The Father He Deserves

by Lisa Jordan

  If only she could go back to fix the past...

  An hour later, conversation swirled around her as twilight dusted the horizon. Natalie sat in her chair taking in the lively family. Daisy lay at her feet watching the activity.

  Jake’s wife, Tori, who was also Claudia’s niece, sat in a coral-colored chair with her caramel-colored hair twisted in a messy bun and looking utterly adorable in her fitted floral T-shirt that stretched over her baby bump. Her dog, Poppy, a black-and-tan Yorkie, lay on her lap.

  With her dark brown hair in a braid that fell over the front of her right shoulder, Isabella, Tucker’s fiancée, sat next to him with her eyes closed and a smile on her face as they entwined hands.

  Being best friends with Willow for so many years, it was hard for Natalie to imagine Tucker married to anyone other than Willow’s older sister, Rayne. But after Tucker had lost his first wife so tragically from an allergic reaction, Natalie was thrilled to see he had found a second chance at love.

  Around her the conversation was relaxed and breezy.

  Natalie needed to chill.

  The moment she let her guard down, though, surely one of Evan’s family members was going to ask the question she most dreaded—why did she keep Aidan away?

  No one would understand, and she’d just make a mess of things like she had with Evan.

  She longed to escape.

  But with Aidan racing around the yard with his newfound cousins, she couldn’t take him away just because she was uncomfortable.

  “Mom, check out this huge bubble.” Aidan ran toward her with his lime-green elongated wand stretched out in front of him, balancing a basketball-sized bubble on top.

  “Whoa!” She reached for her phone and snapped a picture, which she texted to Evan.

  Then Aidan swiveled toward Evan, who slouched in his chair next to her. As Aidan approached, he straightened and pulled his legs up so the boy wouldn’t trip over his feet.

  Once Aidan had made his rounds showing off his giant bubble to the rest of the family, he ran off after Landon and Olivia.

  Each one of Evan’s family members treated Aidan with the same care and compassion as they did Evan’s twin niece and nephew.

  Maybe she was worried for nothing.

  Evan’s brother Tucker cleared his throat, then leaned forward in his chair, keeping Isabella’s hand tucked in his. “So after Bella agreed to marry me last month, we’ve been trying to pick a date.”

  Isabella curled her arm through his elbow. “Since we feel it’s best for me to be moved in before the twins go back to school, we would like to get married at the end of the month. That gives us less than three weeks, but we just want a small wedding with family and close friends.”

  As the Holland clan peppered them with questions, Natalie longed to sprint to her car and head down the hill to her parents’ place, where she could escape back to her comfort zone.

  Evan drained the water out of his reusable bottle, then stood and dropped the empty container in his chair. He moved behind her, settled his hands on her shoulders and lowered his head near her ear. “I need to stretch my legs. Wanna go for a walk?”

  She nodded and searched the yard for her son. As if sensing the direction of her thoughts, Evan gave her shoulders a gentle squeeze. “He’ll be fine. We won’t be gone long.” He looked over at his father. “Hey, Dad. We’re going for a short walk. Mind keeping an eye on Aidan?”

  “No problem.” Chuck waved them away as he watched the kids race around the yard with their bubble wands and the dogs chasing them.

  Reaching for Daisy’s leash, Natalie stood and fell in step with Evan as they crossed the yard to the road.

  Shades of rose-gold and violet crowned the hilltops as the sun lowered behind the trees. Clouds stretched like pulled cotton candy across the vast sky.

  “Everything looks so big up here.” Sliding Daisy’s leash onto her wrist, Natalie buried her hands in the front pocket of her pullover hoodie.

  Beside her, Evan released a deep sigh. “Yes, it does. Listen, Nat, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since yesterday.” He stopped, picked a white daisy growing along the fence line and held it out to her. “What do you think about us getting married? For Aidan’s sake?”

