Our Kinda Love

by Deanna Eshler

  I push past him to open the door, needing to ask Jack to give me a few minutes, but Adrian jumps in front of me and tackles me to the couch. He pushes up on his hands, looking down at me.

  “You’re not going,” he demands, which was the way wrong thing to say. I do not respond to demands.

  “Adrian,” I say, trying to keep calm. “I was going to explain all of this to you last night, but you didn’t come back. I was going to tell you this morning, but you just got here. It’s not a big deal. I’m only having lunch, and a conversation with him.”

  Adrian shakes his head quickly. “Nope, you’re not going anywhere with him.”

  What the hell is going on? He doesn’t even know it’s my ex-boyfriend yet.

  “Um, should I let him in?” Gemma asks, interrupting Adrian’s temper tantrum.

  “Yes,” I yell, at the same time Adrian yells, “No.”

  Deciding I need to get control of this situation, I reach up and grasp his entire ear in my hand, and twist. He automatically leans down toward me, trying to release the tension of my pulling. When his ear is an inch from my face, I whisper, “Get up now or I’m going to use this same move on your balls.”

  “Fuck, woman,” he spits, as I release his ear. He stands, rubbing his injury, and scowling at me.

  I jump up and point a finger at Adrian. “I’ll talk to you in a second.” First I need to tell Jack go wait in his car. I shake my head, unbelieving of the disaster this has become.

  I straighten my shirt and open the door. My gaze lands on the hard chest in front of me, so I scan up. The man standing in front of me now looks like the older, improved version of my Jack. His light brown hair is longer than he used to keep it. It’s now long enough that he can tuck it behind his ears. The long stubble of his beard and the mess of his hair emphasizes the bad boy statement of the tattoos covering both of his arms.

  He's wearing a tight black T-shirt and old worn jeans. He has his lower lip pierced. If I were to describe what my dream man looks like, this would be it.

  His look of confusion is replaced with a huge smile, as he lifts his arms for a hug. “Keegan, you look great,” he says, his arms wrapped tight around my shoulders. I cringe, knowing Adrian probably has smoke coming out of his ears.

  After Jack releases me, I step back. “You, uh, look pretty good too,” I say, sounding seventeen again.

  I hear Adrian clear his throat loudly.

  Jack looks over my shoulder and smiles when he sees Gemma. “Gemma, good to see you too.”

  “Really, Jack, is it? Is it good to see me, and Keegan?” Her voice rises as the words rush out, so she’s almost yelling now. “Because you do know you could have called her, oh I don’t know, maybe three years sooner.”

  I see Jack cringe before I turn to scold her. “Gemma, that’s enough.” Does she not see the nightmare I’m living right now?

  She holds up her hands in surrender, but she continues to stare at Jack with cold eyes.

  Then, Adrian decides to introduce himself, but only after stepping up next to me and wrapping an arm around my waist. “I’m Keegan’s fiancé.” Pressing his shoulders back, looking like he’s trying to stand taller.

  I resist rolling my eyes, at his ridiculous show of testosterone, as I turn back to Jack. “Could you wait outside? I need a minute, then I’ll be out.”

  He gives me a small smile and nods, but not before looking between Adrian and I curiously.

  Chapter 41

  Now You Trust Me

  I close the door, as Jack turns to go and grab Adrian’s hand. Without making eye contact, I pull him back to my room, closing the door behind us.

  I spin to face him. “Adrian, I need you to listen, okay?”

  His chest is rising and falling quickly as he looks between window and me, where he probably sees Jack in the driveway. He looks like he’s about to have a panic attack.

  I step toward him, placing my hands on either side of his face, forcing him to look at me. When his gaze locks with mine, I begin.

  “That’s Jack, my boyfriend from high school.” His jaw muscle begins to tick, but I go on. “He messaged me yesterday and asked if he could see me. I said yes because we have a lot of unfinished crap to clear up. That’s all it is, a conversation, but it’s one I have to have… one I need to have. I can’t explain it all to you right now, but I need to work this out.”

