Touch Slowly (Red Light: Silver Girls series)

by Kayn, Debra

Chapter Twenty Nine

  Tawny, Kathryn, and Tara waved from the inside of the car taking them to the Spokane airport where they'd go their separate ways. Tawny and Tara to new bordellos they'd work at for the next three months. Kathryn would go back to her home where she'd reunite with her two kids.

  Nova waved until the vehicle turned the corner and out of sight. While she agreed to stay in contact with them all, she understood how life moved in different directions for all of them.

  Tiff stood beside Nova. "Do your cousins know you worked here for the last three months?"

  Ever since last night, after calling the Network to tell them she would no longer need a plane ticket and she wanted to take her name off the roster, Tiff had treated her differently. Gone was the friendly banter, easy smiles, and in its place, awkward silence bounced between both of them.

  "No. I told them I was going to arrive in Federal today and promised them I'd call when the taxi from the airport dropped me off. I'll call them from under the viaduct, so they don't associate me with the Sterling Building." She promised herself today would be the last day she lied.

  Tiff sighed. "It was you who was caught on the security camera outside the building, wasn't it?"

  Nova shook her head. To admit her guilt, she'd need to confess that not only Shayla knew about her occupation, but Emmett, too. If those two people told two people, word on the street would spread faster than a sexually transmitted disease.

  "That brings me to the question about how you're going to conduct yourself while in Federal." Tiff's mouth thinned. "One of the reasons why the ladies only stay here for three months is so they won't get attached to the town or the men who visit Red Light. I'm sure you can imagine what would happen if you decide to talk, even to a cousin you trust with your life. You might've retired from the profession, Nova, but you'll always be a sex worker."

  The back of her neck tingled. She understood perfectly. "As of today, my past is behind me. I have no reason to revisit my crimes or bring attention to those I respect and have grown to care for. You have nothing to worry about, Tiff."

  Tiff studied her for several awkward seconds. "Good Luck, Nova."

  Her former madam turned and walked through the back door of the Sterling Building. Nova picked up her large heavy suitcase and grabbed the handle of the cargo roller. She walked down the sidewalk toward the viaduct with her belongings and her chin lifted in the air. Determined to walk clean away from Red Light, she never stopped until she reached the shade of the concrete pillar and called Shayla to pick her up.

  Her new life started now.

  Never again would she lie to those she cared about because Karma had already kicked her ass when she lost Emmett. She wouldn't lose her family, too.

  A biker rode by and turned before getting on the interstate. She gazed after the rider, recognizing the Moroad Motorcycle Club vest that Jeremy always wore. The rider rode out of sight, but the sound of the engine remained close in the distance. Obviously, Tiff decided not to trust her and sent one of the bikers for proof that Shayla would pick her up.

  Shayla arrived several minutes later. Nova loaded her luggage into the trunk and headed back to Bitterroot Trailer Park with her cousin.

  The next few days promised to be busy. Shayla volunteered to help her look for a house, and she hoped cash spoke to the sellers. She wanted away from the trailer park and Emmett before her presence caused any trouble.

  "Hey, stop looking so sad." Shayla turned off the interstate. "You have a brand new life to start, and I have good news. We have an appointment in two hours to look at the house I was telling you about that is for sale by owner. We'll eat lunch and then I'll drive you over to check it out."

  "Which house?" asked Nova, preferring to fall into the nearest bed, hide under the covers, and forget the world existed.

  "The one with the river in the backyard." Shayla drove off the road and parked in front of the trailer.

  "I'm pretty sure having water on the property will make the house more expensive." Nova looked over at Emmett's trailer. His car was gone, and he was probably at work. "How much is the asking price?"

  Shayla opened the car door. "I don't know. The ad in the paper didn't say. Only said 'a must see' and 'one of a kind'. It probably means it's a fixer upper. Sellers always want to reel you in on the good things and never mention the bad things."

  Nova had no idea what the real estate market was like in Idaho. She got out of the car and walked to the trunk. Rather than house hunt, she rather concentrate on surviving the day because right now she felt like dying without Emmett in her life.

