Hopelessly Devoted to You

by Jill Steeples

  She bundled through the door to Finn’s room, her breathing still ragged, to find Jan and Gerry and such a large collection of medical staff standing around Finn’s bed that it was almost impossible to see if he was there in the melee.

  ‘Oh, darling, there you are!’

  Jan reached out for her hand, pulling her to her side so that she too could look at Finn.

  ‘What is it? What’s happened? Is he okay?’

  ‘Yes, darling, marvellous news. You’ll never believe it, but Finn woke up this morning. Only for a moment or two, but he definitely came back to us.’

  Ruby’s hand flew to her mouth.

  ‘Really! How? When? Oh, my God! What did he say?’ Relief rushed to every nerve ending in her body as she collapsed into Gerry’s side. She hadn’t allowed herself to entertain the thought that he would actually wake up. Not really. She hadn’t wanted to give herself false hope. Her every instinct told her that there could be no happy ending for Finn. It would be her punishment from the universe. Finn condemned to see out the rest of his life in a hospital bed. Or worse. Much worse. His life ruined for ever and hers too in the process.

  Now, just to completely mess up her head, Jan was laughing, a completely different atmosphere filling the small room. Ruby noticed for the first time in weeks that the pain and hurt that had etched itself into Jan’s features had lifted.

  ‘He didn’t say anything. He groaned a bit, didn’t he, Gerry?’ She looked with pride at her husband as though they’d just observed their small son smiling or walking for the first time. Not as if she was talking about an adult child emerging from a coma. ‘His eyes opened and he looked at us and smiled.’ Jan beamed, her voice brimming with emotion. ‘It was only a moment, but he definitely recognised us, didn’t he, Gerry?’

  Gerry nodded, smiling, looking at the doctors for clarification that it had actually happened, that they hadn’t imagined it all after all.

  ‘Be assured this is a very encouraging development for Finn,’ said the consultant. ‘But we need to remain cautious. I’d say cautiously optimistic but cautious all the same. We won’t know the full extent of Finn’s recovery for some time, but we’ll be monitoring him very closely. Later today he’ll be taken down for further scans. As soon as we have any more information then of course we’ll let you know. But yes, we have reason to be positive about Finn’s prognosis.’

  The group of doctors swept out as one and the collective sigh of relief from Jan, Gerry and Ruby was audible, causing them all to fall into a group hug, laughing together.

  Ruby hunched her shoulders and gave a little squee.

  ‘Did you hear that? Cautiously optimistic. That’s doctor’s speak for “absolutely freakin’ amazing”, isn’t it? I can’t believe it. It’s been so long, the longest three weeks of my life. I didn’t think…’ Her voice trailed away; she didn’t want to voice her worst fears to Finn’s parents.

  ‘Didn’t you, Ruby?’ Gerry chastised her with a look, before a smile spread across his lips. ‘Didn’t I tell you everything would be okay? You have to have a little faith,’ he said, taking hold of her hand and squeezing it tight. ‘I always knew Finn would come through this.’

  ‘Come and sit down next to Finn,’ Jan urged. ‘Talk to him. You never know, he might respond to your voice.’

  Ruby sat down feeling suddenly self-conscious. In the past few weeks she’d spent hours alone with Finn talking to him about everything and nothing. She’d apologised over and over for what had happened that night; she’d explained her motives and asked him to understand. She’d pleaded with him to get better and then, when she hadn’t been doing those things, she’d read snippets from the daily newspaper, told him funny stories she’d read on the Internet, relayed the messages from the hundreds of cards sent from well-wishers. In fact, she’d found it easy to spend whole swathes of time talking to him about nothing in particular, but now with Jan and Gerry in the room she struggled to find something to say.

  ‘Hello, Finn,’ she said, gripping his hand in hers, ‘how are you doing? I can’t believe I missed the big moment. You waking up! It’s so exciting, Finn. What we’ve all been waiting for. I’m just hoping you’re not going to keep us waiting much longer before doing it again.’

