Always His (Crazed Devotion #1)

by C. A. Harms

  “I know,” I assured her. Fuck, I had gone through this a million times since my phone conversation with Nicole earlier today.

  “If you can’t accept Tori, then you need to just back off.”

  Her comment surprised me. “What the hell are you talking about?” My stomach was now in knots. “Is that what she thinks? That I can’t accept Tori?”

  It was as if something inside me snapped, and the hesitation I’d had entering the bar shifted to determination. I pushed past Elle, a mixture of panic and frustration swarming in my gut as I rounded the counter. When I entered the back room, I found Nicole leaning over a crate of liquor as she organized the bottles from it on the bottom shelf.

  “You actually think I can’t accept Tori?” She jumped in surprise and spun around to face me, her hand pressed against her chest. “Because if you think for one second that she hasn’t buried herself so deep in my heart that I sometimes forget she isn’t mine, then you don’t truly know me.”

  “I don’t—”

  I held up my hand. “I came back here for you. I let go of a dream because the love I’ve felt for you every day I’ve been gone trumped that dream.” I pointed to her. “You are all I want. You and that little girl that stole my heart. Damn it, Nicole, I’m sorry I screwed up all those years ago. It’s something I will always regret. But never, not even for a second, have I not accepted Tori as a part of our future. I love that little girl.”

  Tears welled in her eyes as her lower lip trembled. “Then what is it? What’s going on with you?” Her voice was barely a whisper, and it pained me to know I’d put those worries in her mind. “You wouldn’t talk to me last night, and then with everything . . .” She took a shuddering breath.

  “I hate that he touched you,” I confessed as I stepped up to her. I placed my hand on her hip and pulled her close. “And the worst part about it is that I led you to him.”

  “No,” she said as she looked up at me.

  “Yeah,” I replied quickly. “If I hadn’t let you go, then it never would have happened. I thought I was past it. I thought I’d gone through all the levels of emotion when it came to you and him.” I slid my hand around her waist and held her against me securely. “I was hurt, heartbroken even. I was angry to the point that I thought about calling you on multiple occasions to ask you how the hell you could do that.” The tears in her eyes spilled over, and my chest constricted with an unbelievable ache. “But in the end I knew I had no grounds to feel any of those things. Because if I hadn’t let you go, you never would have turned to him.”

  I leaned in just enough to place my lips to hers in a gentle kiss before resting my forehead against hers. “I’m sorry I ever let you go.”

  Her body shuddered against mine, and I knew in that moment she had broken and all the emotions she’d been trying to control had overtaken her.

  “But I promise you,” I whispered as I pulled her in tighter, hugging her body against my chest, “I’ll never make that mistake again. And Tori is a part of that promise. Just because she’s not my blood doesn’t mean I can’t love her like my own daughter. In my eyes, baby, she became mine too the moment you agreed to give me another shot. I love you both so much, and I’m sorry I made you feel otherwise.”

  Ryker hovered over me, his hands on either side of me, bracing himself against the mattress. His eyes locked on mine as he lowered his body against me while he continued to slowly move inside me. He cupped the side of my face as his mouth covered mine in a devouring kiss.

  “Amazing,” he whispered as he swiveled his hips, and I whimpered.

  We wasted no time when we got home from the bar. In fact we hadn’t even made it completely inside my apartment before Ryker pressed his body to mine and whispered against my ear how much he wanted me. Within moments our clothes were shredded and we left a path of them as we moved toward the bedroom. And for hours we gave to each other all we could. We left no part of one another uncherished. In what felt like seconds, he made all my doubt and worry fade and replaced them with happiness, love, and lust. It was a bit overwhelming, but I welcomed that rush.

  It had been so long since I’d felt peace. So long since I was able to just treasure the feeling of security. Ryker was my solitude; he had always been. And being back in his arms after he bared his heart, doubts and all, gave me back all I’d been missing over the years.

