But as he combed damp fingers through his hair, he stared at his image in the vanity mirror and wondered what kind of fool was staring back at him.
* * *
When Joseph finally made an appearance on the patio, Tessa was sitting in one of the lawn chairs, staring out at the starlit sky, trying to fight back angry tears. Anger at herself and at fate for bringing her to Arizona in the first place.
Easing down in the chair next to her, he said in a flat voice, “You’re angry with me now.”
She looked at him and the pain in the middle of her chest felt like a hand was squeezing the life right out of her heart. “No. Not at you. At myself. I should have known better than to think—I don’t know what I thought—except that I believed we were growing close. Obviously it was too close for you.”
He let out a heavy sigh. “What do you expect from me, Tessa? You’re here on the Bar X temporarily. Am I supposed to give you my heart and then let you carry it back to Nevada with you?”
“Joseph, I—”
“Look, Tessa,” he interrupted. “I made some huge mistakes in the past. First with Candace, then with Willa. I don’t want to make a third with you.”
Tessa wanted to leap from the chair and fling herself at him. She wanted to pound her fist against his chest until she was so spent she didn’t care what he did or said.
“That’s what I am to you? A mistake? Too bad you didn’t realize that earlier this evening,” she said bitterly. “You could have saved yourself a lot of money on dinner and wine.”
“Don’t be silly. This isn’t about money.”
Her nostrils flared as she struggled to keep her temper at bay. “Really? I’m sure you’ve not forgotten for a minute that I worked as a maid for several years.”
“Damn it, Tessa, I’m not a snob. Besides, you have money now.”
She made a mocking snort. “You can’t dress up a dandelion and call it a rose. Half of my life I’ve been an orphan. And now, thanks to you, I’m not even sure who my father might have been. It’s no wonder you don’t want to stay the night with me. I’m the kind of girl that’s only good enough for part of the night. Right?”
In a flash he was on his feet standing in front of her. “You’re the one who’s being insulting now. If you’d give me a chance to talk, I might be able to explain a few things.”
“What is there to explain?” He’d gone as far as he was willing to go in their relationship. Now she felt like a complete idiot for dreaming she could have more with this man. “You’ve pretty much stated your case already.”
“I can’t trust you, Tessa. It’s that simple.”
Incredulous, she stared at him. “Trust? You think—”
Shaking his head, he walked over to the edge of the patio and stood beneath the spiny limbs of a Joshua tree. “Hell, I’m not talking about you and other men. I’m talking about you staying here on the Bar X. So far, you’ve not made up your mind about anything.”
To him she probably did seem indecisive. But coming here to Arizona had uprooted her from the only life she’d known. He should understand she needed time to consider all the major changes she’d been dealt since her inheritance. The main one being him.
Leaving the chair, she crossed the short space between them until she was standing directly behind him. As she stared helplessly at the middle of his back, she swallowed at the emotions tightening her throat. She wanted so badly for him to understand. She desperately needed him to take her into his arms and assure her that being with her was all that mattered.
“I’ve not been here a month yet, Joseph.” She attempted to reason. “Don’t you think you’re rushing me a bit? This is my life you’re talking about.”
He turned and pinned her with an accusing look. “It’s my life you’re tampering with, too! I’m not a complete fool, Tessa. I heard the wistful note in your voice this evening when you told me about the job offer. A big part of you wants to go back to Nevada. To be with your family and friends. It’s home to you.”
Normally, Tessa had the patience of a saint, but at the moment she could feel her cheeks burning with anger. “That’s right! Just like Three Rivers is home to you. And you don’t see me pressuring you to leave it, do you?”
“I think I deserve to know whether you’re going to stay in Arizona or not!”
Yes, he did deserve that much, Tessa thought miserably. But she couldn’t make him a promise to stay. Not when an avalanche of fear was urging her to run as hard and fast as she could from him and this place.
The amount of men Tessa had dated in her life were pitifully few and none of those short-term relationships had been even close to a full-blown affair. Now that she’d found Joseph and experienced real passion, she’d begun to ask herself just how long it could actually last. She might not be that experienced with men, but she wasn’t totally ignorant, either. Taking a woman to bed didn’t necessarily mean he loved her or wanted to marry her. And she was desperately afraid that if she allowed herself to believe Joseph might grow to love her, he’d decide to move on and leave her with nothing but a broken heart and memories that would haunt her for the rest of her life.
A sting of helpless tears forced her gaze to drop from his. “I’m sorry, Joseph. But I still haven’t learned why Ray willed the Bar X to me! How could you expect me to know whether I’m going to stay here permanently?”
Even though the patio was partially covered with dark shadows, she didn’t miss the steely look in his eyes.
“Yeah,” he said with sarcasm. “I’m being stupid to expect you to give me any kind of answers. Your mind is so hung up on the past, you can’t begin to think about the future! As far as I can see, Ray Maddox has nothing to do with what’s going on with you and me. Maybe he’s your father. Or maybe he simply picked your name out of a phone book and decided you’re the lucky winner of his will. Who the hell knows? One way or the other, you need to get your head on straight!”
Her teeth snapped together. “And you ought to understand that I need time to think about this!”