  Taking it, she stared at him. The python grip around her stomach uncoiled and snaked upward, squeezing her lungs.

  No way she’d heard him correctly...

  “Are you asking me to marry you?”

  He reached for another flower and plucked each of the white petals until one remained. He rubbed his chin, then looked at her with a boyish grin toying at the corner of his mouth. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

  Natalie didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Still holding the flower, she folded her arms over her chest. “I love my...our son more than anything in the world. And I will do almost anything to ensure he has a good life. But I won’t marry you.”

  “Why not?”

  “Seriously? How can you even ask that?” Natalie grabbed his arm. “Evan William Holland, look me in the eye and tell me you love me. Tell me you’re ready for us to spend the rest of our lives together. Tell me you want to marry me more than anything else in the world. Tell me you’ve forgiven me for keeping Aidan from you. Answer yes to all of those—and then I will marry you.”

  Evan’s gaze shifted to over her shoulder. The flower drifted out his fingers, falling at her feet.

  She dropped his arm, her throat thickening and her vision blurring. “That’s what I thought. Our son is not a good enough reason to get married.”

  The look on his face nearly crushed her heart.

  He reached over and brushed his thumb over her cheekbone. “I loved you, you know. I wanted to marry you, raise a family with you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.”

  She cupped her hand over his. “Oh, Ev. You weren’t ready. Between losing your mom, your family falling apart, Micah taking off and then Ben getting killed, your heart was too broken to consider settling down. The river was calling and you needed to answer.”

  “How do you know I’m not ready now?” He lifted his injured shoulder. “The river won’t be calling anymore.”

  “I know because you’re talking in the past tense. River water flows in your veins and it always will. I never should have kept Aidan from you. I can’t apologize enough for that. You can see him whenever you want, keep him whenever possible, but getting married is not the answer. If I do get married someday, it will be to someone who loves me and wants to be with me. Not just for the sake of my child. I will not risk that.”

  Puffing out his cheeks, Evan released a breath. He shoved his hands into his pockets and kicked at the dirt around the fence post. Evan nodded, then he eyed her and shrugged. “Okay, then. Marriage is out, so how about dinner? Just you and me.”

  “Evan...”

  He held up his hand. “One dinner. What’s the harm in that?”

  The harm would come when she fell in love with him a second time. And got her heart broken after he realized she was more trouble than she was worth.

  But her mother kept telling her to give him a chance.

  And it was only dinner.

  “All right,” she answered quietly.

  His head whipped up as a grin spread across his face. “Really?”

  She nodded.

  And hoped she didn’t regret it.

  * * *

  Why had Evan allowed Nat to talk him into doing an escape room of all places?

  After she’d shocked him by saying yes to dinner, he’d hoped they’d have a quiet meal getting to know each other all over again without the distractions of their families and animals. He’d wanted to follow that with a walk under the stars or something.

  The last thing he’d expected was sharing a cramped table in the noisy Mexican restaurant with Willow and her date, Julian.


  Evan loved Willow. When her older sister had been married to his brother Tucker, Evan and his brothers had kind of adopted her into the family, treating her like a little sister. She and Micah had been pretty tight. Then, after Rayne died so tragically, they’d made sure Willow had the support she needed.

  Tonight, though, he wasn’t in the mood to hang out with her and her date. After he’d picked up Nat, she’d asked if he minded a last-minute double date.

  What could he say? Really.

  So he ate his Texano burrito, smiled and laughed in the right places, and tried not to knock into Julian’s tangle of legs under the table.

  But now as he stood on the sidewalk outside the escape room place, a trickle of sweat slid down his spine. And it had nothing to do with the lingering fire in his chest from the jalapeño peppers he’d eaten or the eighty-five-degree sunshine beating down on them.

  He tried to pay attention to the escape room host who met them at the door dressed as a butler. Evan should have listened to the directions. Instead, his eyes roamed over the caricature images of people stickered on the windows looking puzzled, scared or trapped.

