Easy to Love You

by Megan Smith

  “Chaos?” she asked.

  “Coop named him.” I smiled a real smile, something that I haven’t done enough lately. “I like it.”

  She smiled back, “I do too.” She put the milk in the fridge then frowned when she saw my helmet. “Please be careful.”

  Shaking my head I said, “I will. I have two things that mean the world to me.”

  I jumped on my bike and headed about thirty minutes north of my house to the Honda dealer. CC’s car was totaled and even if it wasn’t, there was no way in hell I was allowing her to drive it again. I knew she was going to be pissed off at me when she found out what I did without talking to her first, but I didn’t give a shit. Their safety was my number one priority. Plus, having an SUV would be a lot easier with the baby; my truck wasn’t exactly ideal. For starters CC had to hop to get in since she was so short, there was no way she would be able to lift the car seat into the back.

  I pulled into the parking lot and cut the bike off. I had seen the Honda Pilot SUV a month ago and I was trying to talk CC into letting me buy it but she’d refused, saying her car was just fine. Well, now that it wasn’t I was going for it.

  The salesman came out and greeted me; I told him exactly what I was looking for. He showed me a few different ones, the base model, the 2-wheel drive model, and the 4-wheel drive model. I figured since I was getting my way, I was going to get what I felt was best for them. I went with the 4-wheel drive.

  I really wanted the white, but they didn’t have it in the model I wanted. I didn’t want to wait for them to order one so I went with the black one instead. I had to admit I was kind of jealous. The Pilot was hot. It had all black leather upholstery, all power features, and a rear DVD entertainment system. It also had a sun roof — which I knew CC would love — a navigation system with back-up camera, and a Bluetooth Hands Free device so she wouldn’t be distracted by her phone. There would be plenty of cargo space for all the baby’s things too.

  I took it out for a test drive and before I even hit 30 MPH I knew this was the car. We went back to the dealership and got started on the paperwork. An hour and a half later we were proud owners of a 2011 Honda Pilot.

  Since I had my bike with me, I called Mason to come and ride it while I drove the Pilot home.

  “Yo, you busy?” I asked when he answered.

  “Not really. Just on my way home from the hospital.” He sounded a lot happier today than he had been. Mason was taking all this almost as bad as I was. “What’s up?”

  “Well, I just bought us a Pilot. Can you come ride my bike home?”

  “You’re fucking nuts you know that?” he said, laughing.

  “Yeah I know. She can beat my ass when she wakes up. Are you coming or not?”

  “I’ll be there in ten minutes.”

  While I waited for Mason to show up, I played around with the stereo system, making sure to set all of CC’s favorite stations. God, I missed her.

  Mason pulled up next to me with Hailey in the passenger side seat. She came bouncing around the side of her Jeep all smiles.

  “Think she’ll like it?” I asked her.

  “Well if she doesn’t, you can always give it to me.” Don’t get me wrong, I was glad she seemed back to her normal, spunky self but what the fuck was she so happy about? She knew CC was going to give me shit about it.

  “What’s with you two?” I asked them suspiciously.

  Hailey started cracking up and Mason just shook his head. “Never mind, I don’t want to know.”

  I threw my bike keys at him, but of course the asshole couldn’t catch anything that wasn’t a baseball. I shook my head and hopped into the Pilot to drive home.

  I pulled into the driveway carefully. Leaving the car running, I grabbed the car seat, which I’d left right by the front door. I tried to figure the damn thing out, but Christ it was confusing. I remembered the nurse telling me someone would check it before they released the baby. Thank God for that.

  Mason pulled in with my bike, followed by Hailey in her Jeep. She jumped out and ran into my house like she did every time she came over. I was going to have to replace the locks soon — I couldn’t have her walking in on me and CC again. I chuckled, thinking of the time she caught us having sex on the kitchen counter. We were still working on christening the whole house. You would have thought she’d have learnt her lesson but she caught us again a few days later on the back deck.

  “Why does she do that?” I asked Mason.

