Stealing Christmas

by Tegan Maher

  "Oh," Stephanie said, looking a little disappointed. "You Earth people handle things so much differently than you did a couple thousand years ago. The Romans, now. Those people knew how to extract information and dole out punishment."

  "As much as I'd like to feed some people to the lions," Colin said, "it's frowned upon."

  Now that made me laugh.

  "You didn't answer the question," Stephanie said, so Destiny gave her the rundown.

  "So that's really him?" she asked, sounding awed. "The man who takes gifts to every person on the planet in just one night, and puts joy in the hearts of all?" She eyed Kris in wonder for a couple seconds, then pursed her lips in thought.

  "Yeah, why?" Alex asked, finally speaking up. He'd shot me a dirty look when I'd fan-girled over Thor, though I didn't know why. I mean, it wasn't like I'd ever meet the man in person. Even if I did, I was perfectly happy with what I had.

  A delicate brow arched upward and Stephanie shrugged, taking some of the scariness away from her demeanor. "I guess I just expected the pictures of him to be inaccurate. I figured a man who had that much endurance would be more ... streamlined, I suppose. I wasn't really expecting the whole bowl full of jelly thing to be true."

  Destiny shook her head and gave her friend a lopsided grin. "You never fail to make me smile, Steph. I'm glad you're here."

  Stephanie raised her glass and we all gave a toast.

  "To friends and world peace," I said.

  The Valkyrie gave me a befuddled look as she tapped her glass against my coconut. As a warrior, I guess it would be harder for her to grasp the value of the concept.

  Colin took a sip of his drink. "Now we need to narrow things down because we don't have much time."

  "You need to think like a thief," Stephanie said as she lowered her glass. "Who benefits from the hat going missing?"

  I took a deep breath and released it as I glanced at the menu Bob had put in front of me. "It would be so much easier if the Grinch were a real person,” I said. “Then at least we'd have a place to start."

  Bob looked at me and cocked a brow, looking at me like I was missing something.

  "No way," I said after a few seconds when he remained silent. "He's not real, too. C'mon."

  He and Destiny continued to just look at me, expressions solemn.

  "Wow," I said, my mind officially blown. I wouldn’t be surprised if they mentioned Whoville next.

  After a few seconds, they erupted in laughter and Destiny punched me on the arm. "Jeez, Cori. You made that one too easy. As far as I know, the Grinch is not a real dude. Though I've certainly seen my share of folks who embody the spirit."

  "Yeah," I answered, scowling at her. "And just for messin' with me, I'm gonna be the one to figure out where the hat went, then ask Santa to fill your yard with unicorn poop, extra fart glitter, as my reward."

  Colin gave a low whistle. "Man, Destiny, you were right. The girl is creative in her vindictiveness."

  "Hey!" I said, slamming my brows down and crossing my arms. "I'm not vindictive. I just like to give Karma a hand every now and then. She's very busy."

  Alex coughed in his hand to cover a laugh and I found myself smiling, too.

  "Besides, I could wish a lot worse than unicorn poop on you if I really was vindictive. Shoot, now that I think about it, I wouldn't make it a wish. I’d just do it myself. The fun is in the doing."

  "So, who else is here, Bob?" Alex asked, getting back to business. "Anybody who may have it out for Santa?"

  That was such an absurd thought I couldn't even wrap my head around it, but Bob took it seriously.

  He thought for a minute as he wiped down the bar. "I'm not sure. The tooth fairy’s here, but she’s been hammered since she got here. I doubt she’d have the gumption to do anything besides drag herself to her room. There was a Cupid here earlier, but he seemed happy. Young guy, still enthralled by the process of making people fall in looove." He rolled his eyes. "He's in for a big disappointment when he looks at his long-term success rates in a few years, though. He's pickin' low-hanging fruit from free dating websites to boost his monthly match rates."

  The Bigfoot furrowed his brow and scratched his jaw. "That about covers all the big names who are here right now. It's pretty slow because of the holidays. We have a few gorgons, some vampires—you know, the standard vacationers—but I can't imagine why anybody have anything against Kris, at least in theory. Is it possible this is just a prank?"

