More of You: A Confessions of the Heart Stand-Alone Novel

by Jackson, A. L.

Ian pursed his lips, his hands stuffed in his dress pants, his sleeves rolled up and showing off the scars that lined his arms, covered in all those tats that screamed his pain.

  Dude was a storybook not a soul could read.

  Except for maybe me. Because I knew all those stories. I’d done my best so that they might be written differently, but I’d failed there, too.

  God, if I could write all of them differently, I would.

  He looked up, carefully eyeing me. “What if I said I wanted you to stay?”

  “Then I’d tell you to come visit me. Atlanta is a big place. Plenty of room for all of us.”

  “That’s not home,” he told me, voice hard.

  “And this is?” It came out a little more bitter than I meant for it to.

  He huffed out a frustrated sound. “I think you know the answer to that.”

  I blew a strained sigh through my nose. “You didn’t see her face, man. I saw it, all the way to her soul, and she won’t be able to look at me the same. I don’t want to live with that. I don’t. She and I both deserve better than living with his ghost.”

  I moved toward him, hesitating for a second before I hugged him tight, not caring that my shoulder screamed. “I’m not even sure who I am after all of this. After everything I’ve done.”

  Ian squeezed me back. “You’re my brother. The best guy I know. You are more than you’ll ever see.”

  I squeezed my eyes, fighting the emotion, fucking hating to say goodbye but knowing I couldn’t stay. “I love you, brother. Take care of yourself. Settle the fuck down and stop being stupid. Don’t make me come back here and kick your ass.”

  I attempted to tack some playfulness on the end.

  I pulled back, but Ian wasn’t smiling. “I’m not the one who’s being stupid.”

  I gave a tight nod, knowing what he meant. “I’ll talk to you soon.”

  He sighed. Shook his head. “Drive safe.”

  “I will.”

  Without another word, I hopped into the driver’s seat. When I pulled out onto the street, my guts were in knots and my heart was bleeding all over the fucking seat.

  Dripping out with each mile that passed.

  My cell rang, the number lighting up on the dash.

  My first instinct was to reject it. Put it all in the past. Leave it the way I had to do.

  But the rumble in my spirit had me pushing the accept button on the steering wheel.

  “Courtney.” Her name was grit.

  “Jace . . . you need to go out to the plantation.”

  Concern lit, but I bit it back. “I’m already on my way out of town.”

  “Then turn around,” she snapped.

  “I’m not playing games, Courtney. I’m leaving.”

  “Neither am I, and you need to turn your ass around. Faith needs you.”

  “Is she hurt?” I was unable to stop the panic, the throb inside me that drew me right back to the girl. That place that would always belong to her.

  Courtney’s voice quieted. “Yes, Jace, she is hurtin’ like crazy, and I’d venture to say you are, too.”

  “Don’t do this to me,” I almost begged.

  “I already warned you I’d kick your ass if you hurt her, Jace Jacobs.”

  “I didn’t want to hurt her.”

  “Then don’t.”

  A sigh pilfered from between my pursed lips.

  “Don’t make me hunt you down and maim that pretty face. Don’t want to do it, but I will.”

  “Courtney.”

  “Jace,” she returned just as hard.

  Silence wavered between us. “Just . . . go out there before you leave. That’s all I’m asking of you. After everything, please do this one thing.”

  “Fine.”

  This was such a bad idea. Such a terrible idea because walking away again was going to be the most excruciating thing I had ever had to do.

  Leaving for good.

  I ended the call and made a quick U-turn. My sluggish heart instantly racing.

  I made it back through Charleston and hit the quiet streets of Broadshire Rim.

  I swore that I could look at the sidewalks and see all those ghosts.

  Speeding through it, I felt unprepared for the million memories that slammed me as I made the last turn onto the dirt road that ran along the backside of town.

  The car jostled down the bumpy dirt road, and I remembered the stake to my heart the first time I’d seen her.

  Standing there in that corner of the office like she was trapped by a wild animal.

  The feeling she’d invoked.

  The care she’d given.

  Meeting her on this road what felt like a million times. Falling fast. Loving her hard and so stupidly.

  But not as stupidly as when I’d come back here, when I’d tripped into all that grace and found comfort in the one who I never could keep.

  I’d known it.

  And I’d tried to keep her anyway.

  But I’d always been that kind of fool.

  My heart hammered like a bitch as I got closer to the plantation, grief climbing my throat when I thought of seeing them again, as I worried what might be wrong.

  I slowed when I noticed something in the distance, right at the end of the turn to the plantation.

  I squinted into the bright sunlight, my pulse kicking, blood pounding through my veins.

  Faith and Bailey were standing at the end of the drive.

  A big wooden sign had been erected, painted white, an outline I couldn’t make out etched over the top.

  Terror hit me hard when I realized it had to be a for sale sign.

  Everything churned when I came to a stop and killed the engine.

  Just staring out the windshield at Faith who was staring back.

  Energy thrashed.

  A shockwave through the humid air.

  Drawn, I clicked open the door and warily stepped out, that feeling rising higher.

  Her grace so full.

  Her spirit so warm.

