Tell Me No Spies

by Diane Henders

  “Absolutely not. This ends now.”

  “We’re here. We’re already in. I’m fine now. Let’s just do it,” I argued.

  Spider’s tremulous voice floated down from the virtual sky. “Aydan, are you really okay?”

  “I’m fine.”

  My knees wobbled uncontrollably, and I pulled away from Kane and dropped to the ground. “I’ll just start from here.”

  Kane stared down at me, and for an instant I thought he might carry me bodily out of the sim. Then the moment passed and he sank down beside me, looking resigned. “Fine. Give me your hand.”

  “Why?” Sam’s voice startled me.

  “Because when Aydan goes searching along network paths, she… stretches. I’m her anchor,” Kane replied.

  “Ooooh…” Sam sounded utterly enthralled. “Aydan, tell me exactly what you’re going to do.”

  “First I’m going to go invisible. Then I’m going to stretch into the network and start tasting data packets…”

  “Tasting?”

  “Well, yeah, sort of. I don’t really know what the correct word would be. I kind of… I don’t know, taste? Smell? Listen? Absorb? It’s like a sponge floating in a stream.”

  “This is so exciting…” Sam’s voice was trembling. “Can you talk to me while you do it?”

  “No. Invisibility itself doesn’t prevent me from talking, but once I start sniffing around down network connections, I can’t speak. And the further away I go, the less I can hear from this end. That’s why John holds onto me. In case he needs to pull me back.”

  I willed myself invisible, feeling Kane’s grip tighten on my hand.

  “Wait!” Sam’s voice was urgent, and I popped back into visibility.

  “What?”

  “Oh, good, you’re still here. Can you just stay invisible for a few minutes while I monitor the readings? Then move into the network and just stay around here. Then go through some of our internal firewalls, maybe manipulate a couple of files. And last thing, go and breach some external firewalls.”

  “Sure.” I faded away again, but remained seated where I was. After a few minutes, Sam spoke again. “Okay, go and travel the network now.”

  “On my way.” I stretched my consciousness into the swirls and eddies of the Sirius Dynamics network, loitering in the stream and watching the data flow by. I idly sifted through the packets, not paying much attention while I waited for the requisite time to pass.

  A sudden familiar flavour tugged at my attention, and I focused on the string of packets. What the…?

  I latched onto the last packet in the burst of data and rode its rollercoaster course through the Sirius firewalls.

  At its destination, I shot tentacles of consciousness through the file repository, tracking and tracing all the related information while I wrapped myself around the accumulated data packets like a feeding jellyfish.

  Icy chills raced over me, chased by fiery heat as I absorbed the contents in a voracious gulp.

  Rage engulfed me, and I flung my consciousness back to the mountaintop. Kane leaped to his feet as I burst into existence beside him and yanked my hand from his grasp.

  “Aydan, what…?” he gasped. Seconds later, a fire hose materialized in his hands and he turned the full force of the water on me, his eyes wide with horror.

  I barely spared a glance at the blue-white fire hissing from every surface of my skin and licking along the upraised blade of the sword in my hand.

  “Get. Out.” I could barely form the words. The flames roared to the sky. The water evaporated before it could touch me. “Get. Out. Now! Go!”

  Soon I would immolate everything. Everybody. Even him. Especially him.

  Unable to trust myself, I folded sim space to reach the exit portal between one heartbeat and the next, blazing fire and fury. When I stepped through, the pain goaded me into instant violence. I lashed out blindly, shrieking obscenities. My arms were pinned by a powerful grip, and I redoubled my struggles, incapable of rational thought.

  At last, a semblance of sanity returned. Kane still held me tightly, calling my name over and over.

  “Let. Me. Go.” The words boiled from my throat in a satanic growl. As his arms loosened, I jerked away from him and stormed for the door.

  “Aydan, wait! What’s wrong? Are you all right?” I heard rapid footsteps behind me, and Kane’s large hand closed on my shoulder. I whirled to face him. “Leave me. Alone,” I hissed.

