The Year of Living Biblically: One Man's Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible
Page 41
December holidays, Bible's scant guidance on, 121
definitions and etymologies:
of "Bible," 110
of "blasphemy," 281
of "day," 58
of "evil tongue," 99
of "helmet," 108-9
of "Isaac," 19
definitions and etymologies (cont.) of "Israel," 53
of "lying," 54
of "Mazal tov," 341
of "own," as in "own husband," 136
of "profanity," 282-83
of "sacred," 110
of "scapegoat," 161-62
of "sex," 129
of "stealing" (e.g. straws from Starbucks), 139
of "tumah," 50
of "work," 72, 73
de la Hoya, Oscar, 49
DeMille, Cecil B., God's apparent contract with, 227
Dent, Martin, Jubilee epiphany of, 64
Des (nanny), AJ mootly given
permission to have affair with, 137-38
Descartes, Rene, AJ's seven previous references to fetish of, 36
Deuteronomy, Book of:
on binding money to your hand, 6, 197
on binding the commandments to your hand and between your eyes, 197
on correct attire, 15
on the generations punished for fathers' sins, 144, 145, 338 on keeping the feast of booths, 77 on a lifetime of Bible reading, 7 on loans to your neighbor, 243 on the Lord's send off to Moses, 153
on Moses' completion of his book, 200
on not hardening your heart against your poor brethren, 82, 228
on not mixing wool and linen, 23 on not taking the mother bird with the young, 185
on offering peace before attacking enemy, 246-47
on returning lost property, 187 the Shema in, 242
on sparing the rod, and then some, 111-12
on teaching children obedience to God's laws, 152
on thanksgiving prayer, 94, 95
on there being no escape from God's curses, 112
on time of Egyptian slavery, 244
on tithing produce, 214
on when to break a cow's neck, 20
witnesses of sin required in, 136
on writing the commandments on your doorposts, 15
Deutsch, Nathaniel, on Esau's "kiss," 239
Diaz, Cameron, plans for ignoring love life of, 143
Dickinson, Emily, all white wardrobe of, 122
Diesel, Vin, actually paying to see a movie of, 74
dinosaurs, 44
how Noah fit them into the ark, 59-60
humans once on friendly terms with, 57
medieval dragons as, 58
Dismantling the Big Bang, 62
DIY religion, 12, 199, 257
Dobson, James, paddling
recommended by, 40
Doctors Without Borders and other selfless secular groups, 301 documentary hypothesis, 200-201, 339
doing good, by secularists vs. people of faith, 301-2
Dome of the Rock, 190
dominionism, influence of, 293 Don't Know Much about the Bible (Davis), 309, 335, 336, 340 doorpost:
lamb's blood painted on, 235
slave put against (it's complicated and horrific), 245
writing commandments on, 154- 56, 243
Dora the Explorer, eye-catching suburban mom on, 129-30
earth age, 58
significance of a life compared to, 107
Ecclesiastes (Qohelet):
on dabbing oil on head, 42
eating and drinking encouraged by, 232
on overhearing your servant (or others) curse you, 152
on seasonality, 121
on there being a time for every matter, 329
on there being no end of books, 292 a time for not reading of, 118-19 on visiting the house of
mourning, 109
on wearing white garments, 122, 123
on when an untimely birth is better than living, 307, 309 on the whole duty of man, 15 on the uncertainties of life, 114- 15, 225
writer of, 114
Eden, Garden of:
the actual forbidden fruit in, 17, 80, 335
creationist diorama of, 57
edible crickets, locusts, etc., 172, 174, 201, 338
eggs:
human, implanting of, 146
Karaite avoidance of, 307
pigeon's, sensitively separating mother from, 184, 185-88
Egypt, ancient, 89
Hebrew Exodus from, 13, 227, 233-36
Hebrew slavery in, 166, 244 reciting only Nine plagues of, 233 size of private parts in, 282 teenage AJ in family visit to, 45
Eighth Commandment, 112-13, 138-40
see also stealing