  “I love you so much,” he said in a strained voice. I could tell he was holding on, trying to make the moment last as long as he could. “You’re my dream, baby.” He looked me in the eyes. “You always have been.”

  Pressure was building low in my stomach as he continued to rotate his hips, creating the friction I needed to reach my release.

  “Let go,” he coaxed. “Come for me.”

  My legs tensed as the heels of my feet dug into his ass. Rocking my hips to meet Ryker’s thrusts, I tightened around him, and the orgasm took over as I called out his name. Almost instantly I felt him tremble as he drove into me one last time as he came apart, the weight of his body pressing against mine.

  We lay there in silence, trying to catch our breath. Chills covered my arms and legs as the ceiling fan swept air over the thin layer of sweat on my skin. It was after two in the morning, and my exhaustion from today had finally begun to hit me. My body relaxed as Ryker rolled to the side and took me with him. We both lay on our sides, looking at one another, barely able to remain focused.

  “What are your plans today?” he asked.

  My vision blurred as I tried to stay awake. “I need to pick up Tori from Dad’s. Other than that I’m free. Why?”

  “Before we both pass out, I need to ask, can I use your car?” He smiled when I wrinkled my nose in confusion. Then I realized I hadn’t seen his truck in the parking lot last night when we left Lucy’s. It didn’t occur to me to ask how he’d gotten to Arab from Huntsville.

  “I got a flat on the way to town last night. Randall has my truck, but he won’t be there until eight. I need to leave here to make it to work long before that,” he explained.

  “The keys are on the counter. I can just call my dad and have him drop off Victoria.” I closed my eyes and began to fade, but when his lips touched mine, I opened them once more.

  “Will he take you to pick up my truck?” I nodded. “Thank you.”

  “Welcome,” I whispered. It was becoming harder and harder to stay awake. I was trying, but the emotional roller coaster of the last thirty-six hours was really hitting me.

  “I love you,” he whispered, and I couldn’t help but smile. I’d missed hearing him say those words to me. “This feels right, being here with you. I want this every day.”

  I wanted so badly to be able to carry on this conversation. To pick it apart and be able to know exactly what he meant by “this.” Was it the sleeping together naked, the hungry sex, or was it the idea of sharing so much more?

  But I couldn’t hold out. I couldn’t fight the need for sleep any longer.

  “You showing up to get Ryker’s truck leads me to believe the guy pulled his head out of his ass like I suggested.” Randall Crowell was an Arab native like myself. He too loved this town enough to never wanna leave, so he took over his father’s towing and automotive repair shop straight out of high school. He was good guy, a little rough, but a kind soul.

  “We had a good talk, and I get now where he’s coming from,” I said. “We’re gonna be all right.”

  “Yeah, you will,” he replied. “I never doubted it.”

  “Really?” His confidence was interesting. “Why?”

  “Because,” he said as he handed me the keys to Ryker’s truck, “nobody else around here ever had a chance with you. Ryker won you over years ago, and I think we all knew it was just a matter of time until he came back to mend the girl he’d broken.”

  Did this whole town think of me as a pathetic girl who lost her way or something?

  “You put on a brave face, darlin’, but Ryker’s always been the guy who held your heart. You’re
his forever. No way fate would be cruel enough to keep you two apart. Hell, it’s you two that give me hope that one day I may find my future too.” Randall winked as he stepped around the counter and led me to the shop.

  I think in all the years I’ve known Randall that was the lengthiest conversation we’d ever had.

  “Where are we going?” Nicole asked as I drove toward Huntsville.

  I’d already spoken with my uncle and made sure we would have the place to ourselves. He owned multiple acres of land that he always allowed the younger kids around town to come out and cut loose on, which basically described Uncle Leroy to a T. He was single, wild, and rarely passed on anything that didn’t make him feel twenty years younger. So when I asked him if Nicole and I could relive our younger years using his land, he quickly agreed.

  I rounded the bend and saw the gravel path to the field up ahead just as Nicole asked me once more what was going on.

