The Saddest Song

by Susie Kaye Lopez

  “Good! He’s up! Let’s eat!” Dad said, gathering the Sunday paper off of the table.

  “Morning Sweetie. I was just getting ready to wake you up,” Mom said. She poured Orange juice into wine goblets at each place setting and I saw she had set one for Rainey.

  “Rainey is going to be bummed she missed this. She went up to Pasadena to visit her grandparents today.”

  “Oh, good for her. I’m sure her grandparents will be thrilled to see her,” she said as she put two large waffles on my plate. “When will she be back?”

  “Tonight, you know we have school tomorrow,” I said quickly. I was out of sorts but I felt bad. “Mom thanks so much for making these.”

  She smiled happily and sat down to eat.

  “It’s weird not having her here,” Dad said, taking a bite.

  “Yeah, it is”, I said, stabbing my waffle with my fork. And I didn’t like it one bit.

  Chapter 13

  Rainey

  An entire day away from Max made me realize a couple of undeniable truths. First, I missed him when he wasn’t around. I had to stop myself from texting him non-stop while I was at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. I kept it to a respectable twenty or thirty. Still, it made me smile when his reply came back mere seconds later. So different from his brother who had always texted back an hour later, “Sorry babe, I was….fill in the blank. Playing video games, football, basketball, weight lifting…. I forgot how much time I was apart from Garrett. I would have said we were inseparable. After the past three months with Max, I now knew we weren’t, not really.

  The second truth I realized was that I did feel possessive of Max, and probably in an unhealthy way, if I really was honest. I didn’t care. The black cat girl had made me see how close I had gotten to him. Kara told me to pay attention to my feelings when I saw her and I was doing that. I was the one Max was usually smiling down at, laughing with, even crying with. I felt replaced seeing him with someone else. I didn’t know what I would do when he began dating again. But if Kara was attempting to tell me that I had romantic feelings for Max, she was wrong. No, I wasn’t buying that at all. My feelings were platonic. And so were Max’s towards me.

  By Monday morning when I ran out the front door to hop in his truck I was feeling no awkwardness at all. Everything was back to normal. I greeted him like I did every morning and he seemed like the same old Max. Any weirdness that I had felt was behind me. I was happy to be back to normal. Our normal was good enough for me.

  We met for lunch under our shady tree as always. The weather was cooling down since we were going into November, but it was still around 70. Fall in California was rarely cool, although it was supposed to rain later in the week. It would be the first real rain in months so I was looking forward to it. Caitlynn walked up halfway through lunch and plopped down beside me. “Hey guys, I had fun bowling, we should do it again soon.”

  “Yeah,” Max smiled, “I need to beat you, Cait.” They laughed and we talked for a few minutes until Hudson wandered over. He spoke to all of us but his eyes were most definitely on Caitlynn. She seemed pretty receptive to his attention and Max raised his eyebrows at me, grinning. Good for Cait, I thought. Hudson was a super nice guy and that’s what Caitlynn deserved.

  I wondered if Max noticed how we were always surrounded by couples. If he did, it certainly didn’t bother him. I wouldn’t let it bother me either.

  Max

  I could tell my mom was dreading our first holiday season without my brother. Her way of dealing with it was as irritating as it was expensive. She began several projects around the house which meant workmen under foot and everything torn up. The walls of the downstairs were all being painted a dark khaki color. She ordered new carpet and a couple of rugs, and she was remodeling the guest bath. Rainey and I took refuge after school at her house, which made her mom happy. Mine was too busy to notice our absence, or at least it seemed that way. She was so preoccupied that I decided it was a perfect way to distract herself and the house would look great when it was all over.

  We hung out with Colin and everyone each weekend and we all became close really quickly. Both Rainey and I looked forward to the time we spent with them. It soon became our favorite day of the week. The Saturday before Thanksgiving Day, after Colin, Ethan and I had actually finished two songs that we were really excited about, the girls came in with take-out from a little Greek restaurant nearby. We all sat around the coffee table eating and talking when Sophie suddenly made an announcement.

