Always His (Crazed Devotion #1)

by C. A. Harms

  Was I mad she’d gone to the hospital?

  No, because I knew it had nothing to do with her having feelings for Tyler. Nicole just has such an amazing heart. She’s the most compassionate person I’ve ever met, and she would help anyone if she could. What did upset me was that she didn’t confide in me. Instead, Allan gave me the news. After he showed up at the apartment to stay with Tori, I left.

  Now I was standing right outside the elevator on the second floor of Marshall Medical, debating what to do next. I had tried to talk myself out of being upset the entire drive over, and the moment I got in the elevator over twenty minutes ago, it all began again. The last thing Nicole needed was me being some petty asshole.

  “Hey.” My body stiffened at the sound of her voice, and I spun around to find her looking back at me nervously. “How long have you been here?” she asked.

  I shrugged. “I’m not sure.”

  “I don’t need to ask if you’re upset. I can see it.” She hung her head, looking down at her feet. “I’m sorry I didn’t call right away. It was all a bit overwhelming, and before I knew it, my dad said he’d already called you.”

  An older man approached, and I stepped to the side, allowing him better access to the elevator I was blocking. My movements caused Nicole to look up, and when she did her eyes were reddened. “I’m truly sorry,” she said.

  I hooked her waist and pulled her close, wrapping my other arm around her shoulders. As she lay her head against my chest, I heard her take in a deep breath, breathing me in. I did the same with her, and the smell of her shampoo filled my nose.

  We stood there in the hall, neither of us saying a word as we just held on to one another while people passed us.

  “How is he?” I asked.

  “We don’t know anything yet. He’s still in surgery.”

  Another silence set in, and I waited for her to speak, because I had no idea what to say.

  “I should have called you, but I . . .” She lifted her head, tilting it back enough to look up at me. “I thought you’d say I shouldn’t come.”

  “You think I’m that heartless?” My question came out a little harsher than I’d intended.

  “No,” she insisted. “It just with the history between you two and the issues we’ve had with him since you came back, I figured it was the last thing you would think I should be doing.”

  I took a moment to roll the words I wanted to say around in my head, trying to come up with the best approach. I didn’t want to fight with her and I didn’t want her to feel bad for being here, but I did need to know something.

  “Why did you come?” I asked.

  “I’ve lain in bed night after night next to you, wishing Tyler would just let go and allow you to adopt Tori.” He eyes filled with tears. “Then I’d feel guilty thinking maybe if he could just straighten up and be a father to her, things would be different. It was like a vicious tug-of-war in my mind, and a few times I even found myself wishing he would just disappear because it would make our lives easier. Now I just feel guilty.”

  “You don’t need to feel guilty,” I assured her. “It’s not like you haven’t tried over the years to get him to change. You’ve given him so many chances to step up and be a part of her life, but he chose the path he took, not you.”

  A single tear fell down her cheek, and I wiped it away before kissing the trail it left and resting my forehead against hers.

  “But baby, it’s more than just guilt,” I said. “It’s because you’re always thinking of others. That’s who you are, and it’s just one of the many reasons I love you so damn much.”

  She only nodded as I pulled back and began leading her toward the waiting room, where Keegan still sat, looking completely lost. And my chest ached for him. Because Ben and Luke may not be my actual brothers, but they were close enough, and if I was in his shoes, I’d feel lost too.

  “They’re not sure if he’ll regain feeling in his legs,” Nicole said as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

  It had been three days since the accident. The truck had hit Tyler on his left side, and he suffered multiple injuries including damage to his liver and spleen, a collapsed lung, and possible unrepairable damage to his legs.

  I could still tell Nicole felt torn about going to see him and worried how it would affect me. But I knew where her heart lay and I wasn’t concerned.

  “How’s he taking the news?” I asked as I rolled over and held my hand out for her.

  She accepted it and slid closer, tucking her body against mine. She inhaled deeply before letting her breath out slowly. “He’s withdrawn. Not really talking to anyone.” She was quiet for a moment. “He just stares out the window, completely lost in his own head.”

  “I won’t pretend to understand what he’s going through. I’ve served with guys that suffered losses like this,” I tried my best to give her some reassurance. “I watched them go through the stages of recovery. But the depression was the hardest. But once they started to accept the changes they were about to face, they became themselves again. And the help from friends and those who cared about them was exactly what they needed too.”

  “Ryker, I’m sorry. I just—”

  “Baby, I’m not saying that because I need you to reassure me it isn’t anything more.” I rolled her onto her back and brushed the hair from her face. “I’m one hundred percent confident in our love. I also know you’re an amazing, compassionate person, and you being there for Tyler during this time is something he needs.”

  “You’re okay with me visiting Tyler?” she asked.

  I leaned in and placed a soft kiss to her lips. God, I loved this girl. “Nicole, I would be worried if you didn’t visit him. Because shutting out anyone you had a connection to would be a sure sign that the girl I fell in love with was no longer that same girl.” I kissed her once more, and she closed her eyes for a split second before looking back up at me. “And that, sweetheart, would be a shame.”

