Stardust: Half Light

by Alyssa Rose Ivy

  “How much further?” he asked sleepily, as he stretched out his six-foot-four frame.

  “I’m not sure.” I pointed at the blank screens in front of us where the map was supposed to be.

  “Oh, I guess I’ll ask next time I see a flight attendant.” He clearly wasn’t overly concerned by my inability to answer.

  “Good idea.”

  “So Charlotte, can you believe we’re moving back?” He sounded way too excited for someone who had just woken up.

  “No, not really,” I admitted. “But I’m glad that Dad decided to send us back to Charleston instead of making us move to the arctic with him.”

  He laughed. “Yeah, I don’t think either of us would have made it very long in Siberia.” I smiled and nodded, but I couldn’t help thinking that Kevin would have been just fine in Siberia; he would be fine anywhere.

  We had moved to Alaska almost three years ago on the pretense that my dad could pursue his research, but really he was just ready to get away from Charleston. Although I thought that it was pretty cool that my dad was a geologist, I never really got his affinity for research that required such prolonged periods of time in the cold. Having grown up in the south, I think I was just meant for warm weather.

  “But you’re happy about the move, right?” Kevin asked suddenly.

  “I guess.” Knowing how unhappy he would be with my response, I avoided his eyes.

  “You guess?” He tugged at my ponytail. As usual, I was wearing my hair up. I always felt like I looked too much like my mom when I wore it down because we had the same wavy brown hair and blue eyes.

  After making a face at Kevin and pulling my hair out of his reach, I decided to give him more of an answer. “I always loved Charleston, but I’m nervous about the new school and facing memories of Mom.”

  “The memories are going to still be there no matter where you live,” Kevin said quietly. I shrugged. Even though my mom had died almost five years before, I still had issues with it, which I guess was pretty normal.

  When I didn’t say anything else, Kevin changed the subject. “I’m really excited to see Liam. I can’t believe he never made it out to visit us.”

  Liam. Just his name brought back memories of my last night in Charleston. It was my thirteenth birthday, and I had stayed up late packing up the last of my things. Kevin was in the next room with Liam, his best friend and our neighbor. Liam was my first crush, that older boy who just seemed so cool. Everything about him intrigued me, the way his auburn hair was always slightly messy, the way he permanently called me “Little Calloway” instead of Charlotte. Looking back, it seems surprising that I liked him so much. It wasn’t like he was ever particularly nice to me. To him, I was just Kevin’s pesky little sister who was always in his way. Back then, our two-year age difference had seemed insurmountable.

  It had been unexpected when Liam had knocked on my door that night. I was sitting on my bed staring out the window when he sat down next to me without saying anything. Then I made the most impulsive action of my life—I kissed him. I felt like I lost control at the moment, as though someone else had propelled me toward him. The second our lips touched, I felt a surge of heat that continued until I was able to pull away. I opened my eyes. He just sat there staring at me with his mouth hanging open. Finally, as though nothing had happened, he got up and left my room without another word. That was it. I left the next morning, and we hadn’t spoken since.

  I had thought about that kiss a lot over the three years in Alaska. The long, almost endless winter nights were the perfect backdrop to analyze the kiss and to regret having done it. For the first few months, every time Kevin talked to Liam, I prepared for Kevin to come in and start yelling or making fun of me for it, but he never did. Luckily, Liam never told him. Maybe he was too embarrassed to admit that a thirteen-year-old had kissed him that way. Thoughts of that last night in Charleston fueled my panic. What would it be like to see Liam again?

  “You know Liam is on the basketball team now, right?” Kevin asked, pulling me out of my thoughts. I was mortified that I had even been thinking about that kiss in front of Kevin and hoped it didn’t show on my face.

  “Yeah, Monty told me.” My uncle Monty, the high school basketball coach, had been living in our house while we were away. He had also mentioned that Liam still visited a lot, even though Kevin was gone. As I tried to imagine how awkward our meeting would be, I was grateful that I hadn’t had months to obsess over it; my dad had only told us about the move a few weeks ago.