  Alex shook his head. "This is too complicated for a prank. I mean, if he'd left it out and some kids had picked it up unknowingly, that would be one thing, but it was locked away in his safe. Somebody went through a lot of trouble and used some serious magic to get it."

  "Christmas is a strange but beautiful custom," Stephanie said. "The man goes around spreading happiness and giving people what they want for a living. I can't imagine anybody wanting to get rid of him for what his job entails in general, so I think you're looking for somebody with a personal grudge. Maybe somebody didn't get what they wanted last year."

  "That makes sense to me too," I said. After all, you didn't hear of accountants or waitresses or even politicians—usually—getting killed because of what they did for a living. "So we need to find out if Kris has made any enemies."

  "Yeah," Colin said with a trace of sarcasm. "And we only have to think back a couple thousand years. Piece of cake."

  The Valkyrie shook her head, the little white ball on the tip of her hat swinging side to side. "No," she said. "Revenge may best be served cold, but not old and moldy. Think recently." She turned to Destiny. "Are you sure you don't need me to take them down? Any enemy of Christmas is an enemy of mine. It's my favorite holiday of any plane or planet."

  Personally, as a huge fan of Christmas, I didn't think letting a Valkyrie dole out the punishment was such a bad idea. I happened to think whoever could pull something like this off deserved what they got, but I wasn't the one in control.

  Destiny shook her head. "We've got it, Steph."

  Stephanie nodded, but something told me she wasn't the type to let it go. Call me suspicious, but when one of the fiercest warriors in history is personally offended—and there was no doubt she was—I didn't think she'd be the type to stand down. I wondered idly if there were any coliseums on Asgard, because if so, this guy was a goner if she got to him before we did.

  CHAPTER NINE

  WE SAT FOR A FEW MORE minutes finishing our drinks, but the elf never came back to the tiki. "It's a shame he's wearing a glamour," I said. "Otherwise, Santa would be able to spot him right off."

  "Oh," Destiny said, waving a hand. "That's done. Once the security wards dropped, all glamours were nulled. There's no hiding. We've only used those wards once in the entire time the resort's been open—they're no joke."

  That was a relief, anyway. At least now we'd be able to recognize him.

  "Look," Destiny said. "Why don't you two relax and get something to eat. Hang out here, and if you see him, send Chaos for me. I need to go talk to Blake about what we should do next. For that matter, where are Chaos and Tempest?" She glanced around the tiki, then shaded her eyes as she looked toward the pool, then down toward the beach.

  "There they are," she said, pointing toward the water bar. Sure enough, both foxes were there, talking to the couple I'd noticed earlier.

  "Tempest is introducing her to Dax and Amber. They're some of her favorite people."

  Colin hmphed. "The fact that they always give her their leftover salmon sandwiches has a lot to do with that."

  "That must be a family trait," Alex said, smiling. "Anytime Chaos gets in a snit, all it takes is food to bring her back around."

  "Yeah," I added, "As evidenced by the size of her backside."

  Destiny laughed. "I did notice she's put on a few pounds. Tempest would be big as a barrel if we didn't do so much walking around here. I swear she eats her weight in food every day."

  I shook my head. "I've been trying to get Chaos to eat more he
althy stuff, but she's a fan favorite of every restaurant owner in town." I watched as she talked the mermaid couple up, and groaned when the woman offered her a fry. "And apparently whatever other town she visits, too."

  "Let them have their fun," Bob said, setting a cheeseburger in front of me. "It's Christmas."

  "You're right." I reached for the ketchup and squirted a glob of it onto my plate. "Besides, it's not like I can stop her anyway." I bit into the burger and groaned. "Holy cow. Literally. This is the best burger I've ever tasted—it's gotta be blessed by the gods."

  Alex shot me a dirty look. "I'm telling Sully you said that."

  I narrowed my eyes at him, juice running down my forearms. "You wouldn't," I said around a mouthful of burger.

  "Wouldn't I?" He bit into his, and I smirked at the look of surprised bliss that washed over his face.

  "I won't tell if you won't," I said, going in for another bite.

