Recklessly Ever After

by Heather Van Fleet

  Gavin and I were like a bomb waiting to explode.

  One that was, again, currently the size of a pea in my stomach.

  As I sat on my bed in my room, I fingered the lid of the old shoebox before slowly opening it. This beat-up thing held crap from all my mistaken relationships. Whenever someone broke up with me, or I broke up with them, I saved a memento reaffirming the fact that they were not the man for me.

  Breath held, I pulled out the first item. A money clip made of pure silver with his initials engraved on the front. The money clip I’d given him two weeks after he told me he loved me. Two weeks before I found him in bed with another woman.

  Paul.

  The one guy I thought I could trust—the nerd with the cute dimple and the ability to wreck me emotionally. I cried for weeks over Paul. Nearly drank myself into oblivion and broke my iPod with all the depressing music I played on it. Princess Paul is what I’d labeled him at first—a diva inside an Armani suit. He was the final reason I’d sworn off men altogether. But he wasn’t the first one to leave me questioning my ability to pick something other than garbage when it came to guys in my life.

  Using the limited nails I had left, I picked up the ziplock bag with the money clip inside, disgusted with myself for even keeping it. Shaking my head, I tossed it in the garbage can next to my bed.

  “Take that, Paul.”

  Next, I pulled out a napkin from McDonald’s for Asshole Abe—the starving artist who turned out to be not so starving after all. Instead, he’d been a trust-fund baby who didn’t believe in spending money on his girlfriends—like me. It was on our one-year anniversary, when he said surprise and took me to Mickey D’s, saying he’d be splurging on a dollar hot fudge sundae for me, that I realized I did not, in fact, want to continue our relationship.

  Then there was Dickhead Daniel, who called out another woman’s name during sex. I’d stolen his mix tape called Cock Rock from his nineteen-whatever Dodge Omni. It really was a good tape—one I’d still listen to if I had something to play it on.

  As I went through all my collected goods, I couldn’t help but laugh, and yeah, tear up on occasion. I’d done a bang-up job picking boyfriends, but what would happen if Gavin turned out to be different? Did I somehow know this already, and that was the reason for my messed-up, confusing emotions? Or was I just pregnant and looking for a reason to think positively when the negative thoughts were stacking up like Legos?

  I sighed, tossing the box onto the floor, just as my cell rang. I wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone, not Addie or Emma. But when I saw my mother’s name light up on the screen, my heart jumped into my throat with fear and worry. The lady never called for the hell of it.

  Something was wrong.

  Chapter 16

  Gavin

  I was almost running late—and I felt like a jackass because of it. All my prepping for our date tonight was nearly ruined by the fact that I’d had to keep my two best friends from killing each other. But if I were Collin and had walked in on Max having sex with my little sister, I probably would’ve punched him out too.

  I wasn’t choosing sides this time. Not when Collin was a mess over the fact that Addie’s mom had died this afternoon and he couldn’t be there with her when it all went down. And not when Max said he’d never back down, that he was in love with Lia.

  My buddies had issues to work out, but I was going to steer clear of them. I had my own life to attend to now. And for once, I was gonna be selfish.

  Luckily, McKenna was good with me showing up at seven. Supposedly, she’d taken a nap and overslept. I wasn’t entirely convinced she hadn’t overslept on purpose to avoid spending the evening with me, but I didn’t bother pointing it out. If I did, she’d probably use that as another excuse to run from me. And again, I needed to trust her as much as I wanted her to trust me. Especially since I wanted more out of this than just a few good nights of sex.

  When I stood to get out of her car, the front door to Kenna’s complex flew open. “Jesus Christ,” I whispered, a hand clamped like a vise around the top of my door when I caught sight of her.

  Wearing high heels and dressed in a flowing, peach-colored dress with one shoulder exposed, Kenna was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen.

