The Father He Deserves

by Lisa Jordan

  “And it reminded you of your father.” Mom’s quiet words pinched her chest.

  She nodded slowly as faded images from the past flickered through her head. She tried to blink them away but they remained as if someone hit the pause button. “Brady would win big and it fueled his addiction, even though he promised to stop, to change. But he didn’t and it cost us everything.”

  She had learned to fear those nights when he lost and took his frustration out on them.

  “I’ve known Evan for over twenty years, and he is nothing like Brady. Evan is good and kind and understands loss. Give him a chance—he could give you everything you’ve always wanted.” Her mother’s words jerked her back to the present.

  “Except his forgiveness. He’s already said what I’ve done was unforgivable.”

  “He was talking through his broken heart.”

  “How do you do it, Mom?”

  “Do what?”

  “Keep your faith greater than your fear.”

  “It isn’t always easy, but God promises to never leave us or forsake us.”

  “Where was He when we lost everything?”

  “Working to give us an even better future. He brought Ted into our lives. Without his support and encouragement, I couldn’t have finished my education to become a vet. He helped set up my practice. He adopted you and Ben once I terminated Brady’s parental rights for abandonment after his incarceration. Ted’s been the kind of father both of you needed. And a wonderful grandfather to Aidan. His faith keeps me going when mine wavers.”

  “And we almost lost him.”

  “But we didn’t. So mark that in the praise column. Ted’s heart attack was a wake-up call to make better choices. For all of us. We can’t live in fear of the future, honey. Give your fears over to God and watch Him give you everything your heart desires.”

  Natalie longed for the peace that radiated off her mother. Yes, she wanted those things, but how did she even stop being fearful enough to take that first step of faith?

  * * *

  For the first time since leaving home to chase his paddling dreams, Evan was about to do something he hadn’t ever considered—put down roots.

  It was time, and now he had more than himself to think about.

  His recent physical therapy appointments had been discouraging—he wasn’t gaining the range of motion he needed to endure heavy paddling on the water.

  Somehow, he needed to figure out what to do with the rest of his life.

  In the meantime, he could put down roots to show Natalie he was more than capable of caring for their son.

  Aidan needed more than a table that converted into a bed to sleep on. The Water Wagon had been just fine for a bunch of River Rats. Once his house was in place, he’d give the RV to his teammates for them to use as they furthered their water adventures. Without him.

  After a week of hard work that did little to promote healing in his shoulder, Evan’s land was going to have a house, or rather it would once the permits were approved and the prefabricated home he had purchased was delivered and set up.

  Thanks to his brothers’ and his dad’s help, they’d managed to get the foundation dug and ready for the concrete to be poured.

  His gut had the same roller-coaster feeling he dealt with before every race.

  Maybe this would help ease Nat’s fears about him taking off. He wasn’t going anywhere. Sure, his bum shoulder pretty much guaranteed he wasn’t going to paddle again anyway. Still, that wouldn’t be enough for a mom who wore fear like a thick coat.

  And that’s why Evan asked her and Aidan to meet him on Holland Hill.

  As if on cue, her SUV crested the hill, the midafternoon sun glinting off the metallic paint on the hood, and pulled in beside his truck. She stepped out and the sunlight haloed her hair. She opened the back door, and a moment later Aidan scrambled out.

  He rounded the front of Evan’s truck and stopped. He looked at Evan, dropped his gaze to his feet and lifted his hand in a small wave. “Hi, Ev...I mean, Dad.”

  Evan’s heart crashed against his ribs. He swallowed past the sudden thickening in his throat and grinned, ruffling Aidan’s hair. “Hey, buddy.”

  Progress. And Evan would take it.

  Aidan dropped to the ground between River and Toby and wrapped an arm over each of them.

  River licked Aidan’s cheek, causing him to giggle and wipe at his face. Toby nuzzled his nose under Aidan’s hand for the petting to continue.

  Nat appeared, holding on to Daisy’s leash. Her hair had been gathered in a ponytail and looped through a navy Bishop Boarding & Kennels baseball hat. She wore a blue T-shirt and tan shorts that exposed toned legs. Sunglasses shaded her eyes, and she smiled. “Hi.”

  His pulse picked up speed. “Hey. Glad you could make it.”

  “What’s going on? Doing some farm construction?” She eyed the foundation.

  “Not exactly.” Evan waved a hand over the expanse of the land. “This is my property. And that—” he pointed to the deep trenches “—is where my new house will sit. Jake, Tucker, Dad and I have been working on getting the foundation ready. Once my permits are approved, I’ll have the basement foundation poured. After that, a company will install a prefabricated house.”

  “Like the ones you showed me in the brochure?”

  “Yes, exactly. The house is built in sections and then loaded on trucks. They bring them out, set the sections in place and then finish assembling the house.”

  “What about things like water and sewage and electricity?”

  “I’ve hired a contractor who will come out and take care of all of that. Would you like to see the house I chose?”

  “See it how?”

  Evan opened the door to his truck and pulled a booklet off the front seat. Leaning against the front bumper, he flipped through the catalog until he found his model home. “This is called Lakewood. Check out the covered wraparound porch. As you enter the house, you walk into the foyer. If you turn right, you’ll enter a large living room with vaulted ceilings and a stone fireplace. The open kitchen and dining area are to the left. Upstairs, there’s a loft for an office, a library, or maybe even a play space. Down the hall, we’ll have three bedrooms, including the master bedroom with an en suite bathroom.”

  Evan looked at Aidan. “Hey, buddy, how would you like to pick out your own bedroom?”

  “Really?” Aidan jumped to his feet and pulled down the brochure to peer over it.

  “Yes, really.”

  “Cool! I want a superhero bedroom.”

  “Which superhero?”

  He spread his arms out wide. “All of them. Superheroes help me to be brave and strong.”

  Evan tapped Aidan’s chest gently. “You’re strong and brave already. Courage comes from within.”

  “What’s courage?”

  “Courage is knowing something makes you afraid, but you do it anyway.”

  “Do you have courage?” Aidan looked at him with an earnest expression.

  “I try to. It’s okay to be afraid—we just don’t want to let those fears keep us from living our lives.” Evan kept his gaze steady on Aidan so his eyes didn’t dart in Nat’s direction.

  “Do you ever get scared?”

  “We all get scared. Even grown-ups.” Evan lifted his left arm. “A little while ago, I was paddling down the river in my kayak, going superfast. I took my eyes off the water and looked behind me to see how far behind the other guy was. I should have paid attention to what I was doing.”

  “What happened?”

  “I didn’t see a downed tree. If I had been paying attention to the water, I could have avoided it.”

  “Did you crash?”

  “Yep. Big-time. I made a mistake and ended up flipping my kayak and smashing my shoulder on a big rock under the water.”

  “Ou
ch. Did it hurt?”

  “It hurt like you wouldn’t believe.”

  “Did you cry?”

  “No, but I wanted to. Because of the way my kayak landed upside down, I was trapped underneath and my foot was caught in the downed tree.”

  “That would scare me.”

  “It did scare me. Then I remembered a time when my brothers and I had built a fort in the hay bales. Later, we decided to play hide-and-seek. I hid in the hay fort, but while waiting for them to find me, the fort collapsed.”

  “Were you scared?”

  “Yes, I was. I had to push my way out. After I flipped my kayak, I remembered that time in the hay fort. And how I got out. That’s what I did with my kayak. I pushed it up enough so I could get my head out of the water and breathe.”

  “Then what happened?”

  “My teammates had to rescue me. But I lost the practice race.”

  Aidan threw himself at Evan. “I’m sorry you got hurt and lost the race. I’m glad you’re okay.”

