What Happened to Us?

by Faith Hogan

  ‘You’re saying someone might be playing silly beggars with the orders?’

  ‘Well, it’s a quick way to make a few quid. And anyone passing on the reserves will make a heck of a lot more from them than they will from your ordinary merlots or pinot noirs.’

  ‘Thanks Sheila, I’ll keep it in mind.’ She sat for a moment, thinking. She would have to tell Kevin, this was all wrong, someone had ordered that wine. ‘Sheila, any chance I could get a colour copy of that order slip?’ This was something that couldn’t be swept under the carpet like the tips jar.

  ‘Of course, Carrie, I’ll organise it for you today,’ Sheila sounded thoughtful. ‘You really do need to get to the bottom of this, what with the Christmas party season upon us, it’s going to be easy if someone is…’ she let the words hang on the air between them.

  ‘Well, let’s just hope that it’s down to an honest mistake, eh?’ Carrie said a little unevenly, she wasn’t fooling anyone, not even herself this time. Somehow, even here, in her little office, it felt as if she’d been moved about. It wasn’t the first time over the last few weeks that she had a sense that someone had been here, poking about.

  Well, she thought, that does it, tomorrow, she’d buy a new basket for Teddy and he could stay here while she worked downstairs. He’d be more than happy to snooze away a few hours, and if he seemed bored, she could always bring up a meaty bone from the kitchen. Even settling on the idea made her feel better.

  *

  ‘Penny, what are you doing here?’ Carrie couldn’t remember the last time Penny had dropped into the restaurant.

  ‘Mission of mercy, Mum needs Kevin and he’s not answering his phone, so I said I’d pop in on my way to pick up the kids.’ She looked distractedly about the restaurant.

  ‘We haven’t see you for a while,’ Carrie said, ‘how are you?’

  ‘Oh, I’m good. Busy, you know, with Mum and all.’

  ‘Yes, Kevin mentioned she fell. All hands on deck so, I suppose.’

  ‘You can sing that one.’ Penny looked at her for a moment, perhaps remembering. ‘Oh, Carrie, I’m sorry. I haven’t seen you since you and Kevin…’

  ‘Oh, that’s a while ago now.’ She didn’t want to dwell on it, didn’t want Penny to think she was counting. ‘Life goes on, you know.’

  ‘Of course. Mum was raging, as you can imagine.’

  ‘Was that because she has no one to bring her to mass, or has she finally seen through darling Kevin?’ Carrie didn’t want to sound mean, but the truth was she felt no compunction now to be anything other than honest, and it was strangely liberating. She’d never much liked Maureen or Penny, they were both too self-consumed for her liking and Maureen always made her feel that she would never be good enough for Kevin.

  ‘Fair enough.’ Penny smiled, a cool movement of her well made-up lips. ‘In the beginning she was mad with Kevin. She gave him the whole “you took the best years of that girl’s life” lecture. Now, she’s gotten over that, I think she realises it didn’t work anyway. No, she just misses you dropping in to see her. She was genuinely fond of you, Carrie.’

  ‘Really, she had a funny way of showing it.’ But Carrie knew that in spite of herself, Maureen Mulvey had warmed to her, well, thawed at least. Carrie had been the only one to visit daily. She took her to mass, made sure she had her tablets and the one hundred and one other things that Carrie did for her. ‘Maybe, in a funny way, I miss her too.’ It was true, sort of.

  ‘You could always visit… you know, just pop in occasionally.’ Penny was as subtle as a woodcutter’s axe.

  ‘No, Penny, not now. I’m afraid that’s up to Kevin and Valentina now.’ Carrie might have put up with a lot over the years, but she certainly wasn’t going back to be used by Penny and Kevin anymore.

  ‘Valentina?’ Penny craned her neck around the restaurant. ‘We haven’t actually met her yet. Is she here?’

  ‘I’m afraid you’re out of luck.’

  ‘Pity. From what I can gather he’s fallen for her, hook, line and sinker,’ Penny said tactlessly.

