More of You: A Confessions of the Heart Stand-Alone Novel

by Jackson, A. L.

  Because I was aching to do a little of that ending myself.

  * * *

  “Is she asleep?”

  Warily, Faith nodded as she took another step out the door, sadness pouring from her as she looked to where I was sitting on the double swing that was strung up in the corner of the porch.

  I was antsy.

  Itchy.

  Aching to take matters into my own hands even though Mack made me promise to keep my cool.

  Reminded me I couldn’t afford to get myself into any more trouble.

  That I couldn’t compromise the investigation by running off to fight a battle I wasn’t qualified to fight.

  But that’s what I wanted to do.

  I wanted to fight.

  I wanted to crush and destroy and eradicate.

  Which was why I’d forced myself out back. Trying to breathe in the cool while a fire torched my nerves.

  Mack had stationed a cruiser out front, which was about the only solace I found in all of this.

  I looked up at Faith who was just standing there.

  She was in the shadows of the night, the moon a sliver that shed the barest light on the yard, Faith protected by the walls of the old house.

  Still, I swore they howled and yelped. Cries of the ghosts that were held within.

  That chocolate hair was a river around her shoulders, a white V-neck tee and fitted, holey jeans hugging her body in all the right ways and making my heart do crazy things.

  Thumping and thudding and thrashing.

  Fuck.

  I was going to lose it.

  Wanting to protect her.

  Wanting to wipe that expression from her face.

  Wanting to love her.

  That was the crux of it all.

  I wanted to keep her.

  Which was so goddamned stupid. But loving her had always made me do stupid things.

  She clutched that same monitor in her hands and edged farther onto the porch.

  Coming my way.

  Every step torture.

  Lighting on my flesh.

  Teasing my restraints.

  She eased down beside me, tucking her legs up to her chest. She set her cheek on her knees and looked over at me.

  “I don’t understand what’s happening, Jace. What someone wants from me when I don’t have the first clue what they want or what they’re looking for.”

  A stake of guilt cut right through the center of my chest. Did she really not know about the shit Joseph was into?

  “What Joseph was into.” Her words were soggy, coming from her like she’d tapped right into my thoughts. “He . . . he was working so hard, saying he was doing everything he could to get the money together to fix up the house.”

  Anger surged.

  Joseph had always been a liar. Saving face. Manipulating every situation to look like the good guy when he was setting things up to land in his favor.

  “He didn’t say anything to you? In the days or months before he died, that seemed out of place?”

  Faith blinked. From the corner of her eye, a tear streaked free.

  And there I was, wanting to reach out, gather it up, kiss it away.

  “He . . . he never said a whole lot about work. He just said it was busy.” She blinked again. “Honestly, the last couple of years, he hadn’t been around all that much. Working long hours. Traveling.”

  She shook her head, her face pinching like she’d just caught on to something. I waited, watching her profile as her mind worked.

  “God, I was a fool, wasn’t I? Blind?” she said in that sweet, sad way. “I mean, there were these times when I got this feelin’ . . .”

  She touched her chest right over her heart. “This intuition that something wasn’t right. I ignored it, Jace. I ignored it because I didn’t want to believe my husband could be involved in anything illegal.”

  She will hate me.

  She will hate me.

  When she found out, she was going to hate me. I deserved it, and at the same damned time, I wanted to reject it.

  Lay every ounce of blame on Joseph, the piece of shit.

  But even if it was his fault, it didn’t mean I wasn’t responsible.

  She blinked into the distance. “And now . . . someone somehow thinks that I was involved?”

  Her face pinched in rejection of the idea. “That’s what this is, isn’t it? They think I have knowledge of something? Possession of something that Joseph never should have had? Tell me he wasn’t corrupt, Jace. Tell me I’m being crazy.”

  She looked at me with that pleading expression.

  A million lies danced on the tip of my tongue, desperate to do anything to take the blame away from her.

