Darkest Light

by Hiromi Goto

  “You better pull the hood of my jacket over your head,” Gee advised. “Your eyes stand out. And we don’t want to draw attention.”

  “What do you mean?” Cracker asked.

  Gee swept his hand through the air. “Everything is black and white here. Except your eyes. Your eyes still have colour. The same thing happened to M-Melanie, my older sister. It’s black and white in Half World because it isn’t a living place. But you’ve come from the living, so your eyes are still alive.”

  Cracker’s amber eyes widened. She took a step closer to peer at Gee’s face, and then bit her lip and looked away.

  “Mine have no colour,” Gee said flatly. “They never have.”

  They never have….

  Gee’s vision blurred, and he blinked rapidly. I’m okay, he told himself. I’m okay!

  “We need to reach the bottom and find a place to hide and rest. And eat,” Gee added. A sour flood of saliva filled the back of his mouth at the thought of food. He swallowed. “Then we can look for my parents, and your sister.”

  Cracker looked troubled. She opened her mouth to say something, but stopped. Closed her lips and forced a tired smile. She gazed into his black eyes and did not look away. “I’m not hungry. I feel sick to my stomach.” She pulled the hood over her head. “But I’m thirsty. I hope we can drink their water.”

  Hunger squeezed Gee’s middle once again, twisting with shocking intensity before slowly fading. “We need to hurry,” he whispered.

  What did people eat in Half World? What did he used to eat, in his past life, before he was adopted by Popo? Please, he begged, though he did not know to whom he prayed. Let us complete our journey and return home before the hunger grows too strong.

  THE METAL FIRE-ESCAPE STAIRS zigzagged down the side of the building. Every other floor had a small emergency exit door in the wall, but there were no external door handles. Cracker’s pace was failing, her breathing growing more and more ragged. She no longer mentioned craving cigarettes. And the ground seemed very far away.

  Gee stared at Cracker’s back. His jacket made her look even smaller.

  Tack. Tack. Tack. Her footsteps were slow, her buckles scarcely jangled.

  The eel stirred on Gee’s forearm. Startled, he looked down. He’d almost forgotten that Lilla was there.

  The eel slid along his skin, extending her head beyond his fingertips as if divining. Lilla arched her head upward.

  Gee’s breath stopped. He slowly tipped back his head.

  Shhhhhhrrrrrrrr! Lilla’s hissing was filled with rage, frothing with slime.

  Through the stair slats, high, high above them, small shadows. The lingering echo of a liquid laughter.

  Gee’s heart thudded, slow. Loud. Fear so deeply entwined with curiosity he could not separate the two. Ilanna….

  Lilla, her lower body firmly wrapped around Gee’s skinny wrist, whipped her head downward, yanking hard on his arm. The eel writhed from side to side as if trying to pull him away from her mistress.

  They had to hurry. He had to tell Cracker—

  Crash!

  Cracker cried out. The fire escape door. Open.

  Gee’s heart thudded inside his throat. How—

  It was a middle-aged man. Skin sagging from his cheeks, his thick neck. Dressed in a white shirt, the cuffs unbuttoned, his lower half in boxer shorts. Bare feet. His eyes stared, vacant.

  “What?” Cracker cried.

  Gazing beyond them, the man walked calmly to the handrail of the fire escape. He bent over it at his waist, kicked with his feet and plummeted, head first, as fast as a stone.

  Cracker screamed.

  A shriek of delight drifted down from high above them. “I heaar you,” Ilanna called, her voice tinged with triumph and malice. “We’re right behind youuuu!”

  Choking with horror, Gee squeezed past Cracker, who was frozen in place, and grabbed the edge of the door just before it clicked shut.

  “Stop him!” Cracker cried, her face white with shock as she stared at the place where the older man had plunged to his death. “Stop him! Stop him!”

  Gee grabbed her wrist and pulled her through the door. Slammed it shut behind them.

  “Help him!” Cracker struggled for the door handle, desperately trying to yank her wrist out of Gee’s clasp. “We have to help him!”

  “He’s dead!” Gee shouted. “He’s already dead! He died a long time ago!”

  Cracker began sobbing.

  Gee, still holding on to his friend, began running down the densely carpeted hallway. “They’re coming,” he panted.

