Broken Worlds

by Anitha Robinson

  “Sorry. I’ve been so worried.”

  “I’m fine, Mim. Actually better than fine. I met this guy—”

  “What!”

  “I got into a bit of trouble, and he helped me. He’s really nice, and I’ve been staying with him ….”

  “WHAT?”

  I pull the phone away from my ear. Her shriek even wakes the cats.

  “I know. It’s crazy, but it’s amazing,” I say, my cheeks reddening and my stomach fizzing.

  “So are you living living with him?”

  “Oh my God, no. But he’s so good looking.”

  “As good as Bradley?”

  It’s as if her hand reaches through the phone and tightens around my neck. I can’t breathe. How could she mention him?

  “You know, he asks about you,” she says, as if that’s an excuse to bring him up. “I think he still likes you.”

  Calling was a mistake. I thought talking to her would make me feel better, like it did all the other times. But hearing Bradley’s name only makes me ache all over. I remember him crossing the gym, his eyes glued on mine. I wished I’d danced with him. All the girls liked him. I couldn’t believe he even asked me to dance. And then I ran out on him. I wish I’d been a normal girl who could dance with a guy and not freak out. One more thing Sita took away from me.

  “Kalli, you still there?”

  I think about hanging up, but I can hear the panic in her voice. She knows she crossed a line.

  “Yeah, I’m still here.”

  “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t bring him up.”

  “It’s okay. I’m over all of that,” I lie.

  “Are you really okay? You said you got into trouble.”

  “What?”

  “You said that guy helped you when you were in trouble. What happened? Is that little boy with you?”

  “What? What did you say?”

  “The boy? I think his name was Simon.”

  My knees buckle and I grip the table for support. No, not Simon. Sammy.

  The phone slips from my hand and falls to the floor, just as the door opens and Ellis comes in, bringing a gust of cold air that encircles me.

  CHAPTER 9

  Sammy? I can’t hear, see, or think clearly. Everything is muted. I know Ellis says something to me because his lips move. His eyes are wide as they move rapidly from the phone dangling off the table to me. He yanks up the cord and then grabs onto my shoulders, shaking me, so that the phone bounces against me.

  “Who are you talking to?” he demands.

  I am vaguely aware of another sound emanating. But from where? Ellis’s lips have stopped moving, but the screeching hasn’t.

  Sammy? How could I forget? My head throbs as a rush of images circle my brain. And through it all, I can still hear the shrieking. It’s coming from the phone. Mim. I place my hand on the phone and try to pull it up to my ear, but Ellis won’t let go. His face is hard and angry. I tug until he finally releases the phone. His eyes have narrowed and his lips are pursed tightly. I’m shocked at how closely he resembles Fallon.

  “Who is that? Is that him?” Mim bellows into my ear.

  “Sorry, Mim. I’ll call you later.” I hang up, even though I can still hear her frightened voice.

  Ellis is standing over me, his face red, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters except Sammy. I have to go back. I have to get back to him. He must be terrified. I push my way past Ellis and race for the door. Ellis grabs on to my arm and I jerk it away. He recoils.

  “Kalli, who were you talking to?”

  There’s no time for this. I need to get out of here and back to Sammy. I feel sick. How could I forget about him? How could I have spent these past days living in such luxury while Sammy has been struggling all alone on the streets? I feel myself suffocating under the weight of my shame.

  “Kalli!” Ellis’s roar shocks me from my thoughts.

  “I have to go. He’s out there.”

  “What are you talking about? Who’s out there?” Ellis is beside me now, holding onto my arm and anchoring me to the spot. “Who were you talking to?” I’m taken aback by his anger. He’s never spoken to me like this before.

  “I have to get Sammy!”

  “Sammy? Is that who you were talking to?”

  “What? No, of course not. I was talking to Mim. And she asked about the little boy and then ….” I can barely say it. “I remembered,” I choke out. “I remembered Sammy.”

  Ellis lets out a deep breath and his arms fall to his side. “You remember?” All the rage in his voice has been replaced by fear.

