Always His (Crazed Devotion #1)

by C. A. Harms

  “I want you to leave her alone,” I said as I fisted my hands at my sides. “If you want to be a part of Tori’s life, then clean yourself up. She deserves more than that. She amazing, and you’re missing out on that.”

  He stared back at me with hate burning in his eyes. A long silence stretched out between us as I waited for him to prove me wrong. Give me a sign he cared even a bit about his daughter. I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Every girl should have her father in her life. A relationship between a girl and her dad was so important. It gave her the image of what a man should be, how a man should cherish and protect his loved ones. I wished for just moment that Tyler would realize just how important his role was in Tori’s world.

  “The only reason I slept with her was because I knew when that news got back to you, it would kill you.” His words made my stomach tighten in rage. “Then she had to fucking end up pregnant. I didn’t want no damn kid. I just wanted to nail your girl. I wanted to show you that for once you didn’t fucking win.”

  It was as if my body reacted before my mind could catch up. I had him pinned to the side of the car right before my fist connected with his jaw. I unleashed years of hate as I hit him again and again as his words raced through my mind. To him, Nicole was just a way of getting revenge on me.

  Someone pulled me off him as I watched his body sink to the ground. He sat hunched over against the car while two men pulled me away.

  The sounds of sirens in the distance brought me back to the present, and I looked down at my fists. My knuckles were split and covered in blood, a mixture of my own and Tyler’s.

  Did I regret beating his face in? Fuck no I didn’t. The bastard deserved it, and if I had the chance to do it all over again, I wouldn’t hesitate.

  “Looks like there’s someone here to free you,” Bert announced as he unlocked the iron gate that separated us. I had been sitting in a cell for the last three hours, running over everything that had taken place tonight, with not only Tyler but Nicole too.

  When I arrived here, I called my father and knew he would be less than amused that I’d landed myself in jail. Even my friendship with Bert couldn’t keep me out of this mess.

  “Is he pissed?” I asked as I lifted my aching body off the concrete bench along the back wall. My anger from earlier had faded into a dull ache.

  “Well, he didn’t look enthused,” Bert said as I stepped out of the cell and he closed the door behind me. “But between you and I, I’d have loved to witness Tyler getting his ass handed to him. Little cocky son of a bitch had it coming. He’s never done right by those two girls, and pathetic assholes like him need a reality check.” I cocked an eyebrow at Bert, and he chuckled. “But if asked, I’ll deny I ever said any of this.”

  Bert was a good man. He was a hard-ass when he had to be, but he had a soft side too. He was one of those guys that would never turn away someone he felt he could help.

  When I walked into the front of the station, my father came into view. I guess being called at two in the morning to pick up your twenty-five-year-old son from jail would have irritated even the kindest of men. I wish I could say I was disappointed in myself, but I wasn’t. Pounding Tyler’s face in for the hell he’d caused in Nicole’s life felt damn good.

  “You owe me bail money,” my dad grumbled as I approached him. “And your momma is climbing the walls at the house, worried about you. You owe us both a steak dinner for this shit.”

  When he turned to hide his smile, all the tension faded. My dad was as hotheaded as I was, so I knew he could understand where I was coming from.

  My truck had been impounded, so I’d have to wait until tomorrow to pick it up.

  After impound fees and the tow charge, it would cost me close to five hundred to get my truck back. A night that would add up to close to seven hundred and fifty dollars would put a dent in my wallet for sure, but still I felt no regret for my actions.

  I was sure that would all change once Nicole found out the details of my night, though. But for now I would bask in the glory of whipping that tool’s ass.

  I woke up to the ringing of my cell and didn’t have to look at it to know who was calling. The sweet melody I had set for Ryker days ago filled the silence of my bedroom. But after the way he’d acted toward me last night, I was in no hurry to hear what he had to say.

  When the ringing stopped, I curled over onto my side and closed my eyes once again. The silence didn’t last long as the same ring began again. Growing irritated with his persistence, I reached out for the phone and slid my finger over the screen, then lifted it to my ear.