  ‘Indeed.’ Carrie turned on her heels. She had work to do and while she didn’t mind making small talk to be polite, she certainly didn’t need to have Penny as a bosom buddy now. ‘Anyway, Kevin is in the kitchen, why don’t you just go through?’ Carrie returned to double-checking the night’s bookings. These last few weeks in the run-up to Christmas, they were booked solid every night with office parties and Christmas celebrations, it would be a gruelling few weeks ahead, but it was no different to any other year, Carrie reminded herself.

  ‘Right, right, I will so,’ Penny said and headed towards the kitchen, obviously thrown by Carrie’s new reserve.

  Carrie smiled, it was nice not to have to pretend with Penny anymore. She wondered idly why Kevin hadn’t brought Valentina to meet his mother, but maybe she already knew the answer to that one. Oh, how she’d love to be a fly on the wall when those two met up.

  *

  It wasn’t like Carrie to muck up the orders. In all the time Kevin had known her she’d never made a crazy mistake like that before. He’d been fuming when he had to find the chequebook and hand over five thousand euros, but he managed to keep a lid on his temper, at least long enough so that he paid the man. Then he’d strutted back to the kitchen, looking more chilled than he felt and he took his anger out on the fresh fish filleting that he normally left for one of the junior chefs. He decided he’d have it out with her, when she came back from wherever she’d skived off to.

  ‘Have you seen what she has ordered, she eez gone crazy, spending all of our money like that…’ Valentina breezed into the kitchen and stood over Kevin. He hated when she did that, especially when he was busy.

  ‘What’s that?’

  ‘Carrie, she has ordered far too much expensive wines, she weell be the finish of this place. I don’t know how you have managed to keep this restaurant going with her spending the money like she ees a crazy woman…’ She was leaning over Kevin now, the strong smell of her sweet perfume, expensive and suffocating.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Well, she ees ordering these wines, but we never get these wines, the other orders, I have seen them. I have seen her pay for them. They are never all of that. They are never half of that.’

  ‘Yes. I suppose it does seem expensive.’

  ‘Poof. She is trying to reep you off. She times eet so you pay for the wines, she dreenks them then, I suppose?’ Valentina threw out her hands in the air, as though in praise of some greater power. ‘Oh, only the best for Carrie, isn’t that right?’

  ‘Well now…’ It was true, Carrie did enjoy a glass of wine, but she never drank here, not in the restaurant. She drank at home, in front of a box set with chocolates and crisps for company. Only, she didn’t need chocolate anymore, did she? She had the hot foreign boyfriend now. Kevin’s imagination began to work overtime. He wondered what they did together, exactly. He had a feeling she met him here, did she entertain him when the restaurant was closed. Did they sit here, in his kitchen, eating the food he’d prepared and drinking the wine he paid for? He’d have assumed she’d bring him home, to the little house they’d shared. Kevin thought about that house now and, not for the first time, he missed it. He missed the familiar smell of coffee and toast first thing in the morning. He missed the soft velvet sofa that Carrie picked up in a market that Kevin wouldn’t go near. He missed the super-strong hot shower that her cousin had rigged for them before he left for Canada. He missed going home in the evenings and falling into his own sofa without Simo and Reda making him feel like he was crashing their party. The truth was, he realised now, as he gutted a large salmon, he spent most of his time at the new apartment, either cleaning up their mess or sitting out on the balcony in freezing temperatures, convincing himself that he was a lucky bastard to be living with such a view. ‘You might think that, but Carrie doesn’t drink at home anymore,’ it was the truth, she may not have broadcast it, but Kevin reasoned it was told for all th
e right reasons. ‘Carrie told me herself, she hasn’t had a glass of wine in weeks.’ Valentina was spoiling for a fight and he had a feeling she’d like to be in the audience, watching him and Carrie tear strips off each other.

  ‘Huh, so she says, I’m not sure I would believe anything Carrie has to say.’ She shook her hair out. ‘Never trust a fat woman, Keveen, not around food or wine.’

  ‘Well, now I wouldn’t exactly call Carrie fat…’

  ‘You wouldn’t…’ Valentina’s voice dropped like a stone in icy water. ‘And what would you call her…’

  ‘I…’ God, but now was the time for someone to walk in so they could change the subject, but of course, they didn’t. ‘I’m just saying, she hasn’t eaten us out of business yet and I don’t suppose she’s going to start now.’

