See How She Falls

by Michelle Graves

  Aberto moved to intercept Emmanuel, engaging him in a battle that could have no winner. Emmanuel had been Aberto’s brother, the way that Conall and Ian were Kennan’s. I couldn’t imagine them having to fight. Yet, I couldn’t imagine them turning their backs on the world the way Emmanuel had.

  “You will not succeed!” Aberto shouted, as his arms glowed brightly.

  “I already have," Emmanuel choked out as Aberto threw him to the ground.

  Aberto stood over him, a flaming sword in hand, “This is the end.”

  “I’ve done what I set out to do. Know this, I was not alone," Emmanuel choked out as Aberto plunged the flaming sword deep in his chest. With a flash of light, Emmanuel faded from my sight. I hoped that whatever judgment awaited him would be merciless.

  Uriel had said he served a purpose. I still could not understand how bringing this demon to our plane could be of any good to anyone. Nothing made sense. An earth shattering roar shook me from my thoughts.

  Sonneillon had made it through to our plane. He was so much more than I’d envisioned. He towered above us, his dark skin lit from within by some unholy flame. Bottomless pits of eternal flame shone from his face as he opened his maw to roar once more. An ancient fear, buried deep in my soul, awoke. Everything in me shouted for me to run, to hide from the demon, or submit to his will.

  Hate churned within me, endless pain tore through my soul as the sound of a thousand men screaming filled my ears. The world was on fire, and I was powerless to calm the flames. The world would burn, of that I was sure. As the demon approached me, the darkness spread, snaking around me with relentless precision. I couldn’t breathe as the weight of the lives that would be lost crashed in upon me. The screams erupted in my ears, a chorus of metal grating upon metal, an eternity of pain endured in the pits of hell.

  “Izzy, move!” my aunt shouted as the beast lumbered towards me.

  Conall jumped to intercept, tearing deeply into the demon’s flesh. It did little to slow him down. I knew that I had to run, that I needed to avoid the demon. I remembered Uriel’s words; that I would know what to do when the time came. He’d been wrong. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I couldn’t think straight as the fear coursed through my veins. How could I have been so naïve? I couldn’t defeat this thing. I couldn’t stop the darkness.

  Frozen, I stood. The hate snaking about me, making it impossible for me to move. Visions flashed behind my eyes. Countless cities burning, black eyed men chasing down those that had yet to be taken. The world would end, the hate was too strong.

  “Izzy!” Kennan’s voice shouted, the only thing that could break through the fog. I began to run as the demon approached. I still didn’t know what to do. I fought back the voices that screamed in my head. I had to focus.

  Ten Guardians surrounded the demon, holding it back. They pressed it towards the tear between the planes. Pushing the beast back toward the opening, a glimmer of hope formed in my heart. If we could get it back through to the other plane, then it could end without any one dying. Just as my hope appeared, it was dashed to smithereens. In that instant, Sonneillon bellowed, a great flame rising from his gut as he threw the Guardians from him as though they were mere flies to be swatted away.

  The Guardians tumbled to the sides, only to be replaced by more. The minutes passed slowly, an endless futile assault against the demon. Nothing could slow it down. Still, it moved in my direction. I waited for inspiration, to know what I should do. Nothing came. I was useless.

  Fear snaked through me, freezing me once more. The visions multiplied, brother killing brother, destruction, pain, fear, hatred. Everything good in this world disappeared as the demon made its way slowly towards me. His advance was unhindered by the attacks of the Guardians. I swallowed back the fear, I had to move. I knew a sacrifice was required, but I knew not what I needed to do. I slowly moved one foot after another towards the beast. Praying that some sort of divine inspiration would make its way through the cacophony in my head.

  “Izzy, NO!” I heard Kennan shout as the demon closed the distance between us. Kennan threw himself in the demon’s path. Fighting it back as it moved closer towards me. The demon picked Kennan up as though he were a ragdoll and ripped him in two, throwing the pieces to the side as though he were nothing.

