, and future novels, upcoming releases, share new covers and blurbs, and do giveaways.

  Once again, thank you. Happy reading.

  Kodi

  Also By Kodilynn Calhoun

  Linger

  Keeper of the Keys

  Christmas Angel

  Spellbound

  Souljacker

  Wolfsong (Otherside #1)

  Wolfspirit (Otherside #2)

  Straydog (Straydog #1)

  Wildheart (Straydog #2)

  Neverlost

  By Kodilynn Calhoun

  Table of Contents

  One

  Two

  Three

  Four

  Five

  Six

  Seven

  Eight

  Nine

  Ten

  Eleven

  Twelve

  Thirteen

  Fourteen

  Fifteen

  Sixteen

  Seventeen

  Eighteen

  Nineteen

  Twenty

  Twenty One

  Twenty Two

  Twenty Three

  Twenty Four

  Twenty Five

  Twenty Six

  Twenty Seven

  Twenty Eight

  Twenty Nine

  Thirty

  Thirty One

  Thirty Two

  Thirty Three

  Thirty Four

  Thirty Five

  About The Author

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