  “What?” I answered in my I really don’t give a shit tone.

  “I know you’re mad. You have every right to be. I was an ass,” Ryker said in a rush. As if he was afraid to pause for fear of me hanging up before he could finish.

  “Yeah, you were,” I replied. There was no need to argue. Whatever ego bullshit he was suffering from, he had taken it overboard, and I wasn’t in the mood to make things easy for him. I had spent the night wondering what I could have said or done to make last night end differently. But the truth was, I hadn’t done a damn thing wrong.

  “I’m sorry,” he said in more of a whisper.

  “Why aren’t you at work?” I asked, looking at the clock on my nightstand. It was a little after eight.

  “I am,” he replied. “But I needed to call you. I couldn’t wait until tonight.” A moment of silence passed before he spoke again. “I need to tell you something before you hear it from someone else.”

  My stomach tensed as I waited for him to continue. My mind went a little crazy with ideas of what he would say.

  “I got arrested last night.”

  And I sat up in bed quickly. “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me right,” he said with a chuckle. “I sort of got into it with Tyler at the pool hall and got thrown in jail.”

  “You said you were going to your uncle’s.” I crawled out of bed and stood beside it, crossing my arms over my chest, no longer feeling exhausted. “How did you end up at the pool hall, and furthermore, how did you and Tyler get into a fight?”

  “I, um . . .”

  “You had no intention of going to your uncle’s when you left here, did you? You went looking for him.” I already knew the answer, but I waited to hear what he had to say anyway.

  “Yeah.”

  “So you lied.” I was trying not to get angry, but it was hard. “You acted like a dick and left me all night to wonder what in the hell I could have done wrong.”

  “Nic—”

  “I slept with Tyler.” My heart raced as I spoke the words. “It was a huge mistake. I was looking for comfort on one of my worst nights, and he offered it. Yes, I should have known he had only one thing on his mind when he offered his friendship, but I was in a dark place.” My chest tightened further, but I did my best to refrain from giving in to my emotions. “The guy I was in love with and thought I would have by my side forever left me. He left without looking back, and I fell apart. But saying I regret that night would be saying I regret Tori, which I will never do. Because she gave me the hope I needed to move on.” My eyes burned as I fought to hold back the tears.

  “I hate that he had his hands on you. Every time I think about the two of you together, I just want to kill him,” Ryker confessed, and I closed my eyes tightly, taking a deep, calming breath.

  “You need to get over it,” I said. “Because nothing about that night was memorable. It wasn’t some romantic night that led up to some undeniable love. It was two drunk people that woke up the next day and could barely remember what happened.”

  “I never should have let you go,” he said.

  “No, you shouldn’t have, but you did,” I added without hesitation. “You promised things you gave up on the moment you left, and you have to accept that. But damn it, Ryker, you are here now. You say you want us, but then you pull the shit you did last night.” I paused because I just needed a moment before I said the
rest of what needed to be said.

  “You need to let it go, because it’s only going to drive us apart in the end. We can’t change the past, no matter how much we wish we could. You need to decide if you can move forward with me and Tori, knowing her dad is a man you despise.” I swallowed past the large lump that had formed at the base of my throat. “I need to go.”

  “I love you,” Ryker whispered, and the tears I’d tried to hold back spilled over.

  “But is that enough?” I asked, not really expecting an answer. Because I wasn’t just asking Ryker, I was also asking myself. “Good-bye, Ryker.”

  I didn’t wait for him to respond before I lowered the phone and hit the End button.

  I walked out into the hallway, and as I approached Tori’s room, I could hear her talking to herself. She did that when she played with her dolls. The sound of her sweet little voice was exactly what I needed to remind me that I had to keep my head above water. I couldn’t let myself get wrapped up in the drama of jealous boyfriends and drunk one-night stands. I had her to take care of, and curling up in bed to cry out the heartache I was now feeling wasn’t an option.