  She just remained in the same position, staring up at me with an intense expression that made my heart race. “You are so good to me,” she whispered, and it felt like she’d gripped my heart and squeezed. “I love you more than I could ever truly explain.”

  “Well, we could just spend the next fifty years trying to come up with a way to show each other the immensity of our love,” I added before I covered her body with mine.

  “The baby isn’t Tyler’s,” Keegan said as he handed me a cup of coffee. “It’s mine.”

  “What?” To say I was surprised would be an understatement.

  “Tyler and Melanie were messing around months ago, and she wanted more but he didn’t,” he explained as we walked down the hall toward the elevators. “She and I started hanging out, and one thing led to another.”

  “And voila, you’re gonna be a daddy,” I finished his story for him.

  “Yeah.” He shrugged and pressed the Call button, then leaned against the wall next to the elevator.

  “Just promise me something,” I said and waited for him to look at me. Once he did, I continued, “Promise that you’ll stand by her. And that you’ll be there for your child.”

  He smiled and tilted his head to the side. “I told you Tyler and I were different, remember?”

  “Yeah.” I offered him a smile in return. “But I thought that was just a line you were using to hit on me.”

  He chuckled. “Well, I was using it to hit on you, but I meant it. And I plan on standing by Melanie’s side. Even if she and I don’t end up together, I’ll be there for my child.”

  “That’s good,” I said just as the elevator doors slid open. “That’s real good.”

  I stepped into the elevator and waited for Keegan to join me. Once he entered and the doors slid shut, he turned to me. “Tyler just wasn’t built to be a father. We both know that. I know he has a lot of regrets. But his self-doubt always outweighs everything else he feels.”

  “I know.” Because I did. I’d watched that indecisiveness within him for years.
It was in everything he did, but he hid it behind the cocky arrogance and anger he showed every day.

  “So the wedding is soon—what, a week now?” Tyler asked, bringing my attention from the television back to him.

  “Uh, yeah, well.” I cleared my throat. Never did I think I’d be sitting in the hospital room of the father of my child discussing my marriage to another man. “It’s five days away, actually.

  “So why are you here?” he asked. “Not that I don’t appreciate all you’ve done, but Nic, you should be with Ryker. I’m fine, really. Do I have bad moments? Yeah. And I’m sure I will for a while, but I’m working on it.”

  “I want you to know you have a friend. I know we’ve had a long road of unsettled issues, but God, Tyler, you still mean something to me. You’re the father of my child.” I took in a deep breath because this entire conversation felt deeper than I had planned for it to be.

  “She needs a father, you know,” I added as I looked down at my hands fisted in my lap.

  “She has one,” he said, and my heart rate sped up. I looked up at him, and his stare connected with mine. “She has Ryker.”

  That wasn’t what I’d expected, and for a moment I was completely shocked and had no idea how to respond.

  “He’s been more of a father to her than I’ve ever been. Victoria deserves a man like him. Someone that’s going to love her unconditionally and a man she can count on no matter what. Ryker’s a good man. I know I’ve spent a lot of time hating on him in the past, but I’m being truthful here.”

  His words shocked me. I’d never expected he’d say something like this, and then he continued to surprise me.

  “I’m sorry for everything I ever put you and Victoria through. I should have never taken my hate for Ryker out on you.”

  His words meant more than he would ever know.

  “Can you promise me something?” I nodded. “If I ever ask about her, ya know, just to be sure she’s okay, that you won’t deny me that knowledge.”

  “Sure, but Tyler”—I scooted to the edge of my chair, closing the distance between us.—“I’m not sure what you’re leading up to here.”

  “I can’t be the father she needs. If this accident has shown me anything, it’s that I can do right by her. I can change her future by making sure she gets a man who’ll take care of her the way a father should.” It was his turn to take in a big deep breath. “I wanna allow Ryker to adopt Tori. I can’t change who I am, Nic, and I’m sorry for that. I’m not built to be a father, but he is. He’ll take care of the both of you. He’ll protect you just like he has from the moment he came back into town, and he can give Tori more than I ever could.”

  “Tyler, I want you to be sure this is what you want. I need you to know that you may not think you can be a father, but I believe you can if you’d just try.”

  “Sweetheart, I’ve thought about this for weeks. Even before the accident.” Tyler took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “This is my gift to her, because I have a long way to go before I can be any child’s father. And I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to offer that kind of love to any child.”

  The last couple of weeks had been a whirlwind of emotions, and now I was a blubbering mess. It was the morning of my wedding, and I felt like I couldn’t pull it together. Not because I was nervous or having second thoughts, but because I had waited for this for so long that I was terrified something would keep it from happening.

  But everything was falling into place.

  I was getting the man I had always wanted. I was about to share that joy with every person I loved, and the love he felt wasn’t just for me but for Victoria too. When I told Ryker that Tyler was allowing him to adopt Tori, I’d never in my life seen such pure joy and happiness in one person at one time.

  “You ready to tie the knot or what?” I turned in my chair at the sound of Liz’s voice. Elle followed close behind her. “Because let me just say that man of yours looks mighty fine, and if you’re thinking of changing your mind—” she let out a low whistle, “—I would be more than happy to take your place.”

