Defiant Surrender

by Tamara Gill

  She walked out and hurried to the security of the castle. She looked toward the smithy and noticed Sir Alex watching her. She ignored his worried countenance and proceeded into the Great Hall. It seemed to take forever to make her way to her room. With shaking fingers, Maddie shut her door and turned the massive key in the lock. Slumping against the wood, she sighed in relief before she touched her lips.

  When he’d kissed her, with such demanding softness, had she not been so angry with his obnoxious audacity, she would have unravelled like a ball of wool. She would have kissed him back and enjoyed every second of it. Her stomach fluttered as the memory of his tongue sliding into her mouth raced through her mind.

  Holy mother of Christ, after everything he had done; ignored her, cheated on her, and frustrated her, she was in lust with him. She closed her eyes in self-disgust, thumped the door behind her. How could a twenty-first century woman fall so low? But fall she had, for the worst kind of fiend alive.

  *

  Later that evening, Maddie sat alone in her room. Her hand idly twisted the rosary beads Mistress Rhode had given her the day before. She wondered how she would go about hiding her mixed emotions from William. God forbid he try to touch her again, she may not have the sense next time to push him away. And why, when she made him so obviously angry, would he kiss her? She shook her head as she stared out over the darkened land beyond her windows. A group of outlying cottages the only shadows that marred the hills, dimly lit by the scatter of stars appearing in the night sky. As an all too familiar knock sounded on her door, Maddie turned and watched Mistress Rhode bustle into the room. Flushed, she fluttered over to her in excited haste.

  “M’lady, there you are. I have been searching everywhere for you, the baron wishes to see you.”

  “I’ve already had the pleasure.”

  “You have?”

  “Yes…he happened upon me as I came back from my daily walk to the river,” she replied, half-smiling as her maid visibly relaxed at the news. Her jaw clenched in annoyance. How dare the man frighten people? It was pathetic that they ran themselves ragged just to please His Lordship.

  “So, m’lady, did His Lordship tell you of the new bathing quarters in the castle? This is my surprise for you.”

  Maddie stood at the mention of bathing and cleanliness, not something she’d seen a lot of in this time. “He never mentioned a bathroom.”

  “Over the past months the floor beneath this one has been having some improvements. The new bath chamber is now ready for use, m’lady.”

  “Can I see it?”

  “’Twould be my pleasure. Follow me, if you please,” Mistress Rhode said opening the door for her.

  Moments later, Maddie entered a room, no doubt once a bedchamber, now decked out as a medieval bathroom. A maid busily stoked a fire, pots of boiling water bubbled over the large hearth. A round wooden tub lined in cloth, sat in the centre of the room. Soaps that smelt of lavender lay within a bowl. Cloths and towels, neatly folded on a wooden shelf, sat ready for use. Despite the lack of running hot water and a flushable toilet, the room was lovely. Maddie took in the room before she noted a door beside the window.

  “Where does that door lead to, Mistress Rhode?” she asked, sure no balconies joined this side of the keep. Her room, directly above, would have revealed this.

  “That, m’lady,” her maid said in enthusiasm, “is the new garderobe.”

  “Garderobe?”

  “Come, m’lady. It is most visionary.”

  Maddie walked across the room and stepped into the wooden structure, which seemed to protrude from the castle wall. She looked down a circular hole and into the flowing moat below.

  “Is this the toilet then?”

  “I do not understand toilet, m’lady. But this is the garderobe, where you may do your…private business.”

  Maddie stemmed a laugh. “So they built this wooden structure onto the wall just so a toilet could be housed within the keep?”

  “Garderobe, yes, m’lady.”

  “What’s the little pot for, the one on the shelf in there?” she asked, picking up the container before putting it back in haste. Her eyes watered from the foul stench.

  “Lady Madeline, you know urine is saved for dyeing of cloth.”

  “You use urine to dye our clothes?”

  “M’lady, you know of this way. You have used it yourself.” Her maid smiled.

  “I would not put my hand into my own urine, let alone someone else’s.”

