Strawberry Wine

by Darly Jamison

  Heat rushed across my cheeks. Really? I had to make myself sound like some sex-crazed lunatic? Even if that was exactly how I felt. “You know what I mean. That should never have happened.”

  “Come on, it wasn’t so bad. Was it?” Jake reached for my hand, our fingers entwining together, and when he spoke again his voice sounded deep and raspy. “Addison, you have nothing to apologize for. Maybe I’m the one who should apologize. I lay awake half the night beating myself up over how the night ended. How I made the night end. It’s just, seeing you again after all these years, it’s so hard to do the right thing. I don’t even know what the right thing is, to be honest. I know you’re engaged, and I want to respect that and you. But at the same time I feel selfish. I still feel a connection to you and I’m fighting hard to stay in control. Stopping what would have happened last night had nothing to do with me not wanting you. You’re all I ever wanted.” He paused, flexing the muscle in his jaw. “I remember every moment of that summer we were together, and each memory is more powerful than the last. How I felt about you, how I still feel about you, it overwhelms me. I never intended to fall in love with you, but I did. And for me, I’ve only found a love like that once.”

  Shocked by his confession, I turned to him and our eyes met, and then he looked away. “I’m sorry, Addison. I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

  Make me uncomfortable? Once upon a time those words were all I’d wanted to hear. They consumed my every thought, both waking and sleeping. And now here they were, ten years later, but so much had changed in the meantime. I was no longer that young girl. I was an adult now, and I was engaged. But those facts were blurring quickly.

  I shook my head. “You’re not making me uncomfortable.” I squeezed his hand, encouraging him to look at me. “I know I shouldn’t say this, but I feel the same way.” I let out an ironic laugh. “My thoughts are so messed up right now, and I don’t know how to make sense of them.”

  Silence fell between us as he took another right turn down a familiar country road. Without having to ask, I knew exactly where we were headed, and I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. Neither one of us spoke, caught up in old memories from summers long past. After a couple more turns, I spotted the dirt path we’d driven down many times before, only this time it was concealed by years of overgrown brush. When he veered into it, my breath caught in my throat.

  The truck followed the dense undergrowth of the woods until it opened up to Lake Lanier. When he parked near the sand, I hid my clutch in the glove box and we took off our boots and walked to the shore, the cool waves of the water rolling over our toes. I shivered slightly as a sudden breeze swirled around us, drawing our bodies closer together. He was so close, so very close. I tried not to brush against him as we walked along the beach, tried not to notice the familiar scent that danced on his skin, making my heart flutter like it had so many times before.

  Jake looked at me, his eyes soft and intimate. “Are you cold?”

  I hugged my arms around myself, wondering if it was the breeze from the lake or the way he watched me that sent a shiver along my skin. “It’s just a chill. I’ll be fine.” Looking into the sky, I noticed the gray clouds getting thicker as they loomed overhead.

  Jake followed my gaze. “Looks like it wants to rain. Maybe a walk’s not such a good idea. Would you like to head back?”

  I can end this right now. Stop myself from doing something I might regret. “I don’t want to go back.” And I meant it. I didn’t want this to end. I wanted to stay right where I was, even if it was the last place I should be. And it was. The absolute last place in the world I should be. Not that I was hung up on the past or anything.

  “I’ll get you my jacket,” he said. “Just give me a minute.”

  Humidity cloaked my skin as I watched Jake head back toward the truck, and my thoughts drifted to places they had no business going. We’d only been together once, so many years before, but it had been the sweetest afternoon of my life. No other time had compared to that first time with Jake. Not with the few guys I’d gotten close to in college, not even with Christopher.

  Several moments later Jake was by my side, holding the navy blazer he’d worn earlier at church. He held the jacket up and I turned my back to him, sliding my arms into the long sleeves. The soft cashmere brushed against my bare skin, causing a series of goose bumps to arise. Wrapping it tightly to my body, I closed my eyes and allowed his lingering scent to fill my lungs. It was clean and sharp, like the sunshine and outdoors, and it reminded me of the first time I’d been in his arms. When I swiveled to face him, he smiled and placed his hands on my shoulders, holding me still. “Better?”

  All I could do was nod.

  As we began to walk again, Jake wrapped his arm around me and pulled me close, and before I could stop myself I leaned into him, resting my head in the crook of his arm. And it felt right, everything felt right. The overcast sky and the sand between our toes. The lake breeze as it spun around us.

  With our heads down, we continued along the shore, our footprints leaving deep imprints in the golden sand. “What are you thinking?” Jake finally asked.

  Did he really want to know? I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I’m thinking about a lot of things.” So much had transpired over the past few days. Too many life-changing events swirled inside my head, threatening my common sense.

  “Care to elaborate?” The hint of a smile tinged his voice.

  God, where do I start? “I’m thinking about Mags. I’m thinking about how I’ll never see her again. I’m thinking about Christopher and how he left when I needed him most.” I paused for a moment before continuing. “I’m thinking about you, and what would have happened if we’d never broken up. Where we would be right now. If we’d still be together?” We stopped walking and I turned to face him. “Jake, I can’t fall in love with you again.”

  He gave me a weak smile. “I know.”

  “I’m getting married.”

  “I know.”

  “And Christopher’s a good man, even if I am disappointed in him at the moment.”

  He nodded his head. “I hope he is a good man. You deserve a good man. You deserve a great man.” His fingers grazed my cheek. I closed my eyes and leaned into his hand, my chest suddenly aching.

  I looked back at him and stuffed my hands into the deep pockets of his jacket. “Maybe coming to the lake wasn’t such a good idea?” I asked, searching the ethereal blue color of his gaze. “It’s bringing back too many memories.”

  “Maybe you’re right.”

  “I probably shouldn’t be here right now.”

  “Probably not.” He paused, looking out at the water, the brim of his hat shadowing his face. And then he looked back at me. “Why are you here?”

  I shook my head as the air rushed out of my lungs like a deflated balloon. “Because I can’t stay away. For some reason . . . I just can’t stay away. I don’t want to.” I drew in a silent breath of willpower, but temptation curled around me like the waves lapping over my ankles.

  We stood there, studying each other, drinking one another in, and when thunder clapped somewhere in the distance, I didn’t care. I was rooted to that spot as Jake moved in closer and very gently kissed me, the soft brush of his lips against mine. Slowly, our lips moved together becoming familiar with each other again, and after one excruciating moment, he pulled away, his thumb lightly brushing the apple of my cheek, leaving behind a trail of fire.

  Searching his eyes, I saw more emotion than I’d ever known before. And when he shifted closer, closing the gap between us, I didn’t stop him. His hand snaked around to the back of my head, tangling in my hair, and his heart pressed against mine. I could feel it beating in his chest, just as fast and erratic as my own.

  “Addison,” he finally whispered, touching his forehead to mine. His hat fell backward behind him onto the sand. “Can I please be selfish?”

  My breath caught in my throat, making it difficult to inhale, and I parted
my lips, but no words came out. Inching forward, my hands made their way up the curves of his chest, exploring the dense muscles underneath his shirt. I couldn’t fight it any longer, I didn’t want to fight it. I wanted Jake just as much as I’d wanted him when I was eighteen.

  “Yes,” I managed to choke out, but I could hardly hear myself against the deafening sound of my pulse.

  A warmth slid through my veins and my body tensed as Jake managed to pull me in tighter, with one hand placed firmly on the back of my head, the other wrapped around my waist, the weight of it sending agonizing sensations to my core.

  His breath grazed my ear, then across the side of my face as his mouth took its time seeking out my lips. And then he kissed me, slowly at first, but its intensity built with each passing second. The pressure of his lips moving against mine sent a moan through my body that reverberated between us. His tongue swept across the seam of my mouth and I parted my lips, allowing it inside, taunting and teasing me until every nerve ending felt close to combustion.

  My hands moved across his strong frame, hungry and desperate, until they twisted in the dark curls at the nape of his neck, and I pressed into him, my body tight to his, frantic for more. I wanted to feel him inside me, moving in unison, the way we’d done once before.

  Jake released a long exhale. “Addison . . . You have no idea what you do to me. What you’ve always done to me.”

  “I want to be with you,” I breathed, my lips close to his, the heat of our breath mingling together.

  Suddenly, he stilled and it was then that I realized the clouds had opened up, releasing a whisper of rain. The cool, silky drops caressed my skin, sending a tingle throughout my overheated core. When he looked at me with those blue eyes, those eyes that always seemed to see inside my soul, I felt the gaping hole that had been seared into my heart so many years before begin to fill.

  Tormented, I saw his jaw clench, and he closed his eyes briefly. “Are you sure?” he finally asked, his gaze locking with mine.

  Sensations raced across my skin as I saw the passion burning in his eyes. “I’ve never been this sure about anything before,” I said, my voice broken by ragged breath.

  Thick drops came down now, more insistent than before, but we still stood still, oblivious to the rainfall. A flash of lightning lit up the sky, and finally we broke eye contact.

  “Come on, we better go.” Jake reached down to pick up his hat, then placed it on his head. He grabbed my hand as we ran barefoot toward the truck.

  I laughed out loud as the rain pelted down, feeling as if I were a teenager again. Tilting my face toward the dark, charcoal sky, I let the drops hit my cheeks, enjoying the way they felt against my fevered skin. I glanced at Jake and he was smiling, too, as rain dripped from the brim of his hat.

  When we reached the truck we climbed inside, and I shivered as cold droplets fell from the ends of my hair. Removing my clutch from the glove box, I slid it into the pocket of Jake’s jacket, then I leaned back in my seat, feeling more alive than I had in years.

  After we buckled our seat belts, Jake followed the narrow dirt path as the rain came down harder, and then he turned left onto the quiet country road. “Where are we going?” I asked, trying to determine what he was thinking. But I didn’t have a clue. His expression was set, giving nothing away.

  When he turned to me, he lowered his lashes, then finally lifted his eyes to mine. “To my hotel.”

  Surprise whipped through me and my eyebrows raised. “You’re not staying with your aunt and uncle?” I just assumed he was, since that was where he’d stayed before. But this . . . This was a pleasant surprise indeed.

  Jake shook his head and smiled. “My aunt turned the spare room into Hobby Lobby. There’s no place for a bed next to the sewing machine.”

  Leaning back in my seat, I felt a wave of anticipation pound into me like a tsunami. My body clenched in the most delicious way, realizing I would have Jake all to myself, with no one there to interrupt us. Only two consenting adults alone with their imaginations. And holy hell, was that a good feeling.

  My body thrummed impatiently, every molecule vibrating, as I clung to the indecencies filtering through my mind. All ideas of engagements and weddings and fi-ancés slipped from my thoughts and were replaced by a deep-rooted, decade-old desire. Every inch of him would be mine, at least for tonight, and I knew that even if I tried to fight what was happening, I would surely fail.

  Without saying a word, Jake took the rural roads to downtown Lakeside and pulled into a charming inn right across from the town park. He removed his hat and laid it on the front seat of his truck, then we slipped on our boots and made a dash toward the door as rain pummeled the concrete underneath our feet. I clutched the navy blazer against me, trying to shield myself from the storm, desperately aware of Jake’s hand on the small of my back.

  After we were inside, he reached for me and our fingers twisted together as we moved through the halls, the sexual tension between us increasing with each hurried step.

  By the time we made it to his room, I was practically unable to control the urgency I felt. Once inside the dimly lit room, Jake closed the thick mahogany door and we stood still, staring at one another, our hair and clothes dripping wet. But I didn’t care. No longer did I feel the chill of the rain against my skin, all I felt was a growing inferno, the flames promising to consume my entire body.

  Outside, the unrelenting rain beat against the window, concealing us behind a curtain of moisture. Deliberately slow, I removed the blue blazer, letting it fall in a damp heap to the floor. If Jake leaned in only a couple of inches more, our bodies would connect. Our mouths would come together.

