More of You: A Confessions of the Heart Stand-Alone Novel

by Jackson, A. L.

  But Jace . . . Jace looked like the ultimate temptation. Everything I’d ever wanted and should have known better than to take.

  All hard, packed muscle on his towering body, chest so wide, his flat abdomen carved and cut and making my mouth water a little bit.

  Oh, had the man grown into his tall, gangly frame.

  God, the sun had to be putting me into a swoon.

  That was it.

  Courtney pinched my forearm, shocking me out of the stupor. “What are you lookin’ at, Faith?” she singsonged.

  I swatted at her. “Nothin’.”

  Her brows lifted. “Oh really?”

  “Really.”

  She spun her finger around my face. “Somebody is tellin’ lies. It’s written all over you. I know where that mind of yours went. I bet you’re thinking about running your hands all over that delicious skin, aren’t you? Giving it a little lick? I wonder what else you’re thinkin’ about lickin’.”

  There was nothing but suggestion in her tone.

  Redness rushed all over me, heat climbing my neck and landing on my cheeks.

  “Courtney, I swear to goodness, you are ruthless.” She could give Jace a run for his money with all the trouble she was glad to provoke.

  She let her salacious gaze travel out the window. “What? Even I have to admit that is one fine-specimen of a man. Now tell me if he’s given you something a little fun over the last few weeks he’s been here.”

  I choked out a sound of disbelief. I shouldn’t be surprised. This was Courtney I was dealing with. But even after knowing her for over twenty years, she still managed to shock me with the things that came out of her mouth.

  “Show me yours, and I’ll show you mine.” She hiked a not-so-innocent shoulder. “Felix does rock my world. Now you’d better start fessin’ up on the details of what’s going on between you two, because I know it’s something. I can’t believe you’ve left me in the dark. That’s not cool, Faith Avery, after all, I tell you all my dirty little secrets.”

  I started to fill an ice bucket. “Who said I wanted to hear all your dirty little secrets? You usually leave me feeling like I need to pour bleach into my ears. And there is nothin’ going on. He’s watching out for Bailey and me. That’s it.”

  Why’d that sound like a lie?

  “Right . . . the man is staying under the same roof? Him looking the way he does and you all smokin’ hot and sexy? All that unresolved history built up between you two? I bet you are absolutely killing him.”

  She clucked. “Hell, I bet the only thing filling up that big head of his is the image of him sneaking into your room and doing all kinds of dirty things. I just wonder how long it’s gonna be until he actually does it.”

  Visions slammed me.

  What that would be like.

  Jace over me.

  Our bodies drenched in sweat.

  The expression he’d wear on his face.

  Heat flashed.

  Too much.

  Overwhelming.

  Courtney grinned. “Or maybe you’ve already done it.”

  I forced a scowl onto my face. “I hate you, you know that?”

  “Pssh . . . hate me? You love me. Who else is gonna tell you like it is?”

  “Stop it. We’re just friends and you know it.”

  Her smile was somehow soft and wry and brimming with sympathy. “Cut the crap, Faith. Friends is not what you call what’s going on between you two. There’s so much friction and energy radiating from the two of you that you’re about to make the entire house go boom.”

  “You know I’m not ready for that,” I whispered, an emphatic plea. “I don’t understand why you keep pushing me that direction. My heart doesn’t have room for any more breakin’.”

  What kind of horrible person did it make me that I was having these thoughts at all? The feeling rushing me every time Jace stepped into the room.

  Attraction and desire.

  Part of it made me feel dirty. The other part of me was sure I couldn’t stop it if my life depended on it.

  I guessed that probably stemmed from the fact that’s the way loving Jace had once felt.

  As if my life depended on it.

  Courtney reached out and fiddled with a loose strand of my hair, her expression encouraging. “I think you’re ready for more than you’re willing to admit. I think you’re so much stronger than you think. And I think maybe that amazing heart of yours is ready for something good after it’s been dealt so much bad.”

