What Happened to Us?

by Faith Hogan

  That was it. It pulled him up short when it hit him. He’d been a complete prat and, worse, he’d thrown away the best thing he had in life, maybe the best thing he’d ever have in life. And then he felt his legs almost go from under him. He stumbled back, two, three, four steps, until he stopped full and hard against a great mossy damp oak. Penny’s words came back to him. All she’d said about his mother and father and Thelma Jones. He was making the exact mistake his father had made all those years ago. When she’d gone on and on about it, he knew she was telling him something, but of course Kevin was much too pompous to think that Penny might have something important to tell him. How could he not have seen it at the time, when now it became blindingly obvious as he leaned back, his head raised towards the treetops? He’d swapped Carrie, truly the love of his life, for Valentina, who would never make him happy. He had taken on a woman like his own mother, for whom nothing would ever be good enough and in that moment he swore, sick bile creeping up through him. What had he done?

  Kevin Mulvey didn’t know how long he leant against that tree, but when he heard Carrie’s voice travel through the forest he knew he smelled of sweat and his five o’clock shadow made him look as if he’d spent the night on the tear. He stepped behind a great oak and watched her walk along with a man he’d seen around Finch Street once or twice before. For a moment, he wondered if he was dreaming, as he watched them walk hand in hand talking and laughing happily. Carrie looked completely different. He knew it was a measure of how much she was no longer his. Only feet from them, he felt like a voyeur. His heart thundered fast in his chest, the terrible commotion in his stomach fought against his breath. They stopped to kiss before a flurry of glistening berried holly trees. Kevin held his breath, half-afraid that if he exhaled, the very sound might shatter their private bliss. This place had done something to him. The fact was, he had never felt clearer-headed in his life. The only words coursing through his brain as he had moved through the forest were; please, let it not be too late.

  Seventeen

  Truly, the view from her room was magnificent. Carrie always loved castles. She loved the history of this place, the idea that so many stories studded its walls, lifetimes, loves and losses all spun through its every fibre. It was the perfect place to capture the romance of a fairy tale wedding. If she’d wished for anything as a girl, it would have been a wedding like Melissa’s. All of those dreams had vanished during the years she’d spent with Kevin. None of this was his scene; actually, she was a little surprised he was still willing to be best man and hadn’t decided to open the restaurant for the two days instead.

  Valentina, of course, Valentina would have wanted to come here. Perhaps they would make it special for themselves. Carrie felt that familiar wrench of betrayal gnaw at her once more. It shouldn’t come as a huge surprise if they announced their wedding date this weekend. Things had moved very fast between them already. Valentina was wearing a vulgar engagement ring the size of a muffin and it seemed Kevin was completely smitten. The night they told her, he just said, ‘when you know, you know,’ as if that covered everything and made it all right. Of course, it had devastated Carrie, but she wasn’t going to think about that now. She would have to tell him about the accounts, the missing money and God…’ she shivered as she thought about it. She’d have to tell him she suspected Valentina was somehow involved and all of this as soon as they arrived back in Dublin, but that didn’t mean it had to consume her for the next three days.

  She pulled herself out of the drifting melancholy that still netted her when she was least expecting it. She was in the most romantic location she could imagine with one of the most handsome men she’d ever laid eyes on. Even if it was early days and she didn’t know what lay ahead, she knew there was much to be thankful for. This was going to be a great weekend, Carrie decided, she would make sure it was and not let it slip by with some overemotional thoughts. She was going to make the absolute most of it.

  She walked through to the grand sitting room where Luke stood lost in thought. He was standing inside the window, drinking in the view. She stood next to him, just a little closer than she would have before.

  ‘Any complaints?’ he was kidding, of course, everything was just perfect. He turned to her and took her in his arms, then lowered his voice, ‘Could we ask for a more perfect setting for our first time?’

  ‘Our first time?’ she asked, an unfamiliar tingling feeling running through her.

  ‘It could be…’ Luke bent down to kiss her; she was still getting used to it – kissing someone who was not Kevin.

  Luke’s kiss was warm, searching, his arms pulling her towards him so she could feel the longing in him as much as she felt in herself.

  ‘Would you think less of me if I…’ now she was joking, but she reached up and traced her finger around that increasingly familiar mouth and knew that this was something they both wanted.

  She wasn’t sure later who wanted it more, but he pulled her close, carried her to the huge four-poster bed and when they’d finished making love, she knew that she’d never experienced anything close to such sublime happiness in her whole life.

  ‘Let’s take things at our own pace,’ he said when they lay in each other’s arms. Soon they would have to get dressed and go down to dinner with the friends Carrie had shared for years with Kevin. Part of her was dreading it. It would all be so different, but then she looked into Luke’s eyes and she had a feeling that his easy manner would win them all over.

  She needn’t have worried. Everything about the place and the evening was lovely, an orange sun setting deep over the distant Atlantic; it bathed the restaurant in an amber glow and made the glasses and cutlery shine even more. Beneath them, the lawns, perfectly margined out between various gardens, swept towards the lake in a pristine snow-white carpet. Melissa was radiant and Carrie was so happy for her friend, she hugged her tight and knew with certainty that she and Ben would have the happiness they both deserved.