  Trapped.

  He understood that feeling way too well.

  Where was River when he needed him?

  Feeling he wouldn’t need his dog tonight, he’d left River at home with Toby in his father’s care. Now he missed the grip of River’s lead and the comforting nuzzle of his nose against his hand.

  Natalie slid her hand into his elbow. She looked up at him and smiled sweetly. “Ready?”

  No.

  He nodded and tightened his hand into a fist.

  She wore a white sundress patterned with yellow sunflowers, a short jean jacket to cover her shoulders and navy sandals. Her hair lay in loose waves around her shoulders. Every time she moved, it released a scent that made him want to comb his fingers through the silky curls.

  They followed Willow and Julian into the main lobby, which reminded him of a movie theater minus the scent of popcorn. Crimson carpet muffled their steps as they faced four men wearing dark sunglasses and black suits, looking like secret service agents. Each one stood in front of a numbered door.

  Their butler host ushered them to door three, where six strangers stood, waiting. “Welcome to Granny Maude’s attic. You will have one hour to watch Granny’s message, then search for clues to find her hidden will. If you find it before the timer runs out, you will be able to claim your inheritance. Any questions?”

  Evan’s eyes darted around the room. Where was the nearest exit?

  Spy guy number three stepped away from the door as James the Butler unlocked the door and opened it with a flourish. “Good luck, and we’ll see you on the other side.”

  Other side? Other side of what?

  He swallowed. Hard. And trailed behind the others as they climbed creaky stairs. His muscles tightened as the door closed behind them and the lock turned, trapping them inside.

  They entered a small, old-fashioned parlor with high-backed furniture, round tables with lacy cloths, and tall windows with heavy drapes. The air was musty and smelled faintly of floral perfume.

  Julian rubbed his hands together. “Let’s start looking for clues.”

  Willow placed a hand on his arm. “Wait. We need to listen to Granny’s message.”

  She scanned the room, then stopped in front of an old-fashioned boxy television. She flicked on one of the knobs.

  The screen rolled and flickered, and then an elderly woman appeared, her steel-gray hair pulled back in a tight bun. She wore a long-sleeved flowered dress, and glasses connected to a chain sat on her long, narrow nose.

  She talked about her family trying to steal the fortune for themselves, so she’d hidden clues.

  Then the screen went black.

  One of the other participants looked at them. “I’ve done this before. If it opens, check it for clues. If you can take it off the wall, look for clues. We have fifty-five minutes left. Let’s go.”

  The group scattered, leaving Evan standing by himself in the middle of the room. The pedestal clock on the fireplace ticked loudly. The sounds of doors slamming, frames being lifted off walls, and drawers being opened and closed crashed over him.

  He needed to move, to help find clues, but his feet remained rooted to the floor.

  Had those walls just moved?

  Sweat beaded on his lip and slicked his skin. Pressure mounted in his chest. His heartbeat thundered in his ears. He tried to take a breath, but the stale, stuffy air clogged his throat.

  He squeezed a palm over his eyes.

  Get a grip, man.

  His breathing shuddered as lights swirled behind his eyes.

  He needed to get out of there.

  Forcing his feet to move, he pounded down the steps and rammed a shoulder against the bottom door. One of the suited dudes jumped back as Evan rushed past.

  He pushed through the exit door, gripped his knees and sucked in a lungful of air. Spying a bench outside the entrance, he sat and buried his face in his shaking hands.

  Someone sat next to him.

  He didn’t need to open his eyes to know it was Natalie. The scent of her body lotion announced her arrival.

  Talk about making a great impression on their date. Instead of showing her how good they could be together, he’d ended up making a fool of himself and embarrassing her.

  She pressed a hand on his arm. “Hey, are you all right?”

  He nodded, feeling the heat climb up his neck. “Wanna get out of here?”

  She stood and stretched out a hand.

