See How She Falls

by Michelle Graves

  I ran for what seemed an eternity, never finding any refuge. Then I thought of it, the last place we’d been normal together. Our home. I wanted to go home. I needed to go home, to see Kennan’s comfy chair and the stupid dead garden that I could never quite get to grow. The last place we’d been able to just be together beckoned me, calling me into its bosom.

  I ripped through the dreaming, the same way Aberto had drug me a thousand times. I pulled myself out with a snap, landing in the middle of my old living room. The house settled around me, making noises as if to invite me home. I walked passed Kennan’s old chair, letting my fingers trail across the smooth leather, and ultimately lowering myself into the chair to bask in his scent. My hands ran up and down the arms of the chair of their own accord, as if wishing on some genie lamp. If only that could work. If only I had some hope of ever seeing him again.

  Quickly, I moved away from his smell. This was meant to be a refuge, yet all it was turning out to be was an entombment. An empty reminder of a life that was no more. A mausoleum for a future that could never exist. Shaking my thoughts away, my feet carried me up the stairs to our room. That’s when I realized, I never should have come.

  As I turned the corner into our room, I came face to face with the cruelest reminder of all that the life I’d wanted, the life we’d hoped to share, would never be. There, hanging on the wardrobe, was my wedding dress. I’d gotten it just days before we’d been called to the Council. So much had happened, so much had changed. How had I so readily given up on this life with him? He’d been right all along. I’d chosen wrong. I walked to the dress, running my hands over the soft folds of the white fabric.

  White fabric. It ought to have been red for all the blood on my hands. I ripped the mockery of happiness that could never be from the hanger, throwing it to the ground. I wanted to tear the stupid thing apart, stitch by stitch, so that it resembled me. Shattered, scattered remains of something that could’ve been beautiful. The reminder of a promised life of love was too much.

  Falling to the floor, I let myself get lost in the comfort of what our future might have been. I could see children running through the halls, echoes of laughter bouncing all around. A garden that somehow actually managed to grow was just outside of the open windows. Kennan chased our kids down the stairs and outside, pretending to be a monster as they giggled and squealed with delight. A million scenarios of ordinary days played out before my eyes, only they were extraordinary. Every breath that would be left untaken, every heartbeat left to silence, every moment and every second played out before me. The life I could have had, if I’d just chosen correctly.

  Isadora had told me once that I would’ve been happy, that I would lead my life in blissful glee with my family. Yet, I’d thought my place was there, helping with the Seers. What did I have to show for it? I’d lost so much. Kennan, my parents, even myself. I was left with nothing and it was all because I’d made the wrong decision.

  But now it was too late. I’d made my bed and now I’d have to pay the consequences. Kennan’s death was on my hands. The world had lost something beautiful because I’d given everything to fight an unwinnable battle.

  “Why can’t I just die?” I screamed out to the heavens as a sob wracked my body. I wanted to fade away, to be with him. At least then, this might have all been worth the price.

  “You must pay for the gifts you were given.” A voice whispered through the air.

  “I never asked for this!” I shouted, trying to keep myself together.

  “Yet you were given, none the less. Now, you must endure the cost of what was given to you.” Uriel’s voice rang out.

  “How long must I endure this? How long must I journey between planes, never finding refuge? This seems a worse hell than any the demon might have brought forth.”

  “Yours is a life of wonder, Izzy. You will not die.” Uriel came into view, standing over me a flaming visage.

  “I will never see an end," I whispered, afraid.

  “All things see an end. Perhaps when this world is no more, you too shall be free.”

  “Why must I pay for something that I never asked for?” I longed for some sort of answer, something that would help to make sense of it all.

  “You are not the only one paying for Aberto’s actions," Uriel promised, doing nothing to ease my pain.

  “So, you are telling me that me being like this is some form of demented punishment for him?”

  “All actions have consequences, Izzy," Uriel breathed, as if I’d become a nuisance.

  “Fuck you and your consequences!” I yelled, ripping myself from the house and back into the dreaming. I’d had enough. I could see why people would turn against the world. I now understood why Aberto had disappeared for so long. It had all been for nothing. Every gain, every loss, every lesson learned was all for naught.