  The world stopped as I stared in abject horror. Time seemed to slow as the pieces of the man I loved drifted to the ground, taking my heart with him. My entire world, all that mattered, dropped to the ground like so much refuse. Kennan wasn’t supposed to die. Kennan was supposed to live, to survive this hell. I was the one that should’ve died. Never Kennan. Not him. Shock rooted me in place as the pieces finally hit the ground, speeding time up with their impact.

  His body lay discarded on the ground as if he were nothing more than an obstacle in the demon’s way. The man I loved couldn’t be gone. This couldn’t be real. He was supposed to live.

  “He’s not supposed to die," I whispered as tears began to stream down my face.

  A high keening sound erupted from my lungs as I felt myself begin to pull apart. Pain ripped through my limbs as everything that had been taken from me rushed to the surface. I let the anger I’d been trying so hard to repress take me over. I didn’t want to live. Not in a world where he did not exist. I let the blue fired engulf me as I moved toward the demon. The pain of the burning buoyed me as I resolved myself to end it all.

  Sonneillon stopped in his tracks. His voice echoed in my head, shredding through my defenses. “You could not even protect the man you loved. How do you expect to defeat me? You were never strong enough.”

  I moved towards him as the fire grew inside of me, ripping away the person I’d been. I could feel the world slipping away as I moved toward the demon. He was right, I wasn’t strong enough to protect Kennan. But I was strong enough to do this, to end everything so that he could never again return. As the pain grew to an apex, I reached out for the demon. I would never let him take someone away again. The loss I felt exploded within me, and I vowed to never let this happen again. I would end this.

  Wrapping my arms around the demon, I could feel the world begin to fade.

  Uriel’s voice telling me that I would know what must be done.

  Aberto’s conversation with Kennan on the porch.

  My childhood.

  My family.

  Everyone I loved.

  Every step of my life had led me to this moment. Every single person I’d loved and lost, every battle I’d fought, every single second culminated in this moment.

  I looked up into the demon’s face and something I saw there shocked me. It wasn’t the demon staring back, but someone entirely different. Emmanuel had been right. He wasn’t alone. Staring back at me from the demon’s eyes were the Council members. The people sworn to protect this world from the darkness had been behind it all along. Damali and Francesca smiled grimly from its eyes, promising that more would come.

  Nothing was ever as it seemed in this broken world. I let go of it, of every bit of hate I felt. I let go, and I let the fire consume me.

  A blinding light ripped out through the graveyard. I stood there holding out my arms as my mortal shell ripped apart, taking with it the demon. Nothing could exist inside of the fire, nothing could survive. My love, my anger, my hope, and my fear all joined together in that blinding fire. It would end, and with it went my life. Nothing made sense. Everything was lost.

  The demon screamed out as it broke to pieces, shattering to onyx stones and melting into nothingness. I stared as the skin on my arms began to crack, the light blinding my eyes. My mortal shell shattered to bits as the demon broke, and so did I. I was no more.

  The light ended. The sounds returned. Yet still, I stood. No longer me, but something else entirely.

  I looked out upon the scorched field and fell to my knees. It was supposed to be over. I was supposed to go with him. I struggled to find air, trying to fight back the overwhelming fear that threatened to consume me. Had I faile
d? Was the demon going to come back? Understanding was beyond my grasp. Nothing made sense.

  “Izzy?” I heard Aberto’s voice, as if it were a thousand miles away. “Izzy, it is over. It is done.”

  “Then why am I still here?” I asked, angry at the heavens for being so cruel. How could I remain?

  “You are no longer what you were.” I could feel his approach, even without seeing it.

  “Then what am I?”

  “I don’t know, Izzy. But we must leave this place. There are injured that must be tended to," Aberto pleaded.

  “No one can bring him back," I whispered staring out at the scorched field.

  “I know.” Aberto’s voice was calm as if he were trying to tame a wild animal.

  “I can’t leave him here.” I muttered, crawling across the scorched earth towards his remains. Even torn to pieces, he was still my Kennan. The only person that had ever, or would ever, matter to me. He was my home, and now that home was gone forever. I moved slowly on all fours, choking back the sobs that threatened to pull me under.