  They whipped past identical doors as if they were trapped in a nightmare cartoon. Door after door after door. The same framed photo. The same side table with dried grey flowers. They ran and ran down the longest hallway in the world. Spilled into an open area. Two elevator doors.

  Gee came to a stop so suddenly that Cracker thudded into his back. Her gasps mixed with her sobs. Gee stared at the two elevator buttons. Up or down?

  Ilanna would think they’d go down. Because that made the most sense. So should they go up, instead? To throw them off?

  Cracker, sobbing quietly, was no help.

  You don’t need to choose, his dark voice soothed. Let inevitability decide for you. Your choices won’t make any difference in the end….

  White Cat’s furred head popped out of Cracker’s skirt pocket. The rest of his body must still be stone, Gee thought wonderingly, because at eighteen pounds he’d rip right out.

  “Quickly!” White Cat hissed.

  Far down the long hallway, a scraping at the metal door. Thud! Thud! Thud! The pounding at the door overlaid the loud beating of his heart.

  Ting.

  Gee whipped around just as the doors of one of the elevators slid open. A waft of wet fur, moist blood, billowed outward. It smelled like a dog freshly struck down in the rain. Gee’s lower lip quivered.

  A room service boy held aloft a large tray of food covered in plastic wrap.

  “Are you going up, sir?” the young attendant asked cheerfully.

  “Eyes,” Gee hissed at Cracker as he pulled her into the open car. He placed himself between her and the boy. Cracker tucked her chin to her chest and turned her face away.

  White Cat had disappeared back into her pocket.

  Thud! Thud! Thud! The noise echoed down the long hallway. The sound of something breaking loose. Cracking. The distance that had felt so far when they were running now felt hopelessly inconsequential.

  “Shall we wait for your friends?” the room service boy asked coyly. His white-gloved finger hovered above the “Open” button.

  Gee brushed the boy’s hand aside to tap the “Close” button. He glanced at the attendant’s face and offered a semblance of a smile.

  The attendant’s eyes widened and he staggered backward, the tray wobbling in the flat of his raised palm even as the doors slid shut. “Mr. Glueskin!” he gasped as he fumbled with the master keycard. He swiped it through the magnetic reader and the elevator resumed its upward journey. “I’m so sorry, sir. I didn’t recognize your hair. You’ve been away for so long. You look much younger…. You look wonderful!” the boy fawned, lowering his eyes.

  Roaring filled Gee’s head and his heart thudded slower, louder. “Mr. Glueskin…,” he mouthed. The name like a face, glimpsed in a crowd. A flash of recognition.

  Gone.

  Oh, god, Gee thought. Glueskin…. The smothering palm of his hand. His melting face. His elastic limbs…. No. Oh, no.

  Ohhhhh, yesssssss, the nastiness inside giggled gleefully.

  The attendant cleared his throat. “I see you have one of Miss Ilanna’s eels. I hope she’s well.”

  Gee thought rapidly. “Very well,” he said. He glanced at the boy from beneath his hank of hair.

  The boy raised his chin. He sniffed the air curiously, then closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, a dreamy expression on his face. “That smell,” he murmured. “I haven’t smelled anything like that in ages….”<
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  Gee glanced at the top of Cracker’s head. Caught sight of the items of food the attendant held up beside his ear. Movement. Little legs quivered and squirmed. Limbs pressed flat beneath the plastic wrap. Tails twitching, the shudder of panicked muscles beneath matted fur. The appetizers were alive.

  Juices filled the back of Gee’s throat, hunger squeezed his belly. Only to be rocked by a wave of disgust.

  Cracker glanced his way, her eyes flaring gold.

  Gee jerked his head. Look away, he emoted. “Those appetizers are so fresh.” He smiled at the attendant. “They smell great.”

  “Noooo.” The boy’s nostrils were waffling with delight. “Something much better. Fresher. Sweeter. Ohhhhhh.” Saliva hung from his lip, sagging lower and lower. His mouth dropped open to reveal a dark pit, a distant roar rising from his belly. The attendant slowly turned toward Cracker, his black eyes growing larger and larger. “It’s overwhelming….”