  As I drifted into the fog to be lost, one thought crossed my mind. The Council members. I’d seen them, in the demon’s eyes. They’d been behind it the whole time, using Emmanuel as some sort of puppet to do their bidding. If I had anything left in me, I would care. Now, after I’d given everything I had, it meant nothing. Let the world burn. Let man turn against man. It was an endless, unwinnable battle. Pointless.

  I breathed a goodbye to the world I’d known. I was Izzy Boone no more, that girl died right alongside Kennan on the battlefield. Every part of me that had loved, that had lost, everything that made me who I’d been, was gone. My life should have ended. I should have fallen, and so fall I would into the deepest chasm the dreaming had to offer. I would wait there for the end of time. I was no more.

  “Hello, oblivion," I whispered, falling back into the endless swirling vortex of the dreaming. As the darkness closed in, I was finally greeted with some respite. Numbness cascaded over me as I sought out the darkest corner the dreaming had to offer.

  Chapter Thirty

  Molly

  “What do you mean he’s dead? How in the hell did you people let that happen?” I shouted into the phone. I knew we should’ve gone with them to the Order. I’d been too concerned with Ian’s delicate situation and I hadn’t been there for my friends when they needed me the most. “Where’s Izzy? What happened?”

  “I will come and explain everything.” Aberto’s voice sounded drawn on the other end. Like I gave a rat’s ass how he felt. He’d been the one that got Izzy caught up in this whole mess to begin with. If it hadn’t been for him tampering with the laws of humanity, Izzy would still be safe at the Council with their help instead of with the crazy witchdoctors in the swamp.

  “Well, come on then. Poof yourself here.” I slammed the phone shut, fighting the urge to throw it against the wall. Too much had happened over the past year.

  “Is it true?” Ian asked from my side. His voice strained, barely masking the tears that threatened to burst the dam at any moment.

  “Kennan’s gone. Aberto’s on his way to tell us what happened now," I said with ruthless efficiency. I couldn’t let my emotions get the best of me. I had to stay focused until I knew what was really going on.

  “I should’ve been there.” Ian got up from the couch and began to pace. “I should’ve manned up and gone with my brother. He’s always had my back and the one time he needs me, I flake out.”

  “What could you have done? You being there wouldn’t have changed a durn thing and you know it. Kennan knew what it meant for you to go back there, to the Order. He wouldn’t have asked that of you.” I swore under my breath. If there was one thing I’d learned about Ian over the past year, it was that he held onto stuff tightly and for immeasurable amounts of time. I knew he’d never forgive himself for not being there.

  “It should have been me, not him," Ian choked out.

  I rose from my seat, reaching up on the tiptoes to slap him across his stupid dense face. “Don’t you dare ever say anything that dumb again, do you understand me?”

  Ian stared down at me, shocked for a moment, before pulling me close to his chest. Things had
not been easy for us. We’d been playing the hot then cold game for longer than I could remember, but lately, with the world falling apart, things had changed. With my mom, the traitorous bitch, and his sketchy past, we’d found some sort of bridge. Plus, he’d finally started dressing in a socially acceptable manner. That one still surprised me.

  “I just can’t believe he’s gone. Izzy! Where is she?” Ian pulled back, concern etched across his face setting off my lingering handprint nicely.

  “Aberto is coming. He said he would explain.” I just hoped he would get there quickly.

  “Well, he needs to hurry it up and get here. I need to know, Molly. I have to know what happened to him.” Ian’s voice threatened to break.

  “He’s coming, just try and stay calm. Freaking out isn’t going to bring him back. Right now we need to try and keep ourselves together and find out what in the hell is going on first.” I was ever the sensible one in our duo. Really, I’d never had the luxury of allowing my emotions to come out and play. I’d always had to repress everything in order to maintain the status quo.

  Just like that Aberto appeared in the room. Instead of the normal withdrawn, cocky expression he tended to wear, there was fear. He looked broken, still covered in the blood from the battle.

