Compass

by Jeanne McDonald

  A silence ensued between them. Neither willing to back down from their opinion. Stubborn to the core─a trait they shared, according to everyone who knew them. It wasn’t until a small voice interrupted them that the tension in the room broke. “Dad? Lexi? Everything okay?”

  Alexis turned to her not-so-little brother and pulled him into her arms. “Of course. Dad and I were just talking about my move.”

  “That’s not what it sounded like. Do you hate Mom?”

  She cupped his face in her hands, shaking her head. “No. I don’t hate your mom.”

  “She loves you, you know.” His innocent eyes spoke a truth that ripped deep into Alexis’ chest.

  “I know she does.”

  “And you love her?” he questioned, his eyes filled with hope.

  Alexis licked her lips, glancing over her shoulder at Miles. He propped his elbow on the counter, his brow lifted as if to say she was on her own with this one. “Yes, Hen.” One little fib wouldn’t hurt the boy.

  The answer seemed to appease the young man. “Good. I really like your friend. He’s cool. Did you know he used to play the flute?”

  Alexis let out a laugh. “Sweetie, trust me, he didn’t play the flute. He murdered the thing.”

  A loud laugh burst from Miles. “I remember that. Oh the nights I wanted to break that damn thing in two. Isaiah and I once plotted to melt it down and discard the pieces.”

  “It was awful!” Alexis cringed, laughing. The thought of Isaiah Fisher, Ryan’s father, suggesting such a thing made it even funnier to her. She used to envy Ryan for the way his parents doted on him. Not that her parents didn’t cater to her, but she often felt left in the background while Cora took center stage. Most people would think that bothered her, but it didn’t. She had Ryan and he was all she needed.

  “Like two cats fighting.”

  Henry joined in the merriment, happy to see his sister and father not arguing.

  Breathless, Miles opened his arms to Alexis. She stopped laughing and moved into her father’s embrace. It didn’t mean she’d forgiven him, but for Henry, she’d at least give the impression of forgiveness.

  He kissed the top of his daughter’s head then turned to his son. “Hen, go get Mom and Ryan. Tell ‘em dinner’s ready.”

  The whole house heard the sounds of Alexis and Miles having it out. Ryan tried to keep things lighthearted with Kellie and Henry, inquiring about anything and everything he could think of to keep a conversation flowing, but it was no use. When Henry jumped out of his seat, there was no stopping him. Ryan released a heavy sigh, seeing the pain in Kellie’s eyes.

  “It’s been fifteen years and she still won’t let me in.” She covered her face with her hands. Her whole body slumped in defeat.

  Things started to make more sense now. Earlier that morning, Declan had woken him to let the cat out of the bag that Alexis had indeed used the dreaded napkin. But he was friend enough to share the text messages with Ryan, only after torturing him relentlessly. Ryan read her words, her questions regarding Reagan. There was a lack of trust weaved into every sentence, and now he understood why. The betrayal of her father left scars that no one could see, and if he wanted to earn her trust, he’d have to prove himself.

  “Kellie,” he started, as he slipped onto the loveseat beside her, and pulled her hands from her face. “I know we don’t really know each other, but I’m going to ask something of you. Give me a chance to reach her.”

  A somber chuckle was muted by Kellie’s dainty sniffle. “You think you can? Because not even her own father can get through to her.”

  “I’m not saying I can, but at least give me a chance,” he beseeched.

  Kellie looked into Ryan’s eyes. Her hazel gaze narrowed, eyeing him in askance. She tilted her head and her face relaxed. One little nod and she gave Ryan’s hand a squeeze. “Okay. What’ve I got to lose? She can’t hate me anymore than she already does, can she?”

  Henry reappeared at the door, beaming ear-to-ear and slightly breathless. “Dad says dinner’s ready, and he and Lexi are laughing.”

  Kellie turned a weary grin to Ryan. “Looks like you’re already making changes in her.”

  “I’m not that good,” he chortled.

  “You underestimate yourself.”

