Shattered by Love

by C. A. Harms

  I chose to continue the attempt to numb my thoughts. The only thing I was accomplishing, though, was to want her more.

  “Go talk to her, Bro’.”

  I turned toward Mason and laughed. “Why, so she can fucking slap me in the face? No thanks, man. I’ll just stay in the clear. She doesn’t want to talk to me.”

  “You’ll never know how she feels if you don’t go over there and try.”

  I thought about it for a few minutes before standing up from the table. What the hell, why not? The worst she could do was to tell me to leave her the hell alone.

  I only made it about five steps when her eyes met mine, and she looked panicked. I smiled and she looked back toward the floor. “Can we talk?”

  Bree shook her hand and refused to look at me. “Can you at least look at me?”

  She lifted her head and her eyes were glossy. A knot formed in my throat, I hated that I was so mean to her. She didn’t deserve that shit. Bree had never hurt me. After everything I had done to her, she still had never turned her back.

  “I can’t do this with you, not anymore.” She turned from me before I could say another word, and I took that as my cue to walk away. She didn’t want to talk and I couldn’t force her.

  I made my way back to the table and once again began slamming back the beer.

  I looked up just in time to see a tall blond guy approach her and lean in to whisper in her ear. She looked up at him, and then her eyes flipped to mine.

  This time I didn’t hide the fact that I was watching. Slowly sipping on my beer, I weighed her reaction to him. They exchanged a few more words before Ryan stood up and approached the guy, removing his hand from her shoulder.

  I stood from the table and continued to watch the scene play out. When the blond douche hollered that Bree was a tease, I was on the move. I hobbled my crippled ass back over to them and tapped the guy on the shoulder.

  Everything happened so quickly. I saw Bree’s eyes grow two sizes larger as I drew back and busted the guy in the mouth. He hit the floor and took a chair and a few empty bottles along with him.

  I stood over the him, looking down, “You just got nailed, man. Call that a night of fulfillment.”

  I turned without looking back at Bree or Ryan. I could hear a few people talking about my punching the guy and how hard he went down. I never let any of it faze me. I was pissed that the dumbass touched her and more pissed that he disrespected her the way he did.

  Walking back to the table, I took in the faces of every member of my shocked family, who were staring at me in silence. They knew better than to bring up what had just happened. Usually I would be fuming for hours about any type of confrontation. My anger was hard to control. Tonight it was different. It actually felt really good to punch that guy in the mouth.

  I grabbed my beer, downing the remaining liquid. Slamming the empty bottle back down onto the table and looking directly at Carson, I smirked. “Let’s get the fuck outta here before you have to arrest my ass.”

  I turned from the table and walked toward the exit. Everyone slowly gathered their things to follow behind me.

  Chapter Eight

  Bree

  I woke up on Saturday still feeing confused. Max showed up out of nowhere and punched Dylan. The situation was handled until he called me a tease. All hell broke loose from that point and then he left. I wanted to run after him, but my feet wouldn’t move.

  I hadn’t seen him or heard from him since he yelled at me at the hospital. Then the guy shows up and my world changes all over again. It was easier to pretend that he no longer had an effect on me when he wasn’t standing in front of me. Now that theory was completely shot…it was a joke. Max has and always will be my weakness--the one person I can’t refuse, the guy that consumed me 100 percent

  I was shocked and slightly aroused when he came to my rescue. Now, sitting here in bed and thinking back, Max’s leaving was a good thing. I’m not sure I would have been able to refuse him if he had stayed. Then I would still be trapped in that vicious cycle of torment.

  Sex was never our problem; that part was always amazing. It was everything else that we had trouble with.

  I grunted and groaned as I crawled from the bed and made my way toward the shower. I had less than an hour to get ready and drag my sorry ass to the center. Today was the day that I worked with the troubled teens. I actually preferred to call them the terrific teens. Calling them troubled was so judgmental; after all, most of them were just craving the attention they weren’t getting at home. I knew that feeling too well. It was exactly the way I had spent my entire childhood.