  Cracker, chin pressed into her chest, had stopped breathing. She had plastered herself into the back corner of the elevator car. There was no escape.

  Ting!

  The doors shushed open to the penthouse floor.

  The room service boy shook his head as if rousing himself from a daydream and sucked the long bead of saliva back into his mouth. “Of course, I know it’s yours,” he said to Gee deferentially. He held the tray of food higher above his head, straightened his posture and reached out with his free hand to hold open the door. “After you, sir,” he said, bowing his head. “If I may speak on behalf of Mirages Hotel, we’re so pleased you’ve returned. Would you like to have me send someone to your suite with refreshments? Make sure you have everything you need?”

  Gee’s eyes flickered. He had a suite here. On the penthouse floor. He made a show of patting his front and back pockets and then held out his empty hand. “I seem to have misplaced my keycard.” He shook his head and laughed apologetically. “Maybe you can open my door for me.” Gee leaned in close and winked.

  A small frown formed on the attendant’s brow.

  Gee could feel Cracker yank repeatedly on his back pocket, but he ignored her.

  “Very good, sir,” the boy responded, his voice slightly doubtful.

  Gee held the door open with his hand and swept his Lilla-wrapped arm dramatically. “After you,” he insisted.

  The eel hissed warningly at the attendant, and he hurriedly stepped forward. Glancing once to see if they followed, the boy strode down the luxurious hallway.

  “There’ve been a few changes while you’ve been gone,” he murmured. “Some of your neighbours have moved on. New guests have moved in.”

  “But my suite remains the same?” Gee asked sternly, though his heart thudded loudly. He turned around to glance at Cracker. To see if White Cat was sticking his head out of her pocket.

  “What the fuck?” Cracker mouthed silently. She held her palms upward and shrugged incredulously. The cat remained out of sight.

  Gee jerked his chin as if to say, Never mind!

  “Of course, Mr. Glueskin,” the attendant simpered. “We would never give up your room. It will always be here for you. Forever.”

  Forever…. Gee gulped.

  The boy stopped before Door Four. He retrieved his keycard and swiped it through the magnetic reader. A light clicked. The attendant turned the handle awkwardly and held the door ajar. “I’m sorry I can’t come in to help you settle in, sir, but I need to get these canapés to your neighbour before they perish.” He giggled.

  Gee almost sighed with relief. “Not at all,” he said gruffly. “Carry on with your work.” He yanked Cracker’s wrist, forcing her into the foyer of the suite. He stood in the doorway to block the attendant’s view of her, even as the boy craned for a good look.

  The attendant’s eyes narrowed. “If I may be so bold, sir,” he whispered. “Your new guest smells intoxicatingly delicious. If you don’t eat her quickly, I’m afraid you’ll be forced to share with others who are like us!” His eyes widened, as large as saucers, and his mouth turned into an O of roaring wind, the force of the sudden vacuum ten times the strength of the open gate in the Cassiar Connector.

  Gee raised his hand instinctively, simultaneously stretching his palm thin and splatting it over the boy’s mouth.

  The boy staggered.

  Gee shed the skin from his palm, leaving the large white patch on the attendant’s face.

  In his alarm, the attendant lost hold of the platter. It fell to the dense carpet, the living canapés tearing out of the plastic and darting wildly about.

  Farther down the long hallway, a door opened.

  A small person, with an oversized, rotten pumpkin for a head, wobbled into view. Instead of a jack-o-lantern face she had only two small holes for eyes, as if someone had plunged a pencil into the sagging pumpkin flesh. “Yew idjit!” she screamed. “Ketch thim, or ill eetchyu insted!”

  “Mmmhrrmmm.” Gee choked back his giggling. How could the pumpkin head speak? How could she eat? She didn’t have a mouth….

  Lilla rose up to Gee’s face. She dropped open her jaws, her head bobbing with silent eel laughter.

  Still smiling, he slammed the door shut and spun around.

  Cracker stood with her hands on her hips. “What the HELL are you doing?”

  Chapter Fourteen

  “We have to get out of the building!” she shouted. “They’re coming after us!”

