Stealing Christmas

by Tegan Maher

  "Thanks, Margo," Destiny said, already striding off. "Maybe we'll come hang out with you for the sunset tonight."

  She smiled. "That would be lovely, dear. I do miss our evening chats." With that, she shifted her head back into the standard, watchful position and the emotion faded from her face. I was a little surprised to see that she was a statue once again.

  CHAPTER SIX

  DESTINY SKIPPED DOWN the massive staircase that led to a sidewalk, and we followed. Within just a few feet, the sidewalk turned to a wooden walkway that meandered toward what was obviously the tiki bar, judging by the palm-frond roof.

  "Now you're going to get to see the fun part of the resort—my own little slice of workspace,” she said. “Though to be truthful, I don't consider it work most of the time. Sure, I get an overworked troll every once in a while, but I've learned there's not much I can do for them. I keep their drinks full and let them brood."

  "You mean like a bridge troll?" Alex asked, a tinge of disbelief in his tone.

  She laughed. "Yes. Though I get a few folks that just fit the generic description of troll sometimes, too. There's always a handful of people who obviously never learned their manners, but I write them off as miserable and let it go. You can't fix stupid or mean, so I don't even try. Oh, and speaking of, we get gargoyles in sometimes, too. They're the worst. I've never met a polite one. They're always rude and demanding, and they tip like crap if I forget to add it to the check."

  We followed the path around a curve and all of a sudden, a sweet scent I associated with the carnival wafted over us. "Y'all serve cotton candy?" I asked.

  "No," she said, "Why?"

  "Because we smell it," Alex said.

  A look of dawning crossed her face. "Oh, that's because we're almost to the unicorn rest area. They obviously can't use the standard facilities, so we provide something more spacious." She shuddered. "The pastel colors take some of the gross factor out of cleaning it up, but the damned glitter they fart is a nightmare. Almost impossible to get off your shoes."

  Though we were on a serious mission, I couldn't help but giggle. "You're not serious."

  "Oh, I'm dead serious,” she said, nodding her head. “Wait—you'll see in just a minute."

  Sure enough, we took another turn and two large, covered sheds came into view. Even though they were shaded, the glint off the glitter nearly blinded me, and a few pink, blue, and yellow road biscuits stood out against the sand. I just shook my head.

  "Write that up to something I never thought I'd see," I said as we stepped off the wooden path and onto a brick patio.

  "I have a feeling that list is going to grow exponentially the longer we're here, Dorothy," Alex said. "We're definitely not in Kansas ... err, Georgia, anymore."

  The tiki wasn't particularly full right then, but Kris and Carol were there. Besides them, there was a table occupied by a young faerie couple, another by what had to be sealies judging from the fur coats hanging from the backs of their chairs, and three mermaids were sunning themselves on the shallow bathing deck that ran along the entire edge of the pool. Their fins remained in the water, waving a little, and the sun glinted off their red, blue, and green iridescent scales.

  "Hey, Destiny!" one of them called. "Is that the fam you've been talking about for a week?"

  "Hey, Skye," Destiny replied, waving. "Sure is. We'll be over in a bit."

  I was doing my best not to stare at the fins, so I just smiled, waved, and turned toward the bar. Then found a whole other person who captured my attention. Destiny had told me about her buddy and coworker, Bob, but seeing an actual Bigfoot with gelled hair and Christmas lights woven into his beard was still a shocker. When he glanced up from wiping down the bar, he grinned and tossed the bar towel into a bucket of sanitizer, then came around and scooping me into bear hug.

  He set me back on my feet and pushed back from me, his baseball mitt-sized hands on my shoulders. "You must be Cori," he said, smiling widely. "I've heard a ton about you. I can see the family resemblance."

  He held out his hand to Alex, who took it. "And you must be Alex. You two come on up here and pop a squat. First round is on me."

  I glanced at Alex, then Destiny. "Go ahead," she said. "You are on vacation, after all."

  I grinned, the mood of the place temporarily pushing the hat incident to the side. "Then I'll have a rumrunner, please. I've heard from a good source they're the best to be had," I said, and Alex held up two fingers.

