Cindy Holby

by Angel’s End

  Leah looked at Jake who in turn looked at the ceiling as if there was something very interesting up there. She laughed. “He made all of you take one didn’t he?”

  “Well I should have known something was up when Gus passed.” Jake grinned.

  Leah laughed harder and Jake joined her. “I gotta say, I’m kind of anxious to hear his first sermon,” Jake said.

  “Me too.” Leah smiled.

  “You seem really happy, Leah.”

  She thought about it a minute, thought about all that had happened in the past few weeks. “You know, I am happy.”

  Jake leaned on the mantel and ran a hand through his close-cropped hair. “Is it because of him?”

  “Nothing’s happened Jake.” Nothing beyond a kiss…

  “I didn’t say it had.” He turned to look at her. “But you do have feelings for him, don’t you?”

  She thought on it again. Thought of the conversations with Cade, thought of how he kept her off balance, how he made her laugh, how he fixed her pump and talked to Dodger and played with Ashes and how he held her and cared for her when she was sick. There was still Banks. He’d yet to really spend any time with her son, but she knew a man who was good to her animals would be good to her son. There was something there. A spark…a potential…hope.

  “Yes, I’m sorry Jake, but yes, I do have feelings for him. And I think maybe he has feelings for me.”

  “Dang it Leah, it’s obvious he has feelings for you. All you got to do is see the way he looks at you, at the way you look at him…” Jake sighed. “I’ve never seen you look at me that way.”

  “You can’t choose who to love, Jake. Sometimes it chooses you.”

  “Like fate?”

  “Yeah…like fate.”

  “Well…”

  She could tell he was upset. But what could she say? She’d never led him on, she’d always been honest with him and told him she didn’t have feelings for him. Jake just didn’t want to accept no as an answer. Would he make things harder for Cade now? Would he be an enemy instead of a friend?

  “I’ll make sure Banks is back before dark tomorrow,” Jake finally continued.

  “I’m sure he’ll love spending time at the ranch.”

  “He could have it all someday if…”

  Leah held up her hand. “Don’t Jake. Just don’t. It’s not meant to be. Can’t you accept that? Can’t we continue on as friends?”

  “Give me some time to get used to it.”

  “I can do that Jake. If you promise me that you won’t make things hard on Cade if something does happen between us.”

  “Cade?”

  “It’s his middle name. Kincaid. He told me to call him that. He said that’s what his mother called him.”

  “Sounds to me as if something already has happened.”

  “We’ll see.” She followed Jake to the door. “Take care of my son.”

  “You know I will. No matter what else happens, I’ll always take care of him.”

  “You’re a good man, Jake Reece.”

  Jake shook his head and walked out the door.

  TWENTY-FOUR

  Cade rode out of Angel’s End to clear his head and to get the lay of the land. To escape the townsfolk who saw that he was out and about and wanted to welcome him to town. Welcome Timothy…He could not help but think, even though he barely knew the man, that Timothy would have loved Angel’s End. He would have embraced the town and the people with open arms, just like the statue in the middle of the street.

  Jim had showed him the wood he’d set aside for the doors. The pieces sat on sawhorses in his shed. The planks were already glued together and the wood had cured but they still needed to be planed and sanded and hinges attached. Cade had always been good with his hands, especially after Jasper had trained him to be a pickpocket. Later on it served him well when he learned to use a gun. Shooting, he discovered was something else he did well. Finishing the doors was a job he could do in a day’s time, if the weather cooperated and if he was left alone. He knew better than to think the townsfolk would leave him in peace to work. He also knew that he should be able to handle their curiosity about him until next Saturday. He could pretend he was Timothy awhile longer, if it gave him a chance to stay with Leah.