  Ryan stood up, offering Kellie his hand. “That’s not in my nature.”

  Kellie accepted his chivalrous gesture. “I believe that as well.”

  Together, they made their way to the dining room to enjoy a home cooked meal. Conversation flowed, not always as fluidly as it could be, but easier than anyone anticipated. A walk down memory lane, followed by a cello concert performed by Henry made up the rest of the night.

  Throughout the evening, Ryan tried to ignore the constant vibration of his phone in his pocket. Reagan had learned about Alexis through Declan and she was now pestering him for details. He eventually had to respond with a message that he’d call her later, which only created a new flood of text messages from Reagan. Several times he caught Alexis glancing in his direction. He attempted to act nonchalant, but he could see the undercurrent of distrust in her eyes.

  Trust me. Please.

  By the end of the evening, Ryan dropped Alexis off at her apartment. She didn’t invite him inside and he didn’t suggest it. He could tell that she was emotionally spent, and it pleased him enough that she’d opened up that part of her life to him. Their friendship had once been the only thing that mattered to them, and if he had his way, she’d remember what life was like when she allowed him in.

  All the way home, he relived the evening─the ups and downs. In those few hours with Alexis and her family, he learned more about her as a woman than he could’ve in days alone with her. Fifteen years was really a long time, and his heart ached over how much he’d missed. He carried those thoughts to bed with him, pondering over every detail until sleep eventually took him to a place where he was once again climbing up a ladder into the bedroom window of the girl next door.

  Where ya at?

  Ryan shot Alexis a quick text message while marching down the jet bridge.

  It had been over a week since he’d seen her and while they’d conversed every chance they had during that timeframe, Ryan still had a distinct feeling of loneliness. It ate at him every night after they’d bid their goodnights. Alone in his hotel room, he’d lay in the bed and stare at the dark ceiling, wondering what she was doing until sleep would finally take him.

  Just about to head to the cafeteria for some food. Working late tonight. You home?

  Came back her reply.

  Face after face whizzed by him as he rushed through the terminal to the parking garage. He didn’t care that it was nine o’clock at night or that he was still in uniform. Under normal circumstance, his first destination would’ve been to go home, change, and then grab food, but now, he cared only about getting to Alexis.

  Texting with only one’s thumb while walking was no easy feat, but Ryan couldn’t stop himself.

  Yep. Heading to the car now. Want to meet me at The Kitchen Door? It’s a little diner about a block from the hospital. Best coffee ever.

  At his car, he tossed his luggage in the back, along with his hat and jacket, then slammed the trunk closed. He popped the top button of his collar and loosened his tie around his neck. By the time he was in the vehicle and the engine on, a text came back to him.

  Absolutely! Welcome home. Missed your scrawny ass.

  Ryan was about to back out when the reply came. If there was one thing he hated, it was people who couldn’t put their cell phones down long enough to drive. He put the car back into park and grabbed his phone. A huge smile ignited his face as he sent her a reply:

  Perfect! On my way now. And thanks, good to be home. As for my ass, we’ve discussed this. It’s not scrawny anymore. And I do think you have a slight obsession with my postiere. Would you like me to send you a picture?

  He dropped his phone into the cup holder once the message was sent and backed out of the
parking space. His fingers gripped the steering wheel tight, fighting the compulsion to read her next message as he merged onto the freeway. DFW airport was a cluster in itself without giving into the temptation to look at his phone. He had to remind himself it was only a fifteen-minute drive from the airport to the diner. He could wait.

  Upon arriving at the diner, he parked his car and noticed hers was already there. He snatched up his phone and read her message. Ryan curled his lips inward, holding back his laughter. All week long their messages were filled with innuendos. Toeing the line but never crossing it.

  No need. I have the one of you in a Speedo saved to my phone. As a matter of fact, I think I’ll make that my new wallpaper...well, part of it at least.