  "Deal," he said with his mouth full, and reached out to me for a burger-juice fistbump.

  "Who's Sully?" Colin asked.

  "He owns Sully's, our local sports bar," I said, "And prides himself on his food—for good reason. I've known him since I was a kid, and he'd consider it an act of treason if he heard me say that." I thought for a second about that. "For that matter, I consider it an act of treason, but can't bring myself to take it back."

  Destiny reached around me and grabbed a fry. "Well, y'all enjoy. I'll let you know what I find out, and if you see the elf, let me know. I'll go down and tell Tempest to hang close. Closer, I mean." We told her we would, and she and Colin headed toward the water bar.

  We chitchatted with Stephanie for a while—I got the feeling she wasn't quite used to shooting the breeze—then debated whether or not to go for a walk on the beach.

  "Do you think we should stay up here just in case the elf comes back through?" I asked, not wanting to let Destiny down.

  "Nah," Bob said, clearing our plates and setting a couple big glasses of water in front of us. "Drink," he instructed. "It's easy to get dehydrated down here when you're not used to the heat, especially if you're drinking those." He pointed toward the coconut in my hand.

  I took the water, then wiped sweat from my forehead with my napkin again. The warmth was a welcome change from the miserable weather at home, but I wasn't sure I'd like it all the time. I enjoyed my seasons. Plus it seemed strange to be sitting there in ninety-degree weather with Christmas ornaments hanging everywhere and lights twinkling. Christmas was supposed to be snowy. It was the only good thing about winter.

  Bob laughed. "I know exactly what you're thinking. I'm from Tennessee, possibly the most snowy-Christmasy place on the planet. It took me three or four years to get used to hanging the lights on the house wearing shorts. It just didn't feel like Christmas, but now I'm used to it. As soon as Thanksgiving is over, the Christmas Spirit hits."

  He realized what he said. "Wow, I didn't really think this whole hat thing was such a big deal until I just said that." A worried frown creased his furry brow. "What happens if we don't get it back?"

  "That's not an option," I said, trying to sound more confident than I felt. "We'll find it."

  "You two go on and take a walk on the beach if you want to. Enjoy your vacation," Bob said, though he still looked worried. "I'm here, and Kris and Carol are still sitting over there. The elf has to go past us to get back to the resort if he's still down here."

  I cast a glance at the white-sand beach and couldn't resist. "Okay, but just a short one,” I said. "We'll be back in just a bit."

  CHAPTER TEN

  DIGGING MY TOES INTO the sand helped relieve some of the anxiety over the hat, but not much. Still, we managed to relax some, and even swam for a bit. I about pulled a Jesus and walked on water when something bumped against my leg. A kid popped her head up several feet from me and wiped the water from her face. She was probably twelve, and absolutely beautiful.

  "I am so sorry," she said, her brown eyes huge. "I just wanted to meet Destiny's cousin, but the current caught me when I came by you."

  She flipped over on her back and it was hard not to stare at her golden fin glistening just under the water. "My name's Joni. That's my mom and dad over there at the water bar. We live near here, and it's one of our favorite places. Destiny's awesome and I adore Tempest. Have you tried the cheeseburger yet?"

  I smiled, both amused by her enthusiasm and relieved I wasn't about to be eaten by a shark. I'd never been a fan of swimming out past my hips because I respected the fact that I wasn't anywhere near the top of the food chain in that environment. When she'd brushed against me, I'd thought I was a goner, and it would have been my own fault for swimming out past my self-imposed safety line.

  "We just did," I said. "It was delicious. The fries, too. I'm Cori and this is Alex."

  Alex gave her his best dimpled smile. "Hey Joni. Nice to meet you."

  The young mermaid blushed to the roots of her mahogany hair, and I hid my smile. I couldn't blame her; those dimples still had that effect on me sometimes, too.

  "This is a great place," I said. "We haven't seen much of it yet, but what we've seen so far is incredible."

  “If you've seen the tiki, the pool, and the beach, you've seen the best parts,” she said. “Oh, and Destiny's cottage. It's cool, too. She has a hammock. I can swing in it for hours."

