Tell Me No Spies

by Diane Henders

  After a few breaths, I shook myself and refocused on my surroundings, grateful that Spider and Kane knew me well enough to let me have some time. I surreptitiously wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans as I turned to face them.

  “Are you okay?” Spider’s expression was troubled.

  “Yeah, fine.” I ignored Kane’s skeptically raised eyebrow. “So I guess we might as well go up to the office and get on with some more work.”

  Kane frowned. “Do you need a break first?”

  “No, I’m fine as long as I’m above ground.” I rolled my neck and shoulders, trying to ease their aching tension as I headed for the stairs.

  In the upstairs corridor, Stemp emerged from his office as we reached the door to mine.

  “How did it go?” he inquired, his flat gaze dissecting me.

  “Fine,” I snapped.

  Kane spoke simultaneously. “Not well.”

  Stemp looked from Kane’s frown to my face. “Which is it?”

  “Not well,” Kane repeated forcefully. He skewered me with a look as I opened my mouth. “Unless you consider it fine to nearly shoot your way out of the secured facility.”

  “I didn’t!” Indignation made me loud. “I never even drew…”

  “I saw you go for your gun,” Kane overrode me. “You didn’t draw it, but you were ready to.”

  I glared at him, and Stemp broke the short silence. “Good.”

  “What?” Spider yelped.

  Stemp gave him a cool stare. “Those are the kind of reflexes I want to see.” He turned his impassive face back to me. “Always be ready to draw your weapon. Always be ready to shoot if necessary. Good work.” He turned and strode back into his office, closing the door behind him.

  I gawped down the hallway after him before turning to face Spider’s open mouth and Kane’s thoughtful expression. “Did I just get congratulated for almost shooting the good guys?”

  Kane’s laugh lines crinkled. “Not exactly. You got congratulated for being on your toes. And he’s right. It’s your responsibility to protect yourself. I wish it wasn’t that way, but you have to trust your instincts.”

  I groaned and thudded my forehead against the door jamb. “I hate my life.”

  “Lunch time.”

  I gratefully stretched my aching avatar inside the sim when Spider’s voice spoke from above the virtual ceiling, and made my way to the exit portal. As usual, my gratitude evaporated when the pain drilled through my eyeballs into my brain.

  “Aydan, stop!” Strong hands closed around my head, and I let out the growl I’d been trying to hold back. The grip didn’t loosen, and I clenched my fists and rode out the remainder of the pain with my eyes squeezed shut.

  When I was sure my eyeballs would stay in my skull of their own accord, I squinted cautiously into the face of Santa Claus, inches away. I recoiled with a yelp, and he drew back quickly.

  I reached up to unwrap Kane’s hands from my head. “You can let go now.”

  He frowned down at me. “That was worse than usual. You were beating your head against the couch.”

  “Yeah.” I rubbed the remainder of the knots out of my forehead. “Just the extra stress, I guess.” I rose slowly and cocked an eyebrow at Sam. “Did you need something else from me?”

  “No, I was just testing your responses. You really can’t hear or feel anything when you’re in the network, can you?”

  “No…” I eyed him mistrustfully. “Testing my responses how?”

  “I tried to stop him.” Spider’s face was flushed, and his hand clenched and opened as he turned a scowl on Sam. “If you’d pulled her out of the network…”

  “But I didn’t,” Sam countered. He turned back to me and spoke reassuringly. “I was very careful. Your young friend here briefed me on what your reactions have been. I just shouted your name and patted your face. That hasn’t been enough to wake you in the past, and it wasn’t this time, either.”

  “Maybe not,” Kane grated. “But if it had been… You obviously don’t understand the kind of agony Aydan goes through if that happens.”

  Comprehension oozed into my aching brain and I eyed Kane. “Oh, so that’s where you went so fast. You left the network as soon as he started shouting.”

  “Yes.” Kane and Spider hovered protectively, one on either side of me as we faced Sam. Spider still looked angry, and Kane’s eyes were hard in his impassive cop face.

