The Saddest Song

by Susie Kaye Lopez

  “A black cat?”

  Kara smiled and nodded.

  Rylee laughed and said, “Kara, now you sound more like a witch than a psychic.” They all laughed but I knew I wouldn’t forget. I also knew I didn’t agree.

  Of course Garrett was my soul mate.

  When we returned to Colin’s house that afternoon the guys played us parts of two songs they had been working on and I was so impressed. We all took our own cars when we went out for Sushi so we could head home after dinner. Max warned me on the way that they would be inviting us to Colin’s Halloween party the following week. I told him I already knew about it and would like to go if he would. Sophie and Rylee had made it sound like fun, and fun was what we needed more of. Max looked happy and that made me happy. I thought of Garrett and how proud he would be of us.

  After school on Monday we did our homework at my house so that we could go through my parents’ old Halloween costumes. Mom and Grandma made them every year and I thought we could borrow a couple for Colin’s party. Mom had said that she and Grandma would have plenty of time to alter anything we chose by Saturday. She wasn’t home when we got there so we did our homework first. Max finished before me and was in the fridge looking for a snack when mom came rushing through the door.

  “You beat me home!” she exclaimed, dropping her purse on the counter and hugging Max. She kissed my cheek and said, “Grandma sent you two a loaf of her Pumpkin bread.”

  “Yum! With chocolate chips?”

  “Of course.”

  “Sounds delicious,” said Max politely. I looked at him confused.

  “You remember it don’t you? Grandma sends it to your family every year.”

  “She does?”

  “Garrett loved it. He could eat a whole loaf by himself.” I said, realizing suddenly why Max had never gotten any.

  “Well, obviously Garrett didn’t want to share!” Mom laughed, and we joined in.

  “Typical Garrett,” Max smiled. “Let me see what I missed.”

  He took a piece from mom. “Wow, this is awesome.”

  We finished half a loaf of the bread then went with mom to the guest room and watched while she reached into the closet and began to pull costumes out, two at a time.

  “This is Cinderella, and this,” she said pulling another hanger out, “is Prince Charming.”

  “Wow,” Max said, clearly at a loss and obviously trying to turn it down without hurting her feelings.

  “Mom, no Cinderella. It’s too much. We don’t have to match. Max, pick out whatever you want to wear and I’ll pick mine.”

  “What! They were made to be worn together Rainey!” Mom said, upset.

  “Yeah, we should choose a theme we both like,” Max added.

  “You sure you don’t mind matching?”

  He nodded. “Sure, why not?”

  I shrugged. I didn’t care that much so I decided to let him choose. Mom proceeded to show us a pilot and stewardess, priest and nun, Aladdin and Jasmine, pirate and gypsy, cowboy and Indian, and several more. Mom and Dad had been going to the same party since I was a toddler. This year they were going as a king and queen.

  “Well? What do you think?” Mom asked, looking at both of us.

  “Max, you choose,” I said, putting him on the spot.

  “I will wear whatever you like except Prince Charming or the priest,” he smiled.

  “Okay, which do you like best between the cowboy or pirate?”

  “Let’s go with the cowboy. You will make a perfect Indian,” he said, tugging on my long dark hair.

  “Oh, Max is right! You won’t even need the wig. You’ll be perfect in this!” Mom held up the brown suede one shouldered dress, complete with fringe and a feathered headband.”I have the matching moccasins here somewhere.”

  She stood on her tiptoes and searched the shoe boxes until she found the ones she wanted.”Here honey, try this on and I will pin it and Grandma will help me alter it tomorrow.”

  “Uh, can I do it later?” I suddenly felt self conscious. Maybe this party was a mistake.

  “Oh, go and put it on Pocahontas.” Max laughed, and I reluctantly headed for my room, dress in hand. I heard my mom say, “your turn,” as I closed my door.

  I returned a few minutes later as an Indian in a very form fitting dress. I wondered whether or not Grandma could make it a little bit longer. Mom was as thin as I was but she was four inches shorter. I tugged the back down as if I could make it grow longer.