  The trails that peeled off from the main road to the north and west led to the mines. Men left their homes and families and came west to dig in the hard rock or pan in the streams in hope of finding treasure, yet for the majority of them, it was a dead end to riches and the loss of a dream. They wound up working harder and longer and most of them died alone. Still, there were the ones, like the man with the boys who came into the Devil’s Table, who brought their families west to live in tents and hovels in search of a better life. These were the sheep Timothy wanted to feed, just as the Cheyenne were for his father. Timothy would have gone to the camps and dug right alongside these men while sharing the word.

  Feed my sheep…Had Timothy really expected him to carry on his work when he spoke those last words? Or was it a reminder to God that he had a job he was supposed to do. What a shock it must have been to him when he realized he was not going to be able to carry out his calling. That he came so far and got so close and then he was killed, senselessly, all because he shared his fire with a man. Because he thought he was supposed to help Cade. Because Cade was supposed to stumble upon his camp. Because it was all part of God’s plan. More like another one of God’s jokes.

  To the south and east, roads led off to ranches and farms. Signposts hammered to tree trunks pointed in different directions at each path that fed into the main trail. Cade stopped and looked at the one that said Reece. The brand beside it was a J laid back, like it had been tipped over. Either a lazy J or a rocking J. From what he knew of Jacob Reece, he’d say it was the latter.

  Leah should marry the man…The thought of her with another man felt like a punch in the gut. Just being away from her was painful. He’d hoped that the ride would give him a better perspective on his feelings for her. Big help that. He couldn’t wait to see her again. He turned his horse back toward town and once more ignored the part of his mind that said he should have been long gone from this place.

  Cade had been gone a good long while. Leah was pleased he was getting to know the townsfolk and learning about his new home. He’d be excited about meeting them, more than likely hungry when he returned, and ready to share his thoughts with her, or so she hoped.

  Leah had just about finished cleaning the kitchen and started fixing dinner. Ashes, still excited from her adventure outdoors, followed her around, swatting at her skirts every chance she got while Dodger settled down onto his blanket in the corner by the stove.

  Since she wanted the meal to be hot when Cade got back and she had no idea when that would be, Leah set the boiled potatoes on the corner of the stove and put the ham steaks in the iron skillet. They were well seasoned and she would wait until Cade’s arrival to fry them. Then she went to her room. Ashes dashed ahead of her and slid beneath her bed.

  “What’s got you so rowdy tonight?” she asked the kitten. The chiming of her grandmother’s clock reminded Leah of something the older woman always said. Animals sensed when the weather was going to change. The more active they were, the worse the weather coming in.

  “We must be in for another storm,” Leah said as Ashes clawed her way onto the bed, then with tail twitching leapt off the edge and scampered beneath the curtain that covered the entrance to her room. Leah laughed at her antics and moved to the bureau.

  She turned the lamp up and unbuttoned her dress. She pulled the two sides open and looked carefully at her neck and the skin above her breasts. The rash seemed to be gone. Still her skin felt dry. She slipped out of her dress and unlaced her camisole. Nonnie’s jar of salve sat on the bureau and she spread it over her skin to soothe the dryness. Since she was at it, she kicked off her shoes and socks and placed a leg on the side of the bed to better spread the salve. The scent of roses filled the room.

>   Leah heard the back door open, heard the snick of Dodger’s nails on the wood floor as he went to welcome Cade, and then Cade’s warm greeting to Dodger. She imagined him kneeling in the hall and rubbing Dodger’s head as he always did. She heard the creak of the floor as he stood and knew he hung his coat on the hook. Another creak meant a step and then Ashes flew into her room. The curtain billowed out with her rush and the kitten turned around and attacked the monster that chased her. She sank her claws into the fabric and swung outward with the impetus of her charge. Leah laughed at the kitten. There was the sound of tearing, as the sheet used to cover the door was old and worn, and it gave way with the slight added weight of the kitten.

  Both fell to the floor and Ashes panicked. Cade knelt and untangled her from the trap and stood with the kitten in his hands. Leah stood watching, wearing nothing but her camisole and petticoat. She didn’t even realize it, she’d been so preoccupied with Ashes’s antics until Cade looked at her and she felt the heat of his gaze on her skin. His eyes roamed over her like a caress and stripped away the few garments she wore. She could have picked up the quilt from the foot of the bed to cover herself, could have told him to leave, she could have screamed to the heavens, if she wanted.