  “Why does she do half the shit she does?” He made a valid point.

  She came out with a diaper bag in her hand and thrust it at me. “You’re going to need this, big guy.”

  Yeah I guess I was. I was so damn nervous about taking Chaos home I didn’t even think about it. “I packed a few outfits in there for you; I wasn’t sure what you wanted to bring him home in.”

  I leaned down and kissed the top of her head, earning me a glare from Mason. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. Now go bring my nephew home,” She reached her tiny little arms up around my neck and whispered in my ear. “And my best friend.”

  She let go and I smiled at her. I would bring my son home today but I could only hope that CC would soon follow.

  The whole drive to the hospital I made a mental list of baby names that CC and I talked about. I remembered what she said her two favorites were and I would pick one of them; I just wasn’t sure which one yet.

  I stopped at the nurse’s desk before making my way to CC’s room. They had me meet with the safety inspector to get the car seat all situated so that I would be ready to go once the doctor gave his final ok.

  After that, I walked into CC’s room and stopped dead in my tracks.

  I started coming around; I could hear the beeping noise again. The pain was still really bad; I didn’t feel like I had been run over anymore though. I tried to open my eyes a few times before they finally fluttered open. I took in the room I was in, a standard hospital room. In front of me was a TV mounted on the wall, under that was a whiteboard. On the board it read: ‘Today your nurse is: Lynn, Room 312’. Next to the whiteboard was what looked to be a bathroom, and then the door onto the corridor. On the left side of the room was a huge window; I guessed it was the middle of the night because it was dark out. There was a chair set up under the window and another covered in a blanket and pillow. Next to my bed, on the right, was a wall closet covered with flowers, cards and balloons telling me to ‘Get Well’, wishing me ‘Congratulations’ and informing me ‘It’s a Boy’. I instantly reached down and grabbed for my baby bump, only there wasn’t one. Oh god, what happened with the baby? Is he ok? Did he get hurt?

  A nurse, maybe Lynn, walked in. “Well look who’s awake. How are you feeling MacKenzie?”

  I tried to talk but nothing came out, and it was then the thirst hit me. Lynn saw me trying to swallow, she walked over to the rolling table that was set up right next to me and poured me a glass of water. She put a straw in and offered it to me; I closed my lips around the plastic and sucked the water in. I’ve never tasted anything so good.

  When I was finished she put the cup down and introduced herself, “I’m Lynn, one of the nurses who have been looking over you and your baby.”

  I smiled, “Thank you.”

  “How do you feel, pain wise, on a scale from one to ten?”

  I had to think about it for a minute; I had so much running through my head, “About an eight.”

  She nodded and jotted it down on the little computer on her cart. She reached in her pocket for a thermometer and took my temperature, then proceeded to take my blood pressure. “Let me go find one of the doctors to examine you and then we’ll see what we can give you for the pain.”

  “Wait…Can you tell me what happened to my son?” I started getting choked up.

  “The doctor can explain everything to you, but rest assured everything’s ok.” Lynn was a pretty nurse. Short blonde hair, big brown almond shaped eyes. She was a tiny little thing, short
and skinny.

  “Ok, thank you.”

  “No problem sweetie, I’ll be right back.”

  When she left, I noticed that my hand and foot were in casts. I tried to sit up slightly in bed, bad idea, my stomach screamed out in pain along with my head. It felt like someone had taken a baseball bat to my head.

  The doctor walked in with Lynn behind him. “Hello MacKenzie, how are you feeling?”

  “Pretty bad.” I answered with a groan.

  Lynn handed him my chart and he wrote that down I guess. “Do you remember what happened?”

  “Um,” I closed my eyes, trying to remember exactly what happened. “I remember I had a doctor’s appointment and it was raining. I remember driving down 295 and seeing a crash in front of me.” I opened my eyes and looked at him writing away on my chart. “Everything after that happened so fast. I know I lost control and I flipped my car, but nothing really after that.”

  He finished writing while nodding his head. “That’s good. You gave your family a pretty good scare.”