  With the twinkle gone from his eyes, Sam didn’t look so much like Santa Claus anymore. “Well…” He took a step back. “That’s all I needed anyway. I’ll go back to my lab now.” He turned and hurried out, and I blew out a long breath.

  “Spider, could you please signal me if anybody even comes near my physical body while I’m in the network? This is just too creepy for me.”

  “I will. I’m sorry, I should have.”

  “No, it’s okay, Spider, I know you were watching out for me, and thanks. But I just…” I failed to hide a whole-body shudder. “It’s just… like… finding out you’ve been naked and unconscious in the middle of a shopping mall. You don’t know who’s been looking at you, who’s been touching you, what they’ve done…”

  “That won’t happen. Nobody will do anything to you.” Kane’s voice was edged. “Webb, from now on, our standard operating procedure will be that you signal Aydan and bring me out of the network the instant anybody else enters the room. No exceptions.”

  “Even Stemp?” Spider questioned.

  “Especially Stemp,” I said.

  “And Kraus,” Kane added. “From here on in, we get a full description of everything he plans to do, in advance. Aydan approves it before we go in. If he deviates the slightest bit from the plan, you signal Aydan and wake me immediately.”

  “Got it,” Spider agreed, looking relieved.

  “Thanks, you guys.” I gave them both a grateful smile. “You have no idea how much it means to me to have you watching out for me.”

  Spider turned pink. “You’re welcome.”

  “You’re welcome,” Kane rumbled agreement. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

  “Yes, I’m due over the Greenhorn Cafe at one. Actually, I think I’ll head over there for lunch and just stay.” I made for the door, feeling the tension leaking out of my shoulders. A couple of hours of sane, normal, non-spy-related bookkeeping was exactly what I needed right now. Thank God for my real life.

  My feet dragged to a halt when it occurred to me that this top-secret, dangerous life was actually my real life now. Except for a few short hours a week when I escaped to my civilian bookkeeping clients, I spent virtually all my time at Sirius.

  The thought formed a cold lump in my stomach.

  Chapter 7

  The next morning, I managed a slightly more optimistic outlook. An afternoon and evening away from Sirius Dynamics had helped a lot. And I only had to spend a couple of hours there this morning, before seeing my two favourite civilian bookkeeping clients. I was actually whistling when I strode down the hall to my office.

  The tune dwindled into silence when I surveyed its occupants. Kane and Spider were looking grim. Sam Kraus was looking eager. Bad combination.

  “What?” I demanded.

  Sam’s smile faltered. “I’m sorry, Aydan, I need you downstairs again this morning.”

  “Oh. Shit.”

  He looked taken aback, and I mumbled, “Sorry,” without much sincerity.

  “It’s all right.” His smile returned, sympathetic this time. “I’m so excited about this, I keep forgetting how hard it is for you. I’ll try to keep it short this morning.”

  “Thanks.”

  I was turning to go when Kane’s voice stopped me. “Wait.” I turned to face his hard grey eyes. I tamped down my instant defensive reaction when I realized he was looking at Sam, not me.

  “First, you’ll go over everything you plan to do with Aydan this morning,” he commanded.

  “Oh…” Sam’s ruddy face paled slightly as he sized up Kane’s six-foot-four he
ight and massive upper body. I held back a snicker. Yeah, it sure was nice to have Kane on my side. Though I’d rather have him on my front… I jerked my dirty mind to heel in time to catch Sam’s hurried explanation.

  “I just want to run some tests. Nothing unusual, you don’t even have to be in the network.” As Kane’s gaze continued to bore into him, he fingered his beard nervously and continued, “I’ll just put the electrodes on your forehead again and ask you to do some mind exercises.”

  Relief seeped into my taut shoulders. “Oh, like the ones you used to give me when you came to the house.”

  “Uh… yes… I didn’t realize you remembered those.”

  “Of course, why wouldn’t I? You did them three times a year for what, twelve years?”

  Sam finger-combed his beard with what seemed like unnecessary vigour. “Most people didn’t-” He clammed up and stroked his moustache.

  “Aydan, is that all right with you?” Kane inquired.

  “Fine, no problem. Let’s get it over with.”