  Good?

  A gust of air left my lungs, my heart and spirit at odds with what she’d said. “Jace is dangerous,” I told her, barely able to free it from my tongue. “That beast is liable to wipe me out flat.”

  She swung her attention back out the window.

  Jace was leaned casually against the railing, chatting with his brother as he wiped the sweat from his forehead. His profile so striking, so dominant and commanding as he stood there, that it was borderline painful for me to look away from it.

  It didn’t matter if he was wearing ratty jeans or a suit.

  He appeared as if the world couldn’t touch him. Only because he owned it.

  But, oh God, could I feel him touching me from across the space. His presence these tendrils that wrapped around me, held me hostage, sank right in.

  Taking root.

  Through the window, those coppery eyes flashed my direction.

  A tremble rumbled through the walls.

  “And what if that’s exactly what you need? A beast to watch over you. His strength to hold you up.”

  Guilt lined my throat. “It’s not right.”

  She shook her head. “Love’s not about right or wrong, just like grief isn’t about counting days. Love is about being given a gift. Sometimes when we least expect it. Usually when we need it most.”

  My lips pursed tightly in refusal. “Love? He doesn’t love me.”

  She grabbed the bowl of watermelon, a grin threatening at her mouth. “You just go on tellin’ yourself that.”

  I scowled at her. “I thought you didn’t want Jace anywhere around me.”

  Another shrug. “Maybe I changed my mind.”

  “And why would you go and do that?”

  She looked out the window. “Only a man who really gives a shit shows up in the middle of a tragedy. Assholes? They like it nice and easy. They tuck tail and run the second things get rough. It’s the ones who really care who stick around.”

  “It was way easier when you were hatin’ on him,” I muttered quietly, barely a breath, pretty much talking to myself.

  “Hatin’ is always easier than lovin’, isn’t it?” she said right before she pushed open the door and stepped out onto the porch.

  No.

  She was totally wrong.

  Because loving Jace Jacobs had always felt like the easiest thing in the world. Right up until that love was taken away.

  Twenty-One

  Jace

  “And here I had to come out of the ocean buck naked in front of half the high school.” Mack glared at Ian, who was rocked back in one of the patio chairs, all smug the way he always was.

  “Hey, warned you if you told Delaney I was crushing on her, you were going to regret it.”

  Somehow, we’d started tossing out stories from back in high school while we sat under the shade of the porch. Tyler and Shane had taken off, so it was just a few of us left.

  The mood had gone light.

  That didn’t mean that energy wasn’t billowing from her.

  Floating through the atmosphere.

  Clouds at the edge of heaven. Maybe right in her hands.

  I tried to pretend I wasn’t all wrapped up in the way she felt sitting two feet away from me and watched as Mack gave a shrug with one of his hulking shoulders. “Turns out, it worked in my favor, anyway. Maddie didn’t seem to mind all that much.”

  “Ewww.” Courtney laughed and smacked at her thigh. “You would go for Maddie, Mack. You were such a dirty bird ba
ck in high school.”

  Mack grinned and drained the rest of his lemonade as he looked at her. “Was?” He winked at her. “Besides, what was so wrong with Maddie?”

  There was a smirk riding around his mouth, his beard twitching as he kept himself from laughing.

  “Uh, how about the fact she went around braggin’ about every boy she sacked. She might as well have been a football player.”

  Mack scoffed. “I think you were just jealous those linebackers weren’t trying to take you down.”

  Courtney shot him a glare. “I’ll have you know I could have had anyone on that team. I just liked the boys I dated . . . a little more seasoned.”

  Mack squinted with the accusation, the cop in him always right at the surface. “You mean you were jail bait? Not cool, Courtney, not cool.”

  Courtney laughed. “I’ll never tell. Besides, why are you always tryin’ to find a good excuse to arrest me?”

  “Uh, because you’re nothin’ but trouble.” It was purely a tease.