  ‘Well, the only theeng I can say to that is you are a very naïve man, Keveen. She is scorned, she has lost her man to a beautiful younger woman and she has spent your money like eet ees going out of style. Now, you tell me that there isn’t something funny about that.’ She drew one of the sharp knives from the block and stabbed it into the chopping board so it stuck hard. ‘No, you cannot say there is anything funny about that, can you?’

  ‘I’ll check it out, but I’m sure there’s a logical reason for it. Knowing Carrie, she probably got a good deal on them or maybe she’s doing a deal with one of the other restaurants for a bigger discount.’ Though, he knew, if she was, she’d have certainly mentioned it to him, or at least that’s what the old Carrie would have done.

  *

  Hoffa’s Restaurant was where Michelle Obama had lunch when she visited Dublin quietly to meet up with the elders and speak in Trinity College. The owners claimed that its walls were among the oldest still standing in Dublin and proudly featured them with carefully placed lighting and tasteful prints of Viking and Norman structures from around the city. If the restaurant were famous for anything more than its heritage, it was its warm welcome. All over the internet, patrons were tripping over themselves to gush about the service, the atmosphere and the ambience. Tonight, it was especially nice, with Christmas decorations tastefully adding a sense of seasonal cheer. Each table had a small but elaborate centrepiece handmade with fresh cinnamon sticks, holly, ivy and a sprig of mistletoe – it really was quite charming.

  ‘You never mentioned we’d be coming somewhere so nice,’ Luke said when they were shown to a comfortable booth table.

  ‘Oh, really? Well, next time I’ll bring you for a Big Mac.’ She smiled at him as she scanned through the menu.

  ‘Well, you were right. I needed the suit,’ he didn’t seem to realise it, but he turned heads as they walked into Hoffa’s.

  ‘It looks good on you,’ Carrie didn’t add, that with his brooding good lucks, he could be a movie star, the suit polished him off. It probably wasn’t expensive but it fitted him perfectly, she couldn’t help but think of Kevin by comparison. No matter how much she’d ever paid for a suit for him, he always managed to look like a sack of potatoes poured into it, while Luke looked like it was tailored to him exactly.

  ‘It’s nice here, nice to get out for a change,’ he said then.

  ‘Yes, it’s good. I’ve been doing these reviews for a few weeks now and really enjoying them, but I’ve done a few on my own and it’s not nearly as much fun. The problem is, I’m running out of people to bring,’ she broke off then, afraid that she might give him the impression that she was somehow desperate.

  ‘I can see how that could happen,’ he said gently. ‘I mean, we’re at an age, aren’t we? Everyone has mostly paired off and settled into the kind of lives that don’t really afford dining out midweek, not unless it’s a bit of an occasion.’

  ‘Yes, well, it certainly is nice to have a friend along to enjoy it too,’ she said easily, slipping off the scarf she’d worn about her shoulders. ‘And, bringing you along, it’s the least I can do, to say thank you for all you’ve done for Jane,’ she smiled then. He really had pulled out all the stops, first cleaning the place up and now bringing it back to life with Christmas decorations, even a tree he’d managed to pick up in the local market for a song because it was too big to fit anywhere else.

  ‘Oh, that, it was nothing. I’m fond of her, you know, there’s something about her, it’s rare for me to connect to…’ Luke murmured, meeting her eyes for a lingering moment. ‘Well, you know I’m a bit of a wanderer…’ His eyes were compelling.

  ‘Well, you’re certainly a hit with Jane, I’d say you’ve definitely made a lifelong connection there.’

  ‘Lifelong? Gosh, I’m not even sure how long I’ll be here for.’ He said and she caught something in his voice that didn’t quite sit with the man she thought she was coming to know.

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘Well, it seems like I’ve never had less to keep me in a place.’ He shook his head and smiled at what she hoped was the look of interest as opposed to nosiness in her expression. ‘What I mean is, I don’t have any real work lined up, I haven’t even tried to touch base with the universities. I’m living in a bed and breakfast, I’m driving my father’s van and even my father seems to be just waiting for me to move on.’

  ‘Don’t you get on?’ She bit the words back, but perhaps it was the ambience or maybe Luke Gibson was finally ready to talk.