  Gee’s lips turned downward. “I used to live here. Before … before I was adopted by Popo. There might be clues here that will help us. Because I don’t know where my parents are. And you have no clue where you sister is. There’s no point just running around lost. We need to learn more about how Half World works. Maybe—maybe there’s a map, in—in my office!” Yes! A faint almost-memory flickered like an elusive minnow. He used to have an office….

  Gee brushed past Cracker and strode into the living room.

  Stopped.

  Even in the darkness he could feel the room’s size. The high ceiling. The window-wall across the room that revealed the flash and dazzle of the city so far below. Gee patted the wall for the light switch.

  Click.

  Gee’s mouth fell open. So rich. So gorgeous. Even in black and white … the pale grey fern pattern unfurling upon the walls. Lush carpet, dense and soft beneath his feet, antique furniture whose well-polished legs and armrests gleamed. In front of the heart-stopping window was a grand piano. It looked like a child’s toy in the expanse of the room. Mine, Gee thought. All mine. A frisson of pleasure whispered up his spine.

  “Don’t be stupid,” Cracker snapped. “We’re like sitting ducks. Those monsters are right behind us. We have to leave! Now!”

  Gee could not stop from scowling. “Look,” he hissed. “Did you see how that room service attendant treated me? He was afraid of me. I have power here.” He opened and closed his hands, enjoying the squeeze of his supple flesh. Lilla clenched encouragingly around his forearm. “They’ve kept my suite for me because they’re afraid not to. So we don’t necessarily have to run. Right? Get it? And you’re missing an important detail. That attendant knew you’re alive because of the way you smell. If you leave here there’s no saying who or what else would be after you! We could stay for a little while,” he smiled, cajoling. “We need to rest. We can order some food. You don’t look well.”

  Cracker’s face grew still, her voice cool. “You’re changing. Have you noticed? You’re being irrational. Like you’ve lost sight of why we’ve come here.”

  “NO ONE FORCED YOU HERE! SO JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!” Gee screamed, white spittle flying.

  Cracker flinched, raising her arms to protect her face.

  The monstrous rage faded as quickly as it had surged. Gee’s trembling fingers covered his mouth. Oh, god….

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry. I-I don’t know what’s wrong. I didn’t mean—”

  The front door snicked shut.

  Cracker was gone.

&n
bsp; The silence of the room was made worse by the dull thud of his heart. He’d never felt more alone in his life.

  Lilla swirled up his arm and over his shoulder, settling familiarly around his neck as if to say, See, you still have me. Her cool, moist body felt slightly sticky against his sensitive skin. Itchy.

  Good riddance! the dark place inside him spat. She was useless. Getting in the way. Now we can do what we want!

  Gee uneasily approached the vast window. It was sort of true. She was a difficult person. She didn’t understand that he needed to explore this place. To understand who he was, to discover his legacy….

  His study. He knew in his gut that he had one. Where he’d kept important things. There would be clues. Gee strode down a hallway and angrily began opening doors. Extravagant bedrooms, enormous washrooms. He left their lights on before striding on to the next room.

  A study! Tall wooden shelves filled with leather-bound books of all sizes. Ohhhh, he’d been a learned man! He knew it! He’d been rich and intelligent as well as powerful.

  Like you’ve lost track of why we’ve come here! Cracker’s accusation rang inside Gee’s mind.

  He squeezed his eyes shut as a high-pitched whine pierced his ears. Gee shook his head and reached for one of the tomes on a shelf. The leather cover was unadorned. No title. Without an author’s name. Gee opened the cover. No title page. He began flipping pages.

  Blank. Blank. Blank. Something.

  It was a crude drawing. Scrawled with black crayon. A stick figure of a man with a long stick tongue pulling a stick child into his open mouth. Beside the struggling girl was a dead stick dog, its eyes drawn x x. A knife sticking out of its back.

  A picture drawn by a psychotic child…. The book fell from Gee’s nerveless hands.

  He grabbed another book. Frantically leafed through the pages. No words. No text. Empty pages. Violent stick drawings. Book after book after book. Scattered on the rich carpet.

  Gee backed out of the study.

  He hadn’t been a scholar…. The books were in the shelves for show. That couldn’t have been him. Gee gritted his teeth. Those weren’t his books! He loved reading. Loved it! Taught to read by his popo by the time he was four years old. Popo who taught him….