  “Okay everyone, I have to ask you all something! I have the best idea for next weekend. What do you guys have planned after your turkey dinners?”

  “Colin and I have no plans, just dinner with my folks on Thursday, why?” Rylee asked.

  “What about you two?” Sophie looked back and forth from me to Rainey.

  “Nothing at all, same as always…”

  “Why?” Rainey interrupted.

  “Well, Ethan and I are having Thanksgiving dinner with my parents and grandparents up at my grandparent’s house in the mountains at Big Bear. My folks have to go back Friday morning so I asked my Gran if I could invite you all up for the weekend. They live on a lake and there should be snow since we’re getting rain this week here. We can ski or snowboard. What do you think?”

  “Isn’t that a lot of work for your grandparents?” Rainey said.

  “You haven’t met her Gran yet,” Rylee said. “Rainey, Sophie’s grandparents are so much fun. They are not your typical old people. They act so young. Their home is gorgeous, it has like, what Sophie, 5 or 6 bedrooms?” She looked at Sophie.

  “Six,” Sophie said, taking over from Rylee,. “And they will love having you. They love to meet my friends. Gran has a lady that comes in every day so it wouldn’t be hard on her at all. What do ya think?”

  “I would love to go. I have to see what my mom and dad say, but I’m sure they will let me. Max, do you think your mom and dad will be okay with it?”

  “Should be fine, “ I said. “Sounds like a good time.”

  “Good! And now the best part is that if you guys all like it up there we get the place to ourselves for New Years Eve! Gran and Grandad are having a big party at their Palm Springs house and offered it to us.

  Everyone began talking at once and I tuned them out to gage Rainey’s true reaction. I was looking for signs of distress, but she seemed happy. Really happy. Carefree, even. She was talking animatedly to Sophie and I sighed in relief. Milestones were tough, but how lucky had we been to find these new friends right when we both needed them the most. It was the best thing that could have happened after going through the worst thing that did.

  Chapter 14

  Rainey

  My parents were not as okay with my trip to Big Bear as I thought they would be. They said under no circumstances would I be allowed to go without them getting to meet my friends. That didn’t seem completely unreasonable to me, so I texted Rylee and she arranged for her and Sophie to drop by on Tuesday. Mom made me text her back and invite them for dinner and they were happy to accept.

  Mr. and Mrs. McKinley were even less okay with the idea of a ski weekend. It was understandable as they had lost their other son in route from a trip with a bunch of kids. Still, they couldn’t keep him home out of fear, and they both were smart enough to know that. Although we had been hanging out with friends a little older than us, we still weren’t babies ourselves. Both of us would turn 18 soon. Max in December and me in January. I told Max that he should invite the guys to dinner at his house and then we could all meet up at my house for dessert so the parents could say they had met everyone.

  Sophie and Rylee charmed mom and dad within minutes. Rylee especially, came in and made them feel like she had been one of my friends forever. They loved her. Sophie was quieter, but no less sweet. It didn’t take them long to see how great they were. Everything I had told them about the girls was confirmed. I saw both mom and dad relax as dinner went by.

  The guys got to the house a
fter we had just finished clearing away the dinner dishes, and they too made a positive impression. I noticed that Colin had forsaken his usual T-shirt for a conservative button down shirt, its long sleeves covering up the tattoos he was so proud of. He winked at me and I grinned back. I stifled a giggle when my mom laid eyes on Ethan. Her mouth literally dropped open, and then she quickly composed herself. She too must have thought he was one of the cutest guys she had ever seen. Truly all of them were the nicest people, beautiful on the outside, but really kind and genuine on the inside too. I almost felt like Garrett had looked down and made sure we had them right when we needed them.

  When I heard Sophie tell my mom she had plenty of snow gear if I needed to borrow anything for the trip, I was shocked to hear my mom tell her not to worry, she would dig out all my ski gear and make sure it was ready to go.