  “Oh Rainey! You look gorgeous!” Mom ran her hands down the dress looking for loose fabric. “It fits like a glove!” She kept going on and on but I wasn’t listening. I was watching Max and my reflection in the closets mirrored doors.

  “Gotta hand it to Grandma, she makes a hot cowboy costume, “ I teased Max.

  He wore a cream colored long sleeve thermal shirt pinned to fit skin tight, covered by a brown suede vest that matched my dress, and cowboy boots and hat in a darker shade of brown. An elaborate leather holster complete with fake gun rested on his hips. We grinned at each other in the mirror.

  “Rainey, maybe you should have a spray tan Saturday morning. You are the palest Indian I’ve ever seen,” Mom said, putting another pin in Max’s vest.

  “No spray tan, mom. I’ll use that lotion with tanner in it that Caitlynn uses but that’s it. Do you guys think this is too short? I tugged it down again.

  “No! You have great legs! You should show them off.”

  “Mom!”

  “Yeah, listen to your mom Rainey!” Max raised his eyebrows at me, teasing.

  “You two take those costumes off and be careful with the pins. I will see if Grandma thinks we can take the hem down a half inch or so Rainey, but I really think it’s perfect.

  My Grandma was at my house the night of the Halloween Party. She had added suede fringe to the bottom of my costume making it just long enough that I wouldn’t be tugging on it all night long. Mom had braided my hair and I applied my makeup using just enough bronzer to make me look like I had a perfect tan. For the past four days I applied the lotion with self tanner and I was so happy with the result that I decided to make it part of my daily routine.

  “Oh honey, you look beautiful!” Grandma stood behind me while I finished my makeup.

  “Thanks Grandma, you did a great job on my costume. Thank you for adding the fringe.”

  She handed me a small suede handbag decorated with tiny hand sown beads. It was just big enough for my cell phone and my lip gloss. “Oh, it’s so pretty grandma. Thank you.”

  “I ‘m glad you like it. I worked on it all week.”

  She smiled and I kissed her soft cheek. My grandmother was tall like me and she looked me in the eyes and said, “Rainey, I’m sure you’re thinking about Garrett tonight and I want you to know that I think he would be proud of you and his brother for trying to go on with your lives. I can see the effort it is taking you to keep going. Just relax and have fun tonight.”

  “I will. It’s easier for me because Garrett and I never went to costume parties. I never could have gotten him to dress up. It’s so much easier to do things with new friends that didn’t know him. Do things he wouldn’t want to do. It’s like a different life than the one we shared.”

  “It’s still your life Rainey. Just try to find happiness where you can and help Max do the same. We better head downstairs, Max should be here any minute. Look it’s eight.” I glanced towards my clock and saw it turn 8:01. The clock was telling time. It hadn’t turned itself off since the dream. I sighed and followed Grandma down the stairs.

  Downstairs mom and dad were finishing the dinner dishes and Max was sitting at the table eating a slice of Grandma’s famous lemon cream pie, his cowboy hat sitting next to his plate. “Max, I didn’t hear the door!”

  “Just got here,” he smiled. He stood up and hugged Grandma. She told him what a handsome cowboy he made while mom and dad gushed over their Indian Princess. We suffered through the compliments and several photographs. I didn’t
relax until we were safely in the truck waving at them on the porch.

  “Sorry about that,” I said.

  “No problem. I hate to do this to you but do you mind if we swing by my house? Mom is dying to see your costume and she has her camera ready to go.

  I laughed. “Wow we are really entertaining everyone with this party!”

  “Yeah, well think about it. When’s the last time you wore a Halloween Costume?”

  “Maybe 7th or 8th grade?”

  We stopped at Max’s house and after another parental photo op and countless compliments, we finally made it to the party. Colin’s street was lined with cars and we had to park down the hill from his house.

  The garage door was open as usual but it had been transformed. Strobe lights flashed, illuminating black cauldrons spilling dense grey clouds of what I assumed was dry ice. Screams and rattling chains completed the effect and I walked close to Max as we approached. Two guys stood on the driveway dressed like Mario and Luigi and I was watching them as someone jumped out from the flashing darkness and grabbed my arm. I stared up at Michael from the Friday the 13th movies and let out a blood curdling scream of my own, throwing myself against Max. I heard a laugh from behind the mask and Michael retreated back to his dark corner ready to scare his next victim.Max held me tightly and asked anxiously, “You okay?”

