by Ward, H. M.
“I wasn’t snooping. You ordered food and then weren’t around. It’s not like I’d eat it without you.” Sean glances at me and raises an eyebrow when he lifts the cover off the bacon. The nice neat stack isn’t so neat anymore. “Okay, I ate that.”
“I see.” Sean laughs and pulls me over to the couch. He dishes up a plate and grabs himself some coffee. Sean sits down next to me and grabs a piece of bacon off my plate. As he eats, he talks. “That was my brother. He wanted to see me. I told him no.”
“Why?” I’m shocked. I didn’t expect Sean to tell me anything. I remember him saying something about a sibling, but Sean never talks about him. “I mean, what’s so bad about seeing him?”
“If I see him, I’ll cave. You might think I’m a calloused ass—”
“Your ass is not calloused.” I wink at him, and clink my coffee mug to his.
Sean smiles again. It’s such a great thing, making that man smile. “I’m glad you noticed.” He winks at me, and then the pensive look returns to his face. “What do you think I should do?”
Holy shit. He’s really asking me for advice? I freeze with my cup to my lips. I lower it and ask, “Is this a trick?”
“What?” he laughs.
“It just seems like a huge coincidence, that’s all. I ask you about personal stuff, you don’t tell me, so you make something up. It fits with your type of cray-cray, so why not?”
Sean presses his lips together really hard. His shoulders start to shake as he tries not to laugh, but he does a horrible job. “My type of crazy?”
“Cray-cray,” I correct. “Crazy-ass to the second power. Completely bat shit crazy. Cray-cray.”
“Yeah, I’m not saying that—like ever.” Sean starts laughing again.
I roll my eyes and sip my coffee like I’m an adult. “It seemed like a logical question.”
“Logic left this conversation a while ago.” Sean wipes a tear from the corner of his eye. I can see old laugh lines on his face. He must have been happy at one point. The fine lines around the corners of his eyes and mouth are ghostly reminders of the man he used to be. I wonder if he’s still in there. Sometimes I feel so lost, like I’m so far gone that I’ll never be happy again. Then things like this happen, and Sean is laughing more than I would have thought possible.
“Shut up, Cray-cray, and tell me about your brother.” I bump his shoulder with mine, and finish up the food on my plate.
“Pete fell off the face of the earth a while back, severed all contact. He was going through some stuff. I got it, so I didn’t try to find him. Sometimes you have to work things out on your own. I get that. Anyway, he wanted to come see me. He’s asking about stuff he shouldn’t be asking about. I don’t want him to do what he’s thinking about doing. It’ll fuck him over.”
“What does he want?”
“The gun.” Sean’s eyes glaze over. He’s lost in a memory.
A gun? The hairs on my arms prickle like a bad omen. I want what’s best for Sean and he’s too isolated. At the same time… it’s his brother. “Won’t he get one from someone else if you don’t help him?”
“Maybe.” Sean looks over at me. “You think I should see him?”
I nod. “Yeah, I do. He needs you. Maybe he doesn’t actually want a gun—maybe he just wants your help.”
Sean considers what I’ve said. When he looks back up at me, he asks, “Come with me. Make sure I don’t give it to him.”
I nod. Part of me wonders why Sean has a gun and why his brother doesn’t just get another one. Why try to get it from Sean? I don’t know much about his family, just that Sean is estranged from them. Talking to his brother is a big deal. I hope I’m encouraging the right thing. I just think that he shouldn’t be alone anymore. Living life that way is too damn hard.
Questions swirl in my mind, about Sean and his family. “Sean?”
“Yeah, baby?” He’s lost in thought. Sean rubs his hands over his face and looks over at me.
“Will you ever be able to tell me what happened?” I don’t say the rest. I can’t seem to get the words out. He didn’t kill them, there’s no way. Our eyes lock and the pain that I stirred up is visible in his eyes. I want to hold him in my arms and take it all away. I have no idea what those blue eyes have seen, what they’ve lived through, but he’s not the monster he thinks he is—he’s just not.
Sean breaks the gaze and looks away. After a moment, he says, “Someday, Avery. Just, not now. This was supposed to be your day. I have one day to win you over and pull you away from Black. I feel like I’m wasting it.”
“You’re not wasting it.” I put my hand on his knee and lean into him. Sean drapes his arm over my back and pulls me in close. “The gun has something to do with her death, doesn’t it?”
Sean nods. It’s barely noticeable. “I haven’t said a word about any of it to anyone. Talking about that is like shoving splinters into my eyes. I can’t stand it. It drags up everything I’m trying so hard to forget. My life ended that night. I didn’t care what they wanted to do to me.” He blinks and stares straight ahead when his eyes reopen. “There was so much blood. People don’t make mistakes like that…”
I squeeze his arm to silence him. I feel how fragile he is, like a piece of frayed rope with only a few strands left. Sean leans into me and I wrap my arms around him. Sean lets me. He doesn’t tense up as soon as I touch him. Not this time. After a moment, he pulls away and stands.
“Where are you going?” I ask.
“I’m inviting Pete to dinner.”
6
“No,” Miss Black’s voice is firm. I called to tell her that we’re leaving the hotel for a while. “I forbid it, Avery. If you leave, Gabe will make you wish you hadn’t.”
“So, I’m stuck here until Sunday morning?”
“Yes, that was written in your contract. It was explicit. Mr. Ferro has possession of you until that time. You are to do as he asks with the stipulation that you remain at the same location. I can’t have you traipsing all over New York and still protect you. How would I do that?”
“Have Gabe drive us.” I offer. Sean is watching me as I talk to Black. He grimaces like that was a terrible idea.
“No, stay at the hotel with Mr. Ferro. This conversation is over.” She’s mad. I seem to have a knack for pissing her off. The line goes dead before I can say another word.
“She hung up on me!”
Sean walks over and slides his hands around my waist. He leans in and kisses my neck. “We could go back to bed.”
“No, not yet. This is important Sean.” I clutch my temples, trying to ward off the headache that’s growing behind my eyes. It’s important because it frees him, I know it will. It’s the only connection that I can make. Sean acts like himself when he forgets, when he does things that he hasn’t done before. Sledding takes him back to before he was married, before his life turned to shit. I want to give him that, I want it so badly that I can’t imagine staying in this room all day, tormenting him with my touches. I want to scream.
Sean takes my wrists and pulls my hands away from my face. “I’ll take care of it. You go call down for extra blankets and a couple thermoses of hot cocoa.”
“But—”
“Do it,” he commands and swats my butt as he pushes me away.
“She isn’t going to listen to you either.” I sulk and walk to the phone next to the couch. Sean gives me a wicked grin before stepping out onto the balcony. He’s out there forever. When he steps back inside, he brushes the snow off his shoulders and smiles at me.
“Done. Grab your coat and let’s go.” As he walks toward the door, Sean strips off the damp sweater. I lean forward, staring at his chest. He smiles at me before pulling on another one—black this time. “Glad you like it.”
I do. He’s pure yummy when he’s half naked and smiling like he owns the world. For the life of me, I can’t figure out how he got Black to agree. She sounded like she wanted to bite my head off. “How’d you—?”
Sean pus
hes me toward the door. “Money talks, Avery. I hired that thug that drives you around, too. He’ll be here in a few minutes with sleds. I have to say this is the weirdest arrangement I’ve ever made. I just hired a guy to kick my ass if I get too handsy with you. Do I dock his pay if he takes too long to punch me? Or should I just aggravate the hell out of him the whole time?”
“Gabe hates you. That’s a really bad plan.”
Sean kisses my temple and adds, “Everyone hates me, babe. You’re a delightful exception.”
7
Sean makes Gabe buy me a coat while we wait in the car. Every time I see the old guy’s eyes in the mirror, shame washes across my face. Gabe thinks I’m an idiot. He watches me sitting next to Sean and he sees right through me. Gabe knows how smitten I am with Sean. Gabe has a natural grimace etched onto his face. I think he might shoot Sean just for the hell of it.
Gabe parks the car and look over at Sean, like he shouldn’t leave us alone. “I’ll be fine,” I tell him.
Sean cuts me off, “She’ll be frozen if you don’t get her that coat.”