  Her lack of desire to go out and find a real house for her to live in fed into her depression. She couldn't plan for tomorrow when she wanted to go back to before she told Emmett the truth, every truth.

  With Shayla's help, she brought her luggage into the house and carried everything to the spare bedroom. The sight of the neon green bedspread stopped her inside the room, and she dropped the luggage. The wooden box Nick burnt her name on sat beside the bed on the floor. Two old pictures she drew in high school hung on the wall —The Seattle Space Needle in the rain and a high heeled shoe next to a can of Budweiser.

  She turned to Shayla and launched herself at her cousin. Squeezing Shayla, she rocked side to side. "How did you? Where did you? Shayla, thank you. Thank you so much."

  "It was Nick." Shayla laughed. "He was in charge of packing up the old place when we moved here. You know him, he keeps everything. We thought it would be nice if you felt like you had your old room back. Nick brought the box out of the closet last night, and I fixed up the room this morning before I picked you up."

  "It's wonderful." Nova's smile turned into a yawn. "I can't believe you both kept this stuff."

  "Lay down for a little bit, and I'll make us each a sandwich. Is a grilled tuna melt okay?"

  "Sure. I haven't had one..."

  "Honey, you're home. Relax and don't think." Shayla hugged her once more and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

  Nova moved to the bed and ran her hand over the bedspread. Aunt Jennie bought the cover for Nova's seventeenth birthday. It was the last birthday her aunt got to celebrate with her and knowing Nick kept it all these years meant everything to her. When she finally bought a house, she'd fold the keepsake and put it somewhere special, so not to cause any more wear and tear.

  She sat down on the bed and picked up the wooden box. Taking a deep breath, afraid to open the lid, she slowly peeked inside. She stared at the contents. A black feather, probably from a hawk, that had caught her eye in Mrs. Wopiki's yard on the first day of high school, and she'd picked it up and put it in her bag to keep. Several barrettes she forgot she had from when her mom used to do her hair every morning. A Valentine's Day card from her first boyfriend who broke up with her a week later for Amber Kennedy. She moved the items aside and picked up the picture that lay face down.

  She flipped the photo over. Her mom laughed into the camera. Beautiful, young —only two years younger than Nova was now, and full of life. Nova turned the picture back over and put it in the box. If it weren't for her looking exactly like her mom, she wasn't sure she'd even recognize her mom in the picture holding her on her lap.

  Wherever Krissy Kinsley lived, she'd forgotten all about her daughter.

  She put the box back on the floor and moved to unpack. Luckily, her clothes would fit in with society's norm. She had no funky sweatshirts with 'Red Light University' printed on the front or yoga pants with 'Bordello worker' embroidered across the ass.

  Finished unpacking both pieces of luggage, she walked out of the room and found Shayla setting a plate on the table. Her stomach growled. Unable to eat the last couple of days with everyone asking her questions about leaving the Network, she found herself starving after seeking comfort from her old belongings she thought she'd lost.

  "Do you want some Koolaid?" Shayla poured red juice from a pitcher into a cup.

  "No, but I'll take a glass of water."
She picked up half the sandwich Shayla made her and took a bite, using her finger to cut the string of cheese that refused to give up.

  Shayla set the glasses on the table and slid a paper towel toward her. Nova finished one side of the sandwich before stopping.

  "Remember when we used to dunk tuna melts in tomato soup?" Nova smiled for the first time in days.

  "Nick still uses chicken noodle to dip." Shayla scrunched her nose. "I never could understand why he did that when the rest of us used tomato."

  "Where is Nick? I thought he was working swing shift.

  Shayla wiped her mouth. "His shift changed to days this week. He should be popping in sometime between four and five o'clock if he comes straight home."

  She finished her sandwich and took her plate to the sink. Growing up, they were all responsible for washing the dishes they used, and she fell into the old habit easily. Besides, keeping busy kept her mind off all the changes happening to her.

  Not knowing where they were going to look at the house or what they'd encounter when she got there, she changed into a pair of sneakers and exchanged her blouse for a tank top. The small trailer already captured the heat from the day and by the time they got back, it'd be an oven inside.