  I leaned against the doorframe of her bedroom, watching as she pretended to feed her baby doll a fake apple.

  “Chew it up, Millicent,” she directed in her big-girl voice. “Num, num,” she said as she rubbed her tummy. “Apples are healthy. If you eat all your fruits you can have a cookie for desert.”

  Hearing her repeat the things I’d said to her more than once was the sweetest. She was getting so big too fast, and yeah, a part of me wished Tyler cared enough to notice. Looking at her and the amazing little person she was becoming made it so hard to understand why her daddy didn’t want to be a part of that. It broke my heart that she wouldn’t have the relationship with her dad that I have with mine. I dreaded the day she came to me and asked why she hadn’t been enough. But it was never about her not being enough . . . Tyler wasn’t enough.

  When she noticed me standing in the doorway, she smiled and my chest tightened with the deepest love possible. “Are you having fun, Peanut?”

  “Millicent wouldn’t eat her fruit. She said she wanted cookies instead,” Tori explained. Her little eyebrows wrinkled, her nose crinkled, and her cheeks bunched up tight. “I had to bribe her with one cookie just to get her to eat her apples.”

  A smile covered my lips as I fought off my laughter. Sometimes I swear she was a teenager trapped in a little girl’s body. “Is that so?”

  “Yeah.” She shrugged like it was no big deal. “So I was thinking,” she continued, and my interest in her little thoughts was immediately piqued. “Since Milli ate all her apple, can we have two cookies?”

  It was her sneaky way of getting a second cookie, but I felt the need to spoil her today. “I have a better idea.” I knelt in front of her. “Let’s call Pawpaw and see if he wants to go to IHOP. You can get the chocolate chip pancakes with the whipped cream.”

  Her face lit up with excitement. “Can Millicent come too and get her own order?”

  She was a tricky little thing.

  “How about I share mine with Milli and you can con Grandpa out of some of his too?”

  My own form of trickery seemed to satisfy her sugar fixation. She jumped up quickly and went to her closet in search of clothes while I walked back to my room. For the time being I ignored the text message from Ryker waiting for me when I woke my phone. I just wanted a little time before I had to face the possibility that Tori and I may be more than he could handle.

  “Damn, what crawled up your ass and died there?” Elle asked as she placed her tray on the end of the bar.

  It was a slow night, and I’ll admit I wasn’t in the best of moods, but I thought I’d done a good job at hiding it. But from the look on Elle’s face, I knew I hadn’t hidden it well at all.

  “With Ryker back, I find it hard to believe a girl can walk around with anything but a smile on her face.” She wagged her eyebrows suggestively.

  “Yeah, well, things are a little confusing right now. Sorry if I’ve been a bitch tonight.” I busied myself filling the orders from the table she was currently waiting on. “Tyler and Ryker got in a fight last night,” I said without looking up. “He doesn’t seem to be able to let go of what happened between Tyler and I. Which means I’m not sure he can accept Tori. And no matter how much I love him, that’s just something I could never live with.”

  She was silent, and I knew what I’d said had probably shocked her. Tears pooled in my eyes, and I took a few deeps breaths to fight them back.

  “Well, then to hell with him,” Elle said matter-of-factly. “If he can’t let it go, then you don’t need him. And neither does Tori.”

  “Yeah,” I whispered, the word burning my throat.

  Silence set in between us as I placed the last rum and Coke on her tray.

  “He’s the fool, Nicole, not you. And one day he’ll see that.”

  I bit my lower lip and nodded, hoping she was right. Because losing him a second time may be even harder than the first.

  Nothing had gone right for me today.

  My call with Nicole went to hell fast, and it was followed by one fuckup after another. But standing at the side of the road looking down at my flat tire was the icing on top of the fucking shit cake.

  I had spent an hour trying to break loose the shaft that held my spare tire in place only to come up empty-handed. The fucking thing was rusted and seized so tight there was no way I was going to break it loose by hand. Which left me with only one option—call a tow truck.