  Ryan raised an eyebrow, rereading the message as he got out of the car. He rubbed his fingers over his stubble-dusted jaw. “Must not read too much into that,” he muttered to himself, but that was difficult to do. He knew the picture she was referencing. It was him at his latest IronMan Triathlon. He was linked, arm in arm, with a few of his buddies, including Declan, in a straight line. While everyone else was shirtless and wearing riding shorts, he was wearing nothing but a black Speedo, a pair of sunglasses, and a goofy grin; and his butt was nowhere to be seen in that photograph.

  When he reached the door, he slipped his phone into his pocket and stepped into the diner. The smell of grease and cheese sent his stomach into a tyrannical rumble. The Goth girl at the counter glanced up from her phone and jerked her head toward the dining area. “Sit wherever you want,” she droned.

  Ryan barely heard her speak, for in that moment, he found what he was looking for. Alexis sat in a booth, her hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun, dressed in dark blue scrubs. She glanced up from the menu, almost as if she felt him enter the building. He was drawn to her, pulled by an invisible line that was attached directly to his heart.

  Alexis dropped the menu and waved him over, her smile as bright as the sun. Ryan strolled to the booth, his hands in his pockets, to keep from running to her. When he reached her, his whole body felt like a livewire ready to spark.

  She slipped from the booth and wrapped her arms around his neck. The piece of him that had been missing for the last week was restored in that one simple hug. His arms encompassed her and he buried his nose into her hair, breathing her in. She smelled like raindrops after a fresh spring rain. “Hey, you,” he breathed, placing a kiss on the top of her head.

  “Hey, you,” she murmured against his neck.

  For the longest time they stood there, holding one another. There was no urgency between them, only the quiet need to be together. A tall, heavyset, woman with jet-black hair peppered with gray approached them. “I see he made it, doll.”

  Alexis stepped out of their embrace and smiled. Her arm wrapped around his back, and his over her shoulders. It felt good to be holding her. Almost natural. He hated that he’d had to leave her alone to unpack by herself, but duty called. If it hurt this bad to leave her now, he hated to think what it would feel like after they spent more time together.

  “He did. Safe and sound.” She patted his chest. Ryan smiled at her, brushing his thumb over her cheek. Her eyes fluttered at his touch.

  They slid into the booth, sitting opposite of each other, but their hands remained linked together. “Can I get you some coffee?” the waitress asked him.

  Ryan glanced up at the woman, catching sight of her name tag, “Please, Judy. That’d be wonderful.”

  The waitress grinned at his use of her name and teetered off toward the kitchen.

  Ryan leaned back, his thumb rubbing the top of Alexis’ hand. “So, how many other pictures have you saved of me on your phone?”

  A tinge of pink blushed her cheeks. She batted her eyelashes and pushed her phone toward him. “You tell me.”

  Ryan turned his head, giving her a sideways glance. “This is a trick. I can feel it. No girl gives up her phone freely. At least none I’ve ever known.”

  Alexis released his hand, crossing her arms over her chest. Ryan felt his ribcage pinch at the loss of their skin touching, but being close to her and seeing her brilliant smile prevented the wide open chasm that had been apart of his anatomy for the past week. “Well, I’m not like any other girl you’ve known then.”

  Hesitant, Ryan reached for the phone. He looked around the diner, wondering what the other patrons might think of him holding a phone with a pink cover. “Chicken,” she muttered in a low tone.

  His head shot up and he met her gaze. Her lips pursed and she wiggled her brows, teasing him. “Fine.” He swiped his finger over the warm, flat surface of the phone, bringing it to life. Instead of being greeted with a picture of his package, which was what he feared was the whole purpose of this experiment, he found a picture of her with Cora. The little girl he’d known, all knees and grins, held her younger sister in her arms. Cora had no hair, having undergone chemo, but she was still very pretty for a little girl, her eyes shining with love.

  He glanced up at Alexis whose smile had faded. “She keeps me grounded,” she told him. “Whenever I question what I’m doing, all I have to do is look at my phone and I’m reminded of my purpose in life."

  “She’d be proud of you,” he noted.

  Alexis smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “She had a crush on you. Did you know that?”

