Shoot Me

by Lesley Crewe

  Elsie smiled. “Thanks for all this, Harry. I’m very grateful to you.”

  “That’s okay.” He grinned and gave her a big wink. “You’ll make it up to me later, won’t you?”

  For a moment, she didn’t know what he meant. But only a moment. She got up and went to the kitchen sink.

  “Elsie?”

  “Sorry. I just have a frog in my throat.” She poured herself a glass of water and downed it. Then she turned and gave him a quick smile. “I’m tired. I think I’ll turn in, if that’s okay?”

  “Sure. No problem.” He got up, went over to her and tried to kiss her on the lips. She turned her face away slightly and he got her cheek instead.

  By the time Harry left, Faith had turned in and the kids were still next door. She trudged up the stairs and got ready for bed, but couldn’t sleep. So much had happened that her mind was awhirl with theories and what-ifs. She heard Dahlia and Slater come home, but not Lily. No doubt she wanted to be with Eli for awhile.

  Elsie couldn’t get over how much Lily had changed in such a short time. Eli brought laughter into her life. Lily had always been such a serious little girl, stuck in the shadow of a blonde pixie sister who made friends so easily. Boys called the house and always asked for Dahlia but never Lily. It broke Elsie’s heart. And now this wonderful young man had taken her into his life. She hoped they’d be together forever, but thought it unlikely they’d ever marry. Lily would say, “Who needs a piece of paper to say we love each other?”

  Elsie fumed again when she thought of Slater’s parents. What kind of person would you have to be to let your child worry and wonder if you’d even be there when they got home at night? She vowed he’d always have somewhere to go.

  She closed her eyes and was starting to get sleepy when she heard Dahlia say her final goodnight to Slater and climb the stairs. She knocked on the door. “Are you asleep, Mom?”

  “No. Come in.”

  Dahlia crossed the room and sat on the bed. “We didn’t have a chance to tell you our good news. Uncle Robert had the great idea of renting out the third apartment to me and Slater. What do you think?”

  “Wow. Who knew Robert could be so clever? I never thought of that apartment for the two of you. I’m thrilled for you, honey.” She turned over on her side. “But gosh, what will I do when you guys all leave me?”

  “You can yell out the window and tell us to come over.”

  They laughed.

  “And you’ll be glad to hear this. We’ve decided not to have a big wedding after all.”

  Elsie got up on her elbow. “You’re kidding?”

  “Slater confessed he’d be nervous in front of all those people and he was afraid he’d let me down, if you can imagine. He only wants to see me and this family on our wedding day. ‘His’ family he called us.”

  Elsie’s eyes filled with tears. It had been such an emotional day. The lump in her throat made it hard for her to swallow. She watched Dahlia wipe her eyes on her sleeve. “I told him we didn’t need anyone else. I have him and Aunt Hildy’s dress. Mrs. Minelli can cook a nice meal and we’ll get married out in the garden.”

  Elsie reached out and stroked her daughter’s beautiful hair. “I think that’s perfectly perfect. I’m so glad sweetheart, because I know one thing. Even if you had surrounded yourself with the best of everything, no one, and I mean no one, will look at anything but you that day. And I’m so grateful that Aunt Hildy will be a part of it. You know she wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”

  They cried then, mother and daughter together in each others’ arms. It made up for every awful thing that had happened earlier in the day.

  They kissed each other goodnight. Dahlia got off the bed and was almost at the door when Elsie said, “You know what, Dee?”

  She turned to look at her. “Yes?”

  “The money I’ve saved so far for the wedding—it’s not an enormous amount, but I’d like you and Slater to have it. Fix up your little nest. It makes so much more sense to spend it so you can enjoy it for a long time, and not just one day.”

  “Thanks, Mom. I love you.”

  “I love you more.”

  Elsie finally went to sleep.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Faith ran across the yard the next morning and salivated over the delicious smells coming from Eli’s kitchen window. Mrs. Minelli waved a dish towel out of it.