  “Work it out with him?” His question sounds more like an accusation.

  I nod. “Yes, but it’s not what you think.”

  “Then tell me what it is.”

  I want to… at this moment I want to blurt it all out, fall into Adrian’s arms and cry, emptying all this anxiety and pain that’s building in my chest, but I need to tell Jack first.

  I shake my head. “It’s a long story, and I promise to tell you later, but right now I need you trust me.” I swallow hard, my next words getting caught in my throat. “I want to be with you Adrian, not him. I need you to trust that… trust me.”

  His chest is still heaving, and nostrils flaring as his emotions play out in his eyes. When I see resignation settle in, I stand on my toes and kiss him, trying to reinforce my words. As soon as my lips are on him, he wraps his arm around me. As he pulls me against him, the kiss becomes more desperate, breaking my heart a little. I hate seeing him like this, preferring happy, playful Adrian, but I need to do this. Talking with Jack, about the most painful time of my life, is not something I want to do, but it is something I need to do.

  I end the kiss and step back. “Everything will be fine,” I say, but I’m not sure if I’m convincing him or me. Adrian doesn’t smile, but he drops his arms from around my waist, letting me go. I turn and leave to go face my next challenge—reliving my past.

  ***

  Adrian

  I groan, and it sounds like a dying animal. Of course I knew that was Jack, Keegan’s ex-boyfriend. The picture the investigator sent was pretty recent. I also know Jack is in a band. A band that has recently become popular after getting signed—just to add icing on the cake.

  It’s been only fifteen minutes since she left, but I feel like I’ve endured this torture for hours. I’m pacing the living room as Gemma, Max and Robert watch, looking at a loss as how to contain me. I should tell them to tie me to a chair because I know what I’m about to do is worse than a bad idea.

  I pull on my hair with both hands, then turn to face Max. “Come on, we’re going to lunch.”

  Everyone groans, confirming my new level of stupidity.

  “You don’t know where she’s going,” Gemma argues.

  “I know her iPhone password.”

  “And?” Max asks.

  “And, I can use the find my iPhone app.” I begin tapping on my phone as I explain.

  More groans, louder this time.

  My mind is at war with itself, one part telling me to go to her, throw her over my shoulder, and take her far away from him. The other side is telling me to calm the fuck down and trust her. That’s what I’ve been asking her to do right? Too bad the rational side of my brain has not been used enough lately, so it’s outta shape and can’t keep up with the irresponsible side.

  “You’re going to make it so much worse,” Gemma warns. “She’s telling the truth, she just needs some time to talk to him.”

  Talk, apologize, forgive. Fuck that. I grab my keys, shooting on last questioning look at Max.

  Max shakes his head as he moves toward the door. “This is going to be physically painful to watch.”

  “I won’t say anything,” I promise, knowing damn well it’s a lie. “I just want to see how they are with each other.”

  “Right,” Max says, not believing a word.

  Chapter 42

  California Called

  I drive to the restaurant because riding on the back of his motorcycle was not an option. I ask him to drive separate, mostly to appease Adrian if he’s watching.

  Once we’re seated and place our orders with the waitress, I jump right in,
unable to do the small talk thing.

  "Well, you have me intrigued. You said you have a lot of things to tell me."

  His lips turn up on one side, causing flashbacks. I can remember lying under him, and him giving me that same adoring smile.

  "Before I start running down all the things I want to tell you, I'm sure you must have questions. I mean, I didn’t leave under the best terms?”

  And… guess who now owns the Mr. Obvious title?

  I let out a long breath. “You mean, like I don't know, what the hell happened three years ago when you walked away and I never heard from you again?"

  His expression looks pained. "Yeah, kinda like that." He leans back in the booth and runs a hand through his hair. "I was a selfish, immature jackass who was dead set on chasing a dream, regardless of who he left behind."