  I loosened my death grip on his arms and made a feeble attempt at a laugh. “Yeah, just wasn’t expecting that.”

  We entered into the kitchen and more strobe lights flashed making it difficult to locate Sophie or Rylee amongst the costumed bodies. A line wrapped around the room waiting for the keg of beer that was on the floor by the pantry and the counters were filled with trays of what looked like sushi and sliders.

  Another witch cauldron sat on the floor filled with water bottles and soda cans. Max and I both reached for a bottle and crossed into the family room, where I spied Sophie and Ethan dancing. Sophie was dressed as a southern belle and looked gorgeous in her pale pink ballgown. Ethan wore an old fashioned suit and hat. He looked gorgeous also, even in the dated costume. They were oblivious to everyone around them as he held her as close as was possible considering the full hoop skirt.

  Instead of strobe lights, this room was lit entirely by candles flickering from every surface. Sophie finally noticed us and tapped a female vampire on the shoulder. She was dancing with another vampire who looked a lot like Colin. They pushed through the crowd of dancing couples and Rylee hugged first me then Max, exclaiming over our costumes. I hugged Sophie and then the guys and we shouted over the music. Soon we were all dancing together in one big group, stopping for water every now and then.

  People were everywhere, the living room with the wall full of graffiti was at capacity. We all stopped dancing and went to watch people search for places to sign the wall when Sophie pulled me and Rylee away from the guys and into the kitchen. We grabbed more beverages and filled plates with sushi and sliders. As we headed back to the guys, the music stopped abruptly and Colin’s voice boomed over a microphone.

  “Hey everyone! Thanks for coming tonight. Hope you’re all having a good time. I thought I’d play one of my new songs for you, if that’s alright.”

  A cheer rose up and we hurried back to the family room. I saw Ethan standing near Colin and looked around for Max. Not seeing him, I pushed through the crowd gathered to listen to Colin and made my way to the living room. I halted in the doorway and swept my gaze across the room until my eyes landed on Max, his face lit up with laughter. I followed his eyes downward until I saw the petite brunette that grinned up at him. She had her hand on his arm and was leaning in close. His expression was carefree and I felt a twinge when I realized he was enjoying their flirtation.

  Feeling awkward, I decided to turn around and go in the other room when Max caught my eye and waved me over. Not having much choice, I squeezed through the crowd and handed him a bottle of water. The girl looked at me, her smile abruptly disappearing, and dropped her hand from his arm.

  “Lalie, this is Rainey. Rainey, this is Lalie. She is Colin’s neighbor.”

  “Hi,” I said, smiling.

  “Hi,” she replied, her eyes checking me out. Her eyes went from Max to me and I knew what she was thinking. She thought he was taken. I opened my mouth to tell her I wasn’t the girlfriend, but held my tongue as she hurried away. I watched her push someone out of the way as she exited and realized with a start what she was wearing. Lalie was dressed up as a cat. A black cat.

  As we stood at the back of the family room, Colin played three more of his songs to an enthusiastic audience. I clapped when necessary but I didn’t hear a word he sang. My mind was replaying Kara’s words at lunch last week. Her cryptic message about the black cat and how I felt when I saw it kept me distracted. How did she know this would happen? That a girl dressed as a black cat would flirt with Max, and that I would care? I had seen Max flirt a million times. I had double dated with him. I gave him advice on girls even, when he asked. Max was one of my best friends in the world. So why had I felt the way I had? Jealous. Possessive. Threatened. It made no sense. It was ridiculous. I shook it off and tried to enjoy the rest of the party, grateful that I had not told Max what Kara had said about the black cat.

  When we left the party at midnight, it was just getting going. A huge group of people were out on the lawn, unable to get through the door. We had a two am curfew, but after Colin sang Max leaned down and shouted in my ear that he was ready to go if I was. I nodded and he took my hand and cleared a path through the partiers.