  I gave her a quizzical look, wondering how on earth she knew how cool Destiny's cottage was and how she swung in the hammock. She must have understood, because she grinned. "Never met a mermaid, before, huh? Or know much about us?"

  "No," I said, giving her an apologetic glance. "Honestly, you're my first, and I don't know much about mermaids at all, other than you live in the ocean."

  "You can walk on land?" Alex asked, enthralled.

  Joni nodded. "We can. At least for short periods. We can trade our fins for legs, but to be honest, it feels a little weird and takes some getting used to. The only reason I'm even allowed to do it is because Mom and Dad trust Destiny. I hang out with her sometimes if they have something to do and don't have a sitter. Merparents are probably a little stricter than human parents. There are some pretty scary things in the ocean that it's harder to hide from."

  Yeah, I could totally commiserate with her parents, considering my own personal beach policy. I didn't have kids, but I couldn't imagine leaving them alone in the ocean even if they couldn't drown.

  "How long can you stay on land?" Alex asked. "As long as you want?"

  She shook her head. "No. A day or so is about as long as we can go before our gills start to dry out. Besides, I can't imagine being out of the sea that long."

  I wasn't sure what to say to that until I thought about being away from Castle's Bluff for too long. I know it wasn't an accurate comparison, but then considered how foreign the Enchanted Coast environment was to me. Suddenly, I understood exactly what she was saying. Nice place to visit, wouldn't want to live there. Though I would appreciate it for more than a day, at least if we found the hat and saved Christmas.

  "How long have you been swimming along here today?" I asked.

  "I don't know,” she replied, running her fingers through hair that had to have been waist long. "A good two or three hours, anyway. Why?"

  "Did you by chance see an elf go by?"

  She crinkled her brow. "You mean an elf, like the ones at the North Pole? Or a regular elf?"

  "Is there a difference?" Alex asked, looking as confused as I felt.

  In true pre-teen fashion, she rolled her eyes. "Of course there's a difference. Santa's elves are much shorter than regular elves, and they have pink cheeks and longer ears. Regular elves look more like humans. I thought I thought I saw a North Pole elf walking on the beach earlier. I didn't see where he went, though." She narrowed her eyes. "Though to be fair, I'm starting to wonder if Santa and his elves are even real. I've never actually seen one that I know of—I only know the difference because that's what Mom and Dad say."

  Oh, no. That was no
t a good sign. "When did you start wondering if elves really existed?" I asked, trying to keep my tone neutral, but worried she was losing her Christmas Spirit because the hat wasn't with Santa.

  "I don't know," Joni replied, then puckered her lips and pushed them to the side, thinking. "I was excited for Christmas when we got here, especially when I saw all the lights and decorations. But now I'm wondering what the big deal is, anyway. We don't do many gifts in our household. We usually go volunteer for a couple hours on Christmas Eve at the storm shelter." She shook her head. "So many people have lost their homes because of all the recent changes in the weather. It seems like the sea floor is changing daily. But really, what's the big deal about Christmas Eve? We can do that any time, and there are always plenty of volunteers this time of year."

  I looked at Alex, who was worrying his lip with his teeth. "Joni, you have to stay in the spirit. Those people count on you, and it's a good thing you're doing. Plus you have your family and friends, too, I'm sure."

  "Yeah," she told him with a shrug, "but I have them all year."

  He grabbed my hand and pulled me toward shore. "Nice to meet you, Joni, but we have something we have to do," he called over his shoulder.

  "Okay," she called back. "It was nice to meet you."

  "You too," I said, rushing to keep up with Alex. I was a strong swimmer, but he was giving Michael Phelps a run for his money.

  When we got to shore, he tossed me a towel.

  "What are we going to do?" I asked.

  "Find that hat," he answered, gathering our things and stuffing them into the bag.

  "And how are we going to do that?" I asked.

  He glanced at me as I toweled off and shook his head. "Why are we waiting for somebody to spot this guy?"

  Then what he was saying sank in. We were werewolves. We had two of the best noses on the planet, yet we were waiting for somebody to spot the guy we were looking for. And we already knew what to smell for—peppermint and cocoa.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN