Easy to Love You

by Megan Smith

  “Any changes?”

  “Not with Kenzie but they are releasing the baby down to her room in a little while. You guys should be able to finally meet him.” I pushed the button for the elevator to go up to the NICU.

  “That’s good, that’s good. Look, um, I want to tell you something but I need your word that you will not say anything until I can figure out what to do.” He was talking low into the phone.

  I stopped walking, “Alright, what’s up?”

  “The reason me and Hails have been fighting is because she found out about my dad last week and she wants to tell Kenzie.” He huffed, “This is all so fucked up. She wasn’t supposed to be at my house for another hour.”

  I was confused, what about his dad? “Wait, your dad? What am I missing?”

  “Well I guess I should tell you now too.”

  Hell yeah you should. “Yeah, I need to hear this. Kenzie kept asking me over and over again what was going on with you guys.”

  “You know how my dad works for the New York Stock Exchange?” He asked.

  “Yeah,” Where was he going with this?

  “He’s not a stockbroker. He’s an FBI agent based out of New York.”

  Wow, I wasn’t expecting that. “Are you serious?”

  He grumbled, “Yeah, no one’s supposed to know. Dad says it’s safer this way. This is why we’re so protective over Kenzie. Dad never wanted her to find out, he gets into some bad situations sometimes and never wanted this to touch us. He still doesn’t. He only told Jackson, Cooper and I a few years ago when some bad shit was going down.”

  I squeezed my eyes shut and looked up to the ceiling. “I can’t keep this from her. You can’t ask me to.”

  He sighed again, “I know, but just keep it between us for now. I know she’s going to find out. Dad is working with the police department to see if there was a lead on the other car that left the scene. Hopefully Kenzie will wake up soon and can help too.”

  I turned to look out the window and watched an old couple crossing the street. “Well I know for a fact, that bitch was in Jersey yesterday. I checked her Facebook status and she posted ‘Karma is a bitch’ and it said she was in Cherry Hill. Could you let your dad know for me?”

  “Yeah sure,”

  “Thanks bro, I’m going to go check on them now. I’ll see you soon.”

  Later in the afternoon the baby was finally cleared and ready to be moved into the room with CC. We were lucky enough to keep Lynn as his nurse; he wasn’t adjusting too well after being removed from the heat lamps and it was comforting having someone familiar around to handle his ups and downs. When his body temperature dropped slightly, he wouldn’t eat or even take his binky. Lynn assured me that this could happen and it wasn’t anything uncommon, she made the suggestion that the baby might actually respond to skin to skin contact. She asked if I wanted to give it a shot. I wasn’t sure what she meant.

  “This is something we normally have the mothers do, but since MacKenzie isn’t able to help us we’ll use the next best thing, that’s you. All you need to do is remove your shirt, and then we strip the baby down to his diaper, and have you snuggle with him.”

  Okay, I could do this, it sounded simple enough. I grabbed the back of my collar and pulled my shirt over my head while Lynn went to work on taking the baby’s clothes off, he wasn’t happy about that at all. She turned to hand him over to me and her cheeks flushed pink. She smiled at me then quickly turned her head. I took a seat in the chair right next to CC and snuggled the little man close. Lynn threw a blanket over us and said she had to go make her rounds and that she would be back to check in on us soon.

  As the baby finally started to settle we both sighed in relief; I pushed back on the chair and the recliner kicked out. I reached my right hand over and grabbed CC’s tight, just needing her touch to help calm me. I heard her heart monitor pick up and a small smile played across my face. At least she was responding to me.

  When I woke up, my whole body hurt. It was almost unbearable, but something was pulling me from my sleep. I tried to open my eyes but they were just too heavy. I tried to concentrate and figure out what was going on, where I was. I felt like there was something gagging me; there was pain in my stomach, chest and right leg, lots of pain. I remember driving; it was really raining hard. There was a bad crash, my car flipping. Someone was there, they were looking into my car; and then there was darkness.

  I felt something warm run down my face. I tried to reach up and wipe it away but my arms were too heavy. I heard humming and knew Hunter was here with me, wherever I was.

  “Sweetheart, why don’t you go home for a few hours? You could shower, grab some food and try to get some sleep. I’ll stay here with MacKenzie and the baby. They both need you to be strong for them.” I knew that voice, it was my mom’s, but what was she talking about a baby for?

  A violent stab of pain hit my head. I was trying desperately not to give back in to the darkness. The humming stopped and Hunter’s voice spoke, “I’m not leaving them, I can’t.”

  I heard a little whimper of a cry, and then he went back to humming. I felt so confused. I tried opening my eyes again but they were still too heavy.

  I felt someone grab my hand. I tried to squeeze it but didn’t have the strength.

  “Oh baby girl.” Mom said, rubbing circles on the back of my hand with her thumb. “You have to wake up, your boys need you.”

  My boys, does she mean my brothers? Another flashback came to me. I was on my way to meet Hunter somewhere. Why was I meeting him?

  The pain was increasing and the pull into the darkness was becoming too much to fight.

  The noises in the room started phasing out, all except for the beeping. The constant beeping.

  “Baby girl, if you can hear me squeeze my hand.” Mom said.

  Beep.

  I tried to squeeze but I just couldn’t.

  Beep.

  I felt warm fingers touch my face and gently rub from my temple to my jaw and back again. “CC, please open your bright blue eyes for me, baby.”

  Beep.

  “I need you; I can’t do this on my own.” I heard him sniffle. “He looks just like you. Same little nose, head full of dark curly hair.” He sniffled again. “I love you baby.”

  Then there was a long beep and the blackness finally took over.

  As I was holding CC’s hand I swear I felt a little squeeze, but a second later all the alarms on the machines started going off. I looked over at Mrs. Cahill with panic in my eyes, what the hell was going on? She had been fine for almost twenty-four hours.

  The nurses came running into the room, heads down; avoiding our eyes. Mrs. Cahill and I stood up against the wall so we were out of the way. Little man was flailing his tiny arms and legs; I was trying to do everything I could to keep him calm. I knew exactly how he was feeling though. Lynn came into the room and searched until her eyes found mine, she marched quickly over to us and put her hand on my back, ushering me out of the room. I didn’t want to leave CC by herself but I wasn’t letting the baby go either.

  “Lynn, what’s going on? She was doing fine.” I asked, just as Mrs. Cahill came out crying.

  “Come on, let’s get you guys into the private waiting room and I’ll fill you in.” She was being way too calm.

  Lynn flipped the light switch as we walked in. “Hunter, when did he eat last?”

  I looked down at him, still flailing and crying, “Um, a little over two hours ago. I was just about ready to feed him again.”

  Lynn went over to the door and called over her shoulder, “I’ll be right back.”

  She walked out of the room and Mrs. Cahill came over to me with her hands out. I hesitated for a minute before handing him over to her. She laid his head on her shoulder and started rubbing his back while shushing him, then Lynn returned with a bottle, diaper and wipes. She shook the bottle and put the nipple on, then handed it over to Mrs. Cahill.

  “So what happened?” I asked.

  �
�Have a seat.” She pulled out a seat and I sat down. “Hunter,” she sat down next to me with a pained expression. “It seems as though MacKenzie’s heart stopped.”

  My whole world stopped dead in its tracks. My heart sank into my stomach and tears pooled in my eyes.

  “When I walked by just a second ago they were shocking her heart to get it to start again. From what I heard, they managed to get it going. I think she’s ok. Let them do what they need to do to stabilize her and then I will find out exactly what’s going on. Right now I need you to concentrate on that little man right there.” She pointed over to Mrs. Cahill and the baby in the corner.

  I pushed back from the table and hung my head in my hands as the tears flowed down my face. I heard Mrs. Cahill sniffling behind me. I knew I needed to be strong; I took a few deep breaths, wiped my faced and stood up. I looked over at Lynn, nodded and walked over to sit next to my son and his grandmother.