  Stopping to grab a much needed coffee on the way, I entered the center with less than one minute to spare.

  “Late night?” Melissa wagged her eyebrows and smiled.

  “Bad night. FYI, Dylan is a total douche and the whole date idea was a very bad idea.” She started to ask what happened but was interrupted when Donna, the director, walked in.

  “Aubree, I need to see you for a minute, in my office.” I was concerned that the situation with Dylan was about to cost me my involvement with the center. The thing was that the guy had been with the center less than a month, and I had been here for over four years. I hoped that I had a say so in the matter.

  Once we entered her office, she shut the door behind me and my heart raced. She turned to face me with her eyes full of tears. They slowly spilled over, rolling down her cheeks, as she tried to control herself.

  “Bree, it’s Turner.” I sat down hard in the chair and dropped my bag to the floor. I knew by her tone that the information I was about to receive would crush me.

  Turner is a sixteen-year-old boy that suffered from abuse at the hands of his father. He held on his body a large number of burn marks from his father’s cigarettes and had suffered years of torture. Some kids were placed in timeouts and others swatted with a belts, but not Turner. He was punished by becoming a human ashtray. He was finally removed from his home after a girl noticed the burn marks during his eighth grade year of school.

  Over the last three years, I have grown very close to Turner. It didn’t happen overnight. It didn’t even happen within the first year, but slowly he began to trust me.

  “Just tell me Donna, what happened?”

  She took a seat across from me and grabbed a Kleenex from the box on her desk. Her gaze met mine once more and a sob escaped her. “Last night Turner killed himself. His foster parents found him in the garage. He hung himself from the rafters in the middle of the night. Bree, they did everything they could but, it was too late.”

  All at once the visions of Turner rushed through me. The panic and heartache overtook my heart. I thought he was okay. He had opened up so much and he seemed happy.

  Things went black and my breathing was heavy. My face began to tingle and I could feel the bile rising in my throat.

  ***

  I don’t know how much time had passed, but hearing Ryan’s voice broke through my traumatic trance. My heart was breaking with each breath and it hurt so much. I felt like I was suffocating.

  “Hey baby girl, let me take you home.” I began shaking my head frantically. “Yes, don’t fight me, sweetheart.” After a little further reluctance on my part, I finally gave in to him. I fell into his chest and let Ryan lift me from the chair, my body lifeless with remorse. He carefully carried me from the building and placed me into his car. My world had just changed, and I felt so unbelievably lost.

  Turner was gone, and I felt that I should have done more for him. Had a missed something? Did he try to tell me he needed help? What if I was so wrapped up in my own life that I failed him when he needed me most?

  My heart beat rapidly, and all at once it hit me. I curled up into a ball in the seat and sobbed uncontrollably, feeling my heart crumble with each tear. His life was over before it had even started. He was such an amazing kid and he was destined to do amazing things. Now the world would never get a chance to see him shine the way I had. The thought of th
at broke me and left me feeling empty.

  Chapter Nine

  Max

  As the days passed since that night at the bar, my mind raced with thoughts of Bree. I wanted to see her, talk to her. I wanted to try to express to her just how sorry I was for the way I had treated her, how I had taken her for granted and never once worried about what it was she wanted between us. I can’t lie and say that I didn’t know she wanted more. Hell, I knew Bree wanted a commitment. I was just too big of an ass to give back.

  After I had spent hours, days, running everything through my head, I gave in. I made a choice and went with it. I drove across town, with my stomach in knots. I knew I was taking a chance by just showing up at her place. For all I knew, she would choose to ignore me completely, but I had to try.

  I wasn’t sure if Bree would ever be willing to give me a chance to show her I could be more. I might have depleted all possibilities of a future with her; god knows she had given so many already.

  I pulled up in front of her place and pulled my keys from the ignition. I took a few deep breaths and crawled from my truck, hesitating just for a moment. “Seriously dude, stop being such a pussy.” I gave myself a little pep talk before walking through the front entrance.

  I almost turned back around and left, but this was not who I was. I didn’t do shit like this. Pushing myself forward, I approached her door and attempted to calm my nerves. My heart was pounding in my chest and my hands were shaking. If my brothers could see me now, they would have some fun with this. Max, pussy boy, yep, here I am.

  After knocking a few times, I had almost given up when the door opened. Ryan stood before me, looking back at me with pure hate. “What the fuck do you want?”

  I bit back the urge to be an ass in return. He was my key to Bree. If I pissed him off any more than he already was, there was no chance I was getting inside.

  “I just wanted to stop by and ask Bree if she wanted to maybe go have lunch, talk, go for a walk, anything really.” Fuck, I was rambling like a little bitch.

  “She not really in the mood for more of your bullshit, Max. Aubree’s had a pretty shit-filled few days.”

  I lifted an eyebrow in confusion. “Aubree?”

  Now the asshole laughed. He let his head fall forward and shook it slightly from side to side. When he looked back up, he smirked. “You didn’t even know what her full name is, did you?”

  I just shook my head.

  “Do you even know who she really is? I mean, besides the girl you fucked on occasion?” Now the little dick was pissing me off. I didn’t just fuck her.

  “Listen, I know that I didn’t treat Bree right. We might have gone about things all wrong. That is between us, though.”

  “Not anymore, asshole.” He took a step toward me so we stood inches apart, chest to chest. “I’m tired of seeing her sadness. I’m sick of sorry bastards like you that think she’s just a piece of ass. Bree has had a pretty screwed up life. If you actually would have taken the time to get to know her, you would already know that. You don’t deserve her.”

  He turned from me and reentered the apartment. Just before he could shut the door, I slapped my hand against it to stop him. “I know I don’t deserve Bree. I know that I should walk away and let her be happy, but I can’t, okay?” I ground my teeth together, because I should have been saying this shit to her, not her fucking guard.

  “That night in the fire, when they pulled me out, things changed. That night made me realize that life isn’t a game. If I’m running around filling my days with meaningless actions, what the fuck do I really have in the end? I was treating her like she wasn’t worth anything, but honestly, she was only real thing in my life. I just fucked it all up by thinking she would always be there.” My eyes met his, and he was staring at me without speaking a word. He hadn’t slammed the door in my face yet, so I kept going.

  “I just want a chance to talk to her, just one chance to fix everything I messed up.” I took a step back and let my hand fall from the door. This was it. He was either going to shut the door in my face, punch me, or let me in.

  “Listen, she got some pretty devastating news the other day. She’s not herself right now, and I think that it’s best if you give her some time.” He sounded surprisingly calm. The alarms were ringing in my head, though, at the thought of her hurting.

  “Is she okay? I mean…what happened? Can I do anything?” I rambled while trying my best to stay calm. Suddenly I heard a loud crash from inside the apartment. I pushed past Ryan and we both rushed inside, stopping quickly to take in the scene before us.

  Bree stood in the open kitchen with shattered porcelain scattering on the floor around her. She had swept everything off of the counter onto the floor. All that remained were shattered small pieces. Her face was swollen and her eyes were puffy. She looked so tired and defeated.

  “Really, Max? You decide to care now? All this time I needed you to care. All those times I cried through the night wishing that you cared and loved me like I did you.” I took a step toward her and she held up her hand. “You don’t get to show up here and pretend that you haven’t broken my heart over and over. You can’t pretend you didn’t treat me like your play thing day after day. You don’t care, Max; the only thing you care about is getting laid. Now get out!”

  “Bree…please.”

  “I. Said. Leave.” Her face became angrier. “Now!”

  My throat felt achy and burned as I tried to swallow. Seeing her so broken and saddened caused an uneasy feeling that I was not familiar with. I hated it because it made me feel weak. I’m not weak.

  Watching her fall apart, unable to comfort her or attempt to fix the situation, made me feel helpless.

  I ran my hands through my hair roughly and watched as her body shuddered and trembled with her sobs. It was a battle of wills, because I wanted to touch her.

  “Just leave me alone, Max. I can’t take any more. I’m barely holding on as it is,” she whispered

  If someone had cut my heart out, it would have hurt less than this moment, which fucking shattered me.

  “I’m sorry.” It was all I could say as I turned from the beautiful broken girl before me and left without looking back.

  Chapter Ten

  Bree

  “Hey baby girl, don’t you think you’ve been hiding away long enough? It’s been two weeks. Maybe you should call him.” Ryan brushed my hair away from my cheek and tucked it behind my ear.

  I just shook my head and more tears fell. “I can’t; you saw his face. I was horrible. Even after everything he put me through, he didn’t deserve my anger. That’s not me, I don’t act like that.

  Max was never mean to me, Ryan. Yeah, he got angry that day at the hospital, but he had a lot of things going on, emotional things.

  Max was just set in his ways. He didn’t want to be tied down, and he was always honest about that.” I looked up to meet Ryan’s eyes. “I’m the one that fell in love. He’s just easy to love. You’ve seen him.”

  I laughed and Ryan snorted. “Hell yeah, girl, that man makes my blood pump faster within seconds. Hell, I don’t even have to see him; just hearing that deep husky voice does me in. He oozes manly hotness.”

  This boy wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know myself. I’m the one that could never resist him, and no one had to try to convince me that Max was perfection. Well, besides his small issue with commitment.

  “I just want to take a shower and curl up on the couch with a sappy movie and cry.” I crawled from the bed and made my way toward the bathroom, leaving him sitting on my bed.

  ***

  I was sure I had spent too long in the shower when the water began to turn cold. I looked down at my wrinkled and waterlogged feet and hands. My mind had wandered and I had lost track of time completely. Life just felt sad to me now. Everything around me felt as if it had fallen apart.

  Wrapping a towel around my body, I slowly walked back out into the bedroom and was surprised to find three sets of eyes
staring back at me: Riley, Kate and Ryan.

  Ryan shrugged his shoulders. “You left me no choice. It was time to call for reinforcements.” He held my phone up, shaking it from side to side. “Never leave your phone behind, sweet cheeks. You’re lucky you didn’t walk out and find that hunky ass man half naked on your bed.”

  I rolled my eyes at him and both Kate and Riley stood, walking toward me. “Hey you, I think it’s time for a girls’ night.” Kate spoke against my cheek as she hugged me.

  I shook my head and laughed. “No thanks, the last one I had with you two ended badly. I woke up with a rubber cock shoved between my legs, and I wasn’t even satisfied.”

  Ryan cleared his throat and Riley snorted. “Um…excuse me? I heard cock and between, so can I get a story?”

  “Relax there, Romeo, it was blown up and belonged to her.” I nudged Riley. “She had no idea how to use the thing, so it wasn’t all that fulfilling.”

  Ryan still sat on the end of the bed with an eyebrow cocked in question.

  “Really, I want you to spend the day with us. Just me, Riley and my sister, Kara. Carson and I have decided to have a small wedding, and it’s in two weeks. Today I’m going to finalize some things and shop my ass off. You know how much I love shopping.” Kate smiled and Riley laughed.

  “Yes, Kate, we know how much Carson’s credit card loves it, too.” Ryan snorted once again and stood up from the bed. He walked toward me, pulling me away from the girls and hugging me tightly. He whispered in my ear just before pulling back. “Have a good day out. Stop beating yourself up over everything. For one day, let go of it all and be Aubree, the sweet girl I love and adore.”

  Ryan placed a quick kiss on my cheek and winked before waving at the girls and walking out the door.

  Kate wasn’t lying when she said we were going shopping. My feet were killing me, but she was still going strong. Poor Carson was gonna have to take out a second mortgage just to pay his next credit card bill. Riley and I were the same; we didn’t mind shopping, but only if we had to do it. We were both the type to go in the store, get what we needed and get the hell out. Not Kate. That girl went in with an open mind and checkbook. She was an impulse shopper, and anything within ten feet was like chocolate to a girl during her not-so-special week. It would be snatched up faster than it hit the shelves.