  All she could do was look at him, at his dark sad eyes, at his warrior angel’s face and the pain that moved over it.

  “You’d tempt a saint, Leah,” he said, finally, after interminable seconds passed, each one counted off by the ticking of the clock.

  “Are you a saint?” It was a risk to ask him. A risk she achingly wanted to take. She refused to think of him as a minister in this moment. She only saw him as a man, a man who she wanted very, very much. She knew it could backfire. Leah knew he could walk away and condemn her for her actions. She felt reckless for asking, and brave for standing there barely clothed, and she prayed desperately that of all the things that might come next, shame would not be one of them.

  There was no going back. He could have turned away, he could have apologized, he could have made a joke of it and teased her if he wanted. He put Ashes gently down on the floor and pushed her toward the kitchen before he took the five steps that brought him to her.

  No going back…She wanted to tempt him and knew he’d be tempted. But more, she wanted him, no, she needed him, to need her, to put everything aside for her, even his beliefs. Would he be tempted by her without the sanctity of marriage? He stood before her and looked into her eyes, searching for something. She felt her body lean, of its own accord toward him, yet he did not touch her and she was afraid, so afraid that if she touched him he’d turn away and call her a harlot. Leah saw the rise and fall of his chest as he inhaled the heady scent of roses that surrounded them.

  “You don’t want this Leah. You shouldn’t want me.”

  “Don’t I? Why shouldn’t I? We’re two lonely people, Cade.” If he walked away now, she would die of shame, of embarrassment, of need. “God made us, made man and woman, for each other, to love each other. Why can’t we love each other?”

  His face filled with pain. “I’m not who you think I am.”

  “Aren’t you?” Leah grabbed his forearms and he pulled his hands into fists beneath hers. “You’re a man. With wants and needs and desires. It doesn’t matter what you do for a living. God gave us life. God gave us this”—she squeezed his forearms—“to enjoy. There’s no reason for either one of us to be lonely.”

  Cade looked down at where her hands wrapped around his arms. He felt the pressure of her grip as his muscles and tendons expanded as he clenched his hands into fists. It was the only way he could keep himself from touching her. He had to warn her. He had to stop her before she made the biggest mistake of her life.

  “Be careful what you say Leah,” he warned her. “Be careful what you ask for.”

  “Why?” He thought she’d be worried, instead she was determined. She was stubborn. It was one of the things that made him love her. One of many. “Because it’s a sin to make love without the benefit of marriage? How can something so good, something so wonderful be a sin?”

  Cade shook his head. She didn’t know what she was saying. If she knew who and what he really was…If you love her you’ll walk away…

  “I want you Cade. I want all of you.” She closed the distance between them and pressed her body against his. She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek to his heart. The lamp shining behind her illuminated her hair and cast a golden hue around her. Like an angel…Her body was all smooth soft curves and it beckoned to him, showing him his weaknesses. He knew the devil was laughing at him, knew he was making a list, to check off his sins when he condemned him to hell.

  If he was going to be condemned, then he’d have no regrets. And neither would she. When it came out, when all was said and done, and he was gone, and they talked about what a bastard he was, she would not be ashamed. She would know that he loved her.

  God…he loved her.

  Cade buried his hands in her hair, and scattered the pins that held it in place until the strands fell down around his arms and her shoulders. He bent and took her mouth beneath his. She opened to his kiss and he plundered her with his tongue, possessing her. He would not let go now. It would kill him to let go. He held her face between his hands and kissed her until he could not breathe, yet he could not stop. Leah sobbed deep in her throat, wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed closer, if that was possible.

  He couldn’t stop kissing her. His blood pounded in his ears as his mouth slashed across her face and down her neck. He buried his face, right where her shoulder joined her neck and inhaled the scent.