  For the first time that day, Ruby’s thoughts flitted from the frankly amazing news that Finn was on the verge of coming back to them to the frankly terrifying idea of what Finn’s reaction might be when he did finally wake up. Would he be agitated and disturbed to find her sitting at his bedside? Would he erupt in fury and order her to leave immediately? She felt sick to the stomach knowing it was only a matter of time now until the truth would be out and then what possible place would she have at Finn’s side? In the last few weeks she’d grown even closer to Jan and Gerry, sharing in their deep concern and anxiety for Finn’s condition. She couldn’t bear the thought that they would think badly of her, be disappointed in her.

  ‘I’ll go and get us a coffee,’ said Gerry, bringing Ruby back to the moment. ‘I think we could all do with one, eh?’

  ‘No, wait, Gerry, love.’ Jan’s voice was insistent. ‘Don’t go now. Look. It’s Finn. His eyes just flickered. Do you think he’s coming round again?’

  They huddled round Finn’s bed expectantly. He groaned, his eyelids still firmly shut but those gorgeous dark eyelashes were fluttering with intent as his wide expanse of jaw shifted imperceptibly from side to side.

  ‘Finn, darling,’ Ruby said, in barely more than a whisper. ‘Can you hear me? We’re all here for you. Your mum. Your dad. Me. Welcome back, sweetie.’

  Sleepily his eyes opened, his distinctive cobalt-blue eyes looking much bluer, much bigger, more intense than Ruby remembered. At that moment Ruby felt she could die from happiness. She hadn’t killed Finn after all! Everything would be all right in the world. His gaze addressed her warily before it flittered around the room taking in the faces of his parents observing him closely before the traces of a smile landed on his lips.

  ‘Mum?’

  ‘Hello, Finn, darling.’

  ‘Dad?’

  ‘Welcome back, son.’ Gerry grinned. He leant down and ran his hand through his son’s dishevelled hair. ‘You gave us one hell of a shock, lad, I can tell you. It’s good to have you back, Finn, that’s for sure.’

  Finn nodded, a small smile toying on his lips.

  ‘Yep.’ He smiled again, as if remembering some long-ago joke, before landing the benefit of his steely gaze on Ruby again. Her stomach swirled, memories rushing at her, good memories from all those years spent together, bad memories from that fateful night. The bad memories were winning out, taunting her right now.

  ‘Hi,’ he said, lifting his hand in a huge effort to offer a small wave at her. She laughed uneasily, looking around at Gerry and Jan for support.

  ‘Hi, Finn, darling,’ she said again.

  His eyes narrowed, his face registering confusion and vulnerability, as he looked to his parents and then back at Ruby. Was this it? Was this when he told her to go?

  ‘Hi,’ he said again, as though he were trying his voice out for the first time. The skin between his eyes puckered into a frown. A tentative smile appeared on his lips. ‘Who are you?’

  Nervous laughter, hers and Finn’s parents’, tinkled around the room.

  Um…’

  Oh, God, he couldn’t have completely forgotten her, surely!

  This is Ruby, Finn. Your girlfriend,’ Jan helpfully pointed out. ‘She was with you when you had your accident. You’re getting married in a couple of months’ time.’

  Too much information, thought Ruby. Way too much information.

  ‘Woah!’ A deep, warm, unrecognisable chuckle escaped his lips. ‘You’re my girlfriend? Woah!’ He shook his head as though he couldn’t quite believe what he was being told. ‘I have a girlfriend. That’s cool. Really, really cool. Nice one, Ruby.’

  And then he fell straight back to sleep again.

  Chapter Seven

  ‘Are you all rig
ht, Ruby?’

  After Finn’s brief, if somewhat startling, return from the dead, Ruby collapsed into the easy chair in the corner of the room, her head falling into her hands.

  ‘Yes, yes, I’m fine, it’s just…’ Her voice trailed away on the emotion of the moment.

  ‘I know. It’s completely overwhelming, isn’t it?’ said Jan, sitting down on the arm of the chair and putting an arm around Ruby’s shoulder. ‘Seeing Finn again, hearing his voice, who would have thought it? It’s almost like a miracle.’

  ‘Yes, I know and it’s absolutely wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but didn’t you find it all a little…a little weird too? I mean, I know it’s Finn lying there, I know it was him talking to us, but it was like seeing a stranger. It didn’t sound like him at all. His voice, it sounded so different.’