  I wanted to rest in it forever.

  My heart tumbled in my chest when I glanced down at Bailey who swayed at her mother’s side, hearts and rainbows printed all over her shirt and magic in her brown, brown eyes.

  My Unicorn Girl.

  My throat grew thick, so thick I could barely speak, but I finally forced out the choppy words. “Courtney said you needed help.”

  Faith nodded, blinked, and let her gaze sweep to the sign. “I’m going to need some help paintin’ this.”

  I shook my head. “I won’t help you give up your dream, Faith. I won’t. Please, don’t do it.”

  But Faith . . . Faith smiled. She smiled that smile that annihilated me.

  Joy and life and light.

  My goddamned knees went weak.

  “I’m not givin’ up my dream, Jace. I’m asking you to live it with me.”

  She took a tentative step forward.

  Stealing air.

  With that one footstep, I was hit with a crush of need.

  “I know what you did,” she whispered, her voice so soft it was a song.

  “What do you mean?”

  She gestured toward the house that was hidden in the protection of the row of spindly trees. “You gave me this. My dream. Even when you thought you couldn’t be a part of it.”

  She wasn’t supposed to know. Not ever. My head shook, trying to stop her from coming closer, but she didn’t stop.

  She just took another step while she stared up at me with those chocolate eyes.

  Bailey trotted along with her, holding onto her thigh, the little thing an extension of her mom.

  “You bought this house, didn’t you? For me?”

  God damn it.

  My hand went to my chest. Like I could physically rip the pain from where it lived.

  Reluctantly, I nodded. “It was always supposed to be yours.”

  Her lips pursed, so soft, so goddamned soft that I wanted to dip down and taste them one more time.

&nbs
p; Her words cut off that thought. “No, Jace, it was always supposed to be ours.”

  My chest tightened, and she edged an inch closer. “I knew the second you barged into my life that I was never goin’ to be the same. I wasn’t. You changed me. Changed me in the best of ways.”

  Grief climbed my throat. “I failed you, Faith.”

  She reached out and set her hand on my cheek. “You saved me. You saved me and my daughter.”

  “I lied to you.”

  Emotion twisted across her face, and her head canted to the side. “Because you loved me.”

  “I hurt you.”

  She brushed those fingertips across my bottom lip, and I nearly came undone. “Because you had to.”

  “I . . .” I struggled for the words, the sound of them gruff when they finally broke free, my heart cracking right there in the open. “I can’t stand the thought of you looking at me and seeing what you lost instead. What I stole from you.”

  Moisture gathered in her eyes, and I thought she’d step away, but she moved closer, so close I could feel the warmth coming from her sweet, sweet skin.

  Roses.

  Like she’d just run through the gardens.

  All I wanted was to bury my face in her neck, to breathe her in.

  “When I close my eyes, I see you. When I think of you, I see us together. When I look at you, I see where I belong. I see you.”

  My teeth gritted. “I betrayed Joseph, Faith. My own blood.”

  Her head shook. “You saved him, again and again. I know what he did, Jace. It was Joseph who betrayed us. I will forgive him . . . someday . . . I will.”

  She searched my face, those eyes caressing every inch. “You asked me in my kitchen if I knew all the horrible things you’d done in your life, if I could forgive you, and I promise you, there is nothing to forgive. The more I know about you, the more I love you. You are the best man to ever walk into my life.”

  She searched my face. “Do you remember you once told me I taught you how to believe? That I had given you the hope that you were worth so much more than the world gave you credit for? That I helped you accept you were destined for great things?”

  She ran her fingers down my chest. “It was you who brought all of that back to me, Jace. You who brought me back from despair. From fear and helplessness. It was you who made me believe I deserved more.”

  She wet her lips, her words rough. “I let you walk out of my life once, I’m not willin’ to do it again.”

  “But Faith—”

  She pressed a finger to my lips, and I swore I could feel the earth shift. The world spinning. “The only thing I need to know is whether you love me for me or out of obligation. If you love me because you ache for me or if this was always about Joseph stealing me away.”

  The branches whipped and the trees howled.

  My hands found her precious face. I tilted her face up to me. “Do I love you?”

  I blinked, savoring every curve and line of her face. “You are the one who taught me what that really means. You are the one who showed me what it was to believe in it.”

  I squeezed her cheeks in emphasis. “You are love, Faith. You are my heart. You are my beauty. My world doesn’t know how to exist without you.”

  Tears streaked down her face. “Then let me be yours. Forever. Don’t leave me, because I need you more than I’ve ever needed anything in my life. Tell me you’ll stay . . . because I don’t wanna go on dreamin’ without you.”

  I glanced down at Bailey, who was completely wrapped around Faith’s leg as she grinned up at me. “Will you stay, Jacie?”

  I stood there, wondering if this was real. If this was possible. If I could ever be good enough.

  Her words from so long ago filtered through my mind.

  “It doesn’t matter what anyone says, Jace. It’s what you believe. What you see in yourself. If you want it badly enough, you can have it.”

  “I believe in us.” It came out without question. Without hesitation.

  A tremble of a smile moved across her lips. “You became my dream. Tell me you’ll live it with me. Let’s dream again.”