“Don’t steal my car,” Gabe mutters.
“I could buy a fleet of these, old man. You worries are for naught.” Sean grins at Gabe, and then gets the door slammed in his face.
“Well, isn’t he delightful?”
“For naught? Who do you think you are, Mr. Darcy?” The corner of my mouth twitches. I shake my head and look out the window.
“I heard you like surly men.”
“I like men who don’t piss off Gabe. I like men who keep their beautiful heads on their strapping shoulders.”
“You think he could take me?” Sean look surprised. Gabe is a brute, but Sean is younger.
“I think Gabe could whack you and toss you in the trunk, yeah. So stop trying to piss him off. The only reason he went inside is because he’s been yelling at me to wear a coat, too.”
“Awh, he likes you! Old man Gabe has a crush on my girl.” Sean smiles broadly.
I roll my eyes and laugh. “You’re so stupid.”
“Probably. Okay, definitely. Especially when it comes to you. You make me cray-cray.”
A raw laugh bursts from my throat. I slap my hands over my mouth and turn to look at him. I start cracking up when I see the grin on his face. “Making you laugh is way too easy. Really, Avery. Class things up a little bit.” I continue to giggle and lean into him. “So, what are the odds that I get to keep you after this is over?”
I smile at him. I want to say yes, but I can’t. Not yet. Not to mention that I never thought I’d find someone this way. “I don’t know, Sean. What do we say when people ask how we met?”
“We tell them the truth—that we met on Deer Park Avenue when some jackass stole your car. No one needs to know anything else.”
“Aren’t you afraid they’ll find out?”
Sean gives me a strange look. “Who? The press? My Mom? Who are we talking about, Avery? It’s not like buying a hooker will ruin my reputation.”
The smile slips off my face. “There’s a fine line between fact and fiction. Don’t you wonder what side you’re asking that question from? I did things that I can’t undo. No matter what you do, you’ll never be the person who was bought and sold because she was broke. No one will condone that, like ever.”
“We don’t need anyone to condone anything, Avery. If you want to be with me, be with me.” I look up into his dazzling blue eyes.
“I wish it was that simple.”
“It is.”
“No, it isn’t. I need this job, but I don’t want it. I need money to live, but—”
“I’ll give you that—”
“But what does that make me, Sean? I go from being your hooker to being your, what, private call girl? I take money from you instead of Black? It doesn’t feel right.” It feels wrong. I glance out the window. I want a real relationship. I’m greedy, but I want things the way I want them. I want to work in an office and be able to pay my bills. I want to be able to go out on a date with Sean and not have to worry about whether or not I need to fuck the guy sitting next to us the following day. I want normal so badly, but my life is everything but normal.
“Avery…” Sean’s voice trails off before he says anything else. I look up and see why. Gabe is standing outside my door with a garment bag. He knocks, and opens the door.
“Miss Stanz, your coat.” He unzips the bag and takes the jacket off the hanger.
I smile when I see what he chose. It’s a bright blue ski jacket with a purple reflective stripe across the shoulders and down the arms. He holds it out and I slip into it. “It fits.” And it feels nice. I pull up the collar and snuggle into it. Damn it’s soft. I glance down at the price tag and my eyes bug out of my head. “I can’t wear this! It cost more than my car!”
“Mr. Ferro bought it. Yell at him.” Gabe leans in to say something, but thinks better of it. He takes the door handle and gestures for me to move inside.
After I sit next to Sean and Gabe closes the door, I smack Sean in the chest with the palms of my hands. “You bought me a $1200 coat? What the hell, Ferro?”
Sean laughs and shoves me back. Gabe makes a noise in the back of his throat, like a warning. Sean ignores him. “Yes, I told him to get you something that was so soft and purple that you couldn’t resist. It’s more blue than purple, though. You might want to get your eyes checked old man.” Sean glances at Gabe. Gabe holds the steering wheel tighter and grits his teeth.
I smack Sean’s arm, so he stops taunting Gabe. “Sean, you can’t buy me stuff like this.”
“But I want to.”