  Now here I stood, cursing this whole fucking day as Randall loaded my Ford up on the bed of his truck. I wished I could go back to yesterday, before I let Tyler and his call to Nicole get under my skin. I’d handle the whole thing differently.

  “I can have this changed over for you in a couple hours, Ryk,” Randall said as he placed the block behind my wheel.

  “Thanks, man,” I said as I followed him to his truck. “Can you drop me off at Lucy’s on the way?”

  “Sure,” he said with a smile. “How’s Nic doing?”

  We had all grown up together, so Randall knew our background. Which also meant he knew Tyler and Nicole’s background too.

  “She was doing great until I fucked shit up.”

  He cocked an eyebrow and pointed toward his truck. “Climb on up, and you can tell me all about it on the drive.”

  I let out a deep breath and decided why the hell not. What could it hurt?

  So for fifteen minutes I carried on about what had taken place with Tyler from the moment I stepped into town up until last night. Hell, I even included the conversation between Nicole and me from this morning.

  “You need to get your head out of your ass, man,” Randall said as he slowed to a stop in front of Lucy’s. “That girl in there never once stopped loving you. She may have tried to convince everyone around her that she had, but I can assure you it was all an act.”

  Randall was always so quiet, so I was shocked he’d said this much. But he held nothing back.

  “A lot of guys tried their luck with her after you left. Hell, I won’t lie and say I didn’t ask her out myself.” He chuckled when I gave him an irritated look. “But she never gave in. You know how slick Tyler was back in the day. He played the sympathetic friend, and that was what she needed. She just wanted to feel whole again.”

  My chest ached with the knowledge that she’d found comfort in Tyler.

  “He took advantage of her state. It happened, and you have to move past it. She didn’t love him. Hell, I don’t think she even truly liked him,” he assured me. “But you can’t sit here and pretend you didn’t sleep with other women over the last five years. The difference is those women aren’t here and she doesn’t have to face them.”

  I understood what he was saying, but it still felt like a punch in the nuts every time I imagined them together.

  “If you don’t let go of that shit rolling around in your head, it may be her
that walks away this time,” he added, and my stomach rolled with nerves. “Stop living in the past and look at what you have right here, right now. Because that girl loves you. She always has.”

  I already knew everything he was telling me was true, but having someone remind me of it was exactly what I needed. I looked out through the windshield and focused on the blue, lit sign on the front of the bar that said Lucy’s. Behind that door was the girl I was madly in love with. The girl I gave up everything to come back here for. I was letting some smug ass and his dedication to making my life hell get in the way of my future. I had an amazing woman and an adorable little girl that made me feel whole. Why the hell was I continuing to jeopardize that happiness?

  “I got some groveling to do,” I said as I grabbed for the handle of the truck door. “Thanks for the talk, man.”

  Randall nodded as I climbed out of his truck, then he drove away with my truck in tow.

  Elle was refilling the napkin containers on the tables near the door when I entered the empty bar. She looked back over her shoulder at the sound of the door closing behind me and arched an eyebrow.

  “Nicole in the back?” I asked as I put my hands in my pockets and rocked back on the heels of my boots.

  “Not sure I should let you talk to her. I’m not so sure you deserve to,” Elle said as she turned to face me and crossed her arms over her chest.

  Elle was younger than Liz and Nicole, which also made her younger than me as too. She was always the little kid that wanted to tag along with us when we went down to the lake or just hung out at one another’s houses. She was always so in-your-face, the kind of girl that never gave up. She hadn’t changed—well, she’d gotten a little scarier, maybe.

  “I know I screwed up, but I need to see her.” There was no way I would allow her or anyone else to keep me from making this right with Nicole.

  “I’d say you did more than just simply screw up,” she said as she took a step toward me. “She gave you another chance. She trusted that you wouldn’t hurt her again. And then you made her and Tori fall for you only to let the past come back to tear you apart again.”