  As if reading my mind, he gradually moved forward, erasing the narrow space between us.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he finally murmured, his heavy-lidded eyes never leaving mine. I stepped back until I was flush with the door, my breath catching beneath the longing in his gaze. Jake raised his hands, placing one on either side of me, trapping me against the rich mahogany panels. He lowered his head, the heat of his breath skimming my cheek. “So much more beautiful than I remember. Every time I see you I think I’ll be prepared for the way you look, the way you look at me, but I never am. Not even close.”

  Releasing a sigh as his body pressed into mine, I felt my legs threatening to buckle underneath his touch. It felt so good to be in the circle of his arms, my legs captured between the strength of his thighs.

  He cupped my face in his hands as his mouth carefully lowered onto mine, the languid strokes of his tongue tasting, tormenting. A coil of tightness began to collect in my stomach. Then his hands progressed lower, slow and methodic, as they traveled down the length of my body while his mouth continued to devour my lips until they felt swollen. When his fingers curled, I felt the veil of my dress skim up past my hips, my stomach, my breasts, until it was over my head, joining the blazer on the floor.

  A wisp of cool air swirled around me, tickling my skin, but I quickly dismissed it when his mouth connected with the curve of my shoulder, moving unbearably slow up the stretch of my neck. His hands inched behind me until his fingers found the clasp at my spine and when he released it, my breasts were exposed, my nipples erect under his hungry, sapphire gaze. He enclosed them in his hands and then bent his head, gently taking the sensitive left peak into his mouth. I released a long sigh as my head rolled back, and I was immune to everything but the feathery touch of his tongue as it massaged my skin.

  His hips pressed into mine and the fingers of his left hand teased my right breast while his teeth gently closed around my nipple, nibbling and pulling, bringing me to the brink. But before I could succumb, his mouth moved again, making a fiery trail to my right breast where he spent a good amount of time driving me insane.

  When he dropped to his knees, I gasped out loud at the feel of his warm breath along the outside of my panties, lingering dangerously close to my core. He reached behind, cupping my cheeks, and he very slowly, very gently buried his
mouth in the silky material of my undergarment. And just when I thought I might explode, I felt his fingers graze lower, along the smooth muscles of my hamstrings, until they reached the tops of my boots. Expertly, he slipped them off, one at a time, his hands returning to my backside.

  Clutching the back of his head, my fingers spread through his dark hair as his tongue followed the thin seam of fabric along my bikini line. Leaning back, I pressed my head into the door, squeezing my eyes shut as the slow torture continued. After a while, his fingers slipped into the sides of my panties and, oh Lord, the slow drag of lace across my thighs made my stomach clench with expectancy. When the tiny piece of clothing joined the pile already on the floor, I inhaled sharply. His mouth closed around my body like it never had before.

  A low growl rumbled from deep inside his chest, causing my breath to race out in quick, shaky gasps. My legs trembled with pleasure as his tongue slowly explored intimate curves, and it was all I could do not to cry out. Tossing an arm over my head, I pressed my lips into the soft muscle of my bicep, hoping the pressure would keep my mouth closed.

  Thoughts of how amazing he felt, how I needed to feel him inside me, swarmed my senses. Jake and I against the wall, on the floor, in the bed . . . I wanted him in all those places and more. Nothing mattered but the two of us, and this moment that was so perfect I knew it would be seared into my brain forever. He knew where to stroke lightly and where to apply pressure, and it wasn’t long before I felt my insides tighten, then release into a fit of endless spasms.

  A rush of molten lava traveled through my limbs, heavy and magnetic, and my pulse began to slow to a half-normal rate. His lips grazed my stomach, the divide between my breasts, and finally brushed against my mouth, warm and gentle. My body felt like putty as he lifted me up, carrying me to the turned-down sheets of his bed.

  Very gently, he set me down and I knelt before him, reaching for the hem of his shirt, quickly moving the fabric up and over his head. Wrapping my arms around his neck, we kissed again, and I let out an involuntary breath as his tongue slid against mine. And then he stepped back, away from my grasp, and began to remove the rest of his clothing. The air in my lungs hitched as I soaked in the sight of him. Jake’s body was perfect, more perfect than before. Smooth, tight skin stretching over lean, defined muscles. He was flawless, in a way that mythical gods were supposed to be. There was Apollo, Ares, Zeus, and Jake.