  A grin pulled up at the corner of Felix’s mouth, and he ran his fingers over Courtney’s arm. “Trouble maker, huh? Do I need to get my cuffs out?”

  “I have been a bad girl.”

  I could feel the flush coming from Faith beside me, the way she was looking at the porch floor and fighting a grin, peeking up at her best friend.

  Satisfaction tightened my chest.

  It felt like with each day that passed, I got to watch her come farther out of her shell.

  Heal a little more. Even with the possible threat looming over her head, the girl was blossoming again.

  Like her spirit had been fed, wilted petals coming alive.

  Comfortable in her own skin, in her own home, while her little girl ran and twirled and danced on the lawn. Not a care in the world since she was off living in all her make-believe ones.

  That was the only thing I wanted for them.

  For them to feel like they could live without fear. Without Faith having to constantly watch over her shoulder.

  “So, birthday party next weekend for Mack,” Ian said, grinning at Mack who probably would prefer to let the milestone pass him right on by. Unnoticed.

  As if any of us were going to let him forget.

  “That’s right. It’s the big one. Thirty.”

  I grinned at Mack, who was rubbing his fingers through his beard and grinning as he sat there in his own comfort.

  “Getting up there, man,” I told him.

  Mack scoffed. “Hardly. Just another day as far as I’m concerned. Besides, the rest of you assholes aren’t far behind me.” He pointed around the circle of us.

  “Don’t worry, Mack, we’ll all be there to help you cross over to the other side,” Felix said, lifting his lemonade as if it were a shot.

  “Can’t wait,” Mack said, response dry, though there was a smirk behind it.

  Everyone seemed to trail off and settle into the rest, a light breeze blowing across the back lawn from the stream at the back, the little bit of cool welcomed after we’d been baking under the rays of the sun for the last six hours.

  “Made pretty good progress this morning,” Ian finally said, voice faraway, like he was somewhere in his mind calculating how long it was going to take to get this place whipped into shape.

  Fucking forever, that was how long. The porch was barely scratching the surface.

  “Going to need to hire a crew,” I said, looking toward the peeling paint on the porch overhead.

  “Know some guys,” Felix said. “I did a bunch of construction in the past. I could get you in touch with some guys who could help you out.”

  I sat forward. “Really?”

  “Sure.”

  I glanced at Faith, who sent me one of those wistful, sad smiles.

  Like she still couldn’t understand why I wanted to do any of this for her.

  Why she deserved it.

  When the girl deserved the entire world to be placed at her feet.

  Everything I possessed.

  I bit those thoughts back, my mind and heart going a direction it couldn’t go. I cleared my throat and broke the connection, swinging my attention back to Felix. “That would be great. If you want to get everyone together Monday morning.”

  “Absolutely.”

  Faith suddenly shot up. “Where’s Bailey?”

  In a second flat, both Mack and I were on our feet, heading down the porch steps.

  That feeling swept over me. Something possessive and protective that I was pretty sure could suck the life out of me.

  Then I sagged when I saw Bailey coming up around the side of the house, gliding across the lawn, which was hugged by the sprawling rose gardens and the massive house.

  She was grinning.

  Grinning her sweet little grin, carrying that damned Beast that I half wanted to rip out of her arms and shred, or maybe press my face to it, breathe it in like it might be able to bring us back to that day so I could be that guy I’d wanted to be.

  Those thoughts drained just as fast when I realized she was holding a small package with it.

  “We got a present!” she sang. “Is for Mommy!”

  “Bailey.” Faith flew around me, her steps as urgent as her voice. “You aren’t supposed to go out front by yourself.”

  “I didn’t. I stay right here on the grass.” Her brown eyes were wide and emphatic.

  Faith sank to her knees in front of her and pulled the box from her hands. “Then where did you get this?” Faith turned it over in her hands, frowning.

  There were no markings on the box, but it was taped up.

  Bailey looked at her like she was crazy, and she pointed to the edge of the rose garden. “Froms my friend. He was right there.”