  ‘Give the poor boy a chance!’ Gerry chastised her lightly. ‘He’s had tubes down his throat for the last few weeks. It’s only natural that he’s going to sound a bit croaky. The doctors said not to expect too much from him, not in these early days. He’s bound to be a bit disoriented, confused.’

  ‘Yes, I guess.’ That would be it, she supposed. Finn wasn’t the only one feeling confused. Ruby felt completely unsettled after talking to him again. Admittedly, aside from the complete and utter relief that had swept through her body knowing that she hadn’t completely destroyed his life for ever, she’d been on edge, not knowing what he might say, if he’d mention the accident and what had happened leading up to it, whether he might become distressed and agitated as he remembered, but there’d been none of that.

  ‘Why didn’t he know who I was, then?’ It was all she’d been thinking about ever since Finn had looked at her as though he’d never set eyes on her before, but she hadn’t meant to say the words aloud.

  ‘Don’t worry about that, darling. He’d only just woken up. I don’t think he was really with it at all. Although he was very pleased to see you, wasn’t he? Did you see the way his face lit up when he found out you were his girlfriend?’ Jan gave a small laugh. ‘It’s going to take time for Finn to recover and adjust to what’s happened. It’s going to take time for us all. But the thing that matters is that Finn is back with us now and every day he’ll be making small improvements. You’ll see. This is just the beginning, Ruby.’

  ‘Yes, yes, of course,’ Ruby said, hoping Jan was right. It was preferable to believe that than to think Finn was so traumatised by the accident that he’d completely wiped her from his memory.

  Of course Finn wasn’t himself. He didn’t sound like the old Finn but that was only to be expected. He hadn’t known what he was saying either. He’d probably still been half asleep all the time he’d been spouting that nonsense. Obviously it would take time and patience for him to make any sort of progress. That would be it. Ruby didn’t mind. She wasn’t big on patience, but she owed it to Finn to see him through his recovery. If he wanted her at his side then that was where she was going to stay.

  Word spread quickly through the hospital floor that Finn had woken up and this new state of affairs made him something of a mini-celebrity on the ward. For the rest of the day, Finn had a constant procession of visitors from the doctors, nurses and the domestic staff, all wanting to see for themselves how the gorgeous young man in Room 2B was doing. Most of the visitors were from the merry band of nurses who had cared for Finn ever since he’d come into the hospital. Even in his lifeless condition, he’d still managed to be something of a catch and definitely a source of gossip, judging by the amount of attention he’d been attracting.

  Ruby wasn’t sure how he managed it, but he still looked pretty darn hot and desirable as he lay fighting for his life. The strong definition of his features had lost none of its impact in his incapacitated state, his hair had grown longer, giving it a mussed-up, dishevelled look and the broad set of his shoulders was still clearly visible beneath the white sheet. Finn even managed to do dying with style and panache, mused Ruby fleetingly, before chastising herself for such a terrible thought.

  It wasn’t lost on her that she was the envy of most women she met once they found out she was the girlfriend of such a gorgeous, dynamic and successful man. She was used to it. How had she managed it was always the unasked question hovering in the air. It was the same at the hospital. She’d struck up friendly relationships with all of the nurses who’d been caring for Finn, but they’d all been gently inquisitive about her relationship with Finn, interested to hear about his life outside the confines of the oppressive hospital room.

  ‘How long have you been going out with Finn, then?’

  ‘He’s a bit of a dish, isn’t he?’

  ‘And a city lawyer, to boot. Clever as well as gorgeous obviously.’

  ‘His mum tells me you’re getting married soon. A big stately home wedding? How wonderful! I’d love to do that one day. Only all I seem to meet is a succession of frogs. I could do with meeting my own Prince Charming like Finn.’

  She was sure too there was an element of ‘well, if Ruby can snag a good-looking hot-shot lawyer like Finn then there must be hope for me too’. It wasn’t that Ruby had been tarnished with the ugly stick, not at all; it was just that she was pretty average in the looks department. Unlike Finn, she didn’t know what it was like to walk into a room and have everyone turn round to admire her in awe. She was average height, average build, with mousey brown hair and green eyes. Pretty average really. She hadn’t reached her potential in her career either; she was still working on that one whereas Finn was on a sky-high trajectory to the big time.