  “I heard that he’s actually pretty good.” Once Kevin got on the topic of basketball, it was hard to get him to stop. He was really excited to play on Uncle Monty’s team. His only condition for moving mid-season was that he got to start. Monty had no problem with that; Kevin was an incredible player.

  Thankfully, Kevin stayed awake for the remainder of the flight and for the entire second one. Even though he talked about basketball the whole time, it was a lot better than staring out the window. We were discussing the early games of the college basketball season when our flight landed.

  Monty had visited us in Alaska several times each year, so he didn’t look too different when I saw him waiting at baggage claim. Clearly in need of a shave, he had that ruggedly handsome look usually reserved for movie stars. At thirty-four, he still held on to a certain boyish charm that made him look years younger. When Monty saw me, he ran right over, picked me up, and swung me around. If anyone else had done that, I would have lectured them about my being too old for it, but it was different with Monty. It was a ritual that had started when I was a toddler and had never seemed to wear off. “Hi, Charlotte. How was the trip?” he asked.

  “Bearable, but it’s good to finally be here.” I smiled as we walked over to meet Kevin at the baggage carousel.

  “Hey, Kevin, are you excited about playing for the Tar Heels next year?” Even though Monty had never pressured Kevin to play college ball, it was obvious he was thrilled that Kevin had signed with North Carolina.

  “Yeah, I guess you heard I officially signed last week. It looks like I’m following in your footsteps… but I won’t be warming the bench.” Kevin laughed.

  If Monty felt snubbed by the remark, he didn’t show it. He responded by grabbing Kevin’s hand and pulling him into a bear hug. “Good to have you kids back home.”

  ***

  I looked out the window of the back seat of Monty’s truck as we drove away from the airport. Kevin had called shotgun as soon as the truck was within sight, and I got into the backseat without complaint. Monty had laughed as the two of us went on and on about the hot weather. “It’s only seventy degrees,” he reminded us.

  “You do realize how cold November is in northern Alaska, right?” Kevin asked.

  “Yeah, yeah,” Monty said playfully. I could tell that it was funny for Monty to see how much three years in Alaska had changed us.

  As I watched the palmettos and beautiful oaks with dangling moss pass outside my window, I felt more excited about being home every minute. Twenty minutes later, we pulled into the long drive on the side of the house. It didn’t look like much had changed but, then again, very little had changed in the more than two centuries the house had been in my father’s family. I stood outside staring up at the house, feeling a sense of homecoming I hadn’t quite expected. In some ways, the house had been as much a part of my childhood as the people. The endless rooms and countless small hideaways coupled with my wild imagination had made every day an adventure. I always thought that growing up in an old house somehow connected me to the past, especially since so many generations of my family had lived there.

  I waited as Monty and Kevin pulled our bags out of the car and toted them inside. I followed them in and was hit with a wave of disappointment. Though I knew that my mother wouldn’t be waiting for me within those walls, part of me had hoped I would feel her presence in some small way, as if returning to the house would somehow quell the empty feeling that I could never quite shake. I sna
pped myself out of it as Monty started to talk.

  “Kev, you’re in your old room but, Charlotte, there was some water damage in yours, so I put you up on the third floor,” Monty told us as he dropped the last of our bags in the foyer. I wasn’t surprised. When you lived in a house that’s been around for over two hundred years, there was always something that needed to be fixed.

  “Great,” I said with some feeling, as I realized that I would have my own bathroom.

  Monty grabbed the larger of my two bags while I carried the smaller bag and followed him. Kevin was already in his room when we passed it on the way up to the third floor. Monty stopped at the first door on the right. “I thought this one would work well. You have views of the yard and the harbor from the windows and porch.”

  I walked in and examined the room. I was glad to see that the bed was already made; I suddenly felt exhausted. On top of the bedspread were the boxes of clothing I had ordered in anticipation of my need for clothes more appropriate for a southern climate. I looked out the window and took in the view of the garden, the manicured rows of bushes, the brick paths, and my favorite spot, the fountain at the rear of the yard.