  “I’m sure, once your memory returns, you will remember all of your life as it was before. Do not trouble yourself, m’lady, it may only lengthen the time before your memory does come back.”

  Maddie nodded, not sure she wanted to remember her previous life, especially if it had her remembering working with urine to dye clothes. She looked down at the gown she wore, and wondered whose pee had been used on the fabric. She lifted her arm and smelt her sleeve, thankful the only smell that met her senses was one of clean, washed cloth.

  She looked over at her maid, who seemed to be chuckling silently. Maddie laughed.

  *

  Two days later, Maddie sat comfortably—well, as comfortably as one could in a medieval carriage with no glass windows or suspension. She bit back a smile and refused to gloat over her triumph. Her husband had in fact met her at the carriage this morning, and alone at that. She couldn’t help but think she had won a battle against His Lordship this day.

  They travelled for most of the day and were due to arrive at Aimecourt within the hour. Or so her bad tempered spouse had uttered while glowering across at her. Other than those few words, William hadn’t spoken at all. Not that she minded. It saved her from having to argue with the ancient he-man.

  She’d enjoyed the day immensely even with the shocking conveyance and her “delightful” travelling companion. They had stopped for lunch and had partaken of an impromptu picnic. Sir Alex was a welcome friend after being stuck with William. They had companionably eaten bread, cheese, and a tart wine. She had almost dozed as she listened to him speak of his own home south of London and the woman he hoped to make his own.

  Sir Alex spoke with such love and wistfulness over his betrothed that Maddie could almost be jealous of the lucky woman who would marry him. William had sat away from them, brooding and quiet while they talked. His eyes had burned a path across to them, until, unable to stand it any longer, she had looked away. Maddie wondered if William was a little jealous. It would serve him right if he was.

  “Aimecourt is just ahead, Lady Madeline.”

  Pulled from her musings, she looked out the carriage window as they reached the peak of a hill, allowing her apparent ancestral home to come into view. The foundations sat on the edge of the valley before them; the castle itself sat above a monstrous amount of stone. The fortress was magnificent. Bordered on three sides by ocean, it looked to sit on an island. The gatehouse, situated over an ocean moat that filled with seawater, its only entrance.

  An impossible building to take during battle; no wonder Lord William wouldn’t grant an annulment. Who in their right mind would give up ownership of such a place? It reminded her of Tintagel Castle which she had once toured while in Cornwall.

  “You are looking at your home, Lady Madeline, like you have never seen it before. Have you missed it so much that you cannot keep from gazing upon its grandeur?”

  She ignored his sarcastic tone and looked back toward the castle.

  “I’d be lying if I said I am not looking forward to being home. Do you not miss your own when away, my lord?” she asked, a double entendre to her question. She had not been thinking of Aimecourt or Kingston Castle at all, but her own home in Greenwich, which seemed a million life times away at present.

  “It is only a stone building. I travel a great deal, Lady Madeline; it is easy to forget where home is,” he said, before looking away.

  Maddie kept her eyes on his and watched as he squirmed at the lie he just told. For all his words that his home me
ant nothing, the beading of sweat atop his brow and his inability to look at her told another truth. His home was run with dedication. Not a thing was left untended, including those who worked his lands. No, William did not fool her; he loved his home and his lands. Took pride in them. Even if he did disappear for weeks on end.

  “You are very different from what I’d been told of you, Lady Madeline.”

  Maddie looked back from the view of passing fields and working serfs to her husband. “Oh, how so?” She refused to fidget as his dark, hooded gaze studied her profile.

  “I find it strange that Lady Veronica has more grace and finesse than you, when you were brought up in and around privileges rivalling those of the king.”

  Maddie frowned. “Are you calling me common?”

  “Well, Aimecourt is a thriving stronghold so I rank you more than common. And you seem to have wits, since your holdings strength and production have only increased since your father’s death. However,” he paused, “I believe when your father had you undergo tutelage in the arts of being a lady, he allowed the standard to slip.”