  But then the meaning of his words hit me. “You know about Sammy?”

  “Kalli, come sit down with me,” he says softly.

  “No. I can’t sit down.” I look at him uncomprehendingly. “I have to get to Sammy. I have to get to the train station. I hope he found his way back there.”

  “You can’t,” he says.

  “What do you mean I can’t? Am I a prisoner here?” I run my hands through my hair, causing the skin on my face to pull back.

  “Of course you’re not a prisoner. But please come sit down. I need to tell you something.”

  He sounds so ominous. But I can’t deal with whatever dilemma he has right now. All that matters is getting back to Sammy.

  “Come with me. We’ll go in that incredibly fast car of yours. We can talk on the way,” I offer, rushing to the door.

  My fingers are turning the knob when he pulls my hand away.

  “What are you doing?” I demand, turning on him.

  “You can’t go to Sammy,” he whispers.

  “Of course I can. Listen, if you don’t want to take me, that’s fine. But I’m going.”

  Ellis rests his palm on my cheek. He looks completely miserable. He doesn’t want me to go. He wants me to stay here with him. He’s falling for me. I place my hand over his.

  “I won’t leave you. I’ll just go and find Sammy. Make sure he’s okay.” And then the most wonderful thought comes to me. “Maybe I can even bring him back too. He’s so little and really wouldn’t be any ….”

  Ellis is shaking his head. “You can’t go to Sammy. He’s not at the train station.”

  My hand falls limp beside me. “What do you mean he’s not there?” A slow panic bubbles inside me.

  “Please come and sit down,” Ellis says, putting his arm around my shoulder, trying to guide me to the sofa.

  I duck out from under him. I swallow. My throat is suddenly so dry. “What do you mean he’s not there?” I repeat.

  Ellis takes a deep breath and bites his lower lip. “When I found you in the alley, you were badly hurt. You were covered in blood. I knew I had to get you help quickly.” He pauses and strokes my hair. “You were delirious. Your words were slurred and didn’t make any sense. But you did repeat one name over and over.”

  “Sammy,” we say together.

  “Yes, Sammy,” he smiles wistfully, causing the ripples of panic to grow into waves. “So after I dropped you off at the clinic and made sure you were going to be taken care of, I went back.” He closes his eyes and leans his head back against the door.

  Bile clogs the back of my throat. Tears spill over onto my cheek, and I wipe them away. It’s not true. What I’m thinking is not true. It can’t be.

  “Where’s Sammy?” I ask, my voice thick and strangled.

  “He was so small. It took me a while to find him, huddled in a corner of the alley.”

  This can’t be happening.

  “I tried desperately to revive him.”

  No.

  “But his wounds were too much.”

  “No.” My voice finally breaks through. “Sammy got away. I saw him. I remember. We were being attacked, and I fought that guy off. I saw Sammy run out of the alley. I saw him. I saved him!” I bellow, clutching the fabric of Ellis’s shirt.

  He grasps my hands within his. “Sometimes when the pain of reality is too much, our brains protect us any way they can.” He shake
s his head. “I’m sure you did everything you could to keep him safe.”

  “I did keep him safe,” I say, unwilling to believe. “And at the clinic, you all said there wasn’t a child. I asked you!” I pull myself free of his hold and shove him away.

  “Margaret said that even though she had healed you physically, you weren’t ready for the truth. That you had buried the truth about what happened, and it would be best to wait until you were stronger to tell you about Sammy,” he says, trying to pull me back into him.

  I push his hands away and step back from him. “It’s not true,” I cry. “It can’t be true. I didn’t make it all up.”

  “That guy was strong, and he had a knife. You can’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault.” Ellis swallows. “I’m so sorry, Kalli. Sammy never made it out of the alley.”

  I’m drowning. I must be drowning because I can’t breathe. My lungs are full. My ears ring and an unbearable weight crushes my chest. The last thing I hear is Ellis saying, “He’s gone.”

  CHAPTER 10

  I float on the surface of waking. Ellis sleeps beside me. Last night, after he gathered me in his arms, we lay quietly on the bed. Neither of us spoke. I wrapped myself into a tiny ball and prayed I could die.