  “Do you remember what we used to do after it rained?” I asked, looking over at her as I slowed the truck.

  She looked between me and the drive I was turning into with a huge smile. “Yeah.”

  I looked in the rearview mirror, and Tori’s curious stare made me laugh. “I thought I could relive those days with my two most favorite girls,” I said as I slowed to a stop. I pressed a button on my dash panel, shifting my truck into four-wheel drive and turned back to look at Tori. “What’dya say, sweetheart, you ready to play in some mud?”

  Tori’s face lit up as she looked out at the field of muddy, torn-up land before us. Like I said, Uncle Leroy loved to be a kid. And by the looks of it, he’d already had the first turn on this patch of land after our most recent rainstorm. Which only meant he’d made it even muddier for me.

  The first time I took Nicole out four-wheeling, she squealed and gripped the door handle so tight her knuckles turned white. But after that, she grew excited at the mere mention of going muddin’.

  “You wanna drive, baby?” I looked over at Nicole with an arched brow, trying to hold back my laughter.

  “You feel like getting stuck?” she shot back with a gleam in her eye.

  “Damn near took me half a day to dig my truck out of the mess,” I chuckled, remembering how bad she got it stuck the first and only time she attempted to take the reins all those years ago. “But if I remember correctly, that day didn’t turn out so bad.”

  I was growing hard remembering us stuck in the middle of a field miles from town as we climbed up in the back of my truck when the rain began again. The heavy downpour soaked us within seconds. Making love in the bed of my truck as one hell of a rainstorm rolled through was a memory that got me through a lot of hard days.

  What I wouldn’t give to repeat that night.

  “Going down memory lane?” Nicole asked with a knowing smile.

  “Yeah,” I said as I grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “But I’m ready to make some new memories.”

  Nicole’s nostrils flared, which I recognized as her attempt to compose herself.

  “How about you, Princess?” I looked back at Tori. “You ready to see what your momma and I used to do when we were younger?”

  “Yes,” she chirped excitedly as she bounced around in her seat.

  “Hold on, Peanut,” Nicole told her as I eased farther out into the field. The ruts in the mud made the truck bounce, and Tori’s squeal made me chuckle. I took it easy at first to be sure Tori was okay with the way the cab jerked around, making her bounce. Nicole and Tori’s laughter and excitement as I spun out and twisted the wheel was the best part. Forget the natural high of the muddin’; they were my high.

  “You having fun, baby girl?” I asked as I slowed to a stop at the edge of the field.

  Tori’s eyes were wild, and a huge smile covered her face as she nodded and bounced up and down, throwing her hands in the air. “More,” she insisted as her eyes scanned the surrounding area.

  Nicole laughed. “You heard her, Ryker,” she said. “More.”

  In that moment my entire world finally made sense. My life wasn’t the path I’d chosen or the mistakes I made along the way. It was all about the beautiful faces of these two amazing girls. They had me so tightly wrapped around their fingers, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Their smiles and laughter were what bound me together.

  I would give them anything they asked without a second thought.

  I was so in love with them that I knew in that moment the only thing I wanted to do was seal our future. I wanted to do something I should have done years ago.

  “You wanna drive, Tori?” I asked as I twisted around to face her.

  If someone had asked me moments ago if she could have grown any more excited than she already was, I’d have said hell no. But I was wrong. She was already trying to figure out how to unbuckle her belt and damn near clawing her way out to get to me.

  “Hold on,” I said as I turned and began to unbuckle her. Pausing, I shifted my gaze to Nicole. “This okay?”

  She didn’t answer me with words. Instead she leaned over and softly kissed my lips, then pulled back with a smile.

  Tori began wiggling around once more, trying her hardest to break free from her seat. The moment I unclasped her belt, she dove for me, and her little feet were moving a hundred miles an hour to get her to the front.