  “The shipping yards . . .” I hedged, shifting to lean my forearms on the top of my thighs, my feet slowly rocking us where they were planted on the porch.

  I glanced over at her. “They invite trouble. There is so much crime down there, shit being moved around that shouldn’t be.”

  I tried to deliver it gently. As soft as the girl. Didn’t want to taint her with any of the nastiness that thrived and lived in that area. The guns and the drugs and all the shit that came through. All masked by what looked like legitimate businesses.

  Laundered and shaken and put right back onto the streets.

  Guessed I should have thought of that before I got everyone mixed up in that world in the first place.

  Even with those words, she squeezed her eyes shut. “Joseph wouldn’t . . .” she started to say before she trailed off, gasping over a cry in her throat.

  Then she opened to me. “I feel like an idiot, Jace. Like a complete idiot, doing nothing but living with the wool pulled over my eyes.”

  I shook my head at her, hand trembling, wanting to reach out and hold her. “No, Faith. You just always saw the good in people. Believed in them when they didn’t deserve it.”

  Her teeth clamped down on her bottom lip. Pain streaking across her face as her eyes flicked all over mine. “Sometimes those are the people who need the belief the most.”

  Energy crackled.

  Warmth and grace and Beauty.

  I wanted to breathe it in. Taste it. Live in it.

  I inhaled, leaning her direction. “Faith—”

  Like she felt the magnitude of what was coming, she hopped to her feet, cutting me off, fumbling over the words, “I . . . I . . . I need to go check on Bailey.”

  Dropping her head, she scrambled for the backdoor, taking all that intensity with her.

  I pushed out a frustrated sigh.

  Fuck.

  Finally, I climbed to my feet and headed inside, going for the front window and pulling open the drape. A cruiser sat in the shadows under the trees.

  I blew out a little relief. The little that I had. The fact that Mack wasn’t taking any chances any more than I was willing to do.

  Needing to give it up, to clear my mind, I headed upstairs to my room. Only I stumbled when Faith was slipping back out of Bailey’s room and into the darkened hall.

  Just looking at her had energy replacing the air around me. Sizzling and shivering through the atmosphere. Could feel it radiating from her skin. From her heart and that sweet mind.

  My mouth went dry, and she whispered, “Jace.”

  And I was there, in front of her, drawn in a way I shouldn’t have been. In a way I couldn’t stop. I wanted to press her to the wall. Kiss her. Touch her. Carry her into my room and get lost in her.

  It felt like I was right there. In that moment when I’d had to say goodbye.

  If I could go back, could I do everything differently?

  Or had we been destined for destruction?

  Me thinking I could have something good when I’d been nothing but trash?

  She blinked up at me with those chocolate eyes. So warm. Glinting with something different. Like there was a chance she was feeling some of the need twisted through my guts.

  I inched closer, and she fumbled back, hitting the wall outside
Bailey’s door. I hovered there, our noses an inch away, our breaths mingling.

  I could count every beat of her heart as it thundered into the enclosed space. Could feel her torment. Could feel all the same questions swirling through me.

  I planted both my hands over her head. “Faith,” I murmured.

  She panted. Gasped. Then twisted out from under me, backing away with her hands pressed over her heart. “I can’t do this, Jace.”

  I stared at her silhouette, her eyes alive in the shadows.

  “I missed you,” I told her, admitting a little of what I’d been needing to tell her all along.

  She took another step back, her hand on the knob of her door. “And you destroyed me, and I’m not sure I can risk that happening again.”

  I stood there wanting to tear something apart as she stepped inside and her door clicked softly shut behind her.

  The beast raging.

  Wanting to punish something for taking her away.

  Or maybe he was just plotting exactly how he was going to get her back.

  Twenty-Two

  Jace

  Eighteen Years Old

  Jace hustled down the trail toward the trailer. He’d just gotten off work, and he was anxious to grab a shower, knowing he’d be sneaking back out to meet with Faith.