  Shayla stuck her head in the bedroom and jingled her keys. "Are you ready to buy a house?"

  Nova grabbed her purse. "Maybe I'll get lucky."

  "That's the spirit." Shayla walked out ahead of her to the car.

  Whether the unfamiliar roads or the fact Shayla kept stopping and looking at addresses on the many mailboxes lining the grassy area, the drive seemed far away from Federal. Finally, Shayla found the right numbers and pulled onto an asphalted driveway. Nova peered ahead, unable to see a house.

  "Are you sure this is it?" She gazed up at the uniformed pine trees lining the driveway.

  "Positive." Shayla followed the winding curves.

  A break in the trees gave way to a house. Nova gawked.

  Two stories tall with a four car garage detached from the stately four column colonial house, rather a mansion, stood out in the park-like setting. Nova groaned. Her cousin was an idiot.

  "Wow." Shayla stopped the car and slapped Nova's leg. "Look at that."

  "We can't go in." Nova pushed Shayla back. "I might not know the going rate for houses, but there's no way this is in my price range."

  "Oh, come on. We're here. Let's check it out." Shayla opened the car door before Nova could stop her.

  Her cousin sashayed closer to the house and threw a cheeky grin back at Nova. Opening the car door, Nova hurried to catch up, unable to deny Shayla her fun. She might not be able to live like a superstar, but she could admit to being curious to see how the other half of the world lived.

  Chapter Thirty

  Someone shouted Nova's name from outside the trailer. She turned the television up louder. The front door opened and bounced off the back of the chair she sat in while trying to ignore the gathering taking place in front of Emmett's house.

  "Get outside, Nova." Nick stepped around the chair, grabbed her hand, and hauled her to her feet. "Caren wants to see you. Kirkland has held a beer in his fist all night for you. Shayla's telling everyone about your house hunting struggles, and frankly, I'm tired of seeing you mope around the place. You're back with your family now, and we'll take care of you. That means I'm not going to let you hide away inside while the world is going on outside."

  Nick still believed she suffered from a bad relationship. She saw no reason to correct his mistake, and she was thankful Emmett hadn't told him the truth. She also had every reason to believe that Emmett hadn't gone to the authorities and turned her or Red Light in for illegal prostitution, not that there was a legal kind.

  She reached up and patted Nick's cheek. "You're cute when you're bossy."

  "Damnit." He pulled her toward the door. "Slap a smile on your face, not mine."

  Her shoes dug into the carpet, and she stopped. "Emmett won't want me out there with his friends."

  "How do you know that?"

  She glared. "Common sense."

  "Bullshit." Nick lowered his voice. "Emmett's got a close relationship with Jim Beam tonight. He ain't going to care if you're out there. He's whiskey drunk."

  Emmett drunk? She'd never seen him drink more than a couple of beers or take a shot of whiskey.

  "Come on, Nova. Time to join the living." Nick escorted her out of the house.

  Caren stood at the bottom of the steps to the trailer and eyed Nova carefully. Nova smirked. The park tramp probably wondered how much competition Nova would be now that she lived in Space 37.

  "Don't sweat it." Nova hooked her arm behind Caren's elbow. "I have no interest in staying here permanently. I'll be gone before you know it and your life will go back to normal."

  "I wasn't asking you about your travel plans, girly." Caren grinned. "Though, I'm not surprised. You're not cut out for life in the park."

  Nova's head whipped back at the statement. "Who are you to say I'm not."

  "That attitude you're giving me right now. You think you're above us, and maybe you are because you've only stayed in the trailer for three nights and haven't joined everyone right outside your door." Caren shrugged and leaned closer. "You went after the one man here who is better than any person living in Bitterroot Trailer Park, screwed around, and blew your chance. Now, it's none of my business what you do with your life, but I'm going to give you some advice because I like you. Either hop up on that high horse of yours and let Emmett settle back down or fix your mistake before I get the idea that I stand a chance with him."