  As we climbed onto the stools, she turned to Bob. "Have you seen an elf today? In the last hour or so?"

  He nodded as he poured two different rums and some juice into a shaker. "Sure did. He was here a little bit ago, but shucked out of here pretty quick, muttering something about taking a walk on the beach," he said, pouring our drinks into two coconut shells. He picked up the 151 rum to add a floater, but I held up a hand to stop him.

  "We're sort of on a case, so I should probably keep enough sense about me to stay vertical," I said.

  He drew his brows together. "What do you mean, you're on a case?" he asked. "I thought you were here on vacation to get away from working. From what Destiny says, you're about to work yourselves to the bone.” Still, he slid the rum back into the well and pushed our drinks across the bar to us after garnishing them with a cherry and a pineapple wedge, and pushing a paper straw into them.

  I took a sip and almost groaned. Okay, I actually did groan. It was probably the best drink I'd ever had. I took another long pull and Destiny bumped me with her elbow. "Take it easy there. Those things are lethal because they taste so good. I can tell you they don't taste nearly so well coming back up after you've had three too many of them. Even one is gonna make you a little fuzzy around the edges, so pace yourself if you want to make it to dinner."

  She was right; I could already feel the heat from the booze infusing my face, so I pushed it back a little and asked for a glass of water to go with it. The last thing I needed was to be hammered while the world as we knew it drew closer to an end. Plus, I did want to make it to dinner. And afterward. I was excited about spending some quality alone time with Alex.

  "Back to the elf, then," I said, glancing at Destiny. She glanced around, then nodded when she saw we were the only ones at the bar to let me know it was okay to fill Bob in. I did, then he looked thoughtful.

  "Can't honestly say I got a whiff of him, but it's possible. I'd just eaten a bowl of Jolene's spaghetti and a huge chunk of garlic bread I'd brought from home. I doubt I could have smelled dead trout at that point, let alone faint scents."

  "What was the name on the room card?" I asked.

  He took the three strides to the computer, tapped the screen a couple times, then opened a check. "Mike Snow."

  "Mike?" I asked. I'd expected something like Aithlin or Belgin or something.

  "Yup," Bob said, pointing at the screen. "Michael Snow. He said to call him Mike."

  Good enough for me, then. "Destiny, we should probably ask Kris if he knows the guy. If he does, he may know whether or not the he’s got it out for Christmas."

  "Say," Bob said, frowning. "There's not any real chance we won't catch this guy, is there?"

  I heaved a sigh. "I sure hope not. I mean, it's not like the entire planet's counting on us or anything."

  Once again, I found myself in the middle of some secret plot, but this time it was personal. This time, somebody was screwing with Christmas, and that just wouldn't do.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  ALEX AND I PICKED UP our half-empty drinks and carried them over to where Kris and Carol were sitting at an umbrella table on the patio.

  "Hey, guys," Kris said, pushing his sunglasses up onto his head. "Any luck?"

  Carol sighed. "He hasn't relaxed since we got here."

  That made me feel bad because, well, he did a lot of good in the world, and I wanted him to have a good time. Even if it meant I spent my vacay working. Still, looking around, I figured just being there beat being back in Georgia in the snow and twen
ty-degree weather. It's not like we didn't have any crime there, too. If I had to work, I’d take the tropics over the slush and mud any day.

  "We're sorry, guys,” I said, “but we just have a quick question. Do you happen to know an elf by the name of Mike Snow?"

  They looked at each other and something passed between them, though I had no idea what. Between his ever-merry eyes and rosy cheeks, and her calm, soothing presence, it was impossible to tell.

  "Look," Alex said. "If you do, we need to know anything about him that may help. Does he have a reason to steal it? Would he know anybody who would?"

  Kris took a long drink of his rumrunner and wrinkled his nose a little. "I knew I should have stuck with my chocolate peppermint martini," he said, not answering the question. "All these new-fangled froufrou drinks all taste the same to me."