  Down in Sam’s lab, Kane appraised my shaking hands. “Are you all right?”

  “Fine,” I assured him a little breathlessly. I drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then did it again. Ocean waves. “It’s actually a bit better today.”

  He scowled at me. “You’re a lousy liar.”

  “Thanks. Speaking of which, have you come up with new ideas about my cover?”

  “Why, has Rossburn been giving you trouble again?”

  “No.”

  I hadn’t even seen him out riding his horse, and I didn’t know whether to feel glad or sorry. Glad I hadn’t seen him. Sorry I had to avoid him.

  Kane glanced at Sam’s approaching figure. “We’ll talk about it later.”

  After a couple of long hours underground, I burst out of the time-delay chamber into the lobby, only hyperventilating a little. I handed in my security fob at the desk and tossed a wave over my shoulder as Spider and Kane emerged from the chamber.

  “See you.” I scuttled for my car.

  The sun-warmed upholstery soothed my tense muscles, and I closed my eyes and leaned into it, soaking up the heat. At the tap on my window, my body spasmed and my eyes flew open.

  “Jesus Christ!” I rolled down the window with shaking hands. “Don’t do that! You scared the shit out of me.”

  “Sorry.” Kane rested a forearm on the roof of the car and leaned down. “Should I come with you to Blue Eddy’s?”

  “You can if you want. He doesn’t officially open for another half hour or so, but he’ll probably give you a beer anyway.”

  “I wasn’t thinking of beer. I was thinking of Rossburn.”

  “I can’t imagine why he’d be there. The weather’s good, so he’ll still be busy on the farm. He wouldn’t come into town for lunch, and he doesn’t know my schedule anyway.” I grimaced. “I really don’t think he’ll be too interested in talking to me again, under the circumstances.”

  Kane lifted an eyebrow. “You might be surprised. I wouldn’t give up on you that easily. Somehow I doubt if he will, either.”

  “Oh.” I spoke into the short, awkward silence. “Um… I’ve got to go.”

  “All right. See you around three.”

  My heart lifted when I unlocked the back door at Blue Eddy’s. Eddy was obviously hard at work. The bluesy notes of his piano curled sensuously around me and I swayed with the rhythm. His face lit up when he caught sight of me.

  “Hi, Aydan!”

  I grinned back at him, the weight of Sirius Dynamics dropping from my shoulders and washing away in the stream of music. “Eddy, I swear to God, coming here once a week is the only thing that keeps me sane.”

  He laughed while his fingers continued to dance effortlessly over the keys. “Glad to be of service.” The tune slowed to a simple, wistful melody as he examined me, his sharp eyes seeing too much as usual. “Aydan, is everything okay? You’ve seemed really down lately.”

  “Everything’s fine. I’ve been really busy with one of my other clients, so I’ve been tired, that’s all.”

  “Okay.” He continued to scan my face, a faint frown creasing his forehead, and I turned away to forestall any other discussion.

  “Guess I better get started.” I headed for his cramped office, and let the soothing task of data entry calm my mind while the music eased my soul.

  After lunch, Linda greeted me eagerly when I stepped in the door of Up & Coming. “Aydan, guess what?”

  I grinned down at the diminutive brunette, envying her bouncy energy. “What?”

  “Clyde asked me to move in with him.”

  I laughed out loud. I’d apparently made some incorrect assumptions based on the fact that Spider blushed at the faintest hint of sexual innuendo.

  “He turned out to be a fast worker. You’ve only been going out for a couple of months. And move in where? His house isn’t rebuilt yet, is it?”

  “No, he’s still living with his parents. His house won’t be ready until November or December. But when it is, I’m going to move in with him.”

  “Well, congratulations. He’s a great guy.”

  “He is, isn’t he?” Her eyes sparkled. “I’m so glad you introduced us.”

  “I didn’t, really.”

  “Well, no, not really, but he never would have come in here if he didn’t have to drop off those papers for you.”

  “That’s definitely true.” I chuckled, remembering his scarlet face when he’d stood in the doorway of the sex shop for the first time. I slipped behind the counter and into their office, still smiling. Life was good.