  Ryan glanced back down at the cute little girl and chuckled. “I had no clue.”

  “She did,” came her response in a soft, nostalgic cadence. “Scrawny ass and all.”

  This time her smile brightened her eyes, burning deep into his chest. “There you go again with my ass.” He lifted his hip, glancing over his shoulder at his backside. “Are you sure you don’t need a picture.”

  Alexis reached over to her phone, her chest pressing against the table, forcing her breasts to push up. Ryan diverted his eyes. She was fully covered by her scrubs, but the image of those sweet mounds in his hands caused his pants to tighten. She didn’t appear to notice his discomfort as she tapped on an icon. A gallery of pictures exploded before him, including the one she’d mentioned. “Jesus, woman, how many pics did you save of me?”

  The table began to move with the vibration of her legs bouncing beneath it. Ryan reached under the table, placing his hand over her kneecaps. She stopped the instant he touched her. Ryan caught sight of her chest rising with an intake of breath. She sat back, crossing her arms back over her chest. “All of them.”

  He sat up straight, his back pressed into the seat, hoping he concealed the surprise he felt was pretty evident. He’d done the same thing, not that there were many pictures on her page with it only being a couple of weeks old, but he couldn’t help himself. He liked having that piece of her with him without the confines of a social network getting in the way.

  “Which reminds me...” She grabbed the phone from him and slid her finger over the glass rapidly. When she found what she was looking for, she thrust the phone back at him. Ryan took the phone, but didn’t have a chance to see what she was showing him, because Judy reappeared with his coffee.

  “Here ya go,” she said, resting the cup on the table. A few drops of the hot liquid sloshed over the top of the cup. “Y’all ready to order?”

  Ryan picked up the menu, having forgotten about his hunger.

  “I’ll have a double bacon cheeseburger and fries,” Alexis requested, giving Judy her menu.

  He handed his menu to Judy. “I’ll have what she’s having.”

  “Got it.” Judy wobbled back off.

  Ryan dressed his coffee with as much sugar as he could manage, the sweeter the better in his opinion; he then picked the phone up from the table where he’d laid it. The picture she’d chosen was of him, wearing a peach colored Polo shirt and a straw fedora. To the left of him was Declan and to the right was Reagan. On the other side of Declan stood a pilot friend of theirs, Shane Devereaux.

  His chest felt tight in anticipation. This picture was taken the night he and Reagan had sle
pt together. They were very cozy looking together, with his arm draped over her shoulder. He braced himself for what he expected to be an assault of questions.

  Alexis tapped on the picture, glancing up at him. “So, you remember me telling you about the other fellow I work with?”

  Ryan, a little confused, nodded.

  She pointed to Shane. “She’s married to this guy.”

  Ryan covered his mouth with his hand. “Holy crap. I didn’t even think...wait...I thought she was in pediatrics?”

  “Pediatric oncology. Same as me. She’s ahead of me by a year.”

  Ryan let out a small laugh. He was certain she would go on the defensive about Reagan. This came as a surprise, a very good surprise. Shane was a great pilot and a good friend. To know that Shane and Mary would be able to keep watch over Alexis when he was away made him feel relieved. “That’s amazing. They’re good people.”

  “I agree. Mary’s hilarious. A little scatterbrained at times, but I like her. She knows her stuff.”

  Her phone buzzed in his hand. He glanced down, out of habit, and recognized a text message coming in. It was from Declan. His head shot back up. “You just got a text from Declan.”

  “Okay.” She reached for her phone but he pulled back. Her brow scrunched together. “Ryan, what’s wrong?”

  “Why is Declan texting you?” His words came out a little more callus than he’d planned, but he couldn’t hide his aggravation. He had no claim on her, he knew that, but not Declan. Anyone but Declan. He was certain he couldn’t handle watching his roommate parade her around if they hooked up. It would kill him. And when Declan dumped her, because he would, Ryan would have to kill the bastard for hurting her.

  “I don’t know. We were just talking,” she replied, ripping the phone from his hand.