Einstein, Albert, neuron-sparing identical suits in closet of, 142
elders, rising in honor of, 177-78 elimination issues, outdoor,
directionality in, 143
Elizabeth (friend), coveted front yard of, 26
Encyclopaedia Britannica, 6, 7-8, 114, 163, 200, 203, 253
see also Know-It-All, The
encyclopedias, Bible's differences from, 13
end times, how now red cows are signs of, 188-92
Ephesians, Epistle to, on
unwholesome talk, 99-100, 281, 282
Epicureanism, Ecclesiastes as Bible's best source of, 232
epiphanies:
at bat mitzvah, 325-26
on Bible project, 6
of experiencing oneness in AJ's teen years, 22, 86
on God's "immersion
journalism," 80
on Jubilee concept linked to thirdworld debt, 64
of longed-for spiritual state, 85
ritual chicken as Isaac to AJ's Abraham, 164
Epstein, Rabbi, on kaparot ritual, 161-62, 163-64, 165
Equal Rights 4 All, 233
equal-time policy, 201-3
"erythrocyte," AJ haunted by
memories of, 58
Esau, Jacob and, 237-40, 316-17 Escher, M. C., biblical paradox likened to drawings of, 143 Esquire magazine, 28, 35, 54, 157, 166, 198
AJ's stint as food editor of, 231
"Bible guy" assigned
mischievously by, 130-32
"dressage dinosaur" mocked by, 59, 60
God contrasted with, 219-20
menstrual schedules emailed to AJ at, 49
no-sex productivity at, 288
poly-cotton T-shirt of, 15
Esquire magazine (cont.)
raiding supply cabinet of, 138 serpent-handling article of, 294 Wikipedia article of, 200
Essenes, white clothes of, 123
Esther, story of, 207, 292
ethics, faith-based, 63
Ethiopia, Judah warned of alliance
with, 89
etrog, see Adam's etrog
evangelical Christianity, 258-63
faith vs. good works in, 256-57 in gay, anti-Robertson Bible study group, 264-68
gay issue as viewed in, 263
key difference between Judaism and, 256-57
literalists of, 11, 56, 253, 257, 262-63, 265
primacy of being born again in, 262-63
in Sabbath comeback, 72
transformation in following Christ promised by, 257
Evangelicals Concerned, 264-68
Bible verses read in, 264-65
Jesus' divinity emphasized in, 265
knowledge of clothes in, 265
see also Blair, Ralph
Eve, at Creationist Museum, 58
see also Adam and Eve
everything:
purposefulness of, 205, 222-23, 248
thankfulness for, 268-69
written in the Book of Life, 276 evil tongue (lashon hara), 99-101, 158, 227, 251, 337
see also forbidden speech
evolution, creationist rejection of, 56, 107-8, 200
Exodus, Book of, 277
on adultery, 135
on causing a pregnant woman to lose her offspring, 309, 340
cursing ruler of your people banned in, 284
on God's paramountcy, 20
on graven images, 104
on honoring your parents, 241
on how not to forget the Ten Commandments, 35
on keeping the Sabbath, 71, 123, 220
on a land flowing with milk and honey, 209
on making incense, 302
on making no mention of other gods, 17, 328
on marking hand and forehead as a memorial to the Lord's law, 196
on not joining hands with wicked men, 240
on not oppressing strangers, 74
on penalty for striking parents, 278
on rules for Passover, 233, 234
on separating milk and meat (and ultimately banning cheeseburgers), 69
on stealing, 138
on treatment of slaves, 245
"eye for an eye," 245, 246
"turn the other cheek" vs., 255 Ezekiel:
earthy language of, 282, 340
God's bread-making instruction to, 52-53, 306
heroic performances of, 89
on intergenerational punishment, 338
on the sweetness of the roll God has given him, 325
false evidence, 240
false gods, 96
false Messiah (Antichrist), 189, 191 false prophets, 89
false witness, liars given hope by
narrowed views on, 54
Falwell, Jerry, 11, 257, 260, 292 attending a disappointingly bland sermon of, 261-62
9/11 seen as divine retribution by, 113, 260
rueful lying on visit to, 262, 291 "soul winners" encouraged by, 262