“Well, I damned sure plan to give you plenty of it.”
He stepped around her and stalked into the house.
Stunned, Tessa momentarily stared at his retreating back then hurried after him.
By the time she entered the house, he’d already reached the living room and was jamming his hat onto his head.
“You’re leaving.” She stated the obvious.
He paused long enough to glance in her direction before he headed toward the door. “I think it’s best for both of us, Tessa.”
Her heart hammering with heavy regret, she walked over to where he stood with his hand on the doorknob. If only he would put his arms around her, she thought dismally, and tell her he couldn’t live without her. But that wasn’t going to happen and she’d been stupid to think it ever could.
“I’m sorry the night ended this way, Joseph,” she said hoarsely. “I’m sorry that I can’t give you the answers you want.”
“Yeah. Me, too.” He opened the door and stepped onto the porch. “When you decide to grow up enough to make some decisions, give me a call. Otherwise, I won’t be around.”
Any other time, she would’ve suggested that he go jump in a deep gorge and take a few days to claw his way out. But surprisingly the anger that had burned so brightly in her a few minutes ago had all drained away. Now all she felt was emptiness.
“If you think on it long enough, I believe you’ll decide you need to do some growing up, too, Joseph. Goodbye.”
She shut the door between them, then slowly walked to the bedroom and removed her robe. The bed felt cold as she climbed between the sheets, but she could remedy that with a few extra blankets. It was the terrible ache in her heart that was going to be far more difficult to cure.
* * *
“You want to stop at Maria’s for tacos? I’m too hungry t
o wait until we get back to Prescott to eat.”
Joseph continued to stare moodily out the passenger window of the truck as Connor drove them down the main highway that ran through the tiny community of Yarnell. It was nearing eleven o’clock at night and, considering he’d not eaten since one in the afternoon, thoughts of food should have been on his mind. Instead he could think of little more than Tessa and the painful look on her face as he’d walked out the door.
“I don’t care. Whatever.”
“You don’t care,” Connor repeated in a mocking voice. “That’s not a bit surprising. Maybe I’ll eat the tacos and give you a piece of cardboard to chew on. You wouldn’t know the difference anyway.”
Frowning, Joseph glanced over at his partner. Ever since Monday, when a sniper-type shooting had wounded a deputy on the outskirts of Prescott, the captain had ordered all remaining deputies to work in pairs rather than patrol remote areas of the county alone.
Normally, Joseph would’ve enjoyed working shifts with his longtime buddy, but as the week had continued to pass without a word from Tessa, his frayed nerves had reached the snapping point.
Did you really expect Tessa to contact you, Joe? You more or less chopped off all ties to the woman. And you did it in a selfish, hurtful way. No. She isn’t going to call you, speak to you, or even waste her time thinking of you. So forget it. Forget her.
Hating the negative voice in his head, Joseph wiped a hand over his face in an effort to clear his mind. “Put enough ketchup on it,” he muttered, “and I can eat anything.”
Connor wheeled the vehicle off the road and braked to a stop in front of a tiny adobe building with a flat roof and a turquoise door positioned between two dusty windows.
“Thank goodness Maria’s is still open. What do you want to drink?” Connor asked as he unlatched his seat belt.
“Anything. Whatever you get for yourself will be fine with me.” Joseph dug his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans and tossed several bills over to his friend. “Use that to pay for the whole thing.”
“Hmm. Wonders never cease,” Connor joked. “There’s actually a nice guy behind that badge you’re wearing.”
Before Joseph could make a retort, Connor left the truck and went inside the little building to order their food.
Joseph scrunched down in the seat and rested the back of his head on the headrest, but didn’t allow himself to relax to the point of closing his eyes. The radio on the dashboard continued to crackle with static and the intermittent voice of a female dispatcher. So far the night had been quiet, yet it was evident from the frequency of the radio exchanges that the department was on high alert. Every little suspicious act was being investigated and would continue to be in that manner until the sniper was identified and caught.
Tessa was living all alone on the Bar X without anyone to protect her. Not even a dog to bark out a warning. The idea had always bothered him, but since the shooting, it had become more worrisome. More than once this week he’d thought about stopping by Sam’s and asking the ranch hand if he’d be willing to go up and spend the night at the Bar X. But Sam would insist on sleeping in the barn and that would be asking too much of the man. Besides, having Sam there would only be a short-term solution.
The door of the truck suddenly opened and Connor tossed a grease-spotted paper bag onto the console between the seats, then handed Joseph a large foam cup filled with ice and cola. “Here it is,” he said. “Dig in.”
Joseph pulled out one of the tacos wrapped in waxed paper and settled back in the seat. Connor did the same and, for several moments, the two men ate in thoughtful silence. Outside the truck, a hot night wind was kicking up dust from the dirt parking lot and swirling it around the truck. With only a few hundred people living in the area, there was hardly any activity around the buildings lining the two-lane highway, making the little town eerily quiet at this time of night.
“I hate coming here,” Connor mused as he sipped his cola.
“Why? Not enough bright lights and action for you?”
He shook his head. “No. Each time I drive down 89, I think of the Yarnell Hill fire and the nineteen firefighters who lost their lives. It’s sad to think about.”
