Unapologetic (A Novel)

by Pamela Ann

  “What did you think of Cara’s performance in Clover?” Kells asked, ready to get down to the details.

  River lovingly gazed at me with one of those toe-curling, hellish smiles of his. “She was brilliant. Really proud of her. She was just amazing to me. She always has been, though, so I wasn’t surprised. She does everything well, just name it—dancing, singing, acting … I’m her biggest fan.”

  Kells’ face perked up, looking like she was piecing a very curious entertaining puzzle. “So, you guys used to sing, dance, and act together, too?”

  “She was the one who inspired me to act. I wouldn’t be in this position now if it weren’t for her,” River modestly admitted as he quickly glanced at Kells then gazed back at me with those expressive eyes of his. “She’s been an inspiration.”

  Why was he giving me credit for his gift? I did nothing but encourage.

  “You were good at what you did. Everyone thought so back then. I did nothing really.”

  “You did more than you think,” River interjected.

  Anton and Kells looked at each other like they had just found out the America’s nuclear codes and didn’t know what to do with them.

  “So, you guys were the best of friends, then?” Anton quipped, raised brows, wicked smile, and all.

  River’s smile dimmed a little, remembering the past. “We were thick as thieves.”

  I was silent, pondering his responses. Going down memory lane agitated me. Tonight was about having fun. Getting emotional wasn’t on my to-do list.

  Not only did I find the prospect daunting, it was stifling, too, a surefire to dampen my perky mood. However, it seemed that my friends weren’t going to stop grilling River. And since they knew I wasn’t forthcoming, this would be the best bet to get answers to any of their lingering questions.

  “Let me see here, so you, like, sky-rocketed to fame, fell out of touch, and now you guys just reunited again? Does that mean we’ll be seeing hella lot of you?” Anton fanned his lashes. No doubt the thought of seeing his so-called idol was the best news he had ever had.

  River cocked his head toward me before tapping his fingers on the table. “That depends on, Cara. but I do want to restore our friendship.”

  Feeling bombarded by emotions, I wanted to crawl underneath the table.

  “This is not the time and place, you guys. Where’s the fun in this?” I asked timidly before organizing another shot to drown them all out.

  “You two are too cute,” Anton sighed, the wheels in his head kept turning, seeing something I wouldn’t agree on. “Can we take a selfie?”

  Not those again. I wasn’t in the mood to project a happy smile face.

  “Not with me, you can’t, sorry. But I’m sure River won’t mind.”

  Anton appeared hurt from my immediate rejection. “Oh, you’re such a killjoy. Maybe next time, then. If Parker gets green with envy, then that’s his problem. I tell you, that man is like borderline obsessed with you. He’s gotta take some Ambien or something to chill.”

  Of all the times to complain about the present man in my life, it wasn’t necessary in the presence of my ex fiancé. But my friends didn’t know that.

  I threw a pleading look at Anton, hoping he would shut up. “Anton, he’s a little too much sometimes, but he means well,” I reiterated the same excuse that I, myself, was getting tired of hearing.

  “Sorry. Maybe it is, but sheesh … I love you, Sprinkles, but you can’t deny there’s some truth it. With that said, let’s just have some fun tonight, yeah?”

  Kells poured another drink, took a few lengthy sips before throwing her arm around Anton. “I feel like dancing. Come on; show me some hot and spicy moves.”

  “This fat ass can jiggle, but sure.” Anton winked at us before getting pulled by Kells. “Excuse us.”

  Watching them leave, I then reverted my attention back to the man next to me. I was nervous like I was on my first date—full of jitters and uncertainty.

  My eyes were drawn to his hand that casually rested on the table. The very sight of it brought me back to the way it used to caress me, sending me to heaven with a simple stroke, a graze.

  Flashbacks were a damnable thing, most especially if he person was right next to you, larger than life.

  Dragging my eyes away, I caught his impenetrable gaze, and for a brief moment, I felt something zap inside like a jolt of electricity, bringing me back to life, making me feel alive like never before.