  First I abandoned Navi; then I got Sammy killed. Sita was right. I am worthless and pathetic and selfish. Sammy trusted me to take care of him. From the moment I saw him, screaming at the kids twice his size to stop throwing stones at the pigeons, I loved him. And when they turned their raised arms to him, I didn’t hesitate. I ran forward and took my place between him and the flying rocks. From that moment on, we became a team, a family.

  I still can’t believe it’s true. Last night, my mind filled with flashes of him. Pink ice cream dribbling down his lips. Playing with the ends of my hair as he nestled into me, keeping each other warm. Sammy crying out in his sleep as his past haunted him. Now that I think of it, it was Sammy’s nightmares that caused my own to cease.

  The house is silent and the moon splashes shadows across Ellis’s face. The bed is soft and warm, so different from the steel benches in the train station where Sammy and I slept. I am pulled from my thoughts, as I realize what woke me in the first place. My belly burns.

  I scrunch up my shirt, and look at my stomach in the broken light, but I can’t see clearly. I ease out of bed and go to the bathroom. I flick the switch, and squint in the sudden brightness. I stand in front of the long mirror, exposing my stomach. The skin looks okay. No redness, which hopefully means no infection.

  “Ouch!” There’s more than just a tingling.

  I sit on the edge of the tub and gently rub my stomach with the tips of my fingers. I grab the cream that Margaret gave me, generously apply it, and instantly feel relief.

  I’m no longer tired. I feel jumpy and restless. I keep seeing Sammy. What did I say to him? Did I at least hold him as he took his final breath?

  I creep out of the bathroom, my nerves tingling and my skin covered in gooseflesh. Ellis is still asleep. I don’t want to wake him, but I’m too wired to go back to bed. It’s getting lighter outside. The clock by the bed reads 6:50 a.m. I walk to the window and look out into the semidarkness. I haven’t been outside since entering Ellis’s house several days ago. I put on my worn jacket, socks, and shoes, hesitating only a moment before I open the front door. It’s cold. I wrap my arms around myself. The air feels fresh and sharp against my uncovered face. It suddenly dawns on me. I’m outside, completely on my own. If I want to, I can leave. I can run away.

  I turn to my left and then to my right. It’s totally deserted, just black shadows stretching out on all sides. How far will I have to walk to get back to an area I recognize?

  I begin to run. The wind cuts across my face, and I see that I’m almost at the entrance to the forest. Twigs crack under my steps. There’s still very little light. It’s almost like moving blindfolded. But my body relaxes and my chest opens up while I take in great gulps of fresh morning air.

  The pain in my stomach has vanished. I’m well into the woods now, completely surrounded by trees. The leaves have fallen, but there are tall pines covered in dark green needles, shielding me from the blowing wind.

  It’s so quiet. I weave around trees and fallen branches. I’m not concerned about finding my way back.

  A loud scratching startles me. I stop and hold my breath. I can’t see anything. Is Ellis looking for me? I call out to him, but there’s no reply.

  The scratching occurs again. It’s coming from farther into the woods. For all I know, there could be wild animals out here. I decide to turn around and make my way back to the house. The forest, which moments before seemed welcoming and safe, now feels foreign and unfriendly. I am disoriented. I stop to take in my surroundings and that’s when I hear the crying. It sounds like a cat. Oh no. Did I shut the front door? Could the cats have gotten out? I search the ground for something to defend myself with in case it’s a wild animal. I grab a few rocks from the ground and tear off a branch from a tree.

  I cautiously head in the direction of the crying. My head turns to every sound I hear. Suddenly I see a building hidden amongst the trees, and about ten feet away from the structure is Lucy, tangled in the weeds and struggling to free herself. I inch my way to her and carefully pull her out of the plants. I scoop her into my arms. She squirms at first but then settles.

  The building is old and ugly. Most of the windows are boarded up. Thorny vines grow up the sides, and I shudder at the wasp nests that hang beneath the gutters.