  I had grown up in that garden, following mom around everywhere. I even had my own little section where I planted all of my favorite flowers. I wondered suddenly if Monty had been keeping them up. I finally tore my eyes away from the window and noticed an object in the far corner of the room—my cello! One thing that my uncle and I shared was our passion for music. In addition to being basketball coach, Monty was also the orchestra teacher.

  “Thanks so much for setting everything up for me.” I gave him a hug. I really couldn’t believe he had set up my room so nicely in such a short period of time.

  “Anytime. If you need anything, I’ll be downstairs.”

  I collapsed on the bed as soon as Monty left the room. Thoughts of the trip had kept me from fully coming to terms with being back in Charleston, but now the trip was over, and reality set in. It was Saturday afternoon and, on Monday morning, I would be walking into a new high school, forced to see people I hadn’t seen in three years. It seemed like a fresh start would be easier; at least no one had any preconceived notions about you that way. Here, I had no idea what people thought.

  One silver lining was that Kevin would be driving me to school, so I didn’t have to arrive ridiculously early with Monty. Our dad had left a car at the house that Kevin could drive until he went to college, and then, assuming I had my license, it would be mine.

  Within minutes, I fell asleep. The day of travel had finally caught up to me. The next thing I knew, my room was dark, and Uncle Monty was in the doorway asking what kind of pizza I wanted.

  “Anything is fine.” I was trying to hold onto the end of a dream, and I barely got the words out.

  “Pepperoni it is. I’m going to go get it with Kevin; we’ll be back in a few minutes.”

  “Great,” I called after him absently while I contemplated the dream.

  The dream had replayed a vague childhood memory. As a child, I woke up in the middle of the night and walked downstairs for some water. I thought I heard something outside, so I peered out the kitchen window. I saw my mother walking up the garden path wearing a long blue dress. I ran upstairs so I wouldn’t get in trouble for being out of bed so late. Before going back to bed, I looked out my bedroom window and could have sworn I saw a faint light at the back of the garden. I never asked my mom about it, but I always wondered why she was out so late at night dressed so formally.

  My dream followed the same scene, but this time I thought I saw a figure standing at the old gate beyond the fountain, and the figure waved. I waved back through the window as though I knew who it was. The last thing I remembered before waking up was looking down and realizing I was wearing a long blue dress instead of pajamas.

  I shrugged off the dream and decided to start unpacking. I only got as far as my toiletries before realizing that what I really needed was a shower. I took a fast shower, letting the hot water wash away the grime of travel and then searched for some clean clothes to wear. After pulling on jeans and a pink three-quarter-length top, I tied my wet hair back and, suddenly very aware that I hadn’t eaten in hours, started down the stairs quickly.

  “I’ll be right—” The words caught in my throat as I realized that there were three people standing in the foyer—Monty, Kevin, and Liam. Wow, Liam had really changed. He was no longer the slightly awkward fifteen-year-old; he was so much taller, standing at least six-foot, and so much bigger, nothing scrawny about him.

  “Charlotte? Wow, you’ve grown up!” Liam grinned, and I couldn’t help but look away.

  “Yeah, you, too.” I felt self-conscious. I just wanted to disappear, but in the back of my mind, I also knew that it was better just to get it over with.

  “I still can’t believe you guys are back. Things just haven’t been the same around here since you Calloway kids left.” Liam gave me an awkward hug once I reached the bottom step.

  “Yeah, I bet.” I played along, even though I knew what Liam meant was that things weren’t the same without Kevin.

  “So, Liam is going to join us for pizza,” Monty broke in, giving me a strange look. He must have noticed I was uncomfortable. I nodded, and we all headed into the kitchen.

  Dinner was better than expected at first, as I mostly just listened to the three guys discuss the basketball team. Evidently, Monty had already broken the news to the forward who would no longer be starting. I really didn’t mind all of the basketball talk because it gave me the freedom to just sit and think without the pressure of coming up with conversation. But, that didn’t last.

  Monty was the one who pulled me into the conversation. “So Charlotte, I printed out a list of all the clubs and activities at school. I know it’s tough that you’ll have to wait around after school most days until you get your license.”