  Roses. Forever he would remember her because of the roses. She sobbed again. Her hands fumbled with his shirt, searching for the buttons. She tore it open, in frustration, finally. The buttons flew to the floor and she moved her hands across his chest, spreading the cloth wide. Her mouth followed the trail of her hands, spreading soft kisses across his skin.

  He would burn in hell for eternity and he didn’t care. Cade picked her up and carried her the two steps to the bed. He gently placed her on it and put one knee beside her. She pulled him down and he felt himself falling…falling…falling into Leah.

  Leah…This was where his wandering had brought him. To this place, this time, this night, this woman. He knew he couldn’t keep her. He couldn’t stay. But he could pretend for one night that their relationship could be true. He would treasure it. He would remember it, even when he was in hell, burning for all his sins.

  It was just a matter of pulling a ribbon to loosen her camisole to spread it wide so he could look upon her. God…she was so beautiful. And he was not…he shouldn’t touch her, but he did. He felt the calluses on his fingers as he cupped her smooth breast.

  She gasped as his thumb grazed her peak. Cade looked into her lovely gold-flecked eyes and saw the mix of emotions. Was he that easy to read where she was concerned? Was it obvious to everyone in town that he was in love with her? With just the one look, he knew what she wanted, what she needed, what he must say, to let her know that this wasn’t wrong, even though he was so very wrong for her.

  He needed it too. He needed the words. He needed to say them to absolve the small bit of his conscience that tried to reason with him. “No matter what happens,” he said. “Don’t ever forget this night and this one truth.”

  Confusion dashed across her lovely face. Her green eyes, heavy with passion, studied his face as he stopped his caress for one short moment.

  “I love you, Leah.”

  “Really?” She laughed and he knew that was what heaven would sound like, even though he’d never see it. “You love me?”

  “I do. It’s the one truth.” He had to make her understand. “It’s the only thing that is important.”

  “I love you too,” she said with a sigh. He lowered his head to kiss her again, and then he let his mouth trail down her jaw and to the place where her neck met her shoulder. Leah gasped as he kissed her there and twisted her finge
rs into his hair.

  He wanted to take his time. He wanted to enjoy every second of this exquisite moment so he could play it over and over again in his mind. He slid the strap of her camisole down her arm, slowly, while his mouth trailed over her shoulder, and then he did the same on the other side.

  Leah’s palms pressed into his head. Her body trembled as he placed his hand on her breastbone and spread it wide with his forearm between the soft mounds of her breasts. His skin was so very dark against the paleness of hers. He felt her heart pounding beneath his palm and her dark eyelashes fluttered against her cheeks as his eyes drank his fill of her soft beauty, like an angel had come down from heaven just for him.

  He’d never done this before. Never experienced this quiet worship of another’s body, never given of himself so that all he wanted was her pleasure. He carefully watched the emotions run across her face as he cupped her breast and found joy in her small gasp of pleasure, before he lowered his head to caress her with his mouth.

  She moaned and arched her back as Cade placed his hand over her other breast before trailing his fingers down the smooth rose-scented skin of her stomach to the waist of her petticoat. He trailed a finger beneath the fabric and the muscles in her stomach quivered in anticipation.

  Leah moved her hands from his hair to his shoulders. She pushed his shirt down and Cade flung first one arm and then the other out so she could remove it. Just those seconds it took, when he couldn’t touch her, was pure torture. When the shirt was gone she ran the tips of her nails down his spine and heat spread across his skin from her touch. Her hands stroked across his lower back and then came around to the front.

  Cade groaned and kissed her again as her fingers fumbled with the buttons of his fly. She was driving him insane with her urgency. Heat roared through his veins, like the flames of hell. He wanted nothing more than to bury himself deep inside her, yet he wanted to make it last, he wanted to savor each moment and watch the wave of emotion wash over her face.

  Leah finally wrestled his fly open and she pushed his pants wide and down over his hips. They caught on the curve of his buttocks and her arms weren’t long enough to push them any farther.