  I took the stairs two at a time and glared into the retinal scanner. As the time-delay chamber door released, Kane came up quietly behind me. I stepped into the chamber and shot him a look when he made as if to follow.

  “If you come in here with me, I will rip you limb from limb.” My voice shook, and he took a slow step back, still holding the door of the chamber open.

  “Close the door.” My hands ached as my fists clenched. The time delay wouldn’t start until the first door was shut. “Close the fucking door!”

  “Aydan, what’s wrong?” He searched my face as Spider and Sam pounded up the stairs behind him.

  “Fuck off!” I roared. “Close the goddamn fucking door!”

  Kane shot a quick glance over his shoulder. “Go back down,” he commanded, and the other two did a fast fade down the stairs. He turned back to me, his movements slow and smooth, his voice soft. “Aydan, I need you to talk to me. Calm down. Tell me what’s wrong.”

  “What’s wrong is you won’t close the fucking door! Move, goddammit!” I lunged at him. And the moron wrapped his arms around me and pushed his way into the chamber, the door closing behind him.

  He released me immediately and I glared at him from close range in the tiny room, panting and trembling with the effort to keep from attacking him.

  “Better start the countdown,” he advised mildly.

  I wheeled to activate the scanner on the exterior door and stood with my back to him, fighting the compulsion to turn and batter him with my fists.

  “You’ll be out in a few seconds,” Kane soothed. “Just hang on. Just a few seconds more.”

  The sound of his voice galvanized my muscles like a jolt of electricity. I realized I was growling without words, a harsh keening that rose and fell like the battle cries of two tomcats squaring off in the night.

  The door released at last, and I sprang into the lobby. Kane was instantly beside me. “Do you need to run?” he asked urgently.

  “Fuck, no!” My feet were already carrying me rapidly toward the stairs. I grappled for control of my voice. “I need… to… talk… to Stemp.”

  “That’s a good idea. I’ll come with you.”

  “No.” I gained the top of the stairs and spun to face him. “You stay out of it.”

  “Aydan…” His forehead was creased with worry.

  “I said, stay out of it!” I whirled and strode down the hallway.

  I forged into Stemp’s office and slammed the door behind me without breaking stride. He began to rise, but I was beside him before he could straighten, my fist knotted in the front of his shirt and my gun grinding viciously under his chin.

  He had obviously been a good field agent before he took over as director. His expressionless facade barely wavered.

  “To what do I owe the pleasure?” he inquired, his voice slightly distorted by the constriction of his shirt collar and the pressure of my gun.

  “You murdered my husband, you motherfucking son of a bitch!”

  Chapter 8

  His shoulder lifted in a careful shrug. “Not personally. Kane did that.”

  “You…” I couldn’t think of anything vile enough to call him, all my effort focused on not pulling the trigger until I had the information I needed.

  “You… fucker! You gave the order. Murdered him. In cold blood. And let me think. I’d killed him. All this time.” I could barely breathe. “Two years. I’ve been living with that.” Control shattered, and my voice rose to a shriek. “You rat-bastard!”

  The door latch clicked behind me, and I ca
ught a blurred glimpse of Kane’s shocked face. “Fuck off, John! I told you to stay out of it!” I roared. I shoved the gun into Stemp’s throat for emphasis and felt him tense under my grip.

  “Kane. Leave,” he grated.

  “Aydan, stop,” Kane implored from behind me.

  “Leave. That’s an order,” Stemp ground out.

  Seconds later, I heard the door close again. I slammed Stemp back against the wall and took a few quick backward steps out of his reach. As shreds of sanity seeped back, I realized what a stupid mistake I’d made. I kept the gun trained on him anyway. My hand shook so badly that even if I had the guts to pull the trigger, I’d probably miss.

  Stemp straightened his shirt and tie, his face still impassive.

  “Fuck!” I flung the gun onto his desk. “Just fucking shoot me. Finish this.” I threw myself into the guest chair and slumped down hopelessly.

  He seated himself behind the desk again, his flat eyes appraising me. “No, I don’t think so.”

  “Because that would be too merciful, wouldn’t it?” Bitterness scalded my throat. “Fine. Put me in jail and watch me scream. Enjoy.”