  “Thanks, but I could probably always get work done at the library or something.” I hoped he wouldn’t press the issue.

  “Sure, and you’re welcome to use the orchestra room to practice any time, but joining something might be a great way to meet people.”

  “And we all know Charlotte could benefit from meeting people,” Kevin added with a grin. Oh geez, did he really have to start in on this?

  “Did I ask you, Kevin?” I snapped. Sometimes he could be so nice, but other times he could be such a jerk.

  “No, but you should,” he said, challenging me to argue. “And hey, you’re the one who told me that you were nervous about starting at a new school.”

  “Whatever,” I replied, because some arguments were pointless.

  Kevin wasn’t going to let it go. “Speaking of Charlotte and friends, I need your help on something,” Kevin said, addressing Liam. This time I didn’t want to disappear, I needed to. This was so awful; I could hardly believe it.

  “Yeah?” Liam looked over at me, clearly curious. I knew that I must be bright red, anticipating what Kevin was going to say.

  “You have to help make sure Charlotte doesn’t become a total social outcast. You should have seen her in Fairbanks. Not dating, I get that; she’s too young to date.” Kevin spoke as though I wasn’t even in the room.

  “Wait, excuse me?” I didn’t know what possessed me, but I just had to argue.

  “Yes, Charlotte?” Kevin asked with mock surprise.

  “I’m almost sixteen, and you’re not Dad!”

  “Okay, well, it’s not like you wanted to date anyway. Remember when Jared asked you out? The only freshman on the team last year, and all you could say was ‘Sorry,’ with no excuse or anything. The poor kid probably still hasn’t gotten over it.” Kevin just had to make me feel sillier. I was ready to kill my brother. I thought I had known mortification, but this was something worse.

  “Why do you care why I turned Jared down? It’s none of your business!” The truth was, I just hadn’t been interested in dating up in Fairbanks. The thought of having to spend an evening fi
nding conversation terrified me. Even though Jared was cute, the date didn’t sound appealing.

  “Kevin, just leave your sister alone.” Monty threw him a dirty look.

  However, Kevin wasn’t listening. “Okay, forget dating. Like I said, she’s too young anyway, but that doesn’t excuse hiding in her room when I threw parties while Dad was away.”

  I knew I was going to lose my temper completely, but I couldn’t stop it. “I was not hiding! I just had better things to do, and they were your friends, not mine. It’s not like I told on you, and I always helped you clean up.”

  “Well, you could have invited your friends. Oh wait, you didn’t have any,” Kevin said snidely.

  “Shut up! You know I had friends; you just didn’t know them,” I shot back. That was it. I couldn’t sit there any longer. I got up, pushed in my chair, and quickly rinsed my plate before putting it in the dishwasher.

  “Nice seeing you, Liam. Thanks for dinner, Monty. Go to hell, Kevin.” Without a second glance at any of them, I ran upstairs to grab a sweatshirt and my iPod; I was going for a walk. As I started up the stairs, I heard Kevin yell. Monty had probably thrown something at him.

  They were still talking about me when I walked out the front door, and I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks. I just didn’t understand why Kevin didn’t leave me alone. Did my shyness really bother him so much? Of course, he probably didn’t understand why I cared about him talking like that in front of Liam, but somehow he should have. I got the distinct impression that Monty could tell by the way he had looked at me when he told me Liam was eating with us.

  I spent a good half-hour walking around the waterfront and realizing just how much I had missed the water. Growing up in Charleston, I had always taken for granted the access to the water; it felt so nice to be near it again. In the darkness, the lights reflected off the water, and I shivered slightly as a breeze picked up carrying the salty smell of the ocean. I closed my eyes for a moment taking in the sensation of being home. When I got back to the house, they were outside playing basketball, so I went back upstairs to my room. Before I got into bed, I walked onto my balcony and looked out into the night. I thought I saw a faint light in the back of the garden, but before I could figure out where it was coming from, it disappeared. I figured it was my mind playing tricks on me because of my dream. Whether I was losing my mind or not, my first day of school did not bode well.