  “Always. I’ll fight for you. Love you. And I promise that I won’t ever walk away.”

  Faith choked out soggy laughter. “Good. Then I’m goin’ to need help painting that sign.”

  I shifted that way, squinting as I peered at the outline.

  Broadshire Blooms Bed & Breakfast

  She inched up and whispered in my ear. “Come stay at the BBB. Well . . . almost.”

  I laughed.

  Laughed, and then I was rushing to hug her tight, hope billowing over.

  Spilling out on the land.

  Dream after dream after dream.

  A family.

  I wanted it, and I’d never stop fighting for it. I drove my fingers in all that lush, long hair, and I kissed her like she was my last breath.

  That was exactly what she was.

  My last breath.

  Every breath until the very end.

  Bailey tugged at my pant leg, and I ripped myself away, my heart pressing so damned full.

  She was lifting a full gallon of paint, her little arms straining as she curved all the way back so she could show me what she had.

  “You got to paint my room aww pink and tuck me in every night and sway the bad dragons. But not Mack. Mack is a good dragon.”

  Her eyes shone with this pleading kind of awe.

  Magic.

  I dropped to my knees in front of her, and I looked up at her mother, who was gazing down at us, her fingers running through my hair, before I turned my attention back to Bailey.

  The little girl I would forever love as my own. Never think of her as anything else.

  When I opened my mouth, I made a promise I would keep for both of them.

  “I’ll slay all your dragons, and I promise, I will never leave.”

  * * *

  I sat on the edge of Faith’s bed, the sound of her moving around in the bathroom after taking a shower soothing me while I held the letter she’d given me to read.

  Torn.

  Torn between hatred and devotion.

  Swallowing down the years of resentment and anger, I turned the letter over and over in my hands, not sure if I wanted to listen to a thing he might want to say.

  Finally, I forced myself just to read it.

  Jace,

  If you have this letter, it means I got what was coming to me. You taught me about karma at a young age. I should have believed its truth. I didn’t. But that didn’t mean I didn’t respect you.

  Well, respect and envy are a very fine line, aren’t they? I wanted to be you, and I hated you for it because I could never be that good. My heart never beat the same way as yours. Your soul ached to do good, and mine sought wickedness and greed.

  Steven wanted me to prove my loyalty to him, and in turn, I broke the greatest trust I should have shared with someone. I put those drugs in your backpack and made the anonymous call that I’d seen someone breaking into the plantation.

  I stole from you, but I’m the one who lost.

  I lost everything. But it was always yours, anyway.

  Take them. Love them. Don’t ever regret finally turning me away. It was what I needed. What they needed. It was time.

  I know you’ll show Bailey what a real man is like. You’ll teach her devotion and loyalty. You’ll fill her with strength. Most of all, you’ll fill that house with love. After all, it was always your ghost that lived there.

  Goodbye, my brother. That was what you were. If I could change one thing, I would have been a better one.

  Joseph

  Grief nearly cut me in two, and I squeezed my eyes closed after I’d read his final words. Part of me wanted to hate him. But hating him would solve nothing. It would never change the path we’d been set on.

  The loss.

  The lessons.

  The love.

  Love.

  It creaked open the bathroom door, s
tanding in the frame, her gorgeous face filling my eyes. I blinked at her, my throat growing thick, that feeling rising high.

  So high.

  I wanted to ride on it forever.

  Faith slowly walked out, her hips a slow sway, the girl so sexy and she never knew it.

  I knew she’d given me time. Privacy to read through the letter that had been left for me.

  She came to a stop right in front of me, and I widened my knees, dragging her closer to me.

  She set her hand on my face, her thumb running along the hollow beneath my eye.

  “Are you okay?” she whispered her concern.

  I let the letter flutter to the floor.

  As wilted as one of the rose petals that fell.

  Making space for something new to bloom.

  I set both my hands on the outsides of her thighs, staring up at those chocolate eyes.

  Emotion flooded fast.

  A furious beat through my veins.

  “Are you standing in front of me?” I let a grin quirk up at the corner of my mouth.

  Faith smiled.

  Smiled and that feeling swept me away, and I gripped her around the waist, spinning her around until she was pinned to the bed.

  I gazed down at her.

  At my love.

  My life.

  My hope.

  My beauty.

  She ran those fingers through my hair. “I guess that’s my answer then.”

  I tugged at the towel she had wrapped around her body, revealing every soft, luscious curve. “You’re my answer.”

  Her fingertips fluttered, hovering over the wound healing high on my chest near my shoulder before her hand traveled to my heart, her palm pressing flat against the beat.

  I spread my hand over hers. “Beauty.”

  Faith didn’t look away from my eyes as she pushed down my pajama bottoms, neither of us breaking our stare as I twisted the rest of the way out of them, as I crawled between her thighs.

  “Beast,” she whispered.

  I pressed into the sweet warmth of her body. I loved her and cherished her, every shift of my hips as I rocked into her filled with devotion.

  With loyalty.

  I’d known the second I met her this girl was more.

  Forever more, she’d be my everything.

  Epilogue