  The nurse winked at me, then stood up and made her way out of the room.

  Mrs. Cahill wiped under her eyes with the back of her hand. “Hunter, I’m so sorry this is happening. She’s going to be ok. She’s our little fiery, stubborn girl. She has too much in her to just give up without a fight.”

  I nodded; I didn’t trust my voice to speak.

  Ten minutes later, Mason, Hailey, Jaylinn, Cooper and my mom came into the room. All the girls had tears in their eyes. Mason and Cooper had their heads hung down.

  Hailey practically ran over to me and threw her arms around my neck. I hugged her back tightly. She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t need to. Once she calmed down a little she let go, making way for Jaylinn and my mom to do the same thing.

  I looked over at Mason who had my son wrapped up in his arms. Cooper had Jaylinn wrapped in his, both looking over Mason’s shoulder.

  I looked up at Mason, “Where’s your dad?”

  “He stopped at the police station; they found a lead on the car that took off.” He looked over at his mom and then back to me.

  “Mom, Dad doesn’t know what’s going on with Kenzie. Do you think we should call him?” Cooper asked.

  Mrs. Cahill looked at me and shook her head. “No not yet. Let’s wait a little while longer to see if Lynn comes back in with more information.”

  There was a silent conversation going on with the Cahills. You didn’t have to be a genius to figure it out. What exactly that conversation was about, I didn’t know. But I intended to find out. I wouldn’t say anything about what Mason and I had talked about earlier, but there was more to it than that.

  Mom came over and put her head on my shoulder. “Are you hanging in there?”

  I nodded, “Yeah, the best I can.”

  Lynn walked back in the room with a small smile on her face. Mom lifted her head off my shoulder and grabbed my hand.

  “MacKenzie’s going to be ok, at least for now. They are taking her down to get a CAT scan, just to see if they missed something.”

  I sighed in relief. My mom squeezed my hand and I could feel her palms sweating. Mrs. Cahill walked over and patted my shoulder weakly.

  “The doctors think she might have had a seizure, but they can’t be too sure without the scan.” Lynn looked at Mrs. Cahill and then glanced at Mom before making eye contact with me. “She was awake for a few minutes and she was saying your name.”

  I closed my eyes and my head fell forward.

  “That’s great news, Hunter.” Mom said.

  I whispered, “I know.”

  Later that day, Mr. Cahill stopped in and bought us all pizza, which I was immensely thankful for — I didn’t feel like eating shitty cafeteria food again. Everyone took turns going in and checking on CC. She was resting peacefully again now and the doctors had confirmed that she had suffered a seizure. They said there was a small chance of her having brain damage but they would not know until she woke up.

  Mason, Cooper and Mr. Cahill excused themselves for a little while; I figured they were going to talk about what their father found out earlier. I didn’t have the energy to waste on worrying over that shit right now. I knew if it were something serious they would tell me.

  Hailey was the last one to visit CC before everyone left for the night. She kissed the baby on his head and whispered, “Take care of your mama little one, and while you’re at it your dad could use a little care too.”

  I smiled at her. She gave me a one armed hug, careful not to hit the baby in my arms. “I freshened her up for you. You can thank me later.” She kissed the side of my head and walked towards the door.

  Mason gave me our signature handshake and then said, “Go take care of my sister.” He bent his head and kissed our little man before grabbing Hailey’s hand and leaving.

  “Well it looks like it is just me and you little guy, you ready to go see your mom?”

  He grunted, I guess that was my answer.

  I placed him in the bassinet and then strolled down the hall to CC’s room.

  When we walked in I cracked a little smile. Hailey had freshened up CC, just like she’d said. Her hair was piled into a very loose bun on top of her head, her face had just a touch of make-up and her lips shimmered slightly. She looked like Sleeping Beauty.

  I took our little man back out of the bassinet and stood close to CC. I wanted nothing more than to hold both my babies in my arms at that moment.