  “Good morning, Miss Faith. You’re just in time for homemade waffles with blueberry sauce and fresh-brewed coffee. And I hope you like banana bread. I’ll bring it down to your sisters and we can have a chat. Eli’s trying to sleep.”

  “I was,” said a tired voice from the next window.

  “Sounds wonderful.” Faith didn’t know what to be more thrilled about, the food or someone happy to see her.

  The three women sat at Juliet’s kitchen table. They didn’t know it then, but it was the start of a beautiful friendship. Mrs. Minelli had more than enough horror stories to keep the sisters enthralled—she was a real gossip and prone to exaggeration. And being a widow for the last twenty years, she missed having someone to confide in and chat with at the beginning and end of the day.

  The sisters spent the entire morning saying, “What?” “I don’t believe it,” and “You’re not serious?” while their new friend nodded sagely, saying, “I kid you not.”

  Finally, Mrs. Minelli glanced at the clock and said, “Mama mia. It’s noon. I’ll run and make us a Greek salad and stuffed pita. You girls will like that.” She was off before they could say another thing.

  Juliet punched her fist in the air. “Yes! Our ship has come in. The eagle had landed and the saints are marching, baby.”

  “I never thought I’d say this but: Thank God for those kids,” Faith said. “If Eli hadn’t thought of it, well, it just doesn’t bear thinking about.”

  “Oh, I know. And Robert is so happy. I can’t remember the last time he was this happy.”

  “It was before he met you, that’s why.”

  Juliet gave her the finger.

  “By the way. Where is the man himself?”

  “He was up at five this morning and out the door at six. He wanted to look for properties.”

  Faith was puzzled. “Why isn’t the boy genius with him?”

  “Ro said if he found anything interesting he’d be back to get him. Thought he’d let him sleep. Lily was upstairs until at least four. I heard her leave.”

  “It must be nice to be so in love and have that kind of energy,” Faith sighed.

  “Actually, I thought I heard her crying. What happened over there last night?”

  “We thought the police found the treasure because there was a police car outside the house. No such luck of course. Turns out it was Harry Adams. God that man is easy on the eyes.”

  “And?”

  “Apparently Elsie’s had trouble…phone calls and whatnot, at the office and now at home. She didn’t go into a lot of detail, but she seemed upset. And then the girls told me their father came home drunk. I have no idea what’s going on.”

  “But why would someone give Saint Elsie trouble?”

  “Hey,” Faith frowned. “It’s her nature to be kind. And she’s good to us, so don’t you forget that.”

  “Yeah, yeah. Don’t get sappy on me. I hate that. Now, before I forget, how goes it with the journals? Any cracking stories in them?”

  Faith had been afraid of the question and, with a writer’s superstition, she didn’t want to tell anyone about her work in progress. Not this time. So she shrugged. “I guess,” then added, “I probably wouldn’t do them justice anyway.”

  Juliet surprised her. “Sure you would. Aunt Hildy was crazy, but she wasn’t stupid. She left those journals to you, not the rest of us.”

  “Gee, thanks, Jules.”

  They heard a key turn in the lock and Robert burst in. “I found it. I found it. The perfect spot.”

  Juliet bounced up and down on her chair. “Where?”

  “Lower
Water Street, near the farmers’ market. It’s a little pricier than I’d hoped, but a steal when you consider the location. And location is everything. That part of town is packed all day with shoppers and all night with university students. It was an old warehouse and it does need a lot of repair, but that’s an incidental. With a bank loan or two, Eli’s money and your jewellery, we might just swing it. There was a number on the For Sale sign, so I called and the agent said he could meet us there tomorrow. So what do you think?”

  Juliet got up, bent Robert backwards and gave him a big wet one right on the lips.

  “Don’t think this will happen everyday, but for now…ya done good, Ro. Real good.”

  Robert was speechless.

  Faith jumped up. “Let’s go tell Eli and Mrs. Minelli.” The three of them charged out the door and up the stairs to Eli’s apartment.