  Evan gripped the boy to his chest. “It’s okay, because I came home and found you. You’re the best prize of all. Better than any trophy. Just remember—we don’t know how brave we actually are until we need to be.”

  “You’re like a superhero—strong and brave. I’m glad you’re my dad.”

  Evan’s throat tightened. “I’m so glad you’re my Aidan.”

  “Can I paint my room any color I want?”

  “Sure can. We can go to the paint store this week to get some color samples. I’ll give them to the home building guys.”

  Aidan shook his head and popped out his bottom lip. He looked down at his feet and dug the toe of his sneaker into the dirt. Then he raised his face to Evan. “But I wanted to do it together. You and me. And Mom.”

  Evan cupped his son’s chin. “Deal. We’ll do it together.”

  Aidan grinned and turned to Nat. “You hear that, Mom? We get to do it together.”

  Nat pasted a smile in place, but the look in her eyes showed something other than excitement.

  Too bad.

  Evan had five years to make up for, and if his son wanted to paint his room as a family, then they would.

  Aidan grabbed Natalie’s hand. “Mom, what color will you paint your room?”

  Natalie’s eyes widened as she looked at Evan.

  He smothered a smile.

  Natalie knelt in front of Aidan and reached for his hands. “Honey, I won’t have a room at Daddy’s new house.”

  “But when Dad gets his new house, we’ll live there together, right? Since you’re my mom and he’s my dad. Moms and dads live together like Grandma and Grandpa.”

  “Grandma and Grandpa are married, and that’s why they live together. Your dad and I aren’t married, so we will live in different houses. But that doesn’t change how much we love you. It just means you get two bedrooms instead of one.”

  Aidan’s face scrunched as he processed the information, then he looked up and threw out his hands. “I got it—you and Dad can get married like Grandma and Grandpa, then we’ll all move into the new house when it’s put together. We can paint my room, then your room. Like a family.”

  Evan’s chest pinched.

  If only...

  Natalie stood and shoved her fingers into the front pocket of her shorts. “I wish it could be that simple, Aidan, but it’s not.”

  “Why not?”

  Natalie shot Evan a pleading look.

  “Hey, buddy. Every family is different. Sometimes moms and dads live together and sometimes they don’t. Even though we don’t live together, that doesn’t change how we feel about you.”

  “But I want us to be a family with one house, not two.”

  He got it. He did. And truth be told, at one time Evan had wanted the same thing.

  But their lives were different now.

  He and Nat were different.

  When he married, he wanted a wife who could trust him with her deepest fears and secrets—someone who could trust him with her whole heart.

  And that wasn’t Natalie.

  As much as he wanted to make his son’s wish come true, they had too many obstacles to overcome before they could be the family that Aidan wanted.

  Chapter Eight

  Was it too late to back out?

  Even though Evan had told her repeatedly she had nothing to fear from his family, her nerves had a python grip around her stomach as she pulled into Chuck and Claudia Holland’s driveway.

  Chuck was one of her father’s closest friends, and she’d been to the Holland farm hundreds of times growing up.

  This time was different.

  She’d kept Aidan from them for the past five years. She wouldn’t blame them for hating her. Maybe coming to the farm was a mistake after all.

  Of course, Evan had invited them to visit in front of Aidan after they viewed his property yesterday. How could she say no when Aidan seemed so excited about it?

  She parked the car and shut off the engine. Not hearing anything from Aidan, she glanced in the rearview mirror to find him sound asleep with his head lolling forward and his hand on Daisy’s head.

  The front door to the farmhouse opened. Evan stepped out dressed in gray shorts and a red T-shirt advertising some paddling company. The shirt hugged his chest and strong shoulders. He lifted a hand, jogged down the front steps and rounded the car to open her door.

  “I’m glad you came. I half expected to get a text that you couldn’t make it.”

  Without a word, Natalie unplugged her phone from the charging cord and held it out to him, showing an open texting window with the unsent apology she had typed.

  The corner of his mouth lifted as he read it before handing the phone back to her. “But you came anyway. Thanks.”