  Destiny cringed and glanced toward the bar. She’d told me how much thought she and Bob had put into the drink specials, but the rumrunner was Bob’s specialty. She looked relieved when she saw that the Bigfoot was chatting up another customer, a fierce-looking brunette with strange, arrow-like tattoos.

  The woman was wearing a gold bikini and a red-and-white striped Santa hat, and for a second, I was glad it obviously wasn't the real one. I'm tough, but I didn't think I could take her even on a good day. I swear, the woman must have been some type of goddess or something. Destiny said angels showed up occasionally, so why not? I'd given up any preconceptions since I'd met Santa Claus straight out of the elevator.

  An impatient sigh brought my attention back to the table. A look I recognized well from when we were kids crossed my cousin's face. She was about to lose her cool. This was her party, though, and if she wanted to land herself on the naughty list for yelling at Santa, then that was her prerogative. Besides, I had no doubt that ship had sailed long ago anyway, so I just waited. Never let it be said that the women in our family were cowed by prestige or power.

  She placed her palms on the table and leaned toward him. When he fiddled with his straw rather than meet her eyes, I knew he was gonna get both barrels.

  "Listen up, Santa," she said, her tone brooking no argument. "We're trying to help you here, but we can't do diddly squat if you keep information from us. We don't care what skeletons or scandals you're keeping up there in the great frozen tundra, but down here on the Gulf of Mexico, you managed to lose the hat that holds the key to joy, goodwill, and peace on earth. Despite the better judgment of your wife, I might add. Now, if you know this Snow dude, spill."

  He pulled in a breath and released it.

  "Oh, for sleigh bell’s sakes, Kris,” Carol said, “just tell them already. If you don't, I will."

  He scowled at her, but complied. "Fine. Mike was a good elf, but he started hitting the eggnog pretty hard when his wife ran off with a guy from the letters department. I tried to keep him busy. I suggested he talk to Jeff over in elf mental health. The job can be taxing, especially once July rolls around and we kick it into high gear, and it was just too much for him on top of his personal issues. I couldn't pull him back from the brink. When I caught him doing the reindeer shuffle with Myrynda from the costume department, I had to let him go." He ran a hand over his jolly face. "There are just some things bows shouldn’t go on."

  I rocked back on my heels, pretty sure I was never gonna get the visual out of my head again, either. For that matter, now I was gonna wash anything I got for Christmas before wearing it for the rest of my life.

  A handsome man whom I immediately identified as a werewolf approached the table.

  "Well," he said as he laid his hand on Destiny's shoulder, "it looks like we have a suspect, then."

  My attention wavered from the conversation for a minute. When Destiny put her hand over his and gave it a squeeze, I realized he must be Colin, her boyfriend of several months.

  She made some quick introductions, then we got back to the business at hand.

  "Do you have a picture of him, or can you describe him?" I asked. Carol pulled a giant, red-and-white striped phone out of her beach bag and scrolled through her gallery for a few seconds before turning the screen to us.

  "The third elf from the left. That was our kick-off party back in June."

  The man was tall, at least for an elf, and wore a blurry expression and a sloppy smile. Apparently there had been free eggnog, and he'd taken care to get his money's worth.

  Kris held up a hand. "Why are you asking about Mike, anyway?"

  "Because he's here," Destiny said. "And if there's an elf with a grudge, I think that would be the logical place to start."

  Carol pursed her lips and her gaze drifted for a minute in thought. "He's a good guy, but he's quite angry. I hate to think of any of our elves doing something like this, but he threw a fit when Kris fired him."

  She cast a compassionate look at her husband, who was still toying with his straw and staring into his drink like it held the secrets of the universe. "It's only the second time in history that he's had to do it, and it hurt him every bit as much as it did Mike. Maybe more, considering Kris was sober when he did it."

  "Yeah, and there are some things you just can't unsee,” Kris said, finally looking at us. “Thankfully it was the woman's fitting room so I don't have to go in there, but I was so disappointed."

  "Would you be able to see through a glamour?" I asked.