  She’d often wondered herself what someone like Finn was doing with her, so she didn’t find it in the least surprising that other people might think the same too.

  Julie, one of the day nurses who’d been a great friend and support to Ruby over these last few weeks, bustled into the room, a huge smile on her face.

  ‘I hear our lovely Finn has finally deigned to make an appearance on the hospital social scene,’ she said breezily, as if she’d never expected anything less. She worked efficiently, taking his observations and noting them down on a clipboard she returned to the end of his bed. ‘I have to say you certainly know how to keep us waiting, Finn.’ She paused, hands on her hips for a moment, observing Finn with a wry smile on her face. ‘I was beginning to wonder what a girl has to do around here for you to take any notice. Ruby and your lovely parents have barely left your bedside. They’ve been talking and reading to you. I’ve told you my life story, let you in on my deepest secrets, sung to you even, but to what effect? I even gave you a little private dance around the room when no one else was here and I don’t do that for all my patients, Finn, let me tell you.’ She winked conspiratorially at Ruby. ‘So I’m very pleased that you’ve decided to come and join in the party at long last. I was running out of tricks.’

  Finn shifted in his bed and muttered something indecipherable.

  ‘Ah, so you can hear me.’ Julie’s no-nonsense approach and sunny disposition had been a complete godsend to Ruby these last few weeks. Whenever she’d been feeling low or downcast, Julie had managed to bring her out of it, just by the sheer force of her personality.

  As she watched Julie bustle around the room Ruby could allow herself to believe for the first time that Finn might actually leave hospital soon and pick up his life where he’d left it so dramatically only a few weeks ago. To Ruby it felt like a lifetime ago. So much had happened in such a short space of time. So many terrible moments, so many terrifying ones and yet some hopeful and inspiring ones too. Moments like today.

  It was strange to think she’d miss Julie and the other nurses, the doctors, everyone she’d met here. She’d miss the routine of visiting the hospital and, as mad as it might seem, even this small poky room. It represented a warm, safe cocoon for Finn. All the time he was here then it was almost as if everything would be okay. What lay ahead for them both, back in the real world, she couldn’t even begin to consider.

  Finn stirred again and this time his eyes o
pened, the intensity of his blue eyes shocking Ruby again with their vibrancy. Had they always been so deep, so knowing, so soulful? she wondered. That same wariness was there too as his gaze scanned the room, before it landed on Julie as she leaned over his bed.

  ‘Hi…’

  ‘Hello to you too,’ she said, the amusement and kindness on her face plain to see.

  ‘What’s…your…name?’ Finn’s words came slowly and deliberately.

  ‘Julie.’

  ‘Joo-lee.’ There was a pause while Finn pondered on this information. His lips rolled around the word as though it was the most exotic thing he’d ever heard, making everyone laugh. He looked at her as though he had something of earth-shattering importance to tell her, the skin between his eyes furrowing in concentration. Everyone leaned closer to catch what he was trying to say.

  ‘Nice. Tits. Joo-lee.’

  ‘What did he say?’ Jan sat forward in her seat, her voice full of startled outrage, accompanied by more nervous giggling from Gerry and Ruby.

  Julie chuckled, waving a dismissive hand at Jan’s mortified expression.

  ‘And it’s lovely to meet you too, Finn. I’ve heard so much about you, it’s lovely to have the chance to chat to you at last.’ She turned to the others. ‘Although the funny thing is, I had no idea Finn had an Australian accent.’

  ‘He doesn’t,’ said Ruby.

  ‘Or rather he didn’t,’ added Gerry, raising an eyebrow.

  ‘Ooh dear,’ said Jan, ‘perhaps you need to get a bit more sleep, darling.’ She kissed Finn on the cheek, shrugging her shoulders and raising her hands in the air as though she couldn’t quite believe what she’d heard.

  ‘I don’t need to,’ said Finn, irritated, a very distinct Aussie accent very much in evidence. He pushed himself up the bed with determination. ‘I need something to eat. What’s going? Then I really need to get out of this hellhole.’