  “Izzy, don’t.” My aunt moved toward me, but I struck out with an invisible force, sending her falling back.

  “Let me see him. I have to see him.” I kept moving, ignoring the pressing silence, ignoring the fact that I had just Jedi-mind pushed my aunt, ignoring everything. “I have to see him," I whispered.

  But when I did, it was all I could do to keep the contents of my stomach in place. This wasn’t like the lab, he would not heal from this. Kennan lay in pieces, scattered over the battlefield. I cried out, hurrying to try and put his pieces back together. Maybe if I tried, maybe if I joined the halves back together, I could fix him. I could bring him back. Surely the heavens weren’t this cruel. I sobbed, struggling to drag his halves back together, the only sound a deep keening inside of me. That’s when Aberto came, that’s when the darkness settled in.

  Chapter Twenty Eight

  The volume was turned up, the world came crashing back in, stealing away the blissful oblivion. Screams and shouts exchanged all around me. I struggled to open my eyes. I inhaled slowly trying to remember where I was, what had happened. Then reality came crashing back in on me. Kennan was gone. Forever.

  “No. No. NO!” I shouted as a sob racked my body once more. Any numbness I might have felt during the battle had worn off. I shouldn’t be alive. He’d stepped in to save me, when I could have saved him all along. It was my fault that he’d died. He could have been here with me. We could have had our one more day. We could’ve had so many more. I’d failed him.

  “His death guided you to your destiny," my aunt’s voice said, only I knew it was Uriel speaking.

  “His death was a waste. I was the sacrifice. Me! Not him. Never him. Why was he taken?” Anger bellowed inside of me. I struggled to contain it, afraid that I may hurt someone if I let loose.

  “His death was necessary. Without his death, you would have remained in your mortal shell, unable to send the demon back from whence

  [N2] it came," Uriel stated as if Kennan’s death was no more than an item on a checklist to be marked off.

  “But it doesn’t matter, in the end. It will just come back. All of this death, this life, it is a pointless exercise in futility. You should have let me die.” I stared at my aunt, seeing Uriel through her eyes. It was pointless, this life, this never ending cycle of war.

  “You do not yet know? He has not told you?”

  “Stop speaking in riddles. For once, just speak the truth," I shouted.

  “You are no longer a mortal, Izzy.” Uriel’s words sank into me, awakening fears I’d been repressing. Somehow I knew this was coming.

  “Then what am I?”

  “You are what you are. I told you that there was a cost for the gifts that had been given. The cost is that you live to serve.” Uriel seemed to think that I’d wanted this life, whatever it may be. I hadn’t asked for these supposed “gifts.”

  “To what end? There is nothing to keep me here. Nothing to even tempt me to do as you ask. You could’ve found another way. Some way to intercede so that he could live.” In a world without Kennan, there was nothing that I wanted to defend. Nothing that would even tempt me to do the bidding of the heavens. Everything had been taken from me, and now I was going to spend an eternity trapped.

  “If he had lived, you would not have been able to defeat the darkness. If he had lived, even if you did somehow succeed, you would still have to watch him die. Life is not an eternal gift, Izzy. Life comes in brief bursts of light that are ended at a precise moment for a precise reason.”

  “What was the reason for his death? This is a war that has no end. His sacrifice was pointless. He could’ve lived. He could have thrived!” I spat.

  “He died, so that countless others could live. He knew before the battle that this would be his fate. He faced it with honor. Do not do him the disservice of taking that away.” Uriel’s words sank into me, throwing my thoughts back to the memory of Aberto and Kennan talking.

  “He didn’t know. He thought I would die. He didn’t know.” I shook my head, fighting back the tears. Nothing made sense. I wondered if it ever would again.

  “Izzy, he did know.” Aberto’s voice pulled my attention away from my aunt.

  “What do you know, Aberto? What aren’t you telling me?” I begged.

  “I saw it, from the day I tattooed your back, I knew what would come.”