  Her skin flushed from his tender tone. She stowed the phone in the back pocket of her jeans and pulled her keys out of the ignition, dropping them on the console. She didn’t have to worry about anyone taking her car on the farm.

  Sliding out from behind the wheel, she straightened next to Evan. Even though he was a head taller, their eyes connected.

  For a moment, she forgot her fears.

  “Mom. We there yet?” Aidan stirred in the back seat and rubbed an eye with his fist.

  “Yes, we are. Time to wake up.” Natalie reached in and unbuckled the seat belt that secured his booster seat. “There you go, little man.”

  He scampered out of the car, then stopped in the driveway. He wrinkled his nose and waved a hand in front of his face. “Pee-ew. Something stinks.”

  Evan laughed, the rich timbre of his voice causing Natalie’s pulse to jump. “Welcome to the farm, Aidan. Would you like to meet my dad and brothers—your other grandparents and uncles?”

  Aidan’s eyes widened, then he lowered his gaze to his feet. “What if they don’t like me?”

  Evan shot a glance at Natalie and crouched in front of his son. “Hey, that’s impossible. My dad loves everyone, but he will especially love you.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you are family.” Evan stood and held out his hand. “Come on. Let’s go find him so I can prove how right I am.”

  Aidan looked at him a moment, then cocked his head and tapped a finger to his chin. He nodded. “Okay, let’s do it.”

  Hand in hand, father and son walked around the side of the house with Natalie right behind them. Her feet felt as if they were chiseled out of concrete.

  Evan’s family were seated on colorful Adirondack chairs around a stone firepit in the backyard behind the farmhouse. Rows of apple trees surrounded the backyard and separated the living space from the back barnyard. Laughter rose with spirals of smoke.

  The knot in Natalie’s stomach tightened. She balled her hands into fists and steeled her spine.

  She had messed up�
�big-time—and deserved their wrath. She could handle what they threw her way, but the minute they turned on Aidan, she was out of there and taking her son with her.

  “Hey, guys.” Evan still held on to Aidan’s hand as he approached his family. “This is Aidan. My son.”

  The pride in his voice and the smile on Evan’s face radiated enough energy to power the hilltop. He turned and extended a hand out to Natalie. She took it this once, needing his strength.

  Why had she agreed to this?

  “Most of you know Natalie, Aidan’s mom.” He introduced her to his sisters-in-law, Tori and Isabella.

  Evan’s stepmom, Claudia, stood. Her light brown wavy hair with fine strands of silver brushed her shoulders. She wore a light green T-shirt advertising the Fatigues to Farming program and white Bermuda shorts. She wrapped Natalie in an unexpected hug. “It’s so nice to see you again, Natalie. Evan’s been talking about you and Aidan constantly.”

  Natalie scanned the older woman’s face, not finding even a hint of anger. “Nice to see you, too.”

  Evan’s father, Chuck, pushed to his feet and made his way over to them. He placed a hand on Natalie’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. He smiled. “Good to see you again, Natalie.”

  Wait. What?

  Chuck crouched in front of Aidan. “Hey, Aidan. It’s nice to meet you.”

  Aidan edged closer to Evan. “Are you really my grandpa?”

  Chuck’s eyes darted between Aidan and Natalie. He blinked rapidly and swallowed a couple of times before he answered. “I sure am.” Then he jerked a thumb over his shoulder. “Landon and Livie call me Papa, but you can call me whatever you want.”

  Aidan stared at him a moment, then grinned, looking so much like Evan. “I have a grandpa. Now I have a papa, too. That’s cool.”

  “Want to meet the twins?” Chuck pushed to his feet and held out his hand.

  Releasing Evan’s hand, Aidan took Chuck’s as if it was the most natural thing to do.

  As they passed her, Chuck cupped her shoulder again and gave it another gentle squeeze. Despite the affectionate gesture, Natalie could see the hurt in his eyes.