  “No.” He picked up my gun and pointed it at my face, squinting over the open sights. I trembled helplessly in the chair, heart pounding. Fine. Just let it be over.

  Stemp sighed and reversed the weapon, holding it out to me by its barrel. “Take your gun.”

  I stared stupidly at him.

  He waved it impatiently in my direction. “Take it.”

  “No. You’re just fucking with me.”

  He sighed again and laid the gun down in front of me. “No, I’m not. This never happened.”

  “Why?”

  “For one thing, we still need your decryption skills.”

  I felt my lips twist. “For a little while. Until Sam figures out what makes me tick. Then you’ll kill me just like you killed Robert.”

  He shrugged. “You already knew that. Take what you can get.”

  “Fuck you.” Heaviness descended on me. The heat of rage faded, leaving me icy cold. “Why did you kill him?”

  “It was necessary.”

  “Why? Just to fuck up my life? How long have you been manipulating me?” Fury jerked me upright in the chair. “You cocksucker! Do you have any idea what I went through? Do you have any idea how it feels to think you’ve killed somebody you love?”

  “Yes, actually. I do.” Stemp eyed me dispassionately. “I wouldn’t have given the order if I’d had another choice.”

  “Bullshit!” I lunged up out of the chair bellowing, my throat as raw and painful as my heart. “Why! Tell me why you killed him!”

  Stemp picked up the gun and held it out to me again. “It’s time for you to go now.”

  I leaned shaking fists on his desk and glared into his emotionless face. Nauseating certainty climbed the back of my throat. He wasn’t going to tell me. My husband was dead at his hands with no justice, no recourse, no explanation.

  I straightened slowly, my spine stiffening with the steel of rage. No. Not dead at Stemp’s hands. Dead at the hands of a man I’d trusted. Believed in. Had been willing to die for.

  A man who’d been lying to me for months.

  The gun felt cold and heavy in my hand when I lifted it from Stemp’s desk and made for the door.

  “Don’t do anything stupid.” Stemp’s voice froze me with my hand on the doorknob.

  “Good advice.” My voice rasped like a chainsaw grinding concrete.

  I opened the door to see Kane’s strained face. “Aydan, thank God.” His shoulders relaxed and he slid his gun back into its holster.

  I closed the door behind me and glared up at him, violence roiling in my heart. My hand hurt where it clenched around the hardness of my gun.

  “Aydan, what happened? What the hell was that?” he demanded, worry dissolving into irritation on his face.

  I dropped my gaze to grapple for composure, distantly noticing the glowing white knuckles on my gun hand.

  Orders. He had only been following orders.

  “Get out of my sight.” I shoved my gun back into its holster, releasing my fingers with an effort, and stalked away.

  “Aydan! Don’t walk away from me.” His hand closed on my shoulder.

  His touch destroyed the last remnants of my control and I spun, my fist whistling around to drive into his stomach. I knew the blow wouldn’t have even slowed him down if he’d been expecting it, but he was clearly unprepared. He grunted and half doubled over, and I used all my weight to shove him back against the wall, my forearm jammed across his throat.

  I jerked up on my tiptoes to get as close to his face as I could. “I said, get out of my sight!” I spat.

  I whirled and strode away.

  A moment later, I was pinned against the wall by his hard body while he glared down into my face.

  Many people would consider it a bad idea to piss off a martial arts expert. I was far past the ability to exercise that kind of better judgement. I made a zealous attempt to knee him in the balls.

  He blocked my attack. His hold on my arm tightened painfully and he crushed me against the wall with his weight.

  “Now we’re going to talk about this,” he said quietly. “Would you like to do it here, or would you prefer to sit down and discuss it like adults?”

  “Right fucking now, asshole!” My defiant growl didn’t have quite as much impact as I’d hoped, since I could only inhale enough to manage a breathless squeak.

  “Why are you so angry at me?”

  I tried to knee him again with no success whatsoever. “No reason. You fucking murderer.”