  “Where did he go?” Faith rushed, terror sliding from her mouth.

  Bailey’s eyes went wide. “I’s don’t know.”

  Faith gasped. Distraught, she shot up and started to run around the side of the house.

  Like she was going to chase down whoever had left this herself.

  “Faith!” I shouted.

  She cried out a sound of rebellion against it, a beaten-down desperation taking her whole, fury and terror escaping from her lungs.

  I ran behind her, and she pushed herself harder.

  I caught her, close to tackling her to the ground when I wrapped my arms around her from behind, the two of us on the ground panting as Felix blew by at a flat-out run, shouting as he did, “I’ve got this. Fucker isn’t getting away this time.”

  Mack was right behind him, his hulking frame slower than Felix’s long legs.

  With my arms around Faith, I tried to see through the hot hatred, torn between holding her, staying there in that spot to protect her and Bailey, and joining Felix and Mack.

  But I couldn’t seem to pry myself away from her. Couldn’t stop from experiencing the agony she was feeling.

  Holding her as she began to weep.

  Frantic, she started to tear into the seal, and I was hit with a bolt of that protectiveness, alarm riding in on the breeze, this feeling raising and suffocating.

  Faith pulled out one of the blocks that I instantly knew had come from Bailey’s room.

  She started shaking. Shaking so hard her shoulders were jutting up and down as she unfolded a note that was tucked in with the block.

  I kept a single arm around her tremoring body as I pried the note from her hands.

  I squinted at it beneath the rays of light.

  The next time I come looking for it, it’d better be there. I know you have it. Stop protecting Joseph. You have nothing left to lose. Well, I guess you do.

  Printed on the back of the sheet in black and white was a fuzzy picture of Bailey playing on the grass.

  Fury hit my veins. So violent I couldn’t see. I drew Faith tighter, at the same time reaching out to grab Bailey to drag her into my arms.

  Wrapping both of them up.

  Holding them tight.

  Refusing to let anything hap
pen to either of them.

  Sobs erupted from Faith, her words whimpered, “I don’t understand. I don’t understand. What do they want?”

  I could feel Bailey’s confusion in the way her little body swam with the unknown, her little heart so innocent and sweet as she wrapped her arms around her mother’s neck. “Is okay, Mommy. Is just a present.”

  Felix and Mack came back around from the front, both panting and trying to catch their breath.

  “Fuck,” Mack hissed. “Not a fucking trace.”

  He took the note I had crumpled in my fist. At the same time, his cell rang. He answered it.

  “Yeah.”

  “What?”

  “No.”

  He paced off, and I could feel his own hostility coming off him. Lashes and whips.

  “Fuck,” he hissed. “Okay. Give me thirty. Have a situation here, too.”

  I wouldn’t have heard what he’d said had I not been listening so intently, my ear craned to his conversation while I hugged Faith and Bailey to me as tightly as I could.

  Courtney scooted around to the front of them, glancing at me, a plea in her expression. She gently edged into the hug, whispering, “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

  Faith gulped over a cry and let her friend wrap her up.

  I stood.

  Anger streaking across my flesh as I turned and stalked for Mack.

  His lips were pinched, a heavy paw roughing over his face, his voice coming as a quieted growl the second I was in earshot.

  “An alarm was going off in an office building downtown. Turns out, it was one leased by one of the companies owned by Joseph’s umbrella. Someone is digging . . . finding out his holdings. Place was tossed.”

  “Shit,” I hissed. I could feel it. That ugliness lying siege. Sinking into every cell in my body. The willingness to do absolutely anything to protect the people who meant the most to me.

  Mack squeezed the outside of my shoulder. “We’re getting close, man. We’ll find whoever this bastard is. Find out what happened to Joseph. End this.”

  I let my eyes travel back to Faith. Broken on her knees, her daughter in her arms where she wept.

  Something swelled in me. That feeling I shouldn’t allow myself to feel. I shoved it down and turned back to Mack. “Do it fast.”