  I definitely had plenty of ski wear, and so did Max. The McKinley’s went skiing at Mammoth Mountain every January. I had been included every year since ninth grade. Garrett had a passion for snowboarding, and Max and I were okay at it, but after an hour we would quit and find a cozy corner of the ski lodge to drink hot chocolate and people watch. I always loved pointing out the pretty girls to him, something I doubt I would be likely to do this time. There was that possessiveness rearing its ugly head again. Oops. I pushed that thought away as I helped mom and the girls clear the dessert dishes. Focus on the positive, I told myself. I was getting to go, and I could really use a vacation!

  Max

  School let our Tuesday at noon for the Thanksgiving break. Rainey and I decided to tackle the huge task we had both been avoiding all semester. We were going to fill out our college applications. Both of us were feeling a lot of ambivalence about College. Our future plans had shifted from what we always dreamed that they would be and instead of being excited for the future we were feeling confused.

  At the time of the accident, my brother was being scouted by at least a dozen excellent Universities to play football. Rainey had scored a 2100 on her SAT so she was likely to get into any of the schools that he received a scholarship from. Their plan was simple, she would apply to every school that showed interest in him, and he would accept the offer from one that she was accepted to. It’s likely they would have had several good choices. Now, college was a subject that I could never get her to even talk about.

  My plan was to go to a good music school back east. There was a list that I had my eye on since Jr. High. I knew now that those dreams were as dead as my brother. I could not even consider leaving my parents and going to the other side of the country. I know they would support me and be proud of me if I was selfish enough to leave them, but I wasn’t.

  We stopped at a taco shop for lunch and then headed to Rainey’s house, since no one was there. Her mom always took her grandma on her errands every Tuesday. We set our laptops up on her kitchen table. I didn’t want my mom to be present while we decided where to apply. I would rather fill everything out and wait until later to share my future plans. Mom and Dad had mentioned application deadlines a couple of times in the past couple of weeks, and I told Rainey we couldn’t avoid it any longer.

  “I brought that pamphlet of College ratings if you want to see it.” She tossed it towards me.

  “Thanks,” I said, trying to meet her eyes, which were avoiding mine suddenly. “What’s wrong?”

  She lowered her head into her hands and sighed, “You know, I don’t think I am ready to go away to school.”

  “What do you mean? You had a huge list of schools that you wanted to apply to.”

  Finally she looked up at me, her eyes wet. “I don’t want to go to any of those schools anymore.”

  “Because of Garrett, I get it. But you have just as much right to go to them as he did. You earned it, your grades will get you in anywhere.”

  “I don’t like admitting this Max, not to you or to myself, but I never wanted to go. I was just going for Garrett, so we could be together while he followed his dreams. It was only for him.”

  “Well, what about your dreams, where does Rainey want to go?”

  “I have no idea. Isn’t that pathetic? I don’t want to go away from home at all. But my parents will be crushed, they are so excited for me to experience College.”

  “That is not pathetic at all, Rainey. I have the opposite problem. I always planned to go to the east coast. Now, all that has to change. I can’t go too far away from my mom and dad, not now.”

  “Max, I’m sure they still want to see you follow your dreams.” She reached out and put her hand over mine. “Garrett would hate it if he knew you didn’t go because of him.”

  “No, I hope that he would have done the same thing. Some things are just more important. Anyway, I think I will just blanket all the California schools, the UC’s and Cal States and then choose from the ones that I get into. If I’m in the same state it will be easy to come home a lot, and for mom and dad to visit whenever they want.”

  “That’s a really good plan, do you mind if I copy?”

  I laughed, “No, of course not. I kind of hoped we would end up in the same place.” I meant it, but was afraid she might feel like she had gone from following one twin to the other.

  “I will do that too, then we will have some choices. I always thought Santa Barbara would be fun, but they didn’t have a football team.”

  “Yeah, I love it up there. We don’t have to make any big decisions now. If we finish them today then we can put them out of our heads until the acceptances come in and that’s not until March.”