  “If you don’t plan on feeding me tonight,” she grumbled, heels clipping the concrete as she walked toward me, “then we need to head to a drive-through before—”

  I jogged to meet her halfway, cutting her off with a kiss. One hand in her hair, the other gripping the nape of her neck tightly… God, I needed her. All of her. Last night and today had only amplified that feeling.

  She sagged against me as if she’d been waiting to be held—waiting for my arms. I grabbed her around the waist with one hand, using the other to keep hold of her neck. Our lips moved slowly, a savoring kiss that had my chest going tight. I could kiss this woman forever, and it still wouldn’t be enough.

  Smiling, I pulled back and rubbed my knuckles down her flushed cheek. “Hi,” I whispered, only to say, “What kind of date would this be if I didn’t feed you?”

  She scrunched up her nose, eyes twinkling. “The worst.”

  “Come on, then.” I motioned my head toward her car and opened the door.

  She jumped right in, her hips grazing mine. “What’s this?” she asked, leaning over to find the box I’d left on the floorboard.

  “Told you I’d replace them.”

  Turning around with the box pressed against her chest, she looked up at me with the widest, wettest eyes. “You replaced my dishes?”

  I scratched at the back of my head, wondering why I’d made her cry. “Are they the wrong color or something? I saved the receipt in case.”

  “No.” She quickly shook her head, then opened the white set I’d picked up from Target earlier. “They’re perfect.”

  “Then what’s wrong? Why’re you crying?”

  She blinked, and a tear fell down her cheek. “It’s just that nobody has ever bought me anything like this before.”

  I cleared my throat, nervous. “Is that a good thing?”

  She nodded, a small smile pulling at the side of her mouth. “Very.”

  “Good.” I dropped a kiss onto her forehead and urged her leg inside the truck with my knee, waiting for her to buckle before I shut the door.

  It was as if I’d given her the world by replacing those dishes. It made me want to buy her more. Cups and silverware, a new kitchen table… Hell, I’d build her an entire new kitchen if I could. McKenna wasn’t greedy, but I somehow knew she was a woman who hadn’t been treated right. I wanted to do everything I could to make up for that.

  “Where are we headed?” she asked as I pulled out of the parking lot.

  “It’s a secret…” That I’ve been keeping from everyone. I trusted her, and more than anything else, I wanted her to know that. And because I wasn’t good with words, and feelings, shit like that, sharing this part of my life with her, when I hadn’t shared it with anyone else, was one of the only ways I could show that trust.

  I pulled her hand onto my lap.

  “I’m not a fan of secrets.” Her voice cracked as she looked out her window.

  “I’m not a fan of keeping them either.” I kissed her wrist, speaking against her skin. “Which is why I’m going to show you something I’ve never shown anyone else.”

  “Why?”

  “Why what?”

  “Why show me? I’m nothing to you, Gavin.”

  “What?” As I pulled onto the interstate that headed toward Arlo, I glanced at her from the corner of my eye. “How can you say that?”

  She shrugged, still not answering. What had happened from the time we’d gotten into the car until now?

  “Kenna. Are you trying to push me away again?” My teeth clenched at the thought.

  “No.” She sighed, squeezing my hand this ti
me. “What I’m asking is, why share this secret with me when you hardly know who I am?”

  Because you’re everything to me. That’s what I wanted to say. Not just by kissing her and touching her, but by showing her pieces of myself that nobody else saw. But expressing myself verbally was like drowning in slow motion. Inevitable, painful. Nothing I’d wish upon anyone.

  “Forget it. We’re just going to eat dinner, that’s all.”

  Distracted, I set my foot to the accelerator, distancing my feelings from her as we cruised the road. God, one step forward, fifty steps back. That was my life with this woman, and it killed me.

  The tree-covered road was nearly dark when I finally made the turn down my lane twenty minutes later. Fear of a deer running out in front of us had me turning on my brights.

  “It’s creepy down here,” she eventually said.