  He went very still. “Oh. Aydan, I’m sorry, I-”

  “Don’t bother. Don’t even bother lying to me anymore. I know all about your orders.” I snarled up into his face. “Cultivate a romantic relationship with the asset. You show up in my bed and pretend you hadn’t planned it. What did you think? I’d just fall into your arms? Well, guess what, you could be the best lay ever, and by the way, you weren’t, and it wouldn’t be enough to make me want a relationship with you.”

  Rage almost choked me when he pulled back as if I’d slapped him, hurt twisting his face. God damn him, he was still, bloody well still trying to make me swallow his act.

  “How dare you, you… you… prick! All that shit you spewed in the summer. ‘Do you love me, Aydan?’ What a crock. You killed my husband two years ago, and then you have the sheer fucking gall to pull that shit on me. I can’t believe I was feeling bad because I thought you were hurt. Asshole!”

  I jerked against his hold again, glaring up at him.

  Kane let go and stepped away suddenly, and I barely prevented myself from falling. “Aydan, we need to talk.”

  “We have nothing to talk about.” I spun on my heel and started down the hallway. I couldn’t believe it when I felt his hand on my shoulder again.

  This time he was ready for the fist I swung at him. He blocked it effortlessly, along with the kick and punch that followed. His face was composed, his body relaxed while he balanced lightly on the balls of his feet. Only his eyes showed his agitation.

  Yeah, agitate this, dickhead!

  I swung at him again, and again he blocked me. Then I was crushed against the wall.

  “I can do this all day long if you want,” he said. He blocked my knee. “You have a choice.” He jerked his face out of range as I tried to head-butt him. “We can talk, or I’ll talk and you’ll listen. But either way…” He dodged as my teeth snapped together, barely missing his shoulder. “We will deal with this. Now.”

  I roared and managed to get one arm loose. In an instant, he had pinned both my arms by the wrists above my head. I caught a movement in my peripheral vision and jerked around to see Stemp’s bland face peer out of his office. He and Kane exchanged a look, and Stemp nodded and withdrew again.

  I fought harder, humiliation adding to my fury.

  “Aydan,” Kane snapped. “Stop. Give me a chance.”

/>   “A chance to what? Screw me over again? I don’t think so,” I snarled.

  His large hand clamped over my mouth and he leaned into me hard. “Shut up and listen. Your husband was an agent. He went rogue. He was a threat to national security. I had orders to eliminate him. I was doing my job. And I’ve never lied to you.”

  Biting a chunk out of his hand seemed like the right thing to do, but I couldn’t. My strength drained so suddenly that the pressure of Kane’s body against mine was the only thing holding me up.

  He looked down into my eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  He released me and stepped back. I sank into a huddled heap on the floor.

  My heart thudded in my ears while I memorized the carpet. Gray, with little flecks of blue, white, black and an odd kind of purplish colour. No green. Funny. The ends of the fibres were fuzzy, except at regularly spaced intervals where a loop made a shiny contrast to the plush.

  Thud, thud, thud. How could my heart still be beating?

  An irritating buzzing gradually intruded. I tried to block it out, but it wouldn’t stop. The buzz resolved itself into Kane’s voice, repeating my name over and over. I dragged my head up to focus on him kneeling beside me. He spoke again, and I failed to understand.

  “Wha…?”

  “Come and sit down for a few minutes. I’ll help you if you’ll let me.” He reached out, and I stared at his extended hand for a few moments before numbly placing my hand in his.

  I tottered into my office, his strong hand under my elbow, and he lowered me onto the sofa.

  “I’ll be right back.” He strode out.

  I stared blindly after him, my mind still quivering on the threshold of comprehension.

  When he returned, he placed a small box of orange juice in my hand. I sipped mechanically. I had been so touched the first time he’d gotten orange juice for me. I had felt so cared-for.

  Now I knew he’d just been following orders. Nothing personal.

  After a few minutes the juice did its work and I hauled my trembling body semi-upright. Kane perched in the chair beside me and offered me another box of juice.

  I took it from him and sipped some more.

  “Tell me everything.” My voice shook along with my hands, and I gulped some more juice.