  He looks sad. I’m not sure what I expected from him, but sadness wasn’t it.

  "A couple days before I left,” he goes on, “I got a call from a guy out in California who was looking for a lead guitar. I knew I would miss you like crazy, but I told him yes and started making the arrangements right away. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want you to tell me not to go. I knew if you started crying I wouldn’t leave.”

  Because he’d been looking to find a band to play with, I had wondered if that’s why he’d left. No reason I came up with, except another girl, could explain why he never called.

  "Why did you never call?"

  He sighs. “The gig in California didn't work out, but I didn't stop looking. I was more determined than ever to make a career in a band. I knew that if I called you and you asked me to come back, I would. I wasn't going to live the rest of my life working for some construction company, I would've been miserable." He shrugs, looking remorseful. “Mostly, I was ashamed with how I’d left and didn’t know how to fix it.”

  I lean forward, placing my elbows on the table. “Jack, we were kids. I wasn't talking about a future, and if I recall, neither were you."

  This is true. We had thought we were in love, even said it to each other every day, but we never talked about what happened after I graduated. I can’t say how I would’ve reacted if he’d told me he was leaving, but he never gave me the chance. He simply assumed how it would all play out.

  His expression is unreadable, and then he looks away, drawing in a breath. ”Maybe we weren’t talking about it, but I was certainly thinking about it.”

  Okay, this shit just got way too serious for me. Time to do what I do best. Insert sarcasm.

  "Does that mean you're a famous rock star now, and you came back to profess your undying love and whisk me away?"

  I expect him to laugh, or at least smile at my joke, but his face remains stoic.

  We’re both staring at each other, unsure what to say when I hear a commotion at the front door. I twist and find Adrian arguing with the hostess. Max is standing behind him, giving me an “I’m sorry” look.

  Chapter 43

  Love That App

  When Adrian's gaze lands on us, he presses his mouth into a hard line and narrows his eyes on Jack.

  I close my eyes, seeking patience. When I open them, Jack’s smiling, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

  “You two are pretty serious?” he asks.

  “It’s a long story,” I say, honestly. “He needed a pretend girlfriend, I agreed, then somehow I became his pretend fiancé.”

  I don’t go on to tell him that we’re really dating now because just then, Adrian yells across the restaurant. “Keegan, baby, please, don’t do this.”

  Oh. My. God. Everyone in the place follows his gaze to find me, in a booth, with another guy. Great, now I look like the cheating girlfriend and him the poor brokenhearted fool. When I left the apartment, I felt bad for him, but now I’m pissed. I asked him to trust me, but instead he followed me here and is making this, already bad day, much worse.

  Jack gives me a sad smile. “I’m thinking this guy is wanting more than a pretend relationship with you."

  “Yeah, well, he's gonna end up with a real black eye,” I say, feeling my violent side creep up.

  He chuckles softly. "I can see you haven't lost your take-no-shit attitude."

  I want to yell at him to not act like he knows me. We dated as teenagers and I’ve changed a helluva lot since then.

  "Nope, I'm still just as sweet and cuddly," I say with a sarcastic smile as I go to try and get control of my tornado.

  As I close the distance, Adrian's threatening glare turns into a huge smile. He holds his arms out as if he expects me to run to him.

  "Hey, sweet cheeks. What a surprise seeing you here,” he says. Oh, now he’s playful Adrian. Sorry buddy, too little too late.

  "What the hell is the matter with you?” I ask in a hushed whisper. “Do you seriously have no clue how to behave like a civilized human being?"

  "Why, I have no idea what you're referring to." With his most innocent face, he turns and gestures at Max. "My friend and I decided, spur of the moment, that we sure would enjoy the fantastic cuisine served here in this fine establishment."

  Max grimaces. "I'm sorry Keegan. I promise you I have nothing to do with this. I'm only here to help keep him from making a monumental mistake."

  I reach down and grab his pinky finger lifting it at the same time twisting it backward. "Outside now," I demand.