  I placed her in my lap and put her hands on the wheel. “You steer,” I told her, and she faced forward as I eased the truck into drive again. I took it slow, but she didn’t notice the change of pace. She was too focused on the fact she was controlling the wheel. A look of determination graced her features, and I tried not to laugh.

  Days like this I could relive forever.

  “How have things been going?” Liz asked as she walked alongside me. We’d met for coffee and were now doing a little window-shopping.

  “Things have been great.” I couldn’t control my smile as I thought about the last few weeks. “He’s been amazing.”

  “You look really happy,” she added as I turned to face her.

  “I am,” I confessed, my stomach flipping with excitement. “He’s been taking Tori and I on all these adventures, like little flashbacks of our past. I told you about the muddin’, right?”

  “Yeah,” she said, followed by a laugh.

  “Well, since then we’ve had a water balloon fight in my daddy’s backyard, played in the rain down by Mitchell Lake, and camped out in the back of his truck under the stars.” We sat down on the bench in front of the café on the corner of Lurch and Winslow. “He’s been unbelievable with Tori, and the way she looks at him, God, Liz, it melts my heart. She adores him.”

  “Happy looks good on you.” She nudged my shoulder with her own. “I’m so glad he came back. You deserve this.”

  “What about you?” I asked. “You deserve to be happy too.”

  “Maybe one day, but for now I’m having fun testing the waters.” She wagged her eyebrows, and I laughed.

  Elizabeth Berfield had always been a flirty girl, but she secretly wished for her own happy ending. Believe me, I’d gotten her drunk on many occasions where she rambled on about wanting to find that perfect guy. Sober, she may not admit it, but I knew all her dirty secrets.

  “We all still on for Saturday night?” she asked, quickly changing the subject.

  “Um, yeah,” I replied, choosing not to push her when she obviously didn’t want to talk about her own love life. “Ryker made reservations for six.” He had this idea of gathering everyone together for dinner to make his friends Luke and Ben, who were arriving tomorrow afternoon, feel welcome.

  “I may be a few minutes late, but I’ll be there,” she assured me as she nervously picked at her nails. She had been doing it pretty much all morning. She always did it when something was on her mind.

  “Spill,” I said as I leaned back against the bench and lifted my coffee to take a sip.

  “What?” she asked. She seriously needed to realize how transparent she was.

  “We can play
this game all afternoon, or you can just fess up and tell me what’s on your mind.” I watched as she contemplated whether to tell me or not. Finally, her need to talk won out, and she turned to face me.

  “I don’t want to be the reason anything dims your happiness. I just think maybe you need to hear something before everyone in town is talking about it behind your back.”

  I could tell she was stalling, and I was getting nervous. “I guess if it’s something I’m not gonna like, I’d rather hear it from you instead of a stranger. So just tell me.” My stomach was in knots. The kind that made me feel like at any moment I would hurl.

  “Melanie is pregnant,” she said as she watched me, waiting for a reaction. “Elle overheard her telling Rachel in line at Carson’s Grocery last night.”

  I didn’t have to ask who the father was. Tyler had been sleeping with Melanie on and off for the last two years. She was his go-to girl. She of course was holding out for something more, but I knew she’d probably never see it.

  “Maybe he’ll be a better father than he’s been to Tori,” I said.

  “I think we both know the chances of that happening are pretty slim.”

  Silence settled over us as I thought about the fact my daughter would now have a half brother or sister that would also know what it felt like to be abandoned by Tyler. It made my already-nauseated stomach lurch.

  “I just hope for her sake she puts her child first. She’s gonna need to grow some tough skin for the life she’s just signed up for.” It was the only thing I had to offer. I mean, what could I say? Did I wish Tyler had claimed the daughter he already had before he created more offspring? Yeah, maybe a little. Did I wish he’d stay sober enough for a moment to realize his children were the ones that would suffer for his poor choices? Yeah, that would be a godsend. But I also knew Tyler enjoyed his immaturity a helluva lot more than he valued his daughter, so I wasn’t about to hold my breath.