  ‘It’s not that, we’ve always been close. My mum, well, she was never really around, so it’s always been just the two of us. Dad spent his life travelling the world with me and a backpack, this is really the first time I’ve seen him settled and it’s kind of…’

  ‘Unsettling?’ She smiled at him, but she could understand it. Let’s face it, she knew as well as anyone what it was to be thrown sideways by life’s curveballs.

  ‘I suppose. He’s not an old man, but it’s like he’s made this decision to give up. No particular reason; just, piled his life savings in a corner and booked himself into a place that feels to me like he’s waiting to die.’ He shook his head sadly. ‘Sorry, we’re meant to be having fun.’

  ‘No, please, it’s always good to hear what other people are worrying about, it makes me feel like more of a lightweight.’

  ‘Well, you seem to be very well set up.’

  ‘You think?’ she laughed at him, made a face, ‘I’m afraid I’m not quite as close to having the perfect life as I once thought I was.’

  ‘I don’t know…’ A smile played about his lips. ‘Owning a restaurant and your own home, having friends, being in a committed relationship, you even have the dog to round things off… it seems to me like you have what most people would consider the “full package”?

  ‘I’m not complaining, but…’ she lowered her voice, ‘I might as well tell you, because it’s hardly a secret, but I’m probably going through my own mini life crisis, reassessing things, you know…’

  ‘And there’s been a catalyst?’

  ‘You could say that. I’d call a Colombian waitress half my age gearing up to marry my long-term partner a bit of a spur, all right.’ She laughed now. ‘Don’t mind me, I’m just a typical cliché I suppose. Anyway, I’m coming to the stage where I’m seeing that it might all be for the best.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said softly. ‘I didn’t realise, I thought you were… as good as married.’ Here, in the intimacy of this space, just a table between them, it felt like his eyes were drawing her in further. They were captivating, so everything and everyone else in the restaurant might be a million miles away from them. Somewhere, perhaps only a table away, the crash of glass hitting the floor cut into the loaded silence between them. It was like wakening from a dream and Carrie let her breath go – she hadn’t realised she’d been holding it. She inhaled and closed her eyes for a second, willing herself back to normality. For a moment, she wasn’t sure what had passed between them, but she had a feeling it was a lot more than she had bargained for.

  ‘No, my worries are small, I’m sorry about your dad; it’s good to hang on though, until you’re happy about where he’s
at.’ They were interrupted by the arrival of the waiter. ‘So?’ Carrie smiled warmly at Luke. ‘Starters?’

  They managed to get through the meal enjoying each other’s company. Luke talked about his job with such passion it was obvious how much it meant to him. He explained, he felt grateful to be part of a discipline that not only uncovered the past but also instructed on the future. Carrie told him about how she had fallen into reviewing as much by accident as by design and the prospects that seemed to be unexpectedly opening up for her.

  It was a lovely meal and not just because the food was even better than she expected. ‘They say this is the friendliest restaurant in Dublin,’ she said as their coffee arrived.

  ‘I think they’re right. It has character too, there’s something gracious in its humility though, not like some of the other old buildings around here.’

  ‘Ah well, these walls were built before we had notions of grandeur. Trinity College and Leinster House? They’re all much newer buildings, built by people who were conscious of their colonial reputation.’ Carrie had researched the restaurant for her review.

  ‘You’ve been doing your homework, but you don’t need to impress me, the company has been great, Carrie.’ His voice was low and she had a feeling that the words conveyed more than just a flippant compliment.

  ‘Well, thank you, Luke. I’ve really enjoyed it too. Thanks for coming with me.’ She meant it. She was getting tired of going to restaurants alone and then writing up her blog post. She was genuinely pleased to have Luke for company and delighted when he told her he’d come along any night she found herself without a plus-one.

  ‘Well, you know, it’s the least I could do.’ He was being facetious, his expression stern and then he broke into a huge smile. ‘I can’t believe you get paid to go to dinner. It is a really nice job.’ He whispered the words, ‘You’re very lucky. Only, I don’t understand, now why you don’t…’

  ‘Leave The Sea Pear?’

  ‘Well, yes. I think you could easily find work anywhere in Dublin, Carrie.’