  “And you my lord, to point out my flaws, were never raised as a gentlemen.”

  A heavy silence ensued. Maddie glared, before she turned away. What an obnoxious arse.

  *

  The carriage crossed a wooden drawbridge, which spanned a deep ravine. They passed through the gatehouse and stopped within the outer bailey. With the help of Lord William, Maddie disembarked, pulling her hand free of his clasp the moment her feet touched the ground. Why, whenever she inadvertently touched him, did nerves assail her? At shouts and commands behind her, she turned and watched, entranced as the drawbridge closed, isolating them within the walls. People were everywhere; it was a complete working village on top of a rock.

  The carriages moved on to be unloaded and a moment later, Mistress Rhode joined her before accompanying her inside. Since her husband had thought to take himself off elsewhere, Maddie pretended indifference and proceeded indoors to inspect her property.

  It only now dawned upon her that she knew no one, nor did she know her way around the massive edifice. As she walked into the Great Hall, she stopped, stunned, in front of two life-sized paintings of people she recognized. Without the period clothing, she could have been looking at her mum and dad, exactly as she had seen them last. Before a drunk driver took them away from her at seventeen, and her dreams along with them.

  She slumped into a large chair and tried to make sense of it all. A gust of heat from the roaring fire nearby heated her cheeks as her mind fought with the possibilities. What was happening? Was all this some sort of reincarnated life? Everyone here certainly saw her as the Lady Madeline. So she must look like her. And the people in the painting were most assuredly her parents. So maybe somehow people were not only reborn over and over again, but continued to have the same family repeatedly?

  No, that couldn’t be right.

  “Some refreshments are being brought in, Lady Madeline,” said Mistress Rhode as she lowered herself onto a wooden chair next to the hearth and held her hands to the flames. “Does your home seem familiar to you, my dear? If you have not recovered your memory by spring, I will consult my mother. She normally passes through this area during that time of year. She may know if there is anything to be done. Is that agreeable to you, m’lady?”

  Maddie smiled over to her, and nodded.

  “That’s fine, Mistress Rhode, do as you will, but I believe nothing can be done. I have no memory of this home or the land surrounding it. I only remember my life before, and that existence did not occur in 1102.”

  She paused as she sipped the fruity mead handed to her by a servant. Thanking the maid, Maddie frowned when the girl appeared stunned by the gesture before scuttling off. Why did people keep running away from her like that?

  “One thing I will admit to, Mistress Rhode, is the couple before us in that painting are indeed my parents. Their clothing may be unfamiliar to me, but otherwise they are most definitely a familiar pair.”

  “Lady Madeline,” her maid gasped, “Do you still think yourself from the future? Surely not. I’m sure given time, your memory will return and all this worry will be for naught.”

  “I’m sorry, but you’re wrong. I’m not sure what the other Lady Madeline was like, but surely you must see how different we are. My actions, my speech. Your Lady Madeline was a powerful baron’s daughter. A lady of the first water. I’m,” she said, clasping her hand to her heart, “the only daughter of a teacher and a housewife. I went to a public school, wore hand-me-down clothes and now run an antique store for a living. I have no social graces, and I do not remember anyone or anything here at Aimecourt, or at Kingston castle for that matter.”

  Mistress Rhode pursed her lips. “It is true, m’lady, that you hit your head. Perhaps worse than I first thought. But you are the Lady Madeline in features. There is perhaps,” she frowned, “a certain coarseness now about your manner of speech and graces that had never been there before. But that is nothing that cannot be fixed.”

  Maddie nibbled on a portion of bread and sipped her mead. “What was the Lady Madeline you knew like?”

  Mistress Rhode sighed and sat back within her chair. “A tyrant, just as her father was. The property was always to be hers, or any sons she may have. Lady Madeline’s tutelage was thorough and hard. Your former self would never have said thank you to a mere vassal for anything. So it does not surprise me, m’lady, if your people are a little in awe and wary of you.”