Four years ago, the enormous flash fire that had started from a lightning strike had not only taken many human lives, it had also destroyed more than a hundred buildings around the town. The tragedy had garnered national attention.
“Yes. But time marches on and the human spirit overcomes the loss and pain—eventually.”
“Hmm. You’re sounding damned philosophical tonight. At least that’s better than the grumpiness I’ve been getting from you these past few days.”
“It’s been a tough week.”
“Yeah. Everyone in the sheriff’s department has been on edge. But the medical report on Jimmy is encouraging. At least he’s going to make it.” Connor glanced over at him. “Guess your mom hates seeing you head out to work.”
“She’s feels like the rest of the folks in Yavapai County. It’s unsettling to her, but she isn’t wringing her hands. She believes it was an isolated incident. Or, at least, she’s telling me that just to reassure me.”
Joseph forced himself to choke down another bite of taco while wondering if Tessa had been watching the local news and if she might be worrying about his safety. Or was she already forgetting him and getting ready to go back to Nevada? The questions rolling through his mind left him cold.
“It can’t be easy for her,” Connor said, interrupting Joseph’s dismal thoughts. “Not after losing your father the way you did.”
Joseph cringed. His father’s death was the last thing he needed to be dwelling on tonight. But he didn’t point that out to Connor. In spite of his friend’s usual happy-go-lucky demeanor, Connor’s young life had been anything but a bed of roses. His mother had been an unwed teen when she’d given birth to him. Afterward she’d wound up in juvenile detentions on several occasions. Thankfully at that point, he’d had a father who was willing to step in and take over. But Brad Murphy had died suddenly when Connor was still in high school and after that he’d been shuffled back and forth between grandparents and a pair of uncles. It was a credit to Connor’s own moral compass that he’d grown up to be a responsible man.
“A lot of things aren’t easy for her now that Dad is gone,” Joseph conceded. “But Mom is a rock.”
Joseph was about to shove the last bite of taco into his mouth when he heard his phone signal that he had a personal message. For the first couple of days after he’d left the Bar X, he’d frequently checked his phone for a text from Tessa. Now, after nearly a week had passed, he didn’t allow himself to hope it was her.
Dragging the phone from his pocket, he punched the screen until he reached the new message. The sender was Benjamin with the news that he’d finished work on Tessa’s snapshots. Joseph could pick them up at the crime lab.
“You’re scowling,” Connor said. “Must be bad news.”
Shaking his head, Joseph dropped the phone back into his pocket. “I’m not sure what Tessa would consider good or bad.”
“Tessa? Who’s she? A new girlfriend?”
Girlfriend? What he felt for Tessa couldn’t begin to be described as a girlfriend. In the short time they’d been together, she’d grabbed hold of his hopes and dreams. She’d made him start wanting things that he’d long ago pushed aside. Like a home and children of his own.
“Not exactly a girlfriend. She...er, moved onto Sheriff Maddox’s ranch about a month ago. Those old photos I showed you the other day—those belong to her. And Ben has been trying to clear them up for me. The message was from him. He has them finished.”
Frowning with confusion, Connor dug another taco from the sack. “I don’t get it. What’s the deal with the photos? She doesn’t know who those people are?”
Joseph gave him a quick rundown about Tessa being orpha
ned, the surprise inheritance and the mystery about her connection to Ray. He didn’t go on to tell him that he’d ended up getting much closer to his new neighbor than he’d ever planned to.
“Tessa knows the woman is her mother,” Joseph continued to explain. “The man is another matter. The photo was supposedly taken on their wedding day and the man is Tessa’s father.”
Connor’s expression took on a shocked look as he shifted around in the seat toward Joseph.
“But, Joseph...that’s—when I looked at the snapshots the other day, I told you I thought that was Ray Maddox!” He lifted the straw cowboy hat from his head and speared fingers through his blond hair as though that would clear his thinking. “Hell’s bells! Reckon that could be him? But what about his wife—Dottie?”
“I don’t know, Connor. None of it makes sense.”
Downing the taco in three quick bites, Connor reached for the key in the ignition. “Let’s head back to Prescott and take a look at those photos.”
Joseph shook his head. “We’ve not finished our rounds. Let’s drive to the county line first and then we’ll head back.”
Connor groaned. “You’re too damned honest.”
No, Connor was wrong, Joseph thought. He wasn’t an honest man. At least, not with Tessa. Otherwise he would have confessed that his feelings for her had grown into something very serious. He would’ve told her how thoughts of her leaving were tearing him apart. Instead he’d tried to pressure her into saying everything he’d wanted to hear. He didn’t have any right to think of himself as a tough lawman. He was nothing more than a spineless sap.
If you think on it long enough, I believe you’ll decide you need to do some growing up, too, Joseph.
As the two men traveled the remaining thirty-plus miles to the county line, Tessa’s departing words continued to haunt Joseph. Maybe he did need to do a little growing, he thought. But he also needed a woman who knew what she wanted and, so far, Tessa didn’t seem to know what she wanted most. Him or her life back in Nevada.
The Arizona Lawman Page 15