  “Arlo’s not a real populated town.” With its one convenient store, it barely counted as a place to live. “It’s why I like it.” I shrugged and turned down my drive, the gravel sending small pings against my wheels.

  “You like to be alone, don’t you?”

  “Yup.”

  “Why?”

  I glanced at her, still agitated, though more at myself than her. I knew it was just a question, her asking why I bothered to care. But damn, if it didn’t send my mood down further. I liked this woman. A whole lot. More than any woman I’d been around in a long while—if ever. She got me when I didn’t even get myself, made me laugh when I had nothing to laugh about. Most of all, she made my heart feel heavy and desperate for things I’d never wanted before.

  “It’s just who I am. I was alone without anyone but my uncle until I was ten. He attempted to homeschool me, when he wasn’t liquored up or sleeping. But even though I stayed up to date on schooling, I still had no idea how to talk to people.”

  In high school and college, I didn’t have many friends. It was safer that way. Fewer friendships meant less pain if they left me. But as much as I tried to keep that mind-set, everything changed when I met Max and Collin.

  “That’s really sad.”

  I pulled into my driveway. “Maybe. But I didn’t know any better. It wasn’t until I met Max at boot camp, and he wouldn’t leave me alone, that I realized having friends was better than being alone.” I met Collin that same week, and the three of us had been friends ever since.

  “What about your parents?”

  My body tensed as I pulled my key from the ignition. The only sound around us was the summer night outside—crickets, an owl, and the rustle of branches. “What about them?”

  She fidgeted in her seat, hands flexing and unflexing. “They died, didn’t they?”

  “Yeah.” Frowning, I reached into the back seat, grabbing the blankets I’d brought for our makeshift picnic inside.

  “Well, I meant—”

  “They’re dead. Not sure what else you want to know.”

  She flinched and stared down at her lap. “I’m sorry. I was just trying to piece things together.”

  “Can’t be sorry when you don’t know what you’re missing.”

  That was a lie. Because even though I was little when they died, I could still smell my mom’s perfume when she hugged me, and I could still feel the pressure of my father’s hand as he patted the top of my head. Yeah, I barely remembered their faces—had a couple of scratched-up pictures to remind me when I wanted to remember—but that was nothing to me. Those people were strangers. Their spirit would always feel real to me.

  I went to open the door of my Suburban but stopped short when she grabbed my arm. “Gavin, I…” She sucked in a breath, her face pained as she studied mine.

  “What is it?”

  “I really am sorry. It’s just that I got some not-so-good news about my little sister this afternoon, and I’m kind of on edge about it.” She shook her head. “I promise I won’t ask again. About them. Or your past. Unless you want to talk about it.”

  I frowned. “Everything okay with your sister?”

  “Yeah. It will be.”

  I studied her in the near dark, just able to make out her features. Something shifted in her face as she spoke, and the longer I looked, the more I wanted to know the secrets lurking behind her pretty eyes. I wanted to heal her sadness and piece together the broken parts of her that she rarely showed me.

  My throat burned when she smiled, because it wasn’t a real smile. Not like the one I’d seen when I gave her those stupid dishes, or when she was rambling on about names for my dick in that elevator. And not like the one I’d seen on her lips postorgasm either. This was the smile of a girl who didn’t want to smile, and it tore me up.

  * * *

  McKenna

  With his hand in mine, Gavin led me inside a tiny house set back from a long driveway. Behind it sat the Mississippi River in all its quiet brilliance, shining silver in the moonlight. I opened my mouth, wanting to ask if we could go stand next to the edge to study the stars and the slight ripple in the water. But I’d messed everything up with my crying, my rudeness, and my fear of opening up to this man, despite how badly I wanted to. At this point, I was nothing more than an unappreciative piece of garbage—an unappreciative piece of shit who held more secrets than a Maury Povich guest.

  I was going straight to hell at this point.

  Inside the door, Gavin clicked on a number of battery-powered lanterns. About seven in total, from what I could count. On a small table nearby sat two empty glasses and a wine bottle.