  Carol and Kris looked at each other, considering. "I'm not sure," she said. "We've never had occasion to try. Of course, we're stronger at the North Pole, and there's not much that slips by us, but we've never had anybody try to hide their true image before."

  "Though I wish Mike and Myrynda would have gone to the effort," Kris grumbled.

  I did my best to swallow a smile.

  "Now that we know he's here, we'll keep an eye out," Carol assured us.

  "He was just here a little bit ago," Destiny said, scanning the beach. "You had to have just missed him. He said he was going for a walk on the beach, so he probably went that way." She motioned to the stretch of beach behind them where a few kids were splashing in the surf while their parents reclined on a beach blanket.

  It was then that I noticed there was a water bar that extended out into the ocean. Three people sat at it sipping drinks, submerged to the waist.

  "We're going to be here a while,” Carol said, following Destiny’s gaze, “so if we recognize him, we'll call you. Just give me your number."

  They exchanged info and we left.

  "So you're the famed Cori, huh?" Colin asked once we were out of earshot and almost back to the tiki.

  "I am," I said, "though I don't know about the famed part."

  Destiny bumped into me as we walked, grinning. "Infamous is more like it. Cori's the serious one in the family. I was hoping to drag her here and force her to let her hair down and have a good time."

  By that time, we were climbing back onto our stools at the bar. A rivulet of sweat trickled down my back, and I was glad to be back in the shade. Bob noticed I was dabbing my forehead with my napkin, and turned a fan so it was blowing on us.

  The brunette turned toward me and stuck her hand out. "I'm Stephanie," she said, and I admired the tattoos on her arms again.

  "Cori," I replied, shaking her hand. The werewolf in me made me tough, but her grip about crushed the bones in my hand. I pulled it back and put my hand down beneath the bar to shake it out, hoping she didn't notice.

  "Did I hear you talking to the man over there about an elf?" she asked.

  "Yeah," Destiny said. "Have you seen one?"

  She shook her head. "Not today. Yesterday there was one here, but I'm just stopping over for the weekend. I'm needed back in Asgard in a couple days for training."

  "Asgard," I said, wondering where that was at. Being a huge Thor fan, I knew Asgard was the mythical home of the gods, but surely she wasn't talking about there. Then I took a closer look at the tattoos and her lithe, muscled frame. She had the body of a warrior, and when it dawned on me that she meant the Asgard, I—
yes me, the girl who never knows when to keep her mouth shut—was struck speechless when I realized she was a Valkyrie.

  "Yes, Asgard," she replied, thankfully oblivious to my fan-girling. "It's my home. You've heard of it?"

  "Uh," I said, trying to find my tongue. And my brain. "Yeah, I've heard of it. So, do you know Thor?"

  She rolled her eyes and huffed out an exasperated sigh. "Why does everybody always ask about him? I mean, I know he's handsome, but as far as skill, he wouldn't be much without the hammer. If I've told Zeus once, I've told him a thousand times—the man may not always have it. He needs to practice not getting his ass kicked without it. Why, even my newest girl can take him in less than five minutes in a fair fight, minus that crutch."

  I know it was stupid, but I was stuck between being in total awe of sipping drinks with an honest-to-gods mythical warrior, and wanting to defend my favorite superhero. I mean, c'mon. Chris Helmsworth? What's not to love? Then I realized she knew that actual Thor.

  "Her next drink is on me," I said to Bob, who gave me a knowing wink. I was officially checking something off my bucket list I hadn't even known was on there—chilling with a Valkyrie. I owed Sean big time.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  "SO TELL ME WHY YOU're looking for this elf," Stephanie said, taking a sip from her pink frozen drink. She scowled when the little umbrella almost poked her in the eye, then plucked it out and stabbed it into the wooden post by her head. "Do I need to smite him if I see him?"

  I almost smiled at Stephanie's narrowed eyes and use of the word smite, then thought better of it. I liked having all my limbs.

  "No, Stephanie," Destiny said, "smiting won't be necessary, at least not yet. Somebody stole that man over there's hat, and we're trying to get it back. Mike is just an elf of interest for now."