  To go from living the life of a bachelor to having a middle-aged roommate was taking a little getting used to. Eli and Mrs. Minelli only had one bathroom and already there were stockings hanging on the towel racks. On top of which, Juliet, Faith and Robert seemed to stream in and out of his place all day. And here they were again, just as he was trying to catch up on his lost sleep.

  Once they spilled the news they were off again, chatting like magpies. Eli laid back in his bed and dreamed about his restaurant. He hoped he liked the location tomorrow. If it was as nice as Robert said it was, it would be just the ticket.

  He heard more footsteps approach and groaned inwardly, but was delighted to see it was the one person he wanted. Lily came into the bedroom and shut the door. “Did you miss me?”

  “No,” Eli grinned, “You only left a few hours ago.”

  “I missed you.” She bounced on the bed and cuddled up to him. “Our partners waylaid me on the front porch. Isn’t it fabulous about the restaurant?”

  “It sounds like it’s a hole at the moment, so don’t get too excited. But if it has any kind of potential I think Robert’s dead-on about the location. It’s the perfect place for a small ethnic restaurant. Just the cruise ship passengers alone will bring in a bundle.”

  She absent-mindedly rubbed his arm. “It’s hard for me to see Uncle Robert as anything but a buffoon, but you know, I think this is his forté. He really seems happy.”

  “We need to keep him happy so promise me you won’t piss him off with that razor wit of yours.”

  “Fine. From now on I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

  He rolled her over. “I didn’t say around me, did I? Come here.”

  She giggled and did as she was told.

  Earlier that same day, just about the time her sisters were making short work of Mrs. Minelli’s waffles, Elsie had gone down to check on Graham. Her knees buckled at the stale yeasty air that hung like a cloud in his bedroom. She opened the small basement window and pushed it as far as it would go.

  He was still out like a light. She gave him a shove, but he snored on. She’d give him a few more minutes, then it was hit-the-showers time. She left the door open so the breeze would blow through.

  She went back up to the kitchen. Dahlia and Slater had gone to work, the remains of their breakfast left on the counter. She shook her head. Dahlia made her yogurt fruit smoothie in the blender, as usual. The loud whirring was everyone’s alarm clock. Beside it were Slater’s peanut butter and toast crumbs, with the cap off his bottle of Flintstone vitamins. Elsie always told him to take just one, but he insisted Fred and Barney needed to be together. She couldn’t argue with him. A finer physical specimen you’d never see.

  But the kitchen was quieter than usual and it suddenly hit Elsie why: Faith wasn’t around with her journal, reading bits and pieces to her while she ate her toast. Elsie realized she missed her. She had a good idea where her sister would be. Faith was no fool.

  Elsie went out onto the deck. She could hear the three women through the open crack in the kitchen window. The wind carried their voices across the yard. They were having a great time by the sounds of it.

  It seemed implausible that Mrs. Minelli would take to Juliet and Faith, but maybe, having lived with the heartache of being a widow at such a young age, she recognized the sadness they carried around with them. Who knows why her sisters were like that, but Elsie had always sensed it. That’s probably why she put up with so much of their nonsense.

  It was time to shake Graham awake. She went back downstairs and eventually, after a lot of pushing, he opened his eyes. When he finally stumbled into the shower, he stayed there so long she thought he’d fallen back to sleep, but he eventually came out, a towel around his waist. He sat on the end of the bed and she passed him some painkillers and a can of Coke. He downed it and belched.

  Elsie sat on the nearest chair and looked at him. He slowly turned his head toward her.

  “I know. You don’t have to tell me.”

  “I didn’t say a word.”

  “I heard it anyway. How did I get home?”

  “Taxi.”

  He put his hands on his head. “I feel like dying. Maybe I’ll do you all a favour…”

  “Stop it.”

  “Well, it’s true, isn’t it? I seem to screw up every relationship I have.”

  “That’s not true. Your daughters love you and I love you. You’ve been my best friend for a long time. That’s what I’ve missed the most.”