  He slowed when he saw that same shiny car parked out front. Anger wound up in his chest, and he gritted his teeth as he spat a curse at the ground.

  Was it wrong that his mama absolutely disgusted him? That his guts got all tied up every time he thought of her and what she represented? The things she’d allowed to happen in their home.

  Jace’s eyes traveled the rusted trailer, the cardboard wedged in the windows that were busted out, and the trash strewn about the yard.

  Home.

  Yeah right.

  With a harsh shake of his head, Jace bounded up the steps and blew through the door. He stumbled again when he caught sight of what was going down inside.

  That slimy bastard his mom had been hooking up with was on the shabby couch, leaning over all the salacious crap left on the coffee table.

  Both Ian and Joseph were sitting on the floor at his feet, listening to whatever bullshit he was filling their heads with.

  If they listened that hard at school, the two of them would have straight A’s.

  The prick looked up when Jace stepped inside. He cracked a grin.

  Unease rumbled through Jace’s spirit. “What’s going on here?”

  The asshole sat back on the couch, leveling Jace a stare. “Just having a little conversation with your brothers.”

  Anger pulsed.

  The cocksucker didn’t even know Joseph wasn’t their brother. And there he was, sitting on that couch like he owned the shithole.

  With the way he was dressed, Jace was pretty sure he thought he owned the world.

  “I don’t think either of them need to hear a thing you have to say.” The words left Jace’s mouth like gravel. Hard and pitted. Full of hate.

  “I think they are very interested in everything I have to say.” He cast his wicked eyes over them. “Aren’t you?”

  Ian looked to the ground and Joseph fucking nodded.

  What the hell?

  “Well, it doesn’t matter if they want to hear what you have to say or not. I’m telling you they don’t.” Jace pushed open the door. “I think it’s time you leave.”

  The guy had the audacity to laugh, pushing to his feet, his head angled as he crossed the space, coming toward Jace. “Aren’t you the big man?”

  He tipped his head farther, like he was assessing Jace, adding up his worth. “Maybe you should be the one I’m talking to. I like someone who’s loyal. A fighter.”

  Fear and fury vibrated all the way to Jace’s bones.

  “Stay away from them.” Jace’s teeth ground together so hard he could hear his jaw clicking in his ears.

  This guy would probably destroy him in a fight, but Jace didn’t care. He’d gladly go down in a blaze if it protected Ian and Joseph from the seedy shit he was so clearly wrapped up in.

  The guy grinned. “I’ll see you around.” He reached up and straightened Jace’s collar, pulling hard as he brought them nose to nose. “Jace.”

  He released Jace and ambled out like nothing had been said. Jace slammed the door shut, glaring at Ian and Joseph, who were still sitting on the ground. “What the fuck do you two think you’re doing?”

  Ian blinked, hugging his knees to his chest. “He just wanted to talk to us.”

  “About what?” The words were an accusation.

  Joseph pushed to his feet, lifted his chin. “About a business opportunity.”

  Rage blistered across Jace’s skin, this horror that took him hostage as he thought of Ian and Joseph getting caught up in that world.

  Jace flew across the room, getting in Joseph’s face. “Stay away from that guy. Do you hear me? He is nothing but trouble.”

  “We were only listening to what he had to say,” Ian said quietly.

  Jace’s attention darted toward him, his words hard. “Well, don’t. They’re lies. There’s nothing that he can say to you that will amount to anything but you becoming exactly what the world thinks you are.”

  “Maybe you’re just jealous he asked us instead of you.” Defiance radiated from Joseph, and Jace swung his gaze back on his cousin.

  “I’m warning you, Joseph. Stay away from that guy.”

  A snarl curled Joseph’s face, taunting Jace with his own words. “Whatever it takes to survive, remember? We look out for ourselves. Do whatever we have to do to make it.”

  Jace looked between the two of them. “Not when it comes to us. We look out for each other. Take care of each other. And I’m telling you that you aren’t sniffing up anything but a dead end with that guy.”