  I revised my opinion when I reached the doorway of my office at Sirius and contemplated Sam’s enthusiastic grin.

  I groaned. “Not again.”

  His face fell. “Sorry.”

  I trailed into the office and flopped down on the couch. “What are we doing this time?”

  He shot a sidelong glance at Kane’s expressionless face. “This time, I need you to go into the network and sneak around. I want to see what your brain activity looks like when you turn invisible. And I’d like to see what happens when you’re breaching firewalls, too.”

  “Our own firewalls in the Sirius network, or external ones?”

  “Both.”

  “So you’re just going to hook me up to the headband again?”

  “Yes, that’s all.” I could tell he was trying to contain his excitement, but his eyes were sparkling, and his fingers combed his beard over and over.

  I sighed and heaved myself to my feet. Everybody seemed to have excess energy but me. I just wanted to shove my head between the sofa cushions and hibernate.

  Feeling like a prisoner going into lockdown, I followed the three men downstairs.

  Underground once more, I dropped into the chair in Sam’s lab with a notable lack of grace when my trembling knees collapsed.

  Spider regarded me with concern. “Are you-”

  “Don’t even ask.”

  He subsided, looking worried, and my conscience prodded me. “Sorry,” I told him. “I’m fine. Thanks for being concerned.”

  “Don’t take this wrong…” He hesitated. “You don’t look fine. You’re shaking like a leaf, and you’re the same colour as the wall.”

  “I’ll live.”

  Kane glowered in Sam’s direction. “How many more times does she need to do this?”

  “This might be the last,” Sam responded cheerfully. “I just need to gather data from a full range of her activities.”

  Kane squatted in front of me to look up into my face. “Aydan, can you do this one more time?”

  “Yeah, no problem,” I lied. “Ready whenever you are.”

  He eyed me dubiously before rising to walk over to his chair. “All right.”

  With the crown of electrodes in place, I closed my eyes for what I fervently hoped would be the last time I’d enter the network underground.

  I willed myself onto the mountaintop again, unable to control the urge to flail
my arms. I caught a bare glimpse of Kane’s avatar popping into existence before the chasm opened under my feet and I plummeted.

  I hurtled downward, blackness and panic swallowing me. Rocks gouged my flesh as the shaft narrowed. My arms were pinned to my sides. I jerked and twisted, animal shrieks tearing from my throat. The rocks squeezed more tightly.

  Trapped. Buried alive. My throat closed, my screams smothering into shrill rapid wheezing. My heart hammered, uselessly trying to batter its way out of my chest.

  Kane’s voice boomed around me. “Aydan, stop! You control this!”

  Light bloomed as his arms closed around me. Suddenly he was carrying me, and I fought to control my shallow panting.

  “Stay with me,” he urged. “You’re going to be all right.”

  My breath stopped momentarily at the sight of the blood soaking his T-shirt and smearing his arms. “Stay with me,” he repeated. “Just breathe with me. Nice and slow.”

  “I’m okay! Put me down. Where are you hurt?” I struggled, and his arms tightened around me while he kept up his rapid pace.

  “Just lie still.”

  “No, I’m fine. Where are you hurt?” I ran shaking hands over his blood-soaked shirt, searching for injuries.

  “I’m not hurt. It’s not my blood.”

  “Oh.” I glanced down. Blood leaked steadily from my gaping wounds, leaving a crimson trail behind us. The jagged yellowish ends of a broken bone protruded from the torn bloody denim over my right thigh. “…oh,” I repeated.

  I took a few calming breaths, my panic subsiding when I realized he was unhurt and it was only a sim. “Well, let’s just fix that.” I waved a hand down my virtual body, repairing bone and muscle and skin and clothing.

  Kane stopped and blew out a breath, dropping my feet to the ground and holding me close. “Thank God.”

  “No, thank you. For saving my ass yet again.”

  He turned me gently toward the exit portal. “Come on, let’s get you out of here.”

  “No, I’m okay now. I just lost it for a second there, but I’m fine. Let’s get this done.”