  ‘This place, it’s inspiring, don’t you think, it feels like anything could be possible here.’ They had stepped out for a breath of icy air in the moonlit gardens. Luke ran his arms about her shoulders and held her close to him. ‘It’s not just that it’s like a winter wonderland, it’s something else…’ he sighed contentedly. ‘Mind you, we do have a lot to thank the weather for,’ he said lazily.

  ‘The weather?’

  ‘Well, that night, if it wasn’t for the snow, we might never have met.’ He laughed then at that. It seemed so long ago, Carrie had almost put it from her mind.

  ‘No, if it wasn’t for Kevin, you wouldn’t have met me!’ She smiled and shook her head, it was good to laugh about it now, not that it didn’t still hurt, but she knew that things were as they were meant to be. She had finally told him, when she lay in his arms earlier, what had driven her out to that doorstep, to smoke a cigarette in the driving rain and sleet. Now, she realised, it was no wonder her nerves had been rattled.

  Dinner was lovely, not only was the food excellent, but it was nice to catch up with her friends. Best of all, they all liked Luke and he seemed to fit in from the moment he met them.

  ‘Who’s the dish?’ Melissa whispered while they waited for their table.

  ‘Oh, Luke?’

  ‘Yes, I got his name, but where on earth did you meet him?’

  ‘Through a mutual friend,’ Luke butted in. ‘We met through a mutual friend,’ he smiled at Carrie and she knew she could elaborate or not after that. Of course, their mutual friend was Teddy – but that was something they could keep between themselves for now.

  ‘So, this is your mystery man?’ Jim said as he shook Luke’s hand firmly. Soon they were talking about horse racing and who would win the big races the following day and both were in their element.

  ‘No word from Kevin?’ Anna asked as they sipped Irish coffees at the end of their meal.

  ‘No, but they’re here. We saw them earlier, probably just after arriving at the campsite.’

 
; ‘The campsite?’ Anna couldn’t help laughing, she knew Kevin long enough to know that he would not like camping.

  ‘Well, actually, they’re glamping,’ Carrie cut in, ‘but when you meet Valentina, you’ll probably laugh more, because it’s even less up her street than it is Kevin’s.’

  ‘Wonder why they didn’t come up for dinner?’ Anna said.

  ‘Maybe they’re getting an early night, keeping the neighbours awake with their hot lovemaking?’ They giggled at the notion of Kevin being in anyway hot. Almost automatically, their gaze travelled to Luke.

  ‘Now, there’s hot.’ Anna winked.

  ‘Mmm…’ Carrie said, but she couldn’t help smiling when he met her eyes.

  ‘You’re a dark horse, I’ll give you that,’ Anna snorted.

  ‘Seriously, Anna? He’s way out of my league, that’s if I’m even in a league anymore. And I have a feeling that he’ll never settle in a place long enough to put down any real roots.’

  ‘Maybe, but he’s here, you’re here, you’re both adults, at least you can enjoy this weekend and you know…’ she smiled then, one of those expressions on her face that had always irritated Carrie, as though she somehow knew more than everyone else. ‘I have a feeling he’s more ready to put down roots than you think.’

  *

  After dinner, they all walked down through the castle to the little church where the ceremony would take place the following day.

  ‘It’s really beautiful,’ Carrie heard herself whisper to Melissa. And it was. The little chapel was just a simple room stretching beneath the castle’s belly, with walls of bare stone and oak pews. It ran long enough for eight lines of pews, and a train of maroon red carpet swept up the centre aisle.

  ‘You don’t have to whisper, it’s not a real church anymore, but it is beautiful,’ Melissa agreed as they stood looking about. It was true, there were no religious pictures or crosses and the stained-glass windows high above them were elaborate but abstract in design. The only adornments were candles and flowers. The dais was a simple affair with ornate chairs for the bridal party, an altar for the ceremony and, off to the right, a pulpit hung lofty above the seats with steps carpeted and much less worn than the centre aisle. ‘It’s perfect, just what I’ve always dreamed of.’

  ‘I’m so happy for you,’ Carrie hugged Melissa with the warmth of best wishes, knowing that things were really falling into place for her friend.

  ‘I wish…’

  ‘What?’ Carrie asked.

  ‘I wish you were getting this chance at happiness too. I wish Kevin hadn’t been such a prat,’ Melissa said. ‘It just didn’t seem real before, you know, but you being here with Luke, well… he’s lovely, but it all seems so strange.’

  ‘Honestly, being this side of things, Melissa, I think Kevin did me a big favour.’ Carrie knew that as she said the words, she actually meant them. ‘And Luke, well, he is lovely, but nothing is set in stone, you know?’

  ‘Really, you’re glad it’s over with Kevin?’ Melissa had only ever known them as a couple and Carrie could understand why it was hard to take it all in. Although they were great friends, they had met through Kevin and Ben who had been friends since school. When Melissa and Ben had moved to Scotland, it was Carrie who kept in touch.

  ‘Yes, and I know this is hard to believe, but I’m actually glad he has Valentina. I’m glad he’s fallen in love.’

  ‘I didn’t think you liked her.’