  Wine.

  Pregnant.

  Baby.

  “Shit,” I whispered under my breath, my hand automatically going to my abdomen.

  “Thirsty?” he asked, walking to the table and, thankfully, not hearing me. I looked down at his hands when he turned around few minutes later, finding two full glasses there. I gulped, wondering if I could get away with a sip—or at least pretend to.

  “McKenna?” He dipped his head to the side.

  “Huh?”

  He held my glass out. “I asked if you wanted some wine.”

  My throat grew hot as I swallowed, but I somehow managed to speak. “Um, actually, do you have any water? I’ve been trying to cut back on my, uh, wine consumption lately.” Lame, K. So lame.

  Gavin placed the full glass down on a piece of plywood set across the top of two sawhorses. “Sure. Water it is.”

  Through the lights, I watched him, wondering how a man of his stature—so tall, so built—could move as if he had wings attached to his back.

  He opened a blue cooler, the sound of ice rustling in front of him. I took the moment to compose myself, eyeing the small, cozy space. The entire place was a work in progress. An open layout, plywood floors, exposed walls with the plumbing still visible. In its own way, though, it was beautiful. Natural. A new beginning.

  “Here you go.” He stood in front of me and pushed a water bottle my way.

  “Thank you.” Our fingers grazed as I took it from his hand. Tiny sparks jumped up my arms and I shivered again.

  “Welcome to my home away from home.” He spread one arm out. The unsure smile on his face was so endearing that I couldn’t help but grin back.

  “It’s really great.”

  “You don’t have to lie. I’ll still feed you even if you think this place should be set on fire before I bother fixing it up.”

  I poked him in the ribs, then uncapped my water, turning to look at other parts of the home. “Once you get it fixed up, it’s going to be great.” I pointed at the open area to our right. “That will be the family room. I can see a big screen on the wall and a sectional that will take up half the space.” I walked to where I pointed, careful to step over the drop cords running across my path.

  Footsteps sounded against the floor as he moved to stand at my side again. “That right?”

  “Uh-huh.”
I smiled, imagining him watching a football or baseball game in there—drinking his beer and being all…sporty. “It’ll be all…man-ish.”

  “Man-ish?” He quirked a brow, looking adorably delicious.

  “Yep.” I grinned and glanced to the left, finding a small area with an exposed toilet. “And obviously there will be walls surrounding the bathroom, but I can picture a Jacuzzi tub inside the bathroom. Then when you’re done with the game, you can soak in it.”

  “Guys don’t soak. They shower, wash, shave, and be done with it.”

  I nudged him with my elbow once more. But before I could pull away, he grabbed my hand and interlocked our fingers, a sweet smile on his gorgeous face.

  On instinct, I reached up to tug on his beard, grinning. “Don’t shave. I like this too much.”

  He took a step closer, his face mere inches from mine, our thighs pressed close. “For you, Kenna”—he leaned forward, rubbing his bearded cheek against my cheek—“I’ll never shave again.”

  I shut my eyes, inhaling the scent of his skin, woodsy and warm, perfect. If I could sneak into his shower when he wasn’t looking and steal whatever soap he used, my life would be complete.

  “Now.” He pulled back just enough to kiss the tip of my nose. “Where were we?”

  The space between my thighs grew warm with need at his gravelly voice. God, he’d asked me a question, yet I had no damn clue how to answer it without begging for a quickie, right then and there.

  But then my stomach growled.

  One side of his mouth lifted into a grin. “I promised to feed you.”

  “Hmm, you did.” But for Gavin, I’d forgo food for sex in a heartbeat.

  “Come on.” He winked as if he knew exactly where my dirty mind had gone.

  We moved in front of a set of glass doors, his hand lingering on the intricately designed knob. “This is where the magic happens.” He waggled his eyebrows. A playful Gavin made for one hell of a gorgeous sight.