  “No way, bitch,” Elle said. “You would have a fight on your hands.”

  I laughed at their crazy banter. “No such luck, ladies,” I said with a chuckle. “You two will just have to keep looking for your own man, because nothing would ever convince me to let go of Ryker. Not ever again.”

  They looked back at me in mock sadness, their lips puckered out with those big puppy-dog eyes, but it was short-lived. Their expressions quickly changed to wide smiles as they leaned in and wrapped their arms around my shoulders.

  “You deserve this, Nic,” Liz whispered.

  “Thank you both for sharing this day with me,” I replied. “It truly means more than I could ever express.”

  “There is nowhere else we would rather be,” Elle said. “Seeing the love between you and Ryker defeating the odds gives all of us hope.”

  They say we have moments that change your life and make you see everything in a different light.

  I was living one of those moments.

  Nicole stood before me, staring up at me with a look of admiration. A look that made my stomach tense and my heart race. She looked like a goddess, graceful and alluring, and I knew I was one of the luckiest men in the world.

  “Through the good and the bad, I give you my hand to hold,” Nicole continued her vows to me. Each word she spoke only made the love I had for her grow stronger. “I give you my heart to cherish as long as we both shall live.”

  A single tear trailed along her cheek as her lip trembled, only making it harder for me not to take her in my arms and comfort her. I brushed away the tear, and she leaned in to my touch.

  “It is an honor to now pronounce you husband and wife.” A tightness formed in my throat as I leaned in and placed my lips to hers. “You may kiss the bride,” the official continued with a slight chuckle, and a few guests followed.

  “I love you so much,” I whispered against her lips. “I’m gonna love you forever, baby.”

  “I can’t believe we’re married,” she said.

  “Believe it, sweetheart. You’re all mine now,” I replied with a smirk.

  “I’ve always been yours,” she assured me.

  “When you came back, I wished for you to find happiness.” My mother sat down next to me as I watched Nicole dance around with Elle and Liz, with Tori at her side. I turned to look at her as she continued, “I wasn’t sure if that happiness would include Nicole, but I’m so glad it does. I know how much you’ve always loved her.” She touched my arm. “The two of you belong together.”

  “They’re my girls,” I told her. “I came back here with one goal in mind, and nothing was going to stop me. There has never been anyone else for me, Mom. I told you that years ago, and even though I was gone, and we grew apart, that never changed.”

  Tori’s giggles filled the air, and my chest tightened with such love.

  “All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy,” Mom added as she leaned in, then kissed my cheek. “And there’s no one that could convince me you aren’t happier than you have ever been.”

  The warm water cascaded over my body as Ryker slid his hand along my stomach, lower and lower until his fingers pressed against the place we were joined. As he moved his fingers in a circular motion, my head fell back against his shoulder, and his lips pressed against the side of my neck.

  I arched my back just a little more, allowing him better access as he continued to move inside me.

  “You feel so damn good,” he groaned as he flexed his hips, pressing in as deep as our position would allow.

  Memories of our honeymoon came flooding back. We spent our days in the sun, lying on the beach listening to the ocean, and our nights making love to those same sounds.

  It was hard to believe we’d already been married for more than six weeks. Everything was so perfect, it kind of felt surreal.

  We’ve become quite comfortable in our new life. Even if I tried I
couldn’t remember the days before Ryker came back to me. It now felt as if he’d been with us always.

  The adoption was finalized last week, and Victoria now shares Ryker’s last name too. I felt complete now in a way I wasn’t sure I would ever feel again after Ryker left all those years ago.

  I leaned forward and placed my hands on the shower wall. Ryker gripped my hips, and his thrusts only grew more aggressive. My body tensed as my lower stomach tightened. I was so close, and by the deep moans that fell from Ryker’s lips, I knew he was right with me.

  “Come on, baby,” he coaxed. My body lurched forward with each thrust as he slammed into me over and over. “I’m so close, Nic, god damn, I’m right there.” A ripple of pleasure consumed me as I tensed around his cock and he let out one very deep growl. “Oh yeah.”

  We both remained frozen as we rode out the pleasure. His fingers dug into my hips as he held my body tightly against his.

  When he released his hold, I slowly stood and turned to face him. His satisfied grin only made me laugh.

  “What?” he asked as he curled his arms around me, holding me close.

  “You just have that silly grin on your face,” I said as I arched my neck, then kissed his jaw.

  “That look is one of delirium, sweetheart. You kind of make me lose my mind.” He dipped his head and began kissing along my neck. “It’s almost impossible not to wear this look when I’m near you.”

  He stepped back and got out of the shower, then grabbed a towel from the rack and turned to face me. “Let’s get you dried off,” he said as his eyes scanned my wet, naked body.

  Chills engulfed me as I stepped out, and the warmth of the towel covered me.

  I’d been waiting for the right time to tell him the news, but Ryker had a way of making me lose my thoughts. With one heated look from him, I was a mess of hormones and practically begging for the pleasure he brought each time he touched me. But as he led me toward our bedroom, I turned to face him before it could lead to more.