ultraliteral Christianity well represented by, 258
family, immortality achieved through, 145-46
fantasies, truth telling about, 291-92 Farrow, Mia, 102
Feed the Children, 38
fertility:
Bible awash with thoughts of, 17-19, 335
bird's nest ritual plainly
efficacious for, 188
see also being fruitful and
multiplying; pregnancy
fertility clinic, 117
AJ and Julie at, 146-47
inquiring about last frozen
embryo at, 308
fibers, mixed, ban against, 15, 22-25, 36, 43, 68, 91, 111, 122, 149, 203
Fifth Commandment, 241-43
see also parents, honoring of Finding Nemo, creationist view of, 61 First Amendment rights, 251
First Commandment, 183
see also God
Fluker's Farms, edible bugs supplied by, 174-75
Focus on the Family, 40
Foer, Jonathan Safran, coveted speaking fee of, 26, 28
Fonzie, nonmenacing white worn by, 122
food, 169-76
banned, see forbidden foods
giving thanks for, 95-96
going vegetarian with scriptural backing, 307
grease-soaked latkes, scriptural silence on, 121
of Hebrew slaves in Egypt, 165-66
kosher but actually inedible, 173-74
locusts, crickets, and grasshoppers on list of approved bugs, 174
modified Mediterranean diet, 173
of rabbits, 59, 166
Robertson's age-defying pancakes, 262
Food and Drug Administration, 175 food metaphors:
biting off more than you can chew, 48
in cafeteria religion, 327-29
chopped-salad laws, 43
on having a hunger and/or a thirst, 13, 53, 327
in Song of Solomon, 133, 134 foot washing:
Amish, 30
gargling compared to, 304
offered (unsuccessfully) to AJ's guests, 303-4
forbidden beds, 51
forbidden bugs, 174, 175-67
forbidden chairs, 52
forbidden clothes:
if disturbingly form fitting, 129-30
of mixed fibers, 15, 22-25, 36, 43, 68, 91, 111, 122, 149, 203, 255
nonwhite, 122
of questionable skins, 15
women's, unless women are wearing them, 15, 39
forbidden drink, biblical ambiguities about, 231-33
forbidden foods, 169-72
cheeseburgers, 69
in common restrictions of the day, 171
elusive rules on, 171
lists of, 17, 170
tribal identity, not health, as basis of, 170
forbidden footballs (if pigskin), 203 forbidden fruit, 79, 146
fig, grape, pomegranate . . . , 335
orange, not apple as, 17
from recently planted tree, 8, 171-72
forbidden fun, 262
forbidden games, 72, 203
forbidden haircuts, 181, 331-32 forbidden holidays, 88
forbidden images, 104-6
see also idols, idolatry
forbidden pity, in rarely applied tactic, 111-12
forbidden Sabbath behavior, 71-74
forbidden sex, see adulterers,
adultery; bestiality;
homosexuality; incest; but not polygamy
forbidden speech, 99-101, 337
AJ's clamming up rather than spewing of, 157
allowable types of, 100
biblical synonyms for, 99
bloviating putz's narrow escape from torrent of, 100-101 Julie chided on resorting to, 157-58
metaphors for, 157
often avoided in AJ's presence, 180 Talmud on, 99
forbidden tap water, 140
forbidden uncle, see Gil (ex-uncle)
forbidden women:
impure, periodic avoidance of, 48-52, 143
married, 135; see also adulterers, adultery
in purple flip-flops or low-riding Calvins, 27; see also lust avoidance
virgins, with important
exceptions, 135
forbidden words, D, 11, 72, 131 A-, 158
of an atheist's Methodist,
Victorian aunt, 96-97
B-, 131, 134
of a beloved vegan-feminist, politically correct aunt, 110 cleaner (and mainly sweeter) substitutes for, 282
in ClearPlay, 131-32
of creationists, 61
F-, 11, 101, 131, 145, 282
H-, 131
S-, 131, 145, 281, 282
sound-alike surrogates for, 282, 310 see also forbidden speech
forbidden work, 72, 73
Ford, Henry, 293
foreskin, men (who else?) seeking recovery of, 318
forgiveness:
with an asterisk, 274
of debts, 64-65
in Jesus' moral teaching, 256, 289
in Jonah story, 83
for meeting ex-uncle, 46, 317 no literal limits to, 289