  Neither of us was tired so we headed to In and Out and over burgers and chocolate shakes we laughed over the nights highlights. There was no mention of the black cat girl and I was glad. Maybe I had exaggerated the whole thing in my mind. Kara’s message must have made it a bigger deal than it really was. By the time Max dropped me off I had forgotten all about it. Promising to text in the morning, I hopped out of the truck feeling happy. Max waited for me to unlock the door and I waved to him as I went inside.

  Turning to tiptoe up the stairs I gasped when I saw someone standing in the shadows.

  “It’s just me sweetheart. How was the party?”

  “Oh Mom! You scared me!” I saw she had her reading glasses on and was carrying a book. “You’re up late!”

  “Couldn’t sleep. It’s been awhile since you’ve been out late and I thought I would wait up. Was it fun?”

  “Yeah, it was,” I smiled. “Everyone loved our costumes and Colin sang some of his songs. There were a million kids there.”

  “Lots of drinking?”

  “Mom, they were all older than Max and I. We weren’t drinking if that is what you are asking.”

  “I wasn’t accusing you Rainey. I just worry. Parties get out of hand sometimes.”

  I cut her some slack, she was just doing what moms do best, worrying. “Well this one didn’t. Max and I left at midnight but we stopped at In-N- Out. I would have texted you if I knew you were waiting up.”

  “I was fine. I’m just glad to see you having fun. You and Max deserve some good times.”

  “We definitely had a good time tonight.” I hugged my mom and hurried to my room, her words having a double meaning tonight. Yes, Max deserved some good times, and I had gotten in the way of that tonight. I was selfish, and a little ashamed of myself for always monopolizing his time. But ashamed enough to let him go? If I were brutally honest, the answer would have to be no. I wasn’t proud of it, but I knew I was far more selfish than selfless when it came to him.

  Max

  I awoke Sunday morning to the sound of my cell phone vibrating on my night stand. Feeling groggy, I grabbed it and saw Rainey’s number.

  “Hey,” I said, my voice hoarse, “you’re up early.”

  “It’s 11:00 sleepyhead, and I’m halfway to Pasadena.”

  “Pasadena?” I asked, confused.

  “Yep,” she said, her voice sounding happy,“ to visit my grandparents. Mom and dad were all set to
go without me, but I haven’t seen them since Father’s day, so I decided to join them.”

  “Oh, that’s cool. Have a good time,” I said, trying to make my voice sound happy for her.

  “Thanks, I will. What are you going to do?”

  “Don’t know. I’ll think of something. Text me later?”

  “You bet.”

  “Okay then, bye Rainey.”

  “Bye Max.”

  I sat up feeling strangely bereft. This would be the first day I had spent without her in three months. Sure, I was glad she felt up to visiting her grandparents, but a part of me wondered if she had only gone to put a space between us. Kind of a coincidence I thought.

  I wasn’t oblivious. I had noticed her expression when she saw me talking to that friend of Rylee’s. Lalie, that was her name. Cute girl, very friendly. I definitely would have been into her a few months ago. But last night I felt nothing and was careful not to encourage her. I was simply polite and very relieved when Rainey came walking up. Until, I saw her face. Rainey’s reaction shocked me. I’d seen that look before when Garrett was trying to extricate himself from some girl who didn’t seem to care that he was taken. I’d never been sure if it was possessiveness, jealousy or anger. I was having a hard time believing that I had now seen the look it in regards to me. It wasn’t appropriate in our situation. We were friends, the best of friends. We would have been family if Garrett hadn’t died and left us in this mess.

  Of course, Rainey had no idea that I had seen and understood her reaction to Lalie. I never mentioned it, and neither did she. I just hoped that her going to see her grandparents was not simply to avoid being around me. I didn’t think I could survive it if she was suddenly awkward around me, or worse, didn’t want to see me at all.

  Sighing, I threw on some sweats and an old band T-shirt and went in search of food. As soon as I hit the stairs the smell of waffles filled my nostrils. Sunday brunch had stopped abruptly with the death of my brother. Before that, mom had prepared a great one every week. She always alternated between Garrett’s favorite blueberry pancakes, and my favorite, Belgium waffles. My stomach growled and I hurried to the kitchen.