  I decided right then that I was going to press my luck. I placed the baby in the bassinet for just a second. I turned back to CC; put my arms behind her neck and under her knees and moved her over just a little bit. I reached for the collar of my shirt and pulled it over my head and threw it on the chair, then took the baby out of his onesie. I picked him and his blanket up and ever so gently climbed into bed with CC.

  The three of us cuddled together. We needed to smell her. To feel her breathe. To hold her.

  No matter what struggles lay before us, we would keep going, because we had the will and strength to overcome it all. No matter what was beyond our control, nothing could ever take away from the family bond we made right at that moment.

  A week passed and CC still hadn’t regained consciousness. The doctors were saying they were leaving her to wake up naturally. She had the surgery to fix her crushed ankle, which was now in a cast, along with her wrist. The nurse removed the stitches from her forehead that morning. The bruises on her body were yellowing, but her skin was pasty white, not the normal milky white that I loved. I missed staring into her bright blue eyes. I missed the way she kissed me. I missed her voice.

  The baby and I were adjusting. He was being released today. Jaylinn and Cooper were going to be staying with us to help me look after him while I ran up to the hospital for a few hours each day. If they had to work, Chloe, Mrs. Cahill or my mom would come over. Chloe offered to keep him overnight tonight, but I wasn’t ready for him to be out of my sight for too long.

  I was standing in the kitchen, washing the baby’s bottles and getting ready for his homecoming when Cooper walked in behind me, still half asleep.

  He mumbled something to me that sounded like “good morning” but I couldn’t be sure. It was only 5:35 a.m. and Cooper wasn’t a morning person.

  “Did I wake you up?” I asked him through a yawn.

  “No, your sister did. She’s fucking nuts to sleep with. She elbowed me in the eye.” He shook his head. “Last night she punched me in the nose.”

  Good, serves him right; he shouldn’t be sleeping with her anyway. They were still claiming that nothing was going on between them. “Maybe you shouldn’t sleep with her; you know you do have your own fucking house.”

  He grumbled. He knew I was fucking with him. I appreciated everything that everyone was doing for us, but I still didn’t like him being with my sister. He was the biggest player out of all of us.

  “So did you name my nephew yet or what?” He asked, taking the OJ out of the fridge.

  “No. I don’t want to name him without your sister.”

  “Well it’s kinda weir
d when someone asks me what his name is. I don’t want to keep talking about Kenzie every time someone wants to know.” I nodded my head; I knew what he meant. People were asking me too. “You’re going to have to name him today before you can bring him home.”

  “I know. It just doesn’t seem right to without her.”

  “Well until you decide, I’m calling him Chaos.”

  I looked over at him with my eyebrows pulled together. Chaos. Okay, I like that, and it does seem fitting.

  “If you don’t like it, we can call him something else.” Cooper said.

  “No. No, I like it. It fits. He was born into the chaos.” I grabbed a burp rag off the counter and smiled all the way back to the bedroom. The more I thought about it, the more I liked it.

  I was sitting on the couch with my feet kicked up on the ottoman, watching the New York Giants beat the Philadelphia Eagles’ ass in the fourth quarter of the game from Sunday night, when Mrs. Cahill walked in with a bag full of stuff.

  After setting it down on the table, she looked over at me and smiled. “I don’t know if I tell you enough Hunter, but I’m so proud of you.” She got teary eyed. She looked down at her hands and said, “If it was anyone else, I’m not sure if they would have stuck around.”

  I got up from the couch, walked over to her and hugged her. She started crying, this was hard on her. It was hard on all of us. I think Chaos was really keeping us all from losing it.

  I let go of her when she finally calmed down. “I’m sorry I’m such a mess.” She laughed and grabbed a tissue off the table to wipe under her eyes.

  I shoved my hands in my pockets, “It’s ok.”

  “Well I’m just going to unpack this, why don’t you head on up to the hospital? I was up there this morning and the nurse said that she had a good night.” She started unpacking the food and other stuff from the bag.

  “Alright, I’ve got some stuff to do before I head up there. I’ll be bringing Chaos home in the early afternoon though.” I picked up my helmet and keys from the table.