  Hoping the nests have been abandoned, I step closer. The few windows that haven’t been sealed up are filthy, covered in dirt and dust that makes it impossible to see through. I wade amongst thick brush and weeds until I find the wooden door. It too is concealed by a mountain of weeds. Lucy wriggles as I try to open the door, which remains firmly shut. Why is an old abandoned building locked? And then I remember—Ellis said he kept his inventions in a workshop. This must be it. It looks so run down though.

  “Ow!”

  Lucy digs her nails through my jacket, and I drop her. The second she hits the ground, she bolts away.

  “Dammit, Lucy! Get back here.”

  She scurries into the brush and vanishes. I turn back to the building. For some reason I’m drawn to the dark and dingy workshop. I’m about to twist the handle one more time when I hear a loud crunch in the distance. It sounds too heavy to be coming from the cat. Feeling stupid at putting myself in another precarious position, I give up my efforts to get inside and focus on finding Lucy and getting back to the house.

  Hunching low to the ground, I push aside the bramble, softly calling out her name. The sun is stronger now, so it provides a bit of light in the dense forest, and I finally find her. Every time I inch closer, she runs away. I grab a twig and shake it on the ground so that it scrapes the leaves. Just as I hope, she attacks her “prey,” and I scoop her up.

  I straighten and realize that I’m completely disoriented. Which way? A wall of massive trees surrounds me.

  “Any idea?” I ask Lucy.

  I randomly pick a direction and start walking. I’m getting deeper into the dense trees when I startle at the sound of a loud crack, jump up, and whack my head on a branch.

  “Ow.” My voice catches in the back of my throat. A cold chill fills every pore on my skin. I’m suddenly in a pocket of icy air and my hearing is muffled. I can no longer hear the din of the forest creaking and breathing. Instead indistinct whispers fill the air. My stomach tightens. I have no idea why my response is one of panic. It’s probably just some hikers.

  Despite the likelihood that the sounds come from someone completely harmless, I can’t shake the feeling churning inside my chest. I have to get away from here.

  Holding Lucy close, I inch my way as quietly as I can away from the voices. Every leaf or twig I break beneath my feet sounds like thunder. I don’t know how, but I find the clearing at the back of Ellis’s house.

  I run as hard as I can until I rea
ch the safety of the front door and let Lucy down. My fingers almost touch the knob when I feel a weight on my shoulder. I fling myself around, fists raised, ready to defend myself. My hand collides with a chest at the exact instant my brain recognizes Ellis’s shocked expression.

  CHAPTER 11

  The initial relief that washes over me dissipates. He wears the same cold expression he had last night when he found me on the phone. How can someone look so mean and lovely at the same time?

  “Where were you?” he demands.

  I level my voice to match his accusatory tone.

  “I went for a run. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hit you. You surprised me.”

  “A run? Where? Where did you run?”

  “What does it matter where?” I ask.

  He looks taken aback. “It matters because it’s not safe out in the forest.”

  “What’s not safe about it?”

  “Hikers have come across bears.” He sighs. “Look, I’m sorry. I kind of panicked when I woke up and you were gone.”

  “You did?” A smile spreads across my face. He was worried. I matter to him.

  His fingers gently stroke my forehead, pushing back my hair. “I promised Margaret I would watch over you.”

  His words are like a slap, and my smile vanishes. I thought we had grown closer. All those nights he held me while I fell asleep. And especially after last night. Had he only done it to accommodate Margaret’s wishes? Am I nothing to him?

  “It’s cold out here. Let’s go back inside.” He opens the front door.

  As he ushers me inside, Lucy darts between our legs and into the house.

  “Hey, how did she get out?”

  “I may not have closed the door properly when I went for a run. I’m really sorry,” I apologize.

  “Well, there’s another reason not to leave without me.”

  We pull off our coats. Ellis doesn’t help me with mine. All the warmth and familiarity that existed these past few days has vanished. He has altered for me. How can I be so stupid to think for even a second that he would want me? He moves into the kitchen, but I stay rooted by our coats.