Taboo

by Hilary Storm

  Levi has been amazing to me and I can’t shake how I’m beginning to feel about him, but at what point do I try to process how I’ve felt for years and try to compare that to what I’ve been experiencing with Levi the past week or so?

  “Drink with me. Maybe when Levi comes down we can all get to know each other a little better. Since we’ve missed out on so much of each other’s lives.” He leaves me standing by myself on this side of the bar while he pours another drink for both of us.

  “Is your plan to get me drunk?”

  “And what if it is? Truth tends to come out when someone has liquid courage.” He watches me closely as he reaches over the bar once again, handing me my glass. “Something tells me you’ll react differently after another one of these.” I wonder if Noah is only acting like this because he’s mad at Levi for what we’ve been doing and this is his way at revenge.

  Maybe he hopes I’ll give in and then he can rub it in Levi’s face while he throws me out to the world alone once again because he can’t handle our connection. Who knows what he’s up to, but I can handle a few drinks and remain clear headed. He has no idea what I’ve been doing with my life if he thinks two drinks will have me spilling all my secrets.

  The only thing I know is I can’t lose Levi right now. He makes me feel secure and safe and that’s something I haven’t had in my life. It’s something I’m not willing to lose.

  “I’m not one of your light weight floozies, Noah. I can hold my own. You pressuring me into drinking won’t change my dilemma.” I won’t go into how much I’m starting to care about Levi; he won’t believe me anyway. With Noah, everything is about him so he won’t understand how I’m feeling, even if I try to explain it to him.

  “I’m hearing a challenge!” Levi yells out from the stairs before he enters the kitchen to join us again.

  “That’s what I’ve been saying.” Noah looks to Levi as if he’ll help encourage me to drink.

  “Maybe we should hit the golf course for a little round of glow in the dark, like the old days.” Noah smiles the second the words come out of Levi’s mouth.

  “Have fun, boys. This girl still doesn’t play golf.”

  “I’ll teach you.” Levi towel dries his messy hair while his blue eyes work to convince me to do anything he says.

  “Yeah, he can teach you.” Noah throws back another shot before he walks out of the room. “I’ll call Mike and tell him we’ll be on the green so he doesn’t send the cops out to get us like the old days.”

  “Is he harassing you?”

  “I can handle Noah.” Levi moves close enough that his scent hits me just before he pops the towel toward my leg.

  “Never said you couldn’t.” He turns to face me as I rush to stand and retaliate with the hand towel from the bar.

  “Not the dick. Not the dick.” He stutters and stands solid with his hands covering him, but allowing me to hit him in the leg before he grabs me in a bear hug, swinging me around the room a few times.

  “You’re insane.”

  “You just realizing this?” He stops spinning us, pulling me against his bare chest and allowing me to inhale his sexy scent all over again while he kisses me. His hands begin to grope me and all I can think about is the chance of Noah coming in to see this and what he’d say.

  “You should go with Noah. I think it would be good for the two of you to spend some time together.” He grips both of my arms and pulls me away from his chest.

  “Not a chance. I only agreed to do this because I want to spend more time with you. If you want to ditch, I’d be more than happy to spend time with you in my bedroom.”

  “Levi, I feel bad doing all of this in Noah’s house. Maybe I should try to get a hotel or something for a week.”

  “If that’s what you want, we can go tomorrow. But I’m not letting you go by yourself until I can get the guys to get that neighbor of yours taken care of. I have a friend working on a few things.” I don’t ask questions when he turns his back toward me. Something tells me I don’t want to know what they’re up to, but I won’t feel bad if they do handle him.

  “Thank you, Levi.” My soft voice has him looking over his shoulder mid-step before he leaves me standing in the kitchen alone.

  “You’re welcome, Kali.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Noah

  If I have to watch him wrap his arms around her again, I may drive this fucking golf cart straight into the water.

  “Line it up and just tap it. You’ve got this one.” I try to encourage from the cart, hoping to give his overly attentive ass a break from grinding up against her on this shot.

  She glares over at me. I know she can tell I’m irritated. Hell, Levi must know too, unless he’s just an idiot. My guess is he doesn’t give a shit and actually enjoys seeing me raging like a lunatic.

  “All right, you drink again, Kali.” She’s starting to slur her words and has quickly moved into the no go zone for what I was hoping to accomplish tonight.

  She was supposed to get tipsy and then I’d get her to start talking and she’d tell us how she truly feels. I’m ready to get Levi out of the picture when it comes to Kali. She’s mine and she always has been and that’s something he has known for years.

  “I’m done. I can’t hit that little ball when I’m sober. I’ll be drinking at every hole if we keep this up.”

  “If you want me to drink for you on the rest of the holes, I will. Just remember you have to deal with the whiskey dick when we get back.” It takes everything inside me not to run him over as I watch him slap her on the ass and I have to hear her laugh. Fuck all of this. I never should’ve came out here with them tonight. Levi isn’t going to step aside easily on this, he’s making that very clear with every moment that passes.