  We worked all afternoon on our essays and filling out the application questions. When we finished I felt so much lighter. At least I had made a step toward my future. A step and now I could put it out of my mind for four months. That felt like a lifetime from now.

  Chapter 15

  Rainey

  I opened my eyes Thanksgiving morning and was welcomed by the sight of my clock flashing red. Smiling, I whispered, “I love you Garrett.” It felt good. I had got used to my signs that he was still around. Of course today he would know we would need him. No doubt, his family would also receive proof that he was there.

  I dressed in sweats and a t-shirt and went down to help my mom with her dinner preparations. By midmorning we had finished the dressing, cranberry sauce, my dad’s favorite green bean casserole and the praline yams. Dad was just seasoning the turkey before he put it in the oven when the doorbell rang.

  “I’ll get it,” I said, grabbing a towel to wipe my hands. I opened the door to see Caitlynn standing there, a covered pie dish in her hands.

  “Happy Thanksgiving!” She grinned, “Mom sent you one of her famous Caramel Apple Pies.”

  “Yum!” I said, taking it from her. “It smells wonderful! Come on in.”

  ”Hello Caitlynn! Happy Thanksgiving!” Mom greeted her with a hug. Dad followed close behind.

  “Caitlynn, join us for dinner. My turkey is a work of art!”

  “I hate to miss it Mr. Martin, but I have to get home, my cousins are coming over. Hey Rainey, do you think I could borrow your blue sweater?”

  “Sure, come up to my room.” We ran up the stairs and while she plopped on my bed I dug through the closet for the sweater.

  “Rainey, Hudson invited me to have dessert with his family tonight.”

  “Whoa, are you going? That sounds kind of serious, meeting the family on a big holiday.” I sat down next to her and folded the sweater.

  “I know, that’s why I need the sweater. I can’t find anything in my closet that I want to wear. Mom made a pie for me to take over too. She told me to say I made it myself.”

  I laughed, “That will impress them. Your mom should open a pie shop.”

  “Don’t laugh. She would love that. Hudson’s mom actually knows mine. They worked together on the fall fundraiser at school. Mom says she is super nice.”

  “Are you nervous?”

  “Not about meeting his parents, I’m good with parents. Hudson makes me nervous.
”

  “What? He’s great, why are you nervous?”

  “It’s just the way he treats me. He acts like I am fragile or something. He is so considerate of everything I do or say. It’s just that he’s so intense.”

  “He has it bad, that’s all. You like him too, huh?”

  She nodded and laughed. “Let’s change the subject. How are you doing today? Has it been tough?”

  “No, not yet. The McKinley’s are coming over, that will be the hard part.”

  “Are they coming for dinner?”

  “Yeah, actually they came last year too. So my mom felt they had to be invited this year. I was worried it would be too much for them, but they said yes.”

  “What do you miss most?”

  Trying to keep things light, I said, “well, today I miss Garrett and his appetite! He loved to eat so much.”

  I felt the ache moving into my throat, and my heart felt heavy. This was never going to get easy, I thought.

  Sensing my eminent breakdown, Cait stood up and picked up the folded sweater. “You are going to be fine, Rainey. Garrett would be so proud of you.”

  “Thanks,” I said hugging her, “and Cait?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m really thankful for you.”

  “I love you Rainey.” She hugged me again and waved as she headed out the door. I stayed behind to get ready for Max and his folks, thankful that if I couldn’t spend Thanksgiving with my boyfriend, I got to spend it with his family.

  Max

  I texted Rainey and told her to make the cocktails strong, we would see her in a few minutes. I was only half kidding, and she would know it. She would also know the drinks weren’t for me. It had been a rough morning around our house.

  My mom’s family was Danish so our traditional Thanksgiving breakfast was to have Kringles. Kringles are flaky pastries shaped into a large ring with different fillings. As far back as I could recall we would have pecan, cherry and raspberry. My parents loved the pecan, I loved the Raspberry and Garrett, the cherry.