  I looked down at my hands and a few tears dropped onto the blanket.

  “Well I’m Dr. Clearly, I’ve been working on you since you arrived seven days ago. When you arrived you were unconscious, we assessed all of your injuries, and then hooked you up to the ultrasound monitor to check on the baby. The on call OB-GYN made the call to perform an emergency Caesarean-section. You were having contractions and it was safer to deliver the baby than it was to wait.” He glanced down at the chart and then continued. “The baby was delivered at 4:38 p.m. and is perfectly healthy.” A few more tears fell. “You appeared to have protected the baby during the crash and took most of the injuries to your wrist and ankle. After your Caesarean section we put you into a medically induced coma so that we could tend to your other injuries. You dislocated your thumb on your left hand, which we have since reset. Your right wrist is broken and will need to be in the cast for at least six weeks. Your right ankle was severely crushed and we operated on it, so that too will be in a cast for six weeks.” He closed his chart and handed it back to Lynn. “After your surgery we took you off the medication for the coma, but while we were waiting for you to wake up, you had a seizure. So now that you are awake we’d like to get a CAT scan to make sure everything is ok. One of the nurses will come and get you shortly to have that done. We’ll see how everything goes after the results return.”

  I held it together until the doctor left the room and I was all alone. Crying made my head feel like someone was beating drums on it, but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t believe that I’d missed the first seven days of my son’s life. I must have cried myself to sleep because a nurse came in and gently shook me awake to tell me we were heading down for the CAT scan.

  When I was back in my room, Lynn explained that I woke up about an hour after Hunter left. She said he’d been here day in and day out and last night was the first night he’d left me alone. She explained that he’d been hesitant about leaving but wanted to go home and have everything ready for the baby’s release today. She was supposed to call if anything at all changed with me. I told her not to call. I knew he would be back very soon and I needed to process everything on my own for a little bit. I didn’t want my family dealing with this for me.

  Everything in my life had changed in the blink of an eye. I got into my first major accident and I damn near died. I missed the birth of my child, the guilt of that alone was enough for me to want to go back into coma so I wouldn’t have to deal with it. Hunter had to step up and be a dad without me, something I never wanted to happen, we were in this together. My body was not the same, nor would it ever go back to the way it was. I’d broken my ankle and wrist, my wrist would heal just fine, my ankle on the other hand was worrying me. I’d had an emergency C-section and my stomach was cut open to deliver the baby. The same baby I didn’t even want to look at because I felt like I’d failed him already.

  Around nine the next morning, my mom, Mason and Hailey came for a visit. When they walked in my mom started crying and ran to hug me, Mason had the biggest smile on his face and Hailey squealed and threw her arms around Mason.

  “How come no one called us?” My mom asked when she finally started calming down.

  “I asked the nurse not to. It was the middle of the night; I knew you guys would all be here soon.”

  “So Hunter doesn’t know yet?” Mason asked, still holding Hailey.

  “No. The nurse said the baby is being released so he went home to get everything ready.”

  I looked over at Hailey and lifted my arms so she would come and give me a hug. I knew she was waiting. “Have you seen him yet Kenz? He looks like you.” I was still squeezing her with my good arm. I didn’t want to let go.

  I gave one last squeeze then released her, “No I haven’t yet. I wanted to wait for Hunter.” I lied, I could have seen him. Lynn had said she could get him from the nursery for me, I said the same thing to her then that I just did to Hailey.

  She shrugged her shoulders, not thinking anything of it, “Yeah I think I’d want to wait too.”

  I filled them in on what I remembered from the crash and the CAT scan that I’d had, and told them I was waiting to hear from the doctor again on the results. They didn’t want to stay long in case Hunter showed up, so they said their goodbyes and promised they would be back after dinner.

  Later in the afternoon Lynn came wheeling the bassinet in my room. “Someone is hungry, Mom.” She said, smiling at me.

  Damn, I’m not ready for this. “I really want to wait for Hunter if that’s ok.”