  “What’s happened?” Ian rushed toward Aberto.

  “They’re gone.” Aberto swayed before falling to his knees. “I didn’t protect her.”

  “You’re not making any sense. Tell us what’s happened!” I yelled. Hoping to pull him out of his misery long enough to find out what had transpired.

  “The battle, I knew he would die. I’ve always known. I told him, and he did what I’d seen him do over and over. He stepped in when Izzy could not move. His death drew her out and then, something happened. I’m not sure. There was a blinding blue light that burned. It ripped through the surroundings, scorching everything in its path. She clung to the demon as the blue light ripped through them both. She was gone.”

  “You said she didn’t die. What do you mean she’s gone?” I was getting ready to haul off and slap Aberto. It seemed to be a slapping sort of day. If he didn’t start making some sense I was gonna lose my shit.

  “She was gone, but as the light faded, she reappeared. She stood in the center of the scorched field, changed. She isn’t mortal now. She’s something different, and it is my fault.”

  “What happened? You aren’t telling us anything!” I shouted, hoping to pull Aberto from his thoughts.

  “Kennan, he stepped in to save Izzy and the demon ripped him to pieces as if he were made of mere parchment. Sonneillon threw him to the side like refuse. Something in her changed. She broke when she saw him die. After the demon was gone, she tried to piece Kennan back together. I had to make her sleep. When she finally awoke back at the Order, she was gone. She isn’t Izzy any longer. She cares not what becomes of this world. I’ve taken everything from her, and given her nothing but an accursed existence in return.”

  “Where is she?” Ian wrapped a hand in Aberto’s shirt, pulling him to his feet.

  “I know not.” Aberto had been broken right along with Izzy. Nothing would ever be the same again if we didn’t find her and bring her home.

  “Right, well then, we need to have a talk, you and me," I said to Ian. “And you, stop being a sad sack of suckage and go find our girl. I don’t care how long it takes you. Something isn’t right, and if Izzy needs help, then we are going to help her. She has lost everything to this world, we can’t let her spend the rest of her eternity alone. So go, get moving, find her!” I shooed Aberto, hoping to scoot him off to the plane of the dreaming.

  “I do not know where to find her.” Aberto seemed wholly broken.

  “You know her. Probably better than anyone else does. Try to think like her, where she might go, who she might reach out to. Get the Old Man gang together if you have to, but you find her. Don’t come back until you’ve at least figured out where she might be. She needs you now, more than ever. She might not know it yet, but it is true. Stop standing here getting your sad all over the place and go.” I gave his shoulder a nudge causing him to nod in ascent.

  As he faded from the room I turned my attention toward Ian. The next bit wasn’t going to be easy.

  “I know," he said before I could even get the words out of my mouth.

  “You know what?” I asked, annoyed at his tone.

  “We have to go to the Order. Just so you know, things are different there," Ian sighed, running a hand over his head.

  “Ian, I grew up inside of the Corporation, my mother is completely psychotic, and I’ve just been bounced from the Council. I am in no position to judge. Besides, I’ve been in your closet. That much plaid could not have come from anywhere normal," I smiled, hoping to pull Ian from his misery.

  “How are you so upbeat right now? Kennan’s dead and Izzy is missing.” Ian seemed perplexed by my attitude. I’d be the first to admit, optimism wasn’t typically my jig.

  “I’m channeling Izzy, okay? She wouldn’t let the circumstances stop her, and neither will I. Not until we get her back and she can take over being Suzie Optimist again. Until then, I’m going to keep plowing ahead. If I stop and let the sadness take me down I won’t be any good to her. I’m not letting that girl down! Do you understand me?” I leveled Ian with a steady, unrelenting gaze. It was time we got cracking.

  “Okay, fine, but I need to make some calls before I am even able to return. This isn’t going to be as easy as you hope," Ian sighed, pulling out his phone.