  ‘Well, that’s true.’ Carrie couldn’t lie, what was the point? ‘But I’m not engaged to her, Kevin is and he’s completely smitten. It’s changed him; I don’t think he’s as…’ She searched for the word. ‘As dependent anymore, that’s it. Somehow, she’s made him into more of a man, if that makes sense.’

  ‘Absolutely, sure you had him spoiled rotten. You were all but putting him in a nappy going to bed to save him having to get up in the middle of the night.’ Anna stuck her head in between them. ‘Now he has to look after his own mother, at least.’

  ‘You’re probably right.’ Carrie giggled, it was good to laugh now at her foolishness.

  ‘Well, don’t go doing the same with this one,’ Melissa said.

  ‘No, Luke isn’t like that. It’s never going to be like that with him.’ Carrie fought hard to keep the wistfulness from her own voice.

  ‘She’s only with him for the sex, that’s what she’s saying,’ Anna piped up. She really was incorrigible.

  ‘Stop it, you’re an awful woman, really,’ Melissa said. ‘Anyway, I think he’s great.’ They all looked across at him now, and as if he knew they were talking about him, Luke caught Carrie’s eye for a moment too long.

  ‘Christ, but if you let him slip through your fingers you’re an awful fool,’ Anna said before gulping back her drink.

  *

  The ceremony was due to start at one, but guests would be arriving from twelve onwards. Valentina could take hours to get ready, so Kevin tiptoed about her, handing her what she needed and making sure that she didn’t get upset, that could add an extra hour to the time it would take to get to the castle. The stress of just being on time felt like he’d done a mini marathon before they even left the campsite. They just managed to make it on time for the first guests arriving.

  ‘Eet is freezing here, Keveen, can’t you ask them to turn on the heating,’ Valentina whined as she stood behind him while he welcomed friends he hadn’t seen in years.

  ‘Why don’t you get a seat, it’s bound to be warmer in the chapel.’

  ‘No, I am not seeting there, I don’t know these people, you can’t expect me to seet there with these strangers.’

  ‘Well, if we’d come up for dinner last night, then they wouldn’t be strangers, would they?’ He smiled at Ben who was standing opposite them. ‘Maybe you should have worn some sort of coat?’ It was true, she was hardly wearing any clothes at all. The dress she’d paid an obscene amount for was off the shoulder and dangerously low across her boobs. It slit sideward up most of her leg and had a slapper window across her tummy, showing her piercings as well as her washboard stomach. A couple of months ago, Kevin would have considered himself lucky to have her on his arm, now he felt that maybe she was just too obvious, trying a little too hard and missing by a mile. Her normally luscious hair scraped up into an elaborate knot that ran over the back of her head and it gleamed as though someone had dipped her in dark ink. He didn’t like it. He thought, looking at her, that once she was done up with her elaborate make-up, she wouldn’t look out of place on a carnival float in the Mardi Gras.

  ‘Ah Luke, there you are, and Anna, you look just beautiful,’ Ben said and then he turned towards Kevin, painfully aware that Valentina was hanging about them like a sore thumb. ‘Maybe you’ll bring Valentina in with you and you can sit together.’ He pointed across at the sullen Valentina.

  ‘Anna,’ Kevin greeted Carrie’s friend. He hadn’t seen Anna in months and, if he was truthful, he wasn’t sure how Anna would react to him today.

  ‘Kevin.’ She nodded towards him and then looked at Valentina. Kevin noticed how her eyes travelled over the woman he’d dumped her best friend for, but they didn’t hold any anger or malice, instead he saw in them something close to triumph. Surely that couldn’t be right, but perhaps it was; Anna was a very astute woman. People who underestimated her did so at their peril, far too often she had told Kevin exactly what was what and in so doing had knocked him off his comfortable pejorative little perch. ‘So, this is the lovely Valentina,’ Anna said neutrally and put her hand out to take her with them towards their seats. Then she looked back at Kevin, ‘Honestly, Kevin, the least you could have done was forked out enough for a jacket for the poor girl, she’s in real danger of a kidney infection in a dress like this.’

  Kevin turned away, knowing Anna well enough that she would enjoy whatever his reaction was and he had no intention of biting at her bait today. Kevin didn’t want to think about what they might be saying to each other in the quiet of the church. The last thin
g he wanted was for anyone to upset Valentina or he’d surely find himself driving her home before he even managed to make his speech.

  ‘Where did he spring from?’ Kevin asked Ben as they watched Luke walk towards their seat. Of course he recognised him from the previous evening, but all the same, actually seeing him here was a bit of a jolt. He had managed to convince himself that perhaps the man in the woods with Carrie wasn’t quite so...

  ‘Oh, that’s Carrie’s date, Luke.’ Ben smiled, ‘sound bloke, met him last night. You’ll like him. They seem to be very content together.’ He was still watching Luke, like an awestruck puppy. ‘Everyone really liked him, he’s not what you expect, at all.’

  ‘How do you mean?’ Kevin narrowed his eyes. Here, head on – well, he was just a little more… Kevin didn’t want to put a word on it, but he knew, what it was, it was that feeling that Luke was in some way more than him.