  Graham wiped his stubbly chin with the palm of his hand. “Christ. I look and feel like my old man. I vowed I’d never come home to my family in this state. When did I become a loser?”

  “Now you’re being ridiculous,” she said sternly. “You’re not a loser.”

  “According to your sister, I am.”

  “Which sister?”

  “Take your pick.”

  She sighed. “I wouldn’t worry about what they think. One’s a hermit and the other gets her toes painted for a living.”

  “How did you become so normal?”

  Elsie got up and wandered over to the bureau. She picked up a picture of the girls. “What’s normal about going berserk in front of your entire family?”

  “True.”

  She spun around. “Hey you.” She walked back to sit beside him on the bed. “God. You have no idea how good it felt. If I ever set up my own business it’ll be for women who need to throw a fit and are willing to spend good money to do it. I’d make a fortune.” She laughed. “I’ll sign up Mrs. Abernathy.”

  “Who?”

  “Doesn’t matter.” She was quiet for a moment. “I hate to tell you, but you know the old Elsie? I think that lady’s left the building.”

  Graham gave her the first grin she’d seen in a long time. “Oh, I figured that out pretty quickly. I think it was when you threatened your entire family with a poker. Or maybe it was when you trashed the living room. It’s all a blur.”

  She looked at the man who had been her husband for so long. He seemed sad, or beaten down. She wanted to help, so she put her arm around his shoulders. “Graham, I want you to know that, despite everything, I’ll always treasure the fact that you chose me. You and I were meant to have those two young ladies upstairs. We did that, together.”

  He put his fingers up to the corners of his eyes and hid his face. His shoulders shook up and down. A sob finally escaped his lips. Elsie stayed quiet.

  Finally he said, “Thanks Else.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  She told him to go back to sleep. He had dark circles under his eyes and there was no way he’d be able to cope with work. She said she’d call him off. He nodded and crawled back under the covers. He was out like a light before she shut the door.

  She called Crystal first.

  “I’m taking a couple of days off, Crys.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “I will be. I can’t explain now, but there’s something I have to do.”

  “Does it involve those messages?”

  “Yes, but don’t worry. Harry’s with me.”

  “I just bet,” she laughed. “Your penalt
y for making me reschedule everyone is a big bottle of wine and a full account of what’s going down.”

  “I’ll make that two bottles. Wish me luck.”

  “Be careful, Elsie.”

  “I will. Bye.”

  The next order of business was to call Bunny. Elsie’s hand trembled as she picked up the phone. It sounded easy when she suggested it to Harry; however, now that the time had come, her mouth was dry. But, she was determined. She had to know for sure if Bunny pulled these miserable pranks and, if possible, find out if she knew anything about Aunt Hildy. The surest way of doing that would be to sit face to face with the woman. Elsie’s career was reading people and it was essential to find out the truth. The one obstacle was the fact that she was emotionally involved and that made things more difficult. But it didn’t matter. She owed it to her mother’s big sister.

  She dialled Graham’s work number.

  “No Ifs Ands Or Butts Plumbing.”

  “Bunny?”

  “Yes.”

  “It’s Elsie Brooks.”

  There was a long silence.

  “Graham won’t be in today.”

  “Good.”

  “Can we talk?”

  “About what?”

  “Graham.”

  “Tell him to go to hell.”

  “I think you should listen to what I have to say.”

  There was a long silence.

  “He came home drunk last night and confessed he’d made a mistake about you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “That’s what I’d like to discuss. Can we meet here at the house tomorrow at noon? Everyone will be out. Graham doesn’t know I’ve called you. I’d just like the two of us to sit down and talk rationally.”

  “Why on earth would I want to talk to you?”

  “Why not? We’re circling the same man. I think we can solve our differences, if you give it a chance. There are some things you need to know.”

  “Are you social workers nuts? Do you think you can manipulate people at will? This is bullshit. If Graham has something to say, he should say it to me.”