“But you can’t. It’s too much. You fixed my car and I didn’t say anything, but this—”
“Is hardly enough. I know. I’ll buy you more stuff.”
“Sean,” I warn.
“Avery.” He smiles back at me. He’s loving this.
I let out a rush of air and look at him out of the corner of my eye. “Arguing with you is pointless, isn’t it?” He nods. “You know I won’t wear it, right? I’ll still walk around most days with no jacket at all.”
“I understand.” He’s still smiling. He’s still wearing that smug grin.
“So this is a waste of money…”
“Nothing is a waste on you. Stop fussing and just say thank you.”
“No.” I pout and fold my arms over the chest of my puffy coat. I can’t find my boobs under this thing. I smack it down, trying to figure out where my folded arms should go.
Sean arches an eyebrow at me. “No? Did you tell me no?” He smiles and leans into me, pinning me to the seat with his body, as his hands find their way under my clothes to my skin—then he tickles me. His fingers move the perfect amount. It makes me wriggle and screech. I think Gabe is going to kill us when I slide off the seat and onto the floor, but he doesn’t say anything. In fact, he puts up the divider.
Sean pulls me back up onto the seat and slips his hand under the jacket and then under my shirt. His eyes are locked with mine as his hand slides up along my waist to my side. He slows as he nears the bottom of my breast and brushes bare skin. Sean’s eyes widen. “Where’s your bra, Miss Smith?”
“I don’t really know, Mr. Jones. I couldn’t find it this morning, so I didn’t wear one.”
A look of pure lust flashes in his eyes. It makes me squirm in my seat. His hand slips to the button on my jeans. “What about these?” His eyes flick to my waist and then lower. He wants to know if I’m wearing panties.
“What about them?”
“Are you wearing any?” Sean watches me, waiting for a response.
I give him a lopsided smile and say, “Why don’t you find out?”
Sean glances at the window and sees we have a ways to go. He leans into me, and slips the button through the hole. My jeans loosen and Sean presses his hand against my belly. His gaze is on mine, watching me, as his hand moves lower and lower. When he touches the V at the top of my legs, I close my eyes. Sean doesn’t ask. He just does it
. His fingers slip between the delicate folds and inside of me. His hand works slowly, teasing me, moving in circles until I’m saying naughty things in his ear.
Sean kisses my neck as he works his magic. My body responds to him instantly. Every touch sends me higher and higher. I tilt my head back and close my eyes as I push my hips to his hand. I want him to push me over the edge. I want to feel the tight coils within me unwind, but Sean keeps me there, right at the cusp.
It goes on like that. Sean teases me, touching me in all the right places until I’m gasping, begging for release. I moan his name and beg him, but Sean only smiles. Just when I think that I can’t stand it for another second, he adds another finger and pushes into me—hard. I gasp and lift my hips to his hand. He thrusts harder and faster, rubbing my clit while he does it. I feel his eyes on my face, watching me. I’m suddenly very aware of the car and that we’ve stopped moving, but I don’t care. My hips buck into his hand, and I cry out. The sensations shoot through my stomach and into my chest. I want his hands on me, in me. I’d do anything to come right now.
Frantically, I grab his shirt and pull Sean to my face. “Please…”
“Please, what? Tell me what you want, baby.” His hand stills. His breath washes across my face. He smells so good and I want him so badly.
“Make me come. Please, Sean.”
He grins. Sean’s touch changes and sends a surge of lust shooting through my veins. I throw my head back and cry out. My hips slam into his hand and he pushes deeper inside of me. He does it over and over again, faster and harder. I wish my jeans weren’t so tight. I wish we were naked and my legs were wrapped around his waist. I’ve never wanted to be fucked so much in my life. I have no idea what he’s doing, but it feels so good.
Sean takes me higher and higher. My body tenses around his fingers, wanting release. Sean’s rocking becomes rhythmic. He pushes faster and faster until I can’t see. White blurs my vision. I try to keep my eyes open, but I can’t. My hand clutches my breast as I scream his name. Sean pushes once more, hard, and holds. When he does that, the pulsing starts. He thrusts again and again as I come. I’m breathing so hard. My body stays rigid as ecstasy consumes me.