  I got up from where I lay, beating against him. Raging against the man that was supposed to protect me. The man that had sworn he loved me, yet he let Kennan die. Had he done it for selfish reasons? Had he hoped that this end may turn me towards him in my mourning?

  “How could you let him die? You swore to protect me. You swore to keep me safe. How can I ever be safe again if he isn’t here?” I raged against him, refusing to suppress anything.

  “I had no other course of action.” Aberto grabbed my arms pinning them to his chest. “Do you not think that this has weighed on me every day? Do you not know how many times I’ve longed to warn you? The most I was permitted to do was tell him. He took it honorably, he lived his last days with you knowing that they would soon end. Izzy, he died so that you may live.”

  “But I’m not alive, not really. Am I?” It was a waste, his death. It had done nothing to save me. I was broken.

  “You exist between planes.” Aberto’s soft voice broke through anger.

  “So you made me like you.” I slid to my knees, wishing for the oblivion of the darkness. I wanted to surround myself in it.

  “I had no idea when I breathed my soul into you that this would be the consequence.”

  “But you said you saw!” I shouted, growing more hysterical by the moment. “You said that you saw him die. Which means that you must’ve seen me.”

  “I saw you die as well. Today. But everything changed when you marked the Seers. You weren’t meant to die then. Not back there. Since then, since I did everything I could to keep you alive, I have been unable to see your future clearly.”

  “Better I had died that day than live a thousand more days without him. You should have let me go.” I curled in on myself, trying to hold what remained of me together.

  “And where would the world be now if I had, Izzy?”

  “Fuck the world, Aberto. I don’t give a damn about this wretched place. The only person I could depend on, my home, my anchor is gone. None of this matters to me anymore.” I pulled myself to stand once more, my anger buoying me. I waved my hands around me as people began to close in.

  “Izzy?” My aunt hesitated, afraid to come much closer. “Izzy, I don’t know what to say.”

  “Make it worth it. Make his death worth your lives, because otherwise, I will summon the damn demon back myself.” As I looked out on the people I’d once cared for a knot began to form. I needed to get away. I needed to escape all of their expectant eyes. I couldn’t breathe as their hopes and fears crashed in on me simultaneously. I had to go. I had to leave.

&nb
sp; “Izzy, calm yourself," Aberto admonished.

  I rose to my feet, every bit of anger fueling me as I struck him across his face.

  “Don’t you dare tell me to calm myself! Kennan just died. Not even an hour ago. So don’t for one moment think that I will be calm. Not now, not tomorrow, not even the next day. I will never be her again. The sooner you all recognize that, the better. I’m done with this whole ‘Izzy is the savior of the world’ bullshit. I’m done being the one to lose everything and everyone I love just for the sake of everyone else. You all wanted to know when I would finally snap? Well, it just happened. I’m done, Aberto.” I felt myself waiver out of existence.

  I could escape. I could flee this plane altogether. Aberto had. He’d spent hundreds of years in the fog, just drifting. Anything would be better than this; these eyes staring at me. The people that supposedly cared for me, yet did nothing to keep Kennan alive. If I really wanted to face the truth, Kennan was dead because I didn’t act quickly enough. I’d let my fear paralyze me, and because of that, I’d paid the price.

  I looked up at Aberto. He saw it, I knew he did. There was no mistaking my intent. I just hoped that now that I was whatever I was, I could hide from him in the dreaming. I didn’t want to be found. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to be swept away from this wretched place.

  “Izzy, don’t!” Aberto shouted as I slipped between planes straight into the comforting fog of the dreaming. Sweet oblivion.

  Chapter Twenty Nine

  Wading through the fog, I sought out something, anything that may bring me release. Some form of comfort to relieve the pain that had opened up in my chest. My soul ached as though it had been torn right alongside Kennan. Even when my parents had died, I didn’t feel this gaping chasm inside of me. I ran, panicked, through the fog, afraid that if I settled for too long in one place the image of Kennan being torn to pieces would play itself out once more.