  The wounds on her heart tore open at the threat of someone else taking her place in Emmett's life. She gazed through the crowd until she spotted him standing alone clutching a bottle in his hand and staring at the fire burning low in the metal container. Someday, someone would be holding his hand, receiving the kisses he once gave her freely.

  Kirkland walked into her view. "Saved you a beer, sweetheart."

  "Thanks." She reached out and rubbed his forearm. Her funk slipped deeper into her soul the more apparent it was that these people were Emmett's friends and community, not hers. In every park, there was always a Kirkland standing on the sidelines ready to pick up the broken pieces. That was his job, and he treated everyone the same.

  "I heard you weren't having any luck finding a house to buy." Kirkland pointed toward the road. "If you go down about a mile, turn at the tamarack tree with the split trunk, and hang the first left, there's a good-sized house for sale. Old man Carver died and didn't have any relatives, so the county is auctioning it off to the highest bidder who can pay the back taxes. It's vacant, and I'm sure if you try the door, you could get inside. It shouldn't cost you much."

  She had no idea who Carver was or where Kirkland's directions would take her. "Did he die of old age?"

  "Nah." Kirkland chuckled. "He was only fifty."

  "Oh, geez, that's not old. How did he die?"

  "Suicide." Kirkland grimaced. "Shot himself, but missed the brain. I heard he lived for almost a week with half his head gone and bleeding out all over the house."

  She punched his arm. "Stop that."

  "I'm serious." Kirkland rubbed his upper arm and grinned. "I bet you'd get a hell of a deal."

  "As enticing as you made the place sound, I think I'll pass." She pushed him away from her. "Get out of here with your creepy stories. I think Shayla was looking for you."

  "Yeah?"

  She cocked her brow. "Yeah."

  Kirkland hightailed it to Shayla's side. Her cousin could thank her later.

  "At least you're smiling," said a familiar rough voice behind her.

  She stiffened and found Emmett standing within a foot of her. All at once, she sagged in comfort and pressed her hand to her stomach to stop the ache growing inside of her. The mixed reaction stunned her much in the way he affected her the first time she talked with him, except ten times stronger because she understood what she was missing.


  "I don't know what you'd want me to do, Emmett. I've only known how to climb upward after disappointment," she said softly. "Besides, Nick pushed me outside, or you wouldn't have seen me. I'm trying to keep my distance while I'm here to make it easier on you, on both of us."

  He eyed the bottle in his hand. "So, that's it. You move on like nothing happened between us?"

  His soft spoken words rattled her. She crossed her arms and cupped her elbows. What could she do?

  She'd told him the truth.

  She'd apologized.

  She'd confessed to falling in love with him.

  She couldn't make her past disappear. She couldn't erase all her lies. She couldn't force him to accept her the way she was with all her faults and baggage.

  "I will never forget how I felt when I was with you. You've set the bar so high for what I want in my life; I can't see myself with anyone else." She paused to steady her voice. "If it helps, I will regret lying to you for the rest of my life. If I could do it all over..."

  Nothing would change. She'd still be a prostitute, and that's what Emmett couldn't wrap his head around. Lies could stop, and she could promise to always be honest with him for the rest of her days, but she couldn't erase the six years of prostitution.

  Bloodshot, angry eyes stared back at her. Alcohol came off his breath and fanned her face. She'd destroyed what they had, and he'd never forgive her.

  She moved away and Emmett grabbed her wrist, pulling her back against him, and whispered, "How could you go from spending your nights with me to fucking other men? How?"

  Not wanting to lie, she braced herself to admit the truth out loud. The truth she never willingly admitted, even to herself.

  "I became addicted to the control handed to me every single day when I worked. Being in charge of someone else's pleasure allowed me to disconnect from them. It meant nobody could hurt me or leave the way my mother had left me. I was responsible for myself, and I never depended on anyone. I could walk away from the business. I could drop off the edge of the earth and not feel an ounce of pain. That's not the luxury I had growing up when I relied on my mother, and she left me. I never wanted to put myself in a vulnerable position again of relying on someone for my happiness. But, you were different, Emmett. I willingly opened myself up and took the chance that you could leave me, and I'd be hurt."