  “Hi,” he whispered, vivid eyes heatedly trapping me, luring me to focus on him and his lips.

  My mouth ran dry as I tried to regain my composure. “Hi.”

  It was the way he was gazing and smiling at me. He was being ridiculously cute, and I was instantly transported back in time. Gone was the darkness and hurt and the past that was riddled with pain and betrayal. I was simply a woman who was enthralled by a man who touched my baser instincts, making feel beautiful by a mere gaze alone.

  Dark eyes probed into mine, unsubtly scrutinizing my face. “Are you mad at me for bombarding on you like this?”

  I felt bombarded all right, but not for the reasons he suggested.

  Sitting so close to him, my body felt electrified, awakened from a long hiatus. A physical force that never waned wherever he was concerned.

  Shaking my head, I wondered if he had any idea where my mind had wandered. Then I shyly smiled at him, barely meeting his intense gaze. “No, I’m not. Anton’s a huge fan of yours. He’s going to kill me; I know it.”

  He chuckled before bearing a sly smile. “Well, I’ll ask him not to. I hope that’ll help.”

  Oh, he was really pulling out the big guns tonight with that sexy, knee-buckling smile of his.

  Toying with my glass, I tried to calm my unsteady heart. “It might work, seeing that he’s got a major crush on you.”

  He laughed. “I seem to get that a lot.”

  That sound of his laugh—deep, husky, sexy as fuck, God help me. It was doing crazy things to me.

  “I don’t doubt it.” Biting the bottom of my lip, I tried to concentrate on other things, instead of the way my pussy seemed to have activated, contracting and begging for him. Yeah, my vagina literally was calling out to him. Some ridiculous psychic my pussy was.

  “It’s good to see you. I thought about visiting, but then I realized that I may not be welcome … so seeing you here’s definitely a nice surprise.”

  God, he looked ridiculously delicious. I hadn’t noticed before, but his hair was longer. It went all the way to his chin. The sexy Viking grunge look was driving my libido into overdrive. And no matter how I tried to deny it, it felt amazing to be feeling this way again.

  If he could read my thoughts, he would most likely tease me.

  But back to lucid thoughts, I recalled what he just stated about seeing me.

  Not meeting his gaze, I tried to play it cool, acting unaffected by his magnetizing sex appeal. “It’s good to see you, too,” I murmured, while I contemplated how in the world I managed to despise the man for so long yet still reacted to him.

  He inched his hand over the table, reaching for my pinky finger before loosely holding it. “Do you mean that?” he whispered, looking intently at me, searching my face.

  “I do mean it.” It had to be the alcohol that got made me less feisty and more compliant toward his advances. It had lowered my defenses.

  “Then dance with me,” he insisted with an amused expression.

  My mouth went dry. The thought of having my body so close to his stalwart figure made me feel faint.

  “I’d rather not,” I mumbled.

  Not only was I tipsy, but add on sex into the equation and it would be an intoxication I might not be able to handle. Sexual tension already crackled between us, so dancing with him would surely charge that pressure to combustible heights.

  “Why not? You used to love it.” His eyes sparkled, beckoning and utterly disarming.

  He was right. I used to love everything about him. But thank heavens t
here was still a part of me that wouldn’t yield.

  “It’s just not appropriate, given the situation.”

  “Ah, I’m still in the doghouse.” He beamed, flashing his dimple as he scratched his stubble. His rugged, bad boy, devil-may-care look didn’t help my cause. In fact, it impaired it a great deal.

  When my fingers itched to touch that cute dip on his cheek, I knew I was in trouble. It was one of my varied weaknesses where he was concerned.

  “Come on, River … you know why.” Biting my bottom lip, I glanced away as I battled the uncontained emotions within.

  “I’m not asking you to marry me, Cara. It’s just dancing.”

  “Maybe next time …”

  I deeply blushed from his blatant reference to our past. I had been engaged to the man once, and he was making a light jest of it. He was being too cheeky, too flirty, causally mentioning it like it didn’t trigger anything between us. He was testing the waters, hoping to gain some leverage. Did he not know that, though tough as I may appear, my clouded judgment couldn’t handle him?