  Most likely a body bag.

  Joseph shook his head. “I think the problem is that you’re so wrapped up in that stupid girl, trying to impress her, that you’ve forgotten who you are.”

  Ian nodded, his anger over the time Jace had been spending with Faith flooding out of him in a streak of jealousy.

  But Joseph’s jealousy was different.

  Jace knew it. Felt it in his gut.

  Before he even realized what he was doing, Jace pushed Joseph against the wall. His back slammed against the paneling and the trailer shook on its rickety foundation. “Leave Faith out of this.”

  Hating the instant reaction, the instant aggression, Jace took a step back, trying to get himself together. His voice trembled when he pointed at Joseph, praying he’d get it, that he’d understand. “I’m warning you. Stay away from him. I’m telling you for your own good.”

  He looked at Ian. “Both of you. You hear me?”

  Ian nodded.

  “Whatever you say, Boss Man,” Joseph said, nothing but venom on his tongue.

  * * *

  Jace stumbled, his hand still on the doorknob as he peered into the darkened trailer. A moan echoed back from somewhere within.

  Dread curled through his insides, and he held his breath as he fumbled to flick on the light switch.

  Hazy light filtered into the space, and the dread he was feeling turned to horror when he saw his brother in a ball on the floor in the corner.

  He rushed that way and dropped to his knees. His hands were shaking like crazy when he gently rolled his brother over.

  A shocked gasp rocked from Jace’s lungs.

  Blood covered Ian’s face. It dripped from his nose, and his upper lip was busted open. One of his eyes was swollen closed, purple and black bruises already beginning to rise to the surface.

  “Ian,” he wheezed. “What happened?”

  “I . . . Steven. You told me to stay away from him, so . . . so I tried to keep him out of the house when he showed up here. I tried, Jace. I promise, I tried to make you proud.”

  Jace’s jaw clenched.

  Fury blistered. Scoring into his consciousness. Penetrating to the ugly,
dark spot in his soul.

  That piece of shit did this?

  “It’s okay,” he attempted to murmur, to comfort his brother, his words raking from his raw throat. “It’s okay.”

  Ian nodded and then winced in pain as he moved.

  “It’s okay,” Jace whispered again, helping his brother to stand. Knowing it wasn’t even close to the truth.

  * * *

  The pompous fucker straightened his suit jacket as he stepped out of his car and onto the sidewalk. Jace didn’t hesitate. He rushed up behind him and shoved him as hard as he could.

  His back bowed as he stumbled forward a step before Steven whirled around. He cracked a grin when he saw Jace. But Jace wasn’t smiling back. He was throwing a fist. As hard as he could.

  It cracked against the guy’s face. His head rocked back, and Jace didn’t slow, didn’t wait, he dove for him, tackling him to the ground.

  A frenzy lit inside Jace. All the anger and hostility he possessed rising to the surface.

  Freed.

  “You hurt my brother. You piece of shit, you hurt my brother.”

  Jace threw punch after punch. They landed on the guy’s chin. His jaw. His nose. Bones crunching and flesh splitting.

  It only fueled the fire.

  The hot hatred that burned inside Jace.

  He wanted to end him.

  Erase the threat.

  All of it.

  The drugs he was feeding his mama, the hook he had in Joseph.

  Most of all, he wanted to get retribution for Ian. His brother who was so brave and so damned stupid.

  “You disgusting piece of shit. I’ll kill you. I’ll kill you.”

  Jace didn’t even know what he was saying, his rage so intense, red was the only thing he could see.

  He could barely feel the blow that jolted through him when a fist landed on his cheek.

  Blinding.

  Feet pounded around him, and voices shouted.

  He didn’t slow. He pounded and pounded and pounded.

  Hands were suddenly on him, dragging him back, pinning him facedown on the ground. Cuffs were slapped around his wrists.

  Jace lifted his head.