  He looked at her long fingers, then lifted his eyes to her face. Without a word, he took her hand, stood and waited.

  Was she going to let go?

  Instead of giving her the option, he twined his fingers through hers, allowing the warmth of her touch to flow through him.

  They walked hand in hand to his truck in silence. He opened her door and helped her inside, then rounded the front to climb behind the wheel. After starting the engine, he blasted the AC to clear the stuffy cab. Natalie shrugged off her jean jacket.

  Their silence continued as they drove back to Shelby Lake. He should probably take her home but didn’t want to end their date on a sour note. Somehow, he needed to redeem himself, salvage the rest of the evening so she’d give him another chance.

  He drove up Holland Hill, past the farm and turned onto his property next to his RV. He shut off the engine and shifted in his seat. “I’ll be right back.”

  Inside his RV, he pulled out two bottles of water from the small fridge. Then he dragged his sleeping bag off his unmade bunk and made his way back outside.

  Natalie stood by his truck with her arms wrapped around her waist. Evan rounded to the bed of the truck, released the tailgate and spread out the sleeping bag. He dropped the water on the blanket. Standing in front of her, he rested his hands at her waist and then lifted her onto the tailgate. He hopped up beside her.

  Natalie crossed her ankles and stared up at the sky smudged with smoky clouds and burnished gold.

  “Hey, Nat. Listen, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.”

  She turned to him and frowned. “Embarrassed me? How?”

  “By abandoning the escape room like a scared eight-year-old.”

  She pressed a hand to his shoulder. “Evan. I don’t care about that. I’m sorry for even suggesting it.”

  “What about Willow and Julian?”

  Nat lifted a shoulder. “I texted her to say you weren’t feeling well and we had to leave. It gives her more time alone with Julian anyway.”

  He reached over and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “Thanks.”

  She looked at him with the barest hint of a smile on her face. “No problem. It’s so peaceful out here.”

  In the distance, cows sounded from the barn while
the crickets serenaded them. The wind stroked their faces. Water burbled in the creek while bullfrogs croaked.

  “Yeah, it’s pretty great. When I was a kid, I used to haul my sleeping bag out to the field when no one else was around. I’d lay on my back, fold my arms behind my neck, and stare up at the sky. It was so huge. The stars twinkled like tiny flashlights, and even though I was by myself, I never felt alone. I could breathe. Nothing was closing in on me even as darkness fell. I miss that.”

  “You miss what?” Nat’s voice came out as a whisper, almost as if she was afraid to disturb the solitude.

  “I miss being able to breathe.”

  “Like in the escape room?”

  He nodded.

  “You told Aidan about getting trapped in the hay. That must have been traumatic for you. How often do you struggle with claustrophobia?”

  He gripped the edge of the tailgate and shrugged. “I don’t know. I just...” He sighed. “Do you remember what I said when I told Aidan about the hay fort I’d made?”

  She nodded.

  “What I didn’t tell him was what happened when the fort collapsed.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I yelled for my brothers, but none of them came. The hay dust caused my asthma to flare up. I started coughing and struggled to catch my breath. I was pretty scared.”

  “Sounds like it.”

  “I made it out, no thanks to my brothers, who ditched me.”

  “They ditched you?”

  “They got tired of looking for me, so they headed into the house to watch some stupid cartoon.”

  “How’d that make you feel?”

  “You playing shrink all of a sudden?”

  She nudged his shoulder. “Knock it off.”

  He shrugged. “I felt...like I wasn’t worth their time to be found. It taught me I could only depend on myself. And not to be put in situations where I’d feel trapped.”

  “Like your kayaking accident?”

  He nodded. “That one still messes with my head. I really miss hanging out with my team, being on the water, but the truth is, the thought of stepping foot in a kayak again sends my heart slamming against my ribs. I know once I do it again, I’ll be fine.” He gave her a wry grin. “The place where I feel the most at home is creating the most fear in me right now. Ridiculous, huh?”