  He inched closer to my ear, breathing me in. “I’ll take you up on that,” he deeply rasped out, hypnotizing, compelling my weakened senses.

  “I know you will.” This man wouldn’t give up until he got what he desired.

  River pulled back, giving me a little breathing space before pressing his lips together, contemplating as he intently gazed at me with unmasked desire. “So … where’s the boyfriend?”

  He was inquiring about Parker? Uh, why?

  Confused, I anxiously swallowed hard. God help me. I was treading into treacherous territory, but I couldn’t bring myself to walk away, either. Where was the strong-willed Cara who had shut River down the first time we had encountered each other after so many years apart?

  Shut him down … You mean, almost having sex with him almost two hours later? Yeah, that shut him down all right.

  I was a walking contradiction.

  “Parker’s shooting a new film. He’s not here.”

  His facial expression became unreadable. Mercurial almost. Gone was the sparkle in his eye and in came the inquisition.

  “And he’s been treating you well?”

  “I guess …” It was a white lie, one I didn’t want to discuss. “But, I realized that I’ll be better off, so I plan to break it off with him the next time I see him.” I had automatedly clued him in without thought. However, it was too late to backtrack. If there was any doubt how my body and mind didn’t synchronize, this was it.

  “I see,” he murmured. “So, you’re going to be single soon.” The sparkle in his eyes was unquestionably back now.

  Gazing toward Anton and Kells, I saw they seemed to be having fun without worrying to check if I was being barraged by Mister Don Juan here. Not that I needed someone to fight my battles, but it would be nice to have a mediator.

  “Yep, it looks that way.”

  “Well, that’s good to hear.” He was beyond pleased. His face said it all.

  “I’m sure it is, but don’t get any ideas,” I immediately shut him down.

  “Who, me?” He blew out a breath before letting out a vigorous laugh. “Oh, I never do, petal.”

  I threw him a sardonic look, not buying the bullshit.

  His riotous laughter carried on for a bit before he softly regarded me. “You know me; I’m just happy to see you. I thought I was hallucinating when I first spotted you. Then I pinched myself. Turns out you were the real deal, and I wasn’t dreaming you anymore.”

  His smile was infectious, and I couldn’t help returning it. Maybe it was the way he was ogling me, but for the life of me, I couldn’t look away. I just fucking couldn’t.

  “I’m happy to see you, too.”

  “Do you mean that?”

  “I do.” I did, terrifyingly enough, I did.

  His face brightened, his eyes imploring. “Thanks for telling me that. I know you do—of course I know that, we grew up together—but it’s good to hear that you still do,” he said wistfully.

  His intonation carried a lot of weight, filled with emotions that were still too raw for me to deal with. So, what else was there for me to do?

  I poured myself another shot and took it without hesitation. All the while, his eyes seemed to follow me, seeming fascinated to see me breathe.

  “Your hair’s longer than usual,” I noted, perusing him like the perfect specimen he was.

  Last I saw him, he had kept it almost in a preppy fashion. But tonight … tonight he had the unrefined, disheveled appearance combined with a lethal dose of sex on legs.

  “I couldn’t cut it short. My contract made sure I couldn’t cut past a certain length,” he informed me.

  If he knew where my thoughts were going, he would probably have his hand between my thighs like he always did before. Fingers were his forte, a weapon he used to silence me.

  Oh, fuck. I poured my liquid poison while he earnestly watched me. Ignoring his eyes, I downed the rest of my shot while I tried to suppress my rated-R thoughts back to PG. At the present moment, the conversation was about his hair? Right, I could do this.

  “It’s a small sacrifice, given the kind of success you had with the franchise.” I cleared my throat, detesting myself for being so lustful, even when the situation wasn’t ideal.

  “Yeah, I’m very lucky it took off.” His hungry-filled eyes roamed, yearning and quite beholden.