  She reached in and grabbed my son who was all bundled up in blankets with a hat on his head.

  I heard the rattle of the handle before the door opened. My chest tightened at the sight of Hunter, he’s so intoxicating, tantalizing. “Hey handsome.” I managed before I burst into tears.

  CC was sitting up in bed; Lynn was standing right next to her holding our son. I just stood there blinking.

  “Hey, handsome.” she said. They were the first words out of her mouth in eight days, not that I was counting or anything.

  I looked between her and Lynn, my mind racing. “How come no one called me?” I asked Lynn.

  Lynn glanced down at CC, “I was requested not to. Someone said you needed your rest.”

  Finally, feeling like I could move and not wake up in a bad dream, I walked over to CC and kissed her forehead. As soon as my lips connected with her skin, I felt her start to shake.

  I pulled back and cupped her face with my hands, careful of the still healing scar on her forehead, and wiped her tears away. “I love you. I love you so fucking much.” I bent down and captured her lips with mine.

  Someone cleared their throat, damn it, I’d forgotten that Lynn was in the room. CC giggled, God I missed that sound. “How’s Chaos doing?” I asked Lynn.

  CC snorted, “Chaos?” Then reached for the tissue I was offering her.

  I shrugged my shoulders, coming around the other side of her bed to take him from Lynn, “Coop named him Chaos this morning. I like it.”

  Lynn held the baby out for me to take and excused herself, saying she had rounds to make and would be back later.

  “She likes you.”

  I rolled my eyes, “How would you know? You just woke up.”

  She smiled, “I know.”

  I shook my head and sat at the end of her bed, making sure to be careful of her broken ankle. “So, how are you feeling?”

  “Besides a killer headache and a throbbing wrist and ankle,” she shrugged, “I feel fine. The doctors sent me for a CAT scan; I’m waiting for the results.”

  I got the chills thinking back to the night she had the seizure. “You gave us quite a scare you know. I thought I’d lost you.”

  She looked over at the tray next to her bed and grabbed a tissue. Then she covered her face and started sobbing. I stood up and went to the baby’s bassinet, kissed his head and laid him down. I walked over to CC and grabbed her hand away fr
om her face; even with bloodshot eyes and blotchy cheeks she was gorgeous.

  She looked up at me with glassy eyes, “I’m sorry. I was being so careful.”

  “I know baby. No one is blaming you. If anyone is to blame here it’s me, I should have come to pick you up.”

  There was so much pain and hurt in her eyes, she was breaking my heart. “You’re beautiful in this,” I turned my head to look at Chaos, “perfect disaster.”

  Finally, a real smile that touched her eyes, “I love you.”

  “I love you.” I kissed her until we were both breathless.

  “Did you see Hailey before you came up here?” she asked.

  She tried to scoot over but winced when she did. I frowned and bent to gently scoop her up and slide her over. “Thanks babe.”

  I winked at her, “Yeah I saw Hailey, why?”

  “Did she give you the diaper bag?”

  I looked over to the door, where I dropped the bag when I came in. “Do you want it?” I had no clue what she would need in there. It’s not like she could dress Chaos with her hand still in a cast.

  “Yes please.”

  I grabbed the bag and put it next to her on the bed. I was eyeing her suspiciously. “What do you need in there?”

  “I need to get out of this shitty ass gown. I told her to grab a few things for me.” She was fumbling around in the bag trying to find what Hailey packed.

  “That explains what was wrong with Mason and Hailey. They go from wanting to kill each other, to practically having sex right in front of me. And that is something I don’t want to see.” I shivered.

  CC put her head back and took a few deep breaths. “CC, what’s wrong?”

  She squeezed her eyes shut, “I have a splitting headache. Can you look in there for my stuff?”

  I emptied the baby things onto the dresser and began removing CC’s. Hailey had packed shit I hadn’t even thought about, I knew I put up with her for a reason. While I was laying stuff out on the bed Chaos started fussing. It sounded like a hungry cry to me.