  It’s the eighteenth hole and Levi is a blubbering drunk. She seems to be sobering up some, but at this point I’ve joined in just to dull the sharpness of the banter between the two of them.

  “Fuck, I’m drinking again.” Levi lies in the grass after his last shot. He knows he’s done for. “Noah, I’m watching you.” I hear his comment, but ignore it as I help him up.

  “Come on. I’ll get us back to the house.” My house sits near the golf course and Mike won’t mind if I borrow the cart till morning. I can go through the field this way and stay off the roads.

  I sit him on the back seat while she slides in next to where I’ll be sitting. “This was fun.” The moon lights up her face, allowing me to see her smile. For a brief second I’m frozen, just taking everything about her in.

  “Noah, what are you doing?” I watch her lips say my name and fight like hell to keep from kissing her. I wage war on myself for the thoughts going through my head and wish I could be the guy that takes what he wants and doesn’t give a shit about the consequences. I know if I do anything tonight, she’ll never forgive me and that’s not something I’m ready to deal with again.

  “Taking you home.” She doesn’t say a word on the way back to the house. I drive in silence and try to sort the chaos going on in my mind. She’s the woman I’ve always loved and I’ve lost her because I’ve been afraid my entire life of what other people would think. I’ve been miserable making other people happy.

  I park the cart in my parking spot and she staggers into the house, leaving Levi for me to take in. I’m half dragging him to the couch when I hear her throwing up in the back bathroom.

  “Kali, are you okay in there?”

  “Go away, Noah.” She’s hurling before she finishes saying my name. I open the door to her hugging the toilet, her hair hanging all around her face.

  “Fuck. I’m not good at this shit Kali.” I pull her hair back and wait for her to finish throwing up before I toss her a towel and help her up. “I’m going to put you in the guest bedroom down here tonight. He’s passed out on the couch already.” She nods, agreeing with me while I help her out of the bathroom and across the hall.

  “I’m sorry I’m such a pain, Noah. I don’t want to be.”
Her words ring in my ears and it hits me that she has no idea that I’ve always wanted her and the issues she brings into my life. I have to talk to her again, but tonight is not the time.

  I help her under the covers and before I have the chance to leave the room she surprises me with a whisper, “Stay with me, Noah.”

  “Kali, I can’t.”

  “Please.” I stand over her as she dozes off and then opens her eyes again, searching for me. “Noah. Please.” Even though this isn’t how I pictured the two of us in bed together for the first time, I slide in beside her. She moves against me and I hold her against me. Both of us fully clothed and at least one of us having a heart slamming moment, realizing what’s been missing in life.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Kali

  I wake up wrapped in Noah’s arms, feeling more guilt than I thought possible. What have I done? My thoughts try to wrap around the possibility that Levi saw us and what I’d say to him.

  Sliding out of bed slowly is easier than staying quiet while I gather my things. I have to get out of this house. I’m suffocating myself with these two men and I don’t know how to allow myself a chance to breathe.

  I open the front door with my bags draped over my shoulders knowing I can’t come back here again. It’s best for all of us. The way I’m handling things right now isn’t healthy for me or either of them for that matter.

  The neighborhood is quiet so it’s easy to hear the door open behind me. It’s a fifty-fifty guess as to who it is, but I don’t turn around to look. I can’t face either of them right now.

  “Kali.” Noah’s deep grumble slides over my skin like it always does.

  “Noah, don’t try to stop me. Tell Levi I’ll return his truck as soon as I can get a loaner.”

  “Tell him yourself. I’m not wasting possibly my last few seconds with you talking about him or his things.” I face the door to the truck; it’s better if I don’t look at him. He’s already tormenting me enough. Whatever he’s about to say will only make what I’m going through worse.

  He holds the door closed with his palm over my head like he always seems to do. “We need to talk.”

  “We’ve said enough. I need to think and I can’t do that with the two of you suffocating me.”

  “Where will you be?” His voice is louder this time as he leans closer.

  “I’m not sure yet. I’ll text you both and let you know.” He slides his hand down my side, forcing my eyes closed while I take in what he’s doing to me.

  “How will I know you’re safe?” He drops his hands to his side and takes a step back.

  “I’m not your worry, Noah. I can handle myself.” I open the door and throw the last bag into the seat before I turn around.

  “I never said you couldn’t, but that won’t stop me from worrying about you being safe from that psychotic neighbor of yours.”

  “Thank you for allowing me to stay at your house.” Before he has a chance to stop me or say anything to make me change my mind, I slide in and close the door. He watches me leave and I make myself stop looking in the rear-view mirror as I pull away, hoping I don’t regret this one day.

  Noah

  She’s out of her fucking mind if she thinks I’m just going to let her leave without saying what I need to say. I turn to follow her only to find my truck is still at the golf course, leaving me with only this cart to chase her down with.

  Call me crazy, but I’m not thinking that would be the best way to make my point and win her over.

  I drive the cart back to Mike and get my truck before I go back to the house to take a shower. The water washes over me and all I can think of is how she felt against me in bed last night. How her smile and the sound of her laughter made the entire night perfect.