  Adrian huffs and tries to get a waitresses’ attention.

  "Do you see this?” he cries, “This is assault. I think she should be thrown out. She should not be permitted to eat here for the rest of the day.” No one in the restaurant pays any attention to the idiot screaming like a little girl.

  When we're outside, I spin on my heel to face him. "First, how the hell did you know where I was?"

  "I used your Apple ID and logged into your phone through my Find My iPhone app." He says this very matter-of-fact, as if hacking into somebody else's account is a perfectly acceptable thing to do.

  Max clears his throat. “I’m going to be in the car. Let me know if I need to take him to the hospital when you’re done.” Then he hurries off.

  I look at Adrian. “You need to go with him.”

  Adrian's nostrils flare and I can see the rise and fall of his chest as his mind works through his options. Now he turns, taking a few steps away, before turning to face me again. With a look of desperation, he runs his hands through his hair.

  "How am I supposed to sit out here, knowing you're in there with a guy you used to be in love with?"

  Sighing, I try again. “I’m not in love with him anymore. I just need to talk to him about some things, things I need to clear up so I can move on.”

  Adrian paces a few more steps, then spins back to face me. “Is this about the baby?”

  My body goes rigid as my mind begins replaying every conversation I’ve had with Adrian, but I know I’ve never told him about the pregnancy.

  ***

  Adrian

  As soon as I see her reaction, it’s clear, I’m fucked. I should’ve told Max to tie me to that chair.

  “How do you know about the baby,” she asks.

  Staring into her beautiful eyes, I know I have to tell her the truth, even if this is the worst timing possible.

  I close my eyes and slowly reopen them. “I ran a background on you because of my dad and the boys,” I say, minimizing what I’ve done.

  She flinches, but doesn’t say anything. After a few seconds of thought, she looks confused. “A simple background check wouldn’t have given you my medical history.”

  I draw in a long breath through my nose and look away, unable to watch her reaction to my next words. “I had a private investigator do a full check, back at the beginning of the semester.”

  When she doesn’t speak, I turn back to look at her, wishing I hadn’t. Her eyes are filled with pain and sadness.

  “You need to leave,” she says as her eyes fill with tears.

  I stand motionless, unable to think of anything to say that’ll fi
x this.

  Keegan furiously wipes at her tears. “You need to leave,” she says, louder this time.

  I shake my head. “I’m not leaving you here pissed at me with a guy you were once in love with, and whose baby you were once carrying.”

  Keegan’s face goes pale and I hear Jack’s voice behind me. “What’s he talking about?”

  I twist to face him, glad to have someone to take out my anger on. “I’m talking about the fact that any guy who gets a girl pregnant, then leaves her to deal with it on her own, is a sorry excuse for a man.”

  “Adrian,” Keegan yells from behind me, and I hear her voice crack.

  Jack looks at me, confused, then shifts his attention to Keegan. “What’s he talking about?”

  It’s at that moment I realize, my PI did not get all the details because it’s clear, Jack had no idea Keegan was ever pregnant.

  Chapter 44

  You Should’ve Called

  This isn’t happening. This cannot be happening. I’m not standing in some parking lot, having my current boyfriend tell me he’s violated my privacy, seconds before he informs my ex-boyfriend that I was once pregnant with his child. No, this shit only happens in movies, and books, and to other girls who go looking for drama. That’s not me, I hate drama, mostly because I don’t know how to remain calm and work through a problem. I tend to panic and act impulsively.

  “Keegan,” Jack prods again, “what is he talking about?”

  I draw in a long breath, but it feels shallow, my vision is blurred with tears and my legs are aching to run away from this nightmare.

  Adrian turns to look at me, and I can see he’s realized what he’s done. I stare into his eyes, hiding none of my pain and tell him one last time, “You need to leave.”

  Finally, he nods and turns to go, saying nothing more. My chest aches as I watch him go, remembering how great everything was just two days ago. Now… I have no idea how we’ll recover from this.