  “We have to try. If there is anything we can do to find her, we have to. She would do it for us.” I paused for a moment, letting reality sink in. Izzy was gone. Well and truly gone from this world. She’d been like the sister I’d never wanted, but was super happy to have. I couldn’t lose her, not after everything we’d been through. It wasn’t fair for it to end this way. It couldn’t end like this, with her gone and Kennan dead. If I had any say in the matter, it wouldn’t. Damn it.

  Chapter Thirty One

  Molly

  Running up to my room to throw a bag together, I tried to formulate a plan. Sure we should go to the Order to be with everyone, but what then? I had a terrible feeling about what was going on. It felt unresolved, like this wasn’t the end of the story. Prophecy or no prophecy, something was off. Shaking it off, I ran into what used to be Izzy’s room to put the last touches on my bounce bag. I hadn’t gotten out of the habit of keeping one packed, and the last few months had taught me more than anything that it was a worthwhile practice.

  “Molly, someone wishes to speak to you.” Ian held his phone out to me as he stood in the doorway. He’d started respecting the whole “my space” rule after the hair dye incident. I think the ten deadbolts I’d installed also had something to do with it.

  “Who?” I questioned, unsure of who might be calling me.

  “Just take it, please.” Ian tossed the phone towards me. Not waiting to see if I would catch it.

  “Hello?” I was hesitant.

  “Oh good, Molly, thank goodness.” Eleanor’s voice came from the receiver.

  “We’re coming your way. Ian has some reservations that he won’t be allowed back. So, tell the Order that they can shove it if they think we are staying away at a time like this.” I plowed ahead, still channeling Izzy.

  “Molly, I presume?” an entirely new voice said.

  “Yes, and you are?” I asked, probably more abruptly than was necessary. I just didn’t want to play the whole mask of mystery game that Seers seemed so prone to like to play.

  “I’m Mona, Izzy’s aunt and the Grand Seer of the Order. Tell our Ian he is welcome back anytime he would like. There is much that we would like to discuss with him upon his return. Have no fears, you will both be welcome here. But I fear you must hurry. Things are moving more quickly than we had hoped.”

  “Aunt? Izzy has an aunt?” Okay, so I probably should have gotten more out of all of that, but I’d thought Izzy had no family left.
I thought about her and how she must’ve reacted to that news. Then it dawned on me, Ian had known all along.

  “Yes, dear. You are losing sight of what is important. We are going to send the helicopter to retrieve you. Please be at the airfield as quickly as possible. See you both soon.” Without so much as a goodbye, she hung up.

  “She has an aunt?” I turned toward Ian, shocked.

  “Yes. Before you start shrieking at me, let me explain, woman.” Ian held up his hands in placation.

  “I don’t shriek. I’m shrill.” I narrowed my eyes up at him.

  “That is debatable.” Ian ran a hand over his surprisingly tame hair. “When a person leaves the Order they are not permitted to speak of it, or the people within. It is part of the oath you take upon separation. Even had I wanted to tell her, it wouldn’t have done any good. She’d chosen to lead the Council.”

  “But that is like taking a choice away from her, Ian. Don’t you see that? She had a right to know.” I threw a pair of balled up socks at him. “Go get packed. We have a chopper to catch.”

  “A chopper?” Ian asked with a raised brow.

  “You know what I mean. We have to be down there within the hour. So hustle, mister. Stop lollygagging. I want to find Izzy and figure out what really happened back there. Aberto’s half-assed attempts at explaining it aren’t working for me.”

  “Alright, I’m moving.” Ian paused before moving on. “She’ll be okay, you know? She’s tougher than she thinks.”

  “Yeah, but right now she thinks she is alone, Ian.” I had to choke down a sob as I thought of Izzy out there by herself dealing with everything that had happened.

  “We’ll find her," Ian promised.

  “Not if you don’t go pack, we won’t," I admonished.

  “I’m going, stop nagging me, woman.”

  I plopped down on my bed thinking of Izzy, of what she must be going through right this moment. It was all too much. To feel so alone. I couldn’t imagine life without Ian, not that I’d admit that to him. Izzy and Kennan, they were what little girls dreamed about when they were young. Their love was supposed to end in a happily ever after. Instead it just ended, abruptly.