  I’m pulling a shirt over my head when Levi passes my doorway. “Where’s Kali?”

  “She’s gone.”

  “What do you mean she’s gone? What the fuck did you do?” His first thought is to blame me, just like it should be.

  “She said she needed space and she’d return your truck as soon as she could.” He’s pulling out his phone before I can say anything further and I don’t stop him. If he can convince her to come back, then that’ll make it easier on me to have the chance to talk to her.

  Levi

  I get her voicemail. I feel like dog shit because I drank so much last night. This hangover isn’t helping me think about what I’m going to say when she answers, but it doesn’t stop me from obsessively calling her over and over again.

  On the seventh call she answers, “Levi. Please.”

  “Please what? Let you get raped by that fucking dick neighbor of yours, not a chance sweetheart. Get your ass back to this house before I fire up my bike to come find you.”

  “I need space. You two are smothering me to death and I need to think.”

  “What’s there to think about? The only thing you need to be worried about right now is your damn safety. Where are you going?” I fire back sounding more irritated than I mean to. This fucking hangover isn’t helping this conversation go as smoothly as it should be.

  “I was just going to drive until I found a place to stop. Thought maybe the open road could allow me some time to process everything.” I can feel her pulling away from me. It has to be Noah.

  “I’ll go with you.”

  “Levi. You’re one of the reasons I need to think and I can’t do that with you around me.”

  “I get that. Just come back here and I’ll give you all the space you need. You can stay in the guest bedroom and I won’t bother you as long as I know you’re safe.” My overwhelming instinct to protect her is on overdrive right now, no thanks to what my buddies found out about the neighbor. “Look, you can’t under any circumstances go to your house alone. I need you to promise me you’re coming back here and I’ll give you what you need. Just do this for me so I don’t go back to jail making sure you’re safe from that fucker again.” I’m pulling off my clothes as I wait for her response. One way or another I have to get to her and I’m not going to waste time if she tries to make me work for this.

  “All right. I’ll come back, but we need to talk as soon as I get there.” She sounds defeated and sad. It kills me to hear her struggling like she is and there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to fix that for her.

  “I’ll get in the shower now. Text me when you’re here and I’ll come out to the truck.” She disconnects the call and I rush to take my shower. If I didn’t feel so much like ass, I’d have skipped it, but it seems to help immensely.

  I make a mad dash to the kitchen and throw together a sandwich and grab a Gatorade, managing to get it down before she texts that she’s here. Noah hasn’t made another appearance by the time I head out the door to see her.

  She looks like hell and I get in slowly as I try to ease into whatever conversation she wants to have. “Thank you for making it easy on me. You know I would’ve driven this entire town looking for you if that’s what it took.”

  “Levi, you don’t have to protect me.”

  “I know that, but I want to. That guy is bad fucking news and until he’s out of the picture I still want to keep an eye on you. Now, what has you running from my house this morning?” She looks down at the steering wheel instantly.

  “I need time to think, like I said.”

  “I’ll give you that. I’ll give you whatever you want, just come back inside and I’ll let you come to me when you’re ready to talk.” Her eyes are filled with tears when she looks up at me.

  “Levi, I’ve loved Noah for so many years that I don’t know anything different and now you’ve somehow creeped through the cracks of my broken heart.” She pauses and swallows hard before she continues. “And now he’s decided to give in to the supposed feelings he has as well, but I’ve refused him.” I knew this conversation was coming when she left the house in such a hurry this morning. “I refused him because of how I feel about you.” I turn to her with hope, but it’s only heartbreak that’s spread
across her face. She’s truly torn about this and that makes me realize what I must do.

  I have to leave her alone so she can decide what she wants. She’s held onto the slight chance that Noah would reciprocate her feelings for years now and I can’t be the reason she doesn’t give herself a chance with him. I don’t want her regretting anything if she’s with me and if that means I step back and give her the space she needs, then that’s what I’ll do.

  We both sit quietly until I finally respond. “I care about you, Kali. And because of that, I want you to see if there’s anything between you and Noah. I’ve watched the two of you over the years fight the temptations and if you’re both finally on the same page… I could never hold you back from that.” I speak past the lump in my throat and give her what she needs to move forward.

  “Levi, I don’t know what I feel. I’m literally all over the place and it’s making me insane.”

  “Who says you have to make a decision today? Stay with us at the house and take time until you decide what you want.” It’ll suck if I have to say goodbye to her and out of the slim chance that she’ll realize what we have is the beginning of greatness, I’m pushing to have her stay.

  I want Kali in my life. She makes me smile and everything is fun with her. She’s always been different than any other woman, I just didn’t realize how much different she’d be when I really got to know her and how much I’d love that difference.

  “I don’t want to hurt you.” She won’t look at me this time, so I reach across the truck and lift her chin until she has no choice.

  “Look at me.” I stop a tear from trailing down her cheek. “You won’t hurt me. I want you happy and if that means you’re with Noah, then that’s what I want.” I don’t tell her that it’ll gut me; she doesn’t need that bit of information weighing on her mind.