  Maddie nodded, understanding now what William had meant by his dig at her in the carriage. It also explained why whenever she used her manners people looked at her as if they were waiting for another person to appear.

  “Perhaps something did happen in that carriage, that neither you nor I can explain, Lady Madeline. But you are a kind and considerate woman. Whilst Lady Madeline of old, the woman I had protected all of those years past, was mean, uncharitable, and hard.” Mistress Rhode paused, her attention fixed on the flames as she spoke. “I had at times even felt sorry for Lord William. I knew Lady Madeline would not make an easy wife.” She chuckled. “It seems even the new one will not.”

  Maddie’s smile fell short as she sat forward. “This time in history scares me, Mistress Rhode. I haven’t had the Lady Madeline of old’s upbringing, nor do I know what I’m doing. I’m lost.”

  “I will admit, m’lady, that you are changed, but not for the worse. You may lack some of the social graces appropriate to your status, but that is easy to overcome.” Her maid leant forward and clasped her hand. “You must promise me not to speak of your concerns or former life with anyone other than myself. It reeks of witchcraft, and if you are in fact from the future, you know what happens to such unfortunates.”

  Maddie’s stomach knotted. “I understand. But you will promise to ask your mother, when you see her, what could be done to return me home?” Maddie asked.

  “Of course, my dear,” she replied, smiling.

  They sat in silence and watched as their trunks were carted through the hall toward the winding stone staircase.

  “Mistress Rhode, while I’m here, there is something I must find, or at least try to find. You see, the day I returned to 1102, I had found an ancient ring, buried on the shore of the Thames River in London. It was a wedding ring of sorts, one made of pewter with an inscription inside. When I placed the ring on my finger, the next thing I was conscious of was sitting on the carriage floor talking to you. I am hopeful that…that if I find this ring, I will find a way back home.”

  Her maid frowned and held her response as the food platter was placed before them. “We shall look for the ring anon, child. Never fear, all will be well in time. But I pray your mind is confused as I would not want to lose you.”

  Maddie clasped her maid’s hand, oddly touched by the sincerity in her words. “Nor do I wish to lose you, Mistress Rhode. Thank you for being my friend.”

  *

  Neither saw nor heard the woman w
ho had listened to their damning conversation. The maid, dressed in nondescript clothes, smiled, a malicious tilt to her thin lips. The information would be quite useful to Her Ladyship and could possibly afford her a valuable trinket or gold coin once repeated. She allowed the shadows to close over her as she stepped out of the castle and headed toward the hidden exit near the guard’s gate.

  She smiled as her mind filled with all the pretty things she could buy. How Her Ladyship would be pleased once she hears of the Lady Madeline’s strange musings and dilemma. She snorted, all of it was codswallop, the Lady Madeline’s mind was addled by a knock, and that was all. But she’d enjoy seeing the lady hang or burn for witchcraft, she knew where her loyalty lay and it was not at Aimecourt.

  Chapter Five

  It wasn’t until the evening meal that Maddie saw William again. Earlier in the day, he had moved into her father’s bedchamber. A room joined to hers by an interlocking door. Upon entering her bedroom, Maddie’s first action was to lock that connecting door. After their kiss in the woodshed, she would take no further chances with the man.

  Tonight Maddie was dressed in a silver-threaded gown, with sleeves almost the same length as the dress itself. Blue and purple thread was skilfully stitched around the plunging neckline and ends of her sleeves. The hem of the gown was adorned with beautiful hand stitching. She couldn’t help but love the dress. It was surely the most gorgeous thing she had ever worn.

  “Do not forget your rosary, m’lady.”

  Maddie frowned and turned back from the door. Walked to her trunk and snatched up the beaded necklace made of ribbon. “Do I have to wear it all the time?” she asked, placing it over her head.

  “Lady Madeline was a devout Catholic. ’Twould be wise, I believe, to continue her religious beliefs,” Mistress Rhode said.

  “So I have to attend church every Sunday?”

  Her maid smiled then bent to stoke the fire. “Nay child, not every Sunday.”