  “You worked very hard; you’ve earned it.” He had Academy nods for his role, and with a legion of diehard teenage girls after him, his fame had sky-rocketed to unparalleled heights. Parker remarked on it before, stating that it was the teenage-girl fantasy machine that fueled his career in such a way that most unseasoned actors were jealous of. Unmistakably, Parker was one of many. I, on the other hand, applauded River’s tenacity and work ethic, even if I secretly hated him. I was proud of him; how could I not be? It was the best rags to riches story.

  “So, how are you these days, River? I mean, apart from randomly calling your exes over the phone, that is.”

  His large, manly hands took hold of the bottle. Then he poured himself a shot, all the way to the brim.

  “Is that right?” He grinned before annihilating the drink. His smile didn’t falter before those treacherous fingers reached out to touch my hair, emboldened. Mindlessly, he twirled his fingers, seeming to love the silky texture. “Just busy … And, in any case, if you’re interested, I just wanna put it out there that I’m single.”

  “You’re not very slick these days.” I laughed at his audacity, lighting up like never before. Tried as I might, my brain cells were rapidly declining with each passionate touch. How could I pull off appearing cool and collected?

  “It’s hard to be when my heart’s hammering hard and I can’t stop staring at the woman before me,” he stated, turning my world upside down.

  I was dumbstruck. Damn. Not only was he being beyond forward, but I was pulling out the stops to see him—I mean, really see him. River, the man I hopelessly adored, the man who once vowed to give me the world, the man who I had given my heart and soul to, and the very same one who I swore to love for the rest of my life.

  “You’re blushing,” he murmured as he slowly licked his lips, probably holding back from devouring me right here for everyone to see.

  And the dimple was back again, toying with mind and overeager body. Fuck.

  “How can I not blush?” What did he expect when he was so unabashedly forward?

  “Don’t do that … or I won’t be able to stop myself from kissing you. You have no idea how hard it is to sit here and not touch you … taste you.” His tongue darted out again as his eyes seared into mine. “I’ve missed your taste on my tongue, Cara.”

  “You wouldn’t dare.” As much as I liked optimism, I knew my body’s limits. If he kissed me, I knew I wouldn’t protest.

  He grazed the skin on my neck with his thumb, causing my skin to flush at his touch. He knew now how my pulse raced. “I just might, but I
don’t wanna scare you off. Besides, I’ll wait until boyfriend’s gone.”

  “Then …” It wasn’t necessarily a question as I watched him turn pensive.

  Our eyes met, dancing, courting fire that would soon engulf us.

  “I don’t know, Cara. You tell me.”

  In his mind, once Parker was gone, there would be no barrier. Well, that was where he thought wrong. As much as my body wanted him, my heart didn’t. I might not be able to count on my body, but I could rely on my heart. It was shut for good where River was concerned.

  “I intend to be single for quite some time … or maybe just date around. I have too much going on to be stuck in a relationship. It’ll take my focus off work, and in this point in my life, my career’s more important than investing in something that never lasts.”

  He frowned, looking puzzled at my response. “You’ve become a cynic.”

  “No, not a cynic. A realist. A woman’s got to be one to survive and stay sane.” Not that I was a feminist, either. In my tender age of twenty-one, I intended to do more living than crying. I had never been given this much freedom in my life, and there was more to explore, to taste, to live. I wasn’t going to give all that up because I was too broken to function. I had given my heart before, and the lesson it taught me wasn’t going to waste.

  “You used to be so passionate. You were so consumed by it that you could barely control it. Where’s the fire, Cara?”

  The fire was gone. He killed it, along with everything that thrummed in my veins—all my dreams, the good memories. He took the magic out of everything.

  “People change, River.”

  “I can see that … and how well you’ve changed,” he murmured with a tone that was heavily laced with longing that almost crushed my resolve.

  Just when it was becoming unbearable to endure, my friends trotted back and joined us. The respite gave a mild attempt into normalizing my heart rate.

  “Awe, look at you two. You guys look so perfect together,” Anton said on a sigh before sliding into the booth. “